Changes
by DSISandraPullman39
Summary: Everything is changing because of one little thing!
1. Chapter 1 - OhMyGod!

**Changes**

**Disclaimer:-** Don't own them just borrowing!

**Episode:-** None

**Pairing:-**Sandra/Gerry

**Rating:-** M

**Achieve:- . /group/new_tricksff/**

**Summary:-** Everything is changing because of something so small

**Author's Note:- **This is completely AU existing relationship based fun, I hope you all like it it's a little different!

Chapter 1 – .God

"Yeah you go on in tell them I'm running late and to carry on with the Jenkins case I'll not be long." The door has closed and I'm still standing staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. You see I'm in trouble, actually that makes it sound worse than it is, on second thoughts maybe it doesn't I haven't decided just how bad it is yet.

Ok I know you're thinking that you have walked in on the middle of a conversation with a nut case but I promise you I'm not, normally I'm very sane, level headed even, but nothing about his situation is normal. I really should fill you in on the background then you might understand why I'm having this particular melt down and why I think I might be in so much trouble!

"Sandra did you see where I left my car keys?" Shit where did he come from I thought he'd left already. That's my husband, we've been married for six months but we've known each other for a decade most of which time we both spent pretending that we weren't in love. "Got them, are you sure you should be coming in at all today you looked terrible when you woke up!"

"Thanks Gerry that makes me feel a whole lot better. Yeah I'm fine I'll follow you in." Did I mention what a charmer he is? Yeah, yeah I know he's a man and men sometimes open their mouths without thinking that what's about to come out of it is not what you want to hear but seriously! Anyway he really has gone this time so back to my explanation. Finally a couple of years ago after one too many drinks one of our frequent rows became a proper slanging match full of recriminations about how neither of us understood how the other felt, at the end we realised the problem was we both felt the same we just had been refusing to admit it. So that was it we were inseparable and when after a year he asked me to marry him initially I said no. I know now you're thinking why the hell did you do that? You've got to understand though he's been married three times before so I'm his fourth wife. Yes the fourth! I couldn't see how things would be any different for us that it had been with his three ex-wives and I didn't want to be someone else he divorced and stayed friends with. I'd done the being his friend thing and I had no desire to go back to that. He convinced me eventually that things would be different; he told me if I'd been the first woman he'd married he'd never have needed anyone else so I said yes. Then six months ago we got married in a small ceremony with all of his exes, his daughters, his grandson, our friends and my mother there. It was a lovely day in spite of my mother lecturing me about how she disapproved of my choice of gown on that day even she couldn't anger me.

Now you're really confused aren't you? Your sitting there thinking if she's happily married to a man she loves why is she staring at herself in the bathroom mirror instead of being in the car with him on her way to work? Well here's the thing, we are happy, really happy with each other and the way things are but I know if I'm right everything is going to change and not just a little bit a lot and I'm still confused about how I feel about that let alone how he's going to react.

You see the reason I'm staring at my reflection is not that I have suddenly come over all vain it's that the mirror is on the bathroom cabinet and inside that cabinet behind the box of tampons I know he would rather die than move is the exact thing that can put me out of my misery or confirm that I need to pull myself together and decide how I'm going to deal with him because if you think this is a meltdown you ain't seen nothing yet my friend!

Ok no more faffing about I'm going to do it, the box is in my hand and I'm ready, actually who am I kidding I'm not ready but I'll do it anyway! Right I've managed to pee on the right end of the stick and the first blue line is there telling me I've done it right, go me, NOT! 90 seconds that's how long it says in the instructions it takes, 90 seconds to know if our lives are about to be turned upside down and I've just realized that I'm as nervous about the idea of it being negative as I thought I was about it being positive. You see I've never wanted the whole marriage and children thing, I had my career I've worked hard to get where I am and I love my job and I am happy with that still, well that and him. Now though in the last couple of days while I've been seriously thinking this might be a possibility I've realised my fear is based on how I think he will react rather than how I feel myself. I've convinced myself that for me it wouldn't be the end of the world to have a baby, his baby, and as I turn back to the sink to check the result I realise I'm holding my breath and my eyes are closed. That's smart Sandra are you just going to stand here with your eyes closed until he comes home and breaks the bathroom door down and finds you and the test? Ok one eye open, two eyes open, one line, two lines. I'm pregnant, I'm having a baby, Gerry's baby and I can't decide what's stronger the wave of excitement or the wave of nervousness at how he's going to react.


	2. Chapter 2 - You're What?

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 2 – You're what?

"Sandra I've had enough of this as soon as you get out of there I'm calling the out of hours doctor this isn't normal!" Shit! I thought I'd get through the weekend with the" it's just a tummy bug" excuse but he's not buying it anymore. It's been three days since I did the test and I still haven't told him that I'm pregnant. There just doesn't seem to have been there right time. Unfortunately while I've been determined to keep him in the dark the baby has decided that's just not on and has been making sure that I am becoming intimately acquainted with the inside of various toilet bowls. Here, the office, the cinema when we went there on Wednesday, the home of the parents of the victim in our latest case I could go on but I can hear him getting frustrated on the other side of the door as I retch again and the rest of my breakfast makes it's escape.

"Gerry stop don't do that I know what it is just go down and make me a cup of the ginger tea I bought yesterday and I'll explain when I come down." Right now you're thinking I'm a complete bitch I know you are, he's terrified I'm really ill and I'm doing everything I can to put off telling him I'm not but you don't understand. I'm pretty sure when he finds out what's actually going on he's going to wish it was as simple as me being ill.

"Sandra the tea is ready and I swear if you aren't down here in two minutes I'm phoning the doctor anyway."

Ok time to take you courage in your hands Sandra and just tell him. Coming with me? Thought you might it's going to be quite a show I hope you enjoy it because I sure as hell know I'm not going to.

"I'm sorry look I should have told you sooner but it's just….."I've made it downstairs and he's looking at me in a way that is making my heart break. He's terrified I'm going to tell him I'm dying or something and I still can't get the bloody words out.

"Sandra whatever it is just tell me, it doesn't matter what's wrong with you or how ill you are I love you and we'll face it together. I promise I'll be here for you and…"

"I'm not ill I'm pregnant," Shit I was going to say it better than that and now he looks like I've just slapped him, the colour has drained from his cheeks and he's not speaking and oh god I'm going to be sick again!

I think I should bring a sleeping bag into this bathroom I'm spending so much time in here at the minute. I've locked the door and I can hear him following me up the stairs and it's not helping my nausea. I told you it was going to be awful didn't I? I don't know what I'll do it he says he doesn't want this I don't think I could cope with…..

"Sandra honey; open the door I'm sorry you took me by surprise and I know you wanted a different reaction from me so come out and let me do it again let me talk to you." Much as I want to stay right here unfortunately I know I have to face him at some point so it might as well be now. If he's going to make me chose between him and the baby it's better to know now that my marriage is over. Stop rolling you're eyes at me I'm not overreacting I know I'm not!

I've stepped out into the hall and he's pulling me into his arms and now I'm crying. Damn I was not going to cry!

"You're really pregnant?" What the hell of course I am would I be putting us through this if I wasn't?

"No Gerry I thought I'd put us both through half an hour of hell for the fun of it." Now I'm really crying and he's laughing well that's for that darling I love you too!

"You're pregnant with my baby? Our baby?"

"No I'm pregnant with Brian's baby I've been meaning to tell you about the sordid affair we've been having for the last few months." Sorry that sounded childish I know but first he says nothing now he's babbling. "I know it's not what you want but…"

"Not what I want?" If he is going to start repeating everything I say this is just going to get stupid and I'm not having a stupid conversation about something so important in the middle of our landing. I'm going to get my ginger tea because I've recently discovered it's the only thing that helps with the nausea!

He's followed me downstairs and he's grinning like a bloody maniac I swear I'm going to kill him then this won't be an issue because he will be dead and I will be having this child in prison.

"Sandra how can you think I wouldn't want our baby?" Well let me think you're over 60, your kids are grown up, you have a grandchild, we never talked about kids because we both assumed it wasn't an option, we have a life you keep telling me is perfect and to top it all you haven't been able to form a proper sentence since I told you, I mean what the hell, he needs to ask?

"I don't know Gerry, I could give you a list of reasons but top of it would be the look on your face when I told you." He's laughing again he really needs to stop doing that it's bad for his personal safety.

"I was surprised, you can't tell me that you didn't know how worried I was about you, I've spent the last few days imagining everything and a baby didn't even make the list. I was convinced I was going to lose you so you can forgive me for not reacting immediately can't you?"

Ok he's got a point but still he's had enough time to recover and he's still not told me anything that is making me believe he's happy about this.

"I love you." Ok that'll do for a start now he's sitting beside me looking at me like he's never loved anyone more in his life and I'm starting to forgive him. "I can't believe you're having a baby, our baby, it's amazing I didn't think things could get any better but you just keep making my life more complete. Of course I'm happy about it Sandra I'm over the fucking moon but how do you feel about it?"

"Apart from the constant throwing up?" Now he's laughing and I'm laughing and crying at the same time. "If someone had told me a month ago this would happen I'd have had them committed but when I did the test and I knew it was I realised I want to have your baby but I've been terrified that you wouldn't want it. You've done babies and sleepless nights and nappies, you're a grandfather now I thought you wouldn't want to go back to it again."

"Sandra Standing you are the most impossible woman I've ever known." Oh I wasn't expecting that what happened to gentle and gushing I like that better. "You know how much I love my kids and you know you are my life without you I'm nothing so the idea that we are going to have a baby, part of you and me, is the single best thing that could have happened to me."

"You mean it?" He's kissing me now and I know he means it and for the first time since I did the test I feel like it's ok to get excited about the fact we're having a baby and it's going to be amazing.

"How far along are you? I mean when's he due?" Ah questions I can't answer and "he" where the hell did that come from?

"He?"

"Well he or she I don't care either way but when?"

"I don't know I only did the test on Tuesday we…." Un Oh now the shock is back damn should have kept to myself the fact I've known for days and not told him. "I'm sorry I was worried that….."

"That you'd tell me and I'd not immediately say the right thing and you would panic and think I didn't want the baby and it would be a disaster?" He's laughing again and I know he understands.

"Yeah well I made us an appointment with the doctor on Monday morning so hopefully we'll know more then."

"But we can tell Brian and Jack and your Mum and my girls and….."

"Wow back up a second." He's getting a little ahead of himself now time to reign him in a bit "First of all we're not telling anyone just yet I've been doing a little research in the last few days on pregnancy in women my age and we need to wait. I'm not exactly in my 20's so we need to see the doctor and it's probably a good idea to wait until we're past the twelve week stage before we start making any big announcements."

"Right, yeah you're right, sorry but it will be ok right?" Now I can see all the possibilities run through his mind and my heart feels three sizes too big for my chest.

"Hey it's going to be fine I'm not saying it's not I just think we need to take it slowly, make sure everything is ok and give ourselves time to adapt to the idea. Besides you remember how much fun it was last time we have a secret? I think it'll be fun again for a few weeks." Ah see he gets it and he's pulling me back into his arms and kissing me again and I know everything is going to be fine. Better than fine actually I know it's going to be amazing and suddenly I can't wait to see the doctor on Monday and know that everything is ok so we can start planning our future, all our futures, all three of us!


	3. Chapter 3 - A little Reassurance

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 3 – A little Reassurance.

"Breakfast is served gorgeous." Huh? Breakfast in bed? I don't think he's done that since we were first married I could get used to this.

"What have I done to deserve the breakfast in bed treatment?" He's looking at me now like I've asked the most ridiculous question in the world.

"You need to ask?" Ah ok we're still at the you're having my baby high from yesterday which is lovely and sweet and all but him being so overly attentive is a little disconcerting.

"I didn't get pregnant on my own you know you had something to do with it as well." Now he's grinning again I have a feeling that grinning is going to be a big part of our lives for the next few months but I don't mind especially if he keeps kissing me like he is now.

"Yeah true but I got to do the fun bit you're the one who's been spending half your time throwing up and who has to carry the little one around for the next 9 months." Well he has a point but sitting here sharing breakfast with him from the tray on my lap I can't think of anything I'd rather do. "How are you feeling this morning should I be holding the tray in case you need to make a dash to the bathroom?"

"No I'm ok at the minute, actually this morning I don't feel as sick as I have been," It's true and I'm starting to wonder if some of the nausea over the last few days hasn't been to do with nerves or maybe the baby has decided it doesn't need to make me suffer anymore now that daddy knows! "I think your baby just wanted to make sure you knew it was around, now that you do it might give me a break."

"Ah see the baby knew I'd be happy about it even if you didn't." We've finished breakfast and he's lifted the tray onto the floor and pulled me into his arms as I rest my head on his chest and sigh contentedly. "Do you think we should think about moving? I mean I know we love this house but it's only got one spare room and there's no garden to speak of."

Move? Oh god I never even thought of the fact this house wasn't ideal for a family but move? I suppose it's something we'll have to consider but right now I can't begin to imagine how we'd decide.

"Maybe, I don't know I didn't think about it until just now." I'm yawning and he's easing my head back onto the pillow and getting up to take the breakfast dishes away.

"No…..no you don't lie back down." Hey I was only going to get up and help clear up. "You go back to sleep you need your rest right now, I'll put this stuff in the dishwasher then join you for a nap."

Part of me really wants to argue right now, to tell him I can get up and help I'm not an invalid but to be honest I'm just about keeping my eyes open so maybe he's right. It's Sunday after all and if he's going to come back and join me a nap might me just what I need.

I've just woken up and he's cuddled into my back his hand resting protectively on my tummy and now I'm the one with a stupid grin on my face. Two years ago I was living alone trying to convince everyone, especially myself, that I was happy and now look at me. I'm married to a man I love more than life itself and we're having a baby. I'm not sure what I did to deserve to be this happy but I wish I did because I'd have done it sooner.

"I'm sorry sweetheart did I wake you?" He's stirred behind me and is about to move but I really don't want him too so my hand is resting over his on my tummy and he's kissing my shoulder gently. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah I just still can't believe this is happening." I really wish he'd stop finding everything I say so damn funny I'm trying, not very well I admit, to tell him I'm happy.

"Well it is happening and I know this baby is going to be the most beautiful ever born who could it not be with you as its mother?" Oh how can I stay mad at him when he says things like that and I've turned in his arms now I'm the one kissing him.

"I wish I had your faith in my ability as a mother." Where did that come from? Ok I've been thinking about it, wondering if I'm really equipped for this but I don't remember deciding to tell him that!

"What do you mean? You're going to be a fantastic mother!" There's real concern in his eyes now and I know that now I've started this I'll have to talk to him about it or he'll panic again.

"It's just that I don't exactly have the best relationship with my mother, what if that's because I can't do the whole mother/child thing Gerry? I've been so independent for so many years what if I'm not capable of being a good mum? What if I can't bond with the baby or it can't bond with me or I don't know what if I'm just one of those women who were never meant to have kids." God where did all that come from even I didn't know I was feeling all that but now that I've said it I realise it's true I'm really frightened I'm going to screw this up. He's taken my hand and rested it back on my tummy and he's smiling at me well I'm glad he's finding it all so funny.

"When you did the test, once you knew you were pregnant tell me how you felt about the life growing in there Sandra." Ah ok that's what he's doing how have I felt? What have I thought? God we could spend a whole day going over the mountain of things that have been going through my head. "I don't want to hear what you thought I would think or anything like that I just want you to tell me what you've thought about the baby."

"I feel like I'd do anything to keep it safe and if something happened now I don't know how I'd cope." Now it's all flooding out of my mouth like someone has turned on a tap and I'm determined not to cry again. "I was lying awake earlier wondering if it would look like you or me, what colour hair it will have what colour eyes."

"It will have your eyes I know it will they were the first thing about you I fell in love with." Really? Now there's something he's never said before this is going to be a day for revelations clearly.

"I think about the baby growing, about getting bigger and going for scans and finding out of it's a boy or a girl. I think about picking colours for the nursery and thinking about its name. Sometimes I feel like I'm so happy and excited I could burst."

His grin is back and I can't be irritated because I'm grinning too as he nods at me.

"See you're going to be a fantastic Mum Sandra, you already are. You've known you're pregnant for less than a week and already you're protective of our baby, loving towards it, planning for its future. I know you're going to be amazing at this just like you are at everything else and our baby is going to be the luckiest in the world because just like me it's going to have you in its life."

Damn so much for not crying I'm at it again I hope this isn't going to become a regular thing while I'm pregnant I don't think I could cope with constantly bursting into tears. He has no idea how lucky I think I this baby is going to be to have him as its father and suddenly it all seems irrelevant there's no such thing as perfect parenting but I know together we'll be great and what more could I ask?


	4. Chapter 4 - A Steady Rhythm

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 4 – A Steady Rhythm

"I still think we should have brought both cars don't you think Jack and Brian are going to wonder why you're driving my car, they know you hate it." We've been arguing about this since we got up this morning he's insisting on driving me to the doctor's appointment and insisting we take my car because it's safer. God I've been telling him for years that car of his is a death trap and he's told me I'm nuts now we are getting the truth. He was quite happy to drive me around in it but now that the baby is involved it's all "oh it's not safe" I get the feeling we are going to have a lot of rows about him trying to wrap me in cotton wool over the next few months.

"If they say anything we'll tell them mine is in the garage again they never have any trouble believing that. Do we know what the doctor will do today?" Do "we" know what the doctor will do today? Well I sure as hell don't but he's done this before doesn't he know what's going to happen?

"I thought you'd know you've done this before I haven't." He's scoffing at me now what's that all about it's a fact I'm new to this but he's not.

"Sandra when my girls were born I was working, or doing just about anything to ensure that I didn't have to attend these appointments, I wasn't even there when they were born it wasn't like it is now."

Oh I never thought about that, I just assumed this would all be familiar to him and I'd be the one with no idea what was going on. I'm not sure how I feel about that he was going to be my reassurance that everything was normal!

"Don't look so worried," How does he do that mind reading thing always knowing what I'm thinking?  
"This time I'm planning on being right by your side for all of it I don't want to miss a single thing, we're in this together Sandra you'll not have to do anything on your own."

We've pulled up outside the doctor's office and suddenly I'm really nervous, what if he tells me I'm wrong, the test was wrong it's all in my head. Oh god there's the nausea again as I make a bolt from the car leaving him sitting watching me. Another day another unfamiliar bathroom this is getting really old!

"Sorry trust your child to pick that exact moment to make my life difficult." More laughing, it's true though this baby's sense of timing definitely comes from him I'd never be that inconsiderate!

"I love how it's our baby except when you're being sick then it's my baby!" He has a point but not to repeat myself this part of its personality is definitely from him!

"Yeah well you've spent the last decade making my life more difficult now you and the baby are tag teaming me!" I'm laughing too now and the receptionist is looking at us tolerantly. I'm sure she's seen every sort of prospective parent in this waiting room and I'm guessing uncontrollable laughter is one of the easiest to deal with.

"Mr and Mrs Standing the doctor's ready for you now. Mr Standing I you want to go on in and Alexandra if you could slip into the door to the left and put on the gown that's in there then go on through." Oh no the gown and what's with the Alexandra business even my mother has given up on that even when she's irritated and trying to make a point.

"Ok thanks and please call me Sandra," She's smiling again and leading me gently toward the small changing room as Gerry watches me and I can see panic in his eyes. To be honest I wasn't expecting the whole put the gown on thing myself this early but whatever it takes to leave here reassured I'm prepared to do it.

I hate these bloody gowns couldn't someone design one that is a little more dignified? I've made it into the office now where the doctor is making notes on a file in front of him and Gerry is sitting in a chair beside the examination table complete with stirrups and he looks appalled. Oh dear he has no idea what's coming, I may not have been through this particular examination before but I've had plenty that involved the same equipment and he's going to freak out completely.

"Thank you Alexandra can you pop up on the table I'm sure you know the position." Oh humour great and now he's at it with the Alexandra crap.

"I think based on where you're about to put your hands you should call me Sandra." See two can do the comedy thing and I'd sort of hoped it might serve as a warning to Gerry about what is to come but he's just looking more horrified as I put my feet in the stirrups and take his hand.

"Did he hurt you?" I've just flinched like we all do from the shock of the initial examination and I'm worried he might be about to punch the doctor (a) because his hands are currently exploring areas he considers his sole property and (b) for hurting me.

"No he didn't its fine it'll be over in a minute just relax." The doctor has dropped his gloves in the bin and is telling me to go get dressed but leave the top of my trousers open so he can do the scan and suddenly I'm concerned about leaving him and Gerry alone. "I'll be back in a minute don't say anything you'll regret!"

I've got changed in record time and am back on the table with the doctor pulling the scanner over and I can still feel the tension radiating from Gerry.

"Well everything seems fine so far Sandra shall we have a look and see how far along this little one is?" The question is clearly hypothetical since he's already squirted cold gel over my tummy and is moving the scanner about nodding sagely. "Ok there's your baby, I'd say from the size of the foetal sack and the stage of development that you about 7 weeks pregnant which would make your due date January 9th."

January? God I didn't even think about the fact I'll be heavily pregnant at Christmas, no party season for me this year and Gerry's grinning again I did tell you I thought that was going to become a theme didn't I?

"Would you like to hear your baby?" Hear it? Oh god what's he doing? I'm staring at Gerry and he is at me and suddenly there it is the steady rhythm of a strong little heart beat and I can feel myself welling up as he squeezes my hand and I know he's feeling the same. That's our baby, healthy and well and growing inside me and suddenly it's all real, more real and I think I've just become illegally happy. Seriously it can't be legal to feel this good but I don't care if it's wrong to feel this good then wrong is exactly how I want to feel and I'll take it any day.


	5. Chapter 5 - Ground Rules

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 5 – Ground Rules

"I'm sorry Mr Simpson I don't believe you." This guy is so guilty I can see it flashing above his head but he's refusing to roll over and I can see him starting to lose his temper.

"You don't know anything if you think I killed her then you prove it until then I think I don't think you can hold me for much longer." Now he's on his feet and his solicitor is trying to get him to sit down again but he's leaning across the table right into my face and I can feel Jack tense beside me ready to move if he tries anything. I hate guys like him he's such a tosser he thought his girlfriend was his personal property and when she decided she wasn't having any of that he killed her, now he thinks he can bully me well I've met his type too many times before to be intimidated. We're staring each other down and I know I'm winning just one more minute and he'll…

"Sandra can I talk to you for a minute?" What the hell? This better be good as in he better have the one bit of evidence I need to nail this guy or I'm going to kill him.

"Gerry what do you want? I was about to…." He's pulled me into the viewing room and I'm fast losing my temper as he stares at me like I should know what this is all about.

"I don't want you going back in there that guy is a psycho and he's clearly getting off on trying to threaten you, well not anymore Sandra." Excuse me? Ok I'm going to wake up in a second and this will be a nightmare because that's the only situation in which he'd think this was acceptable.

"Gerry I'm going to go back to work now and I want you to go back to the office and find me something to nail this guy we will argue about this later." I've walked away leaving him standing with his mouth open and I don't think I've ever been more angry with him than I am right now. Where the hell does he get off trying to tell me what to do I swear he forgets something that I'm the governor in this office, when I'm finished with this interview he's going to seriously regret what he's just done.

"Gerry I should warn you she's….." Oh no you don't Jack; I've been pacing up and down inside my office waiting for him to get back and now he is Jack is not going to warn him so he can scarper before we have this out.

"Gerry interview room now!" He's staring at me with that rabbit caught in the headlights look that tells me he knows he's in serious trouble. He has no idea.

"Sandra sweetheart look I…" No! No! No; he's not pulling that crap not this time!

"Don't sweetheart me what the hell were you thinking? We have ground rules when we're at work Gerry we agreed you won't pull the protective husband crap. We talked about his and you agreed! You don't just walk in and pull me out of an interview because you don't like the look of the person I'm interviewing. It's completely unacceptable, when we're here I'm in charge and you need to….."

"Well maybe we need some new ground rules things have changed Sandra this isn't just about you anymore and while it always made me mad you having to deal with those shits I really don't have to sit back and watch you do it when our baby is involved and will you stop getting so het up it's bad for you and for the baby at the minute."

.God Now I'm the one staring at him in shock, no way this isn't happening, he is not going to spend the next nine months thinking he can pull this sort of crap just because I'm pregnant.

"Don't get het up? I swear Gerry I'm going to get a hell of a lot more het up if you don't realise how out of line you were I…"

"I was out of line? You were the one letting that guy get right in your face, what if he'd got violent? We already know he thinks nothing of roughing up women what if he'd hit you or worse what if something more serious had happened to you or the baby?" He's pacing back and forward in front of me and I'm starting to mellow a little, only a little though he still needs to realise he can't do that again.

"You think if I thought there was any real risk I'd have been in there? You need to trust me Gerry I don't want anything to happen to the baby any more than you do but you can't go all protective on me every time I have to deal with some slime ball who gets his kicks from bullying women."

Now he's the one mellowing and he's pulled me into his arms and is kissing me, something else we don't normally do here but since it feels so good I'll let it slide this time.

"I'm sorry but things are different now whether you want to accept that or not you need to be more careful!" Yeah and he needs to trust me to know when I need to remove myself from a situation I've been doing this for a while now I think I am a pretty good judge of how far people will go.

"Ok new rules," So I can give a little without losing face right? "I promise to be careful if you promise to trust me to know when I need to be careful."

"Fine but for the next few months you let us handle anything that might be dangerous, you don't put yourself in a position were any harm could come to you or the baby and you let me be a little more watchful at least until Jack and Brian know about the baby because then you'll not be able to get up without one of them, telling you to sit down again then you can get mad at them. Not too mad though think of your blood pressure!"

I'm laughing now thought not too much because he's right once they know I'm going to have three of them watching my every more. I think at that stage I may have to pull rank and make a poster or something telling them what they are not allowed to do because if I don't I might not make it to full term the stress will have killed me.

"I'll have to set some ground rules for them too then won't I?" He's the one laughing now and I know it's because in a decade of working together they have never followed a single rule I have ever set down and I can't imagine this being any different.

"And you think they'll listen? Come on Sandra you not still living with that little delusion are you?" Oh now he's pushing his luck but we really need to get back to work so I'll punish him for that later, in the meantime much as I hate to admit it I can't help but get a warm fuzzy feeling. It may be going to drive me nuts but it proves one thing, this baby is going to be surrounded by people who love it and will do anything to protect it and how can I argue with that?


	6. Chapter 6 - The great girlboy debate 1

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 6 - The great girl/boy debate round 1 – Sandra

It's Saturday afternoon and Gerry has gone to do the grocery shopping and insisted that I put my feet up while he's out and I'm bored senseless! There's only so much channel hopping between sports, antique shows, property shows and soap opera omnibus's one sane person can handle.

"What do you think bump? We should have gone with Daddy shouldn't we? Even Tesco would be more interesting than this!" Yes I'm talking to the baby I read that it's good to talk to it and since there's only me and it here I might as well get started. "I wonder if you're a boy or a girl bump. Daddy has other children you'll meet them when you get here, well I suppose not children anymore they're grown women, but they are going to spoil you rotten. Anyway they are all girls so I wonder if that means you're going to be another one?"

I have been thinking about it a lot the last few days given that all Gerry's kids are girls is it a foregone conclusion that this baby will be too? Yeah I know it doesn't matter and it really doesn't but you can forgive me for wondering if I might be the one who breaks with tradition and gives him a boy right?

"Don't get me wrong little bump he won't care what you are he'll love you whether you're a boy or a girl but I think secretly he'd like a boy. He has a grandson you see who'll be your…..well your nephew even though he's older than you, that'll take some explaining when the time comes but anyway little Gerry, his grandson, he adores him although he found out very quickly when we got married that it was a bad idea to suggest that we tell Gerry Junior to call me Granny. I am way too young to be anyone's granny bump especially since before you I wasn't even anyone's mummy!"

I'm laughing out loud now at the memory of the night we came back from honeymoon and we were taking presents over to Paula's. He seriously suggested that now we were married maybe Gerry should call me Granny! What's worse is that when I laughed it off assuming he was joking he very quickly pointed out that he wasn't. Needless to say I left him in no doubt that while I love his girls and Gerry Junior I am way, way too young to be a Granny and frankly I didn't let him live it down for about 3 weeks after.

"Anyway I think he'd like it if you were a boy since…"

"Hey don't you dare tell bump I want it to be a boy what if it's a girl you'll give her a complex before she's even born!" Jesus Christ where the hell did he come from and how long has he been listening? "And I only suggested that Gerry call you granny because I love you and I wanted him to know you were here to stay."

Ah so he's been listening a while then and now he's sat at the other end of the sofa, put my legs on his lap and is rubbing my ankles I love it when he does that!

"I was just filling bump in on its sisters and all I said was that it might be nice for you to have a boy. Anyway I know the website said we should talk to it so it got to know our voices but I don't think we can give it a complex this early on!"

"Well you don't listen to Mummy bump I don't care what you are as long and you grow big and strong in there and come out healthy." He's actually sticking his tongue out at me now in a . .nah sort of way, he is such an infant at times!

"Do you have any idea what bump might be yet?" Well since we're on the subject I might as well ask him maybe he has some fatherly sixth sense.

"I've no idea but I mean it I don't care, how about you are you getting any vibes from it you know with it being…" He's so cute he's waving his hand in the general direction of my tummy and I can't help but laugh.

"Since it's inside me Gerry god I never thought I'd see you go coy you certainly weren't when it came to getting it there! No I don't have any frame of reference do I? I know people say oh I think this one is a boy because I feel different than I did last time and that was girl, but it's all new to me."

"Just wait once everyone knows you're pregnant they'll all have an opinion one way or the other they always do. They'll give us every old wives tale from the shape of your bump to the foods you are craving as the reason they know and none of them will ever agree."

Something else to look forward to, in saying that I had it all when we were planning the wedding too, everyone had an opinion on what we should do. I ignored them then I'm not sure it will be so easy this time though.

"Well they'll have to wait till the 20 week scan to find out for sure just like us won't they?"

"Are you sure you want to know? You wouldn't rather it was a surprise?" Is he trying to be funny? Of course I want to know how can I possibly plan effectively if I don't know what I'm planning for.

"Of course I want to know how can we decorate, or shop, or chose a name if we don't know if we're doing it for a boy or a girl?"

"I thought you'd say that." He's laughing at me now and he's pulled a bag from beside the sofa, "I got the feeling you'd already be thinking about shopping so I got in first and I bought bump a present."

Oh now presents I like and baby presents are even more exciting right now. He's pulled an absolutely gorgeous fluffy rabbit from the bag and is holding it out pointing proudly at the bow around its neck.

"Aw Gerry it's gorgeous." It really is and he's still pointing at the bow like I should be noticing something.

"A brown bunny with a white bow with pink AND blue spots; see no preference here."

He's so adorable when he's pleased with himself and now he's waving the rabbit at my tummy and telling bump it's all theirs and it's just too cute for words. I know he's right it doesn't matter which sex the baby is he'll love it no matter what and if this is anything to go by he'll be spoiling it too once it's here!


	7. Chapter 7 - Rumours

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 7 - Rumours

"Well I don't know maybe they are rowing at home or something and trying not to bring it into the office." I came in early this morning to do some paperwork and I've been hiding in my office with the blinds closed since in case Strickland ventured down here. Now though Jack and Brian have arrived and I had my hand on the door handle to say good morning but Jack's words have stopped me in my tracks.

"Why wouldn't they just argue in front of us they don't normally bother to hide the fact that marriage hasn't changed the fact they drive each other nuts sometimes." Nice Brian thanks for that and here was me thinking we did a pretty good job of leaving our domestics at the office door.

"Ok well maybe it's more serious than that maybe Gerry has done something you know…..Gerry like." Hmm Jack's actually sounding concerned now and I can't help but smile, poor Gerry trust them to assume if something is wrong between us it must be his fault.

"You mean another woman? Nah he adores Sandra he waited long enough for them to get together he'd not do that. Her though, I mean Gerry's not as young as he used to be and she's still….well not young but relatively young." Oh Brian is so going to pay for that. Relatively young? I mean what the hell I'm not over the hill yet and what makes him think I'm more likely to cheat on Gerry than the other way around does he not know me at…..

"No definitely not Sandra's been hurt too many times before and you know what she was like when he first asked her to marry him I don't think either of them is playing away." Thank you Jack I knew I could rely on you, Brian on the other hand is in for some serious punishment!

"Well something is definitely going on remember when they were trying to hide it from us that they were together at first this is exactly the same." Shit are we really that transparent? I mean I know we all know each other pretty well these days but I thought we were doing better at keeping it under wraps than that. "Maybe Sandra's pregnant."

Oh my god , what the hell when did Mr "the world passes me by" Lane get so perceptive? I'm completely frozen behind the door now and I wish Gerry would hurry up and arrive. I can't go out there now and let them know I've been listening but then I'd have to not only deny that either Gerry or I were having an affair but either lie about being pregnant or tell them and neither of those is an option.

"Pregnant? Sandra?" Ok Jack it's not that hilarious a prospect. "No, no there's no way. I mean Sandra pregnant? Nooo,"

"Why not she's still young enough?" Ah so I'm relatively old but not too old to get pregnant that's something I suppose.

"Yeah I know but still it's unlikely I mean can you see Gerry wanting more kids? And you see Sandra wanting kids at all?" Umm not sure how to take either of those comments but then I thought the same about Gerry and a couple of months ago I'd have thought the same about me.

"Accidents happen." How right you are Brian but now I'm rubbing my tummy protectively as if I'm suddenly concerned that hearing it might have been an accident might traumatise bump. God I need to stop listening to Gerry.

"Yeah ok I'll give you that but I still don't think so. I mean if it was that sort of news they'd just tell us." Un oh this is the bit of the conversation I really don't want to hear.

"Well women especially can be really funny about telling people too soon when they're pregnant, when Esther was expecting Mark it was ages before she'd let me tell anyone said it was tempting fate or something." Wow who'd have thought Brian would be the voice of reason for once but then between him and Jack he's the only one with experience of this sort of thing. I feel a little better if all else fails Esther can tell them what it's like when you're first pregnant and worried I mean they can't blame us for…..

"No Sandra is the one who always says we aren't just people who work together we're friends, family even they'd trust us with that sort of news as soon as they knew we'd know. No it's definitely not that we'd know."

Now I've just about made it back to my chair as my head goes light and my chest feels tight. I always just assumed people would understand why we're keeping bump a secret. I assumed it's was normal to be careful but what the hell do I know I'm new to all this. Right now I want to go out through the door and tell them they're right and we didn't tell them and I'm sorry. I know I won't though how could I when it would let them know I'd been listening and make it look like they'd dragged it out of me or worse I was only telling them out of guilt. Right now I just want Gerry to get his ass in here so we can get the say started and I can put this out of my head until we get home and can talk about it properly. Maybe this isn't such a fun secret after all!


	8. Chapter 8-To sleep perchance to dream

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 8 – To sleep perchance to dream

"No don't be like that I'm sorry, we were just being careful you don't understand!" This is awful. I should have known, how could I have been so stupid of course they're upset what was I thinking. "Look Brian speak to Esther she'll tell you it's normal to be careful."

"Sandra honey it's ok." How can he say that? How can he be so calm I told him this would happen I knew when I heard Jack talking that they'd be furious when they found out about the baby. Oh god this is terrible.

"Look guys I'm sorry please don't be like this come on you're not being fair." They're refusing to even look at me let alone talk to me and now I'm crying oh god this is so bad how and I supposed to….

"Sandra sweetheart come on wake up." Wake up? What the hell is he talking about I am awake I'm standing right here and …..oh…..wait it's finally dawned on me that none of this is real and I'm forcing my eyes open letting them adjust to the dim glow from the bedside lamp he's put on. "Ssssh its ok what happened are you ok?"

"It was awful, they were so angry and I was trying to explain and it wasn't working and….." Great now I've completely fallen apart; and he's wiping my tears away while rubbing my tummy as if he's trying to sooth both me and the baby at the same time.

"Who wouldn't let you explain Sandra talk to me it was just a nightmare it wasn't real, talk to me." He's really frightened now I can see him panicking I'm never going to calm down. Note to self Sandra when you've just scared the life out of your husband who is already very jittery about the fact you are in the early stages of pregnancy try to give more coherent explanations!

"Jack and Brian; they were really angry that we hadn't told them about the baby and they wouldn't let me explain they just kept saying I was a hypocrite and that I kept telling them they were like family but then when it came to something this big we didn't tell them."

"Oh Sandra you are such a girl at times." Well hello I am a girl well female anyway what's that got to do with anything? He's been like this all evening since I told him about the conversation I overheard this morning. He thinks I'm making too much of Jack saying that I would have told them if I was pregnant. He was more peeved that they suggested either of us might be having an affair but he doesn't understand they are always arguing between the three of them but I'm supposed to be the glue that holds is all together and if they stop trusting me then we're screwed.

"It's easy for you to say it wasn't you they were mad at you were sitting behind your desk ignoring them while I was trying to explain and will you stop bloody laughing it's not funny Gerry."

"Sandra you're being irrational." Well thanks for that honey but it's not helping god what is it with him that he seems to have lost the ability to say the right thing since he got me pregnant. "You remember what it was like when they first found out we were a couple? First they were constantly gossiping about how long it would last, then if we'd move in together then if we'd get married. They are like grannies at a knitting circle when it comes to speculating about where our relationship will go next. If we'd spent the last week fawning all over each other they'd be saying we were over compensating about something or be complaining that we were making the office an uncomfortable place to work. There's no pleasing them at times and we're not telling them about bump any sooner just because they are talking about the fact it's a possibility."

"I know but it really shook me up you weren't there this morning you didn't hear them." I know he's right everything he says about Jack and Brian and their constant speculation about our relationship is true, it's like cat nip to them at times but I'm allowed to be slightly more paranoid right now aren't I?

"No, true I didn't but I arrived in time to see them laughing about the merits of golf verses fishing as a hobby and to find you a gibbering mess hiding in your office and I can tell you I know who was more concerned about what they'd said and it wasn't them!" See now he's making too much sense for this time of the night and I'm starting to feel stupid. "Don't listen to Mummy bump, Uncle Jack and Uncle Brian are going to be really pleased to know you're on your way you relax in there and I'll get her back to sleep."

Hey! He's doing the tag teaming thing again argh I really want to be angry with him but as he pulls me into his arms and stares into my eyes with a level of understanding and love that could placate the devil himself I can't.

"Sandra Jack and Brian love you, they've always been happy for us and this time will be no different. They are going to want to chain you to your desk until bump gets here then when it does they are going to be the best uncles any child could wish for. You're panicking because of what you heard and not to say I told you so but I did tell you not to go in early this morning didn't I?" I don't want to say I told you so but I'm going to say I told you so anyway nice Gerry very nice! "The most important people in this situation are you and bump so however they react I don't give a toss I want you both to be ok before we deal with anyone else and it's only two more weeks until the next scan then we can tell everyone."

Hmm everyone, yeah, see he doesn't know how right he is and I can think of at least two people neither of us will look forward to having "the" conversation with and as he pulls me close and I feel sleep take over me again I can't help but smile because if he had thought of the conversations with our boss and my mother he'd be the one having nightmares!


	9. Chapter 9-Little White Lie

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 9 – Little White Lie

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?" I'm having my monthly lunch with my mother and we have been sitting here for less than ten minutes, barely made it through the strained pleasantries and she's started already, keep calm Sandra don't let her rile you, you know that's what she wants.

"What do you mean Mum? We're having lunch what else would be going on?" Perfect, righteous indignation that's normal she'll not expect any different.

"Sandra you barely tolerate these monthly lunches and today you are full of smiles and have not immediately ordered a very large glass of wine to help you get through it now you can't tell me nothing is going on so spit it out!"

Shit I didn't even think she'd notice I didn't order wine but considering that she's always complaining that my fridge used to be full of wine rather than food she should be pleased right? It's true before I married my very own Gordon Ramsey cooking ingredients were not high on my list of necessities and it used to drive her mad when she came to visit.

"You're always complaining I drink too much now you're complaining that I'm not god there is no pleasing you at times mother!" She's looking at me now like I'm fifteen again and have stayed out too late and she's not buying my explanation. I should be better at this by now how can she still make me feel like a three year old?

"I always know when you're lying Sandra so are we going to sit here and stare each other down like we're in one of your interview rooms or are you going to tell me? Is something going on with you and Gerry? You're not having an affair are you Sandra because seriously you get your life sorted and then hit the self-destruct button you…."

"No I am not having an affair Jesus mother what do you take me for?" What the hell is it with everyone, first Jack and Brian now her why can I not just be happy without it having to be something unusual? "I love Gerry why would I be having an affair and why can't I just be happy? Normal mothers are pleased when their daughter is happy but clearly you can't stretch to that."

"I am pleased you're happy I just know you're hiding something from me I always do." Ok trying to guilt her into changing the subject clearly isn't going to work so time for plan B. Problem is I don't have a plan B and I've never been good at thinking on my feet where she's concerned.

"I've got to go into work this afternoon for a meeting with my boss I don't think he'd appreciate me arriving stinking of booze." Ah, nice, pat yourself on the back Sandra you're doing well now just to explain your good mood! I mean I can't tell her the truth much as I'd like to wipe the smug smile off her face by telling her that I seem happy because I am happy, I'm happy because I'm pregnant with the man I love's baby and life can't get any better can I? "As for the fact I'm in a good mood why wouldn't I be? Things are great between me and Gerry we're very happy, work is going well we closed three cases this week and after this afternoon's meeting with Strickland I have the weekend to look forward to. Now is this interrogation over? Are we going to eat or is there anything else you want to ask me to explain?"

She's looking at me suspiciously now but I know we're almost there she's almost ready to let it drop she just needs a final push and I know just what will do it.

"Anyway enough about me how are things at Whitemead how did your bridge tournament go last week did you win?"

"Oh yes of course we won the rest of them are amateurs compared to Joe and me." See when it comes to my mother nothing about my life will ever be as interesting to her as what she's doing and as she launches into a length ramble about all the things she has planned for this week I feel like I can finally breathe again.

I swear this keeping bump a secret thing is going to be the death of me, one more week, just one more week, next Friday we go for the twelve weeks scan and then all the secrecy is over. In the meantime I'm not lying to my mother as such am I? I do have a meeting this afternoon and I am happy with Gerry and at work. If anything I'm just choosing not to tell the whole truth so if it is a lie it's only a little white one and she'll know soon enough. Until then I can do without her opinions on bump because she'll have them and I'll have to listen to them just not yet.


	10. Chapter 10- Disappearing Act

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 10 – Disappearing act

Even with April just around the corner its bloody freezing still and I'm starting to wish I'd brought my coat but then when I left work I wasn't planning on coming here. I'm still not even sure why I am, you see after my lunch with Mum last week I've been feeling guilty about not telling her about the baby. I know, I know I was able to put her off and I know I convinced myself that it wasn't really lying but it's been bugging me so Gerry and I decided that since the scan is in two days we'd drive over to Whitemead tonight after work and tell her. So I left work with the intention of going home to soak in the bath then get ready but I've ended up here sitting on a bench staring at my father's head stone.

"So Dad I just came by to give you some news." Yeah I know between talking to my unborn baby and now talking to my dead father you're thinking I'm nuts but I used to come here all the time and talk to him, tell him what was going on in my life. Lately though, well for the last few years actually I've been doing it less and less and I don't know what made me come back today other than the thought of going and telling Mum she's going to be a granny has made me think about him. "I'm pregnant Dad and we're going to tell Mum tonight. I'm not sure how that's going to go but I think she might notice if I avoided her for the next 6 months then turned up with a new born."

Don't think I haven't thought about just not telling her but there is no way around it even she might notice if I was the size of a small house by Christmas, so there's no other way we have to tell her.

"Sandra you're freezing what are you doing here." Don't panic I haven't started to think my father is speaking to me Gerry has just arrived and he's taken his coat off and is draping it around my shoulders. "You scared the life out of me I got home and you weren't there then you weren't answering your phone I thought something had happened to you."

"Sorry my phone's in the car and I didn't think how did you know I'd be here?"

"I didn't but since we're going to tell your Mother tonight I thought you might need a word with your old man, are you ok?" I love the fact that he can seem so insensitive at times but I always know where I'm concerned he's the most perceptive person I've ever known. He can read me like a book at times.

"Yeah I'm ok I haven't been here much in the last five years, you know with finding out so much about him and everything I've found it harder to talk to him but I thought maybe now that I'm going to be a parent myself I might be able to understand better how he could leave me the way he did." It's true I've really tried to imagine what he must have been feeling. He had another family me and mum knew nothing about, his life was falling apart at work and he was being investigated for murder. I've tried to put myself in his position and think what I would do.

"And has it? I mean has bump made you understand him better?" See here's the problem it has but not in the way I'd expected, instead of making it easier for me to forgive him it made me 100% sure I never will.

"It made me realise how selfish he was Gerry, I mean I've worked hard to get where I am in my career and I'd hate anything to happen that threatened that but bump isn't even here yet and I know for sure that I would never, ever chose to take my own life and leave it to grow up without me. I just couldn't do it." My heart is breaking from actually having said the words out loud but I know it's true. I had him on such a pedestal, he could do no wrong as far as I was concerned and the last five years have been like a wrecking ball through my memories. "I wanted to tell him about bump but I wanted to tell him as well that even though I'll always love him I'll never be able to forgive him for what he did and all the lives he turned upside down."

"Time's a great healer Sandra and now you've accepted how mad you are at him maybe in a while you'll learn how to forgive him or at least accept what he did and get past it."

Am I likely to ever get to the point where I can get past it? I honestly don't know but I know it isn't going to happen anytime soon. For all my mother's faults, and they are many and varied, she was there and she put up with a lot from me after he'd gone, she still does I know there are times I'm not easy to love.

"Yeah maybe, anyway I'm ready to go home and then go see mum." He's smiling at me now as we walk away from the grave and I look back feeling for the first time like I am truly saying goodbye to my Father. Everything is changing and in my heart I know he has no part to play in this stage of my life. It's time to focus on the people who are here and love me enough to never choose to leave me.


	11. Chapter 11 - Yes you have to!

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 11 – Yes you have to!

"But she's your mum! Are you sure you wouldn't rather tell her on your own?" Oh no he doesn't we've gone over and over this all through dinner, while I was getting ready and the whole drive over here and I'm not budging. Bump is as much his baby as mine and when my mother reacts to the news, whatever that reaction may be I don't want to be the only one dealing with it. "Do I really have to go in could you not just tell her while I get us fake passports and plane tickets to somewhere far away and sunny?"

"Yes you have to come in with me and for the hundredth time it won't be that bad if you'd sat through as many "why could you never have given me grandchildren" conversations as I have this will be easy! "it's true in spite of the fact I'm as nervous as he is about telling her I also know that she has been desperate for a grandchild for twenty years so hopefully that will temper her reactions a little.

"Fine let's get this over with we're late already." Like being ten minutes late is going to be the biggest problem we have to deal with tonight!

"Sandra, Gerry I thought you weren't coming." Oh my god she didn't even get the door fully open before she started, breathe Sandra think of your blood pressure!

"Sorry Grace it's my fault I was late getting home then by the time I got changed and everything."

"Is my daughter working you too hard? She's terrible at knowing when to give people a break." I don't believe it he tries to take the blame and somehow she still manages to make it my fault! She's impossible!

"No of course not I had to call by my daughters to check on what time Gerry's football match is on Saturday and you know what it's like when you get talking." He's so sweet at times, so protective of me around her it makes me smile and now she's nodding knowingly at him as we finally sit down

"Ah well see if Sandra hadn't left it too long to give me a grandchild I might be able to agree with you but you know what she's like it's all career, career, career." Hello still in the room here and I swear she never misses an opportunity to get at me for depriving her of grandchildren. I'm going to enjoy the look on her face when she finds out it isn't too late as a matter of fact it's just the right time!

"Anyway mum we need to talk to you."

"Oh don't tell me, you made a mistake, you've realised you shouldn't have got married, and you're going to become another of his "friendly" exes? Seriously Sandra I don't know….."

"Grace will you be quiet for five minutes and let us speak, Jesus what is it with everyone assuming that we must be breaking up?" My mother is looking at me now with a "when did he get a backbone" edge to her gaze and suddenly I'm glad I didn't tell him she asked is I was having an affair last week, but at least she's shut up and I'll take that over snipping at me any day.

"Sorry of course what was it you wanted to say Sandra?" Oh now she's sulking.

"It's ok mum we just wanted to tell you that….well that….." Jesus when did this get so hard?

"What Sandra's trying to tell you Grace is that she's pregnant." Oh god I wish I had a camera she couldn't look more shocked if we'd just announced we were going to live on the first manned colony on mars! She's actually speechless I never thought I'd see it!

"You're having a baby?" What is it with people and their selective amnesia when it comes to the definition of the word pregnant!

"Yes mum so sorry you had to wait so long but it looks like I didn't leave it too late to give you a grandchild after all!"

"But when? I mean you told me last week there was nothing going on I knew you were hiding something!" Ah see it was too much to hope that her selective amnesia might extend to forgetting about our previous conversation how the hell do I get out of this one."

"That was my fault as well Grace." Oh he's going to get so lucky when we get home that's twice tonight he's taken the can for me. "I know from having done this before that you need to be really careful in the first few weeks I didn't want us telling everyone until we were sure Sandra and the baby were ok. It's been bothering Sandra though since last week so I gave in and said since it's only 2 days till the 12 week scan and everything seems to be going ok we could tell you if it would make her feel better."

I can see her turning his words over in her head deciding if it's worth carrying on arguing or if she should just get to the bit where she interrogates us.

"Mum I don't want you to be upset I thought you'd be happy I've spent my entire adult life listening to you complain about how I never gave you a grandchild well now I am doesn't that at least warrant a smile or a congratulations?" She's still saying nothing and I've had enough I should have known it would be too much to expect her to be happy for us and now I'm crying and I'm on my feet and heading for the door. "Gerry lets go I should have known this was a bad idea she doesn't know how to react like any normal mother!"

"Sandra wait!" I've stopped with my hand on the door handle and he's stayed where he was but mum has followed me. "I'm sorry come back inside let's talk about this properly. I was shocked that's all I want to know how long I have to find someone in this place who can knit because you and I both remember my one attempt at knitting you a jumper ended in disaster. I need to put the word out around here because my grandchild is not going to be the only one in history not to have grandma generated knitwear even if someone else's grandma has to knit it!"

Oh she's way too good at playing me even now but she's right I do remember her attempt to knit and no child of mine will be wearing anything with three arms and no neckline!

"OK but try to be enthusiastic Mum even if it's only until we leave and get Gerry a drink will you he's been a nervous wreck all day!"

Things have calmed down now and Mum and Gerry are downing large glasses of wine while I sip on the honey and lemon that she insisted on making me like she did when I was ill as a child.

"So January then? Well that's good that gives you lots of time to get organised, how's the morning sickness Sandra I was terrible when I was expecting you it wasn't morning sickness it was morning, noon and night sickness."

"Yeah it was a bit like that at the beginning but it seems to be calming down now, other than that I'm fine a little more tired than normal but managing." The closer we get to the 12 mark the less sick I feel but then more exhausted I am by the end of the day and that exhaustion is starting to kick in now. Gerry is still chattering away filling Mum in on the last few weeks and when our next appointment is but I've zoned out. No one is shouting or being sarcastic and the relief is making me and bump sleepy. I'm sure no one will mind if I doze and Gerry will wake me when they have finished organising our future and it's time to go home it's not for me after all it's for bump Gerry keeps reminding me it needs it's rest.


	12. Chapter 12 - All Clear

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 12 – All clear

This is the day, it's 6.20am and I'm staring at the clock beside the bed watching the minutes tick by. Our appointment isn't until 10 and right now it's all I can do not so shake Gerry awake and point out that it's only 3 hours and 40 minutes and how can he possibly be sleeping? We were both off the scale excited last night and we have today all planned. We're going to go to the doctors, then to work, then shop on the way home for the dinner party we're having tonight to tell Jack, Brian and Esther about bump. It's going to be a brilliant day I can feel it in my bones.

"Will you stop staring at the clock and try to get at least another hours sleep you and bump need your rest." We also need him to stop giving me a bloody heart attack he's getting way too good at that.

"I thought you were sleeping." I know I know talk about stating the obvious but what else are you supposed to say while still trying to get your heart rate back to normal?

"I know you did but I knew you were awake its hours till we have to be at the doctors sweetheart wouldn't it be better if you tried to get a little more sleep?" Well duh of course it would but if I could sleep would I be watching the clock? I don't think so!

"Yeah but I've been thinking you do think everything is going to be ok don't you?" He's snuggled into my back and is tracing lazy figure of eights on my tummy god I love it when he does that.

"Of course I do why wouldn't it be ok? Your morning sickness has settled down, you've been careful not to overdo it and you even have a bit of a bump going on here." Oh god pregnancy must be the only time in life when I man can get away with commenting that his wife's tummy is getting bigger! I have to agree with him thought I didn't expect it to happen so soon but bump is a bump these days.

"I suppose I'm just excited I want to see how bump's getting along and hear its heartbeat again." I know he's excited too but he's not giving up on the idea of getting me back to sleep and the motion of his fingers on my tummy is working as sleep draws me back in again.

"Gerry will you sit down you're about to wear a hole in the carpet!" As I'm sure you've guessed we've made it to the doctor's office and since we came in and I sat down he's been pacing back and forward on the same part of the orate Persian rug.

"Sorry I'm just nervous I want to get this over with so we can get on with the day then get everyone together tonight and tell them." He's so cute at times you should hear what he has planned for dinner tonight there are Michelin starred restaurants not serving such fancy food tonight.

"Mr and Mrs Standing the doctor is ready for you just go on through." Wait for it….is it coming…..No! Yay no gown this time gotta love that!

"Sandra, Gerry nice to see you again. Sandra do you want to just pop up on the bed and undo the top button of your trousers?" Oh good no messing around straight to the scan "How have you been feeling? Any light at the end of the tunnel with the morning sickness?"

"Yeah it's been good this last week I think I've only been ill twice thankfully." I really am thankful for the end to the throwing up it was killing me. He's squirted the gel on my tummy and turned on the machine and now I'm staring at the screen and I know Gerry is too as he starts to move the scanner around.

"Ok now…oh…..well now….." What the hell? Mine and Gerry's eyes have snapped to his as he stares at the screen again moving the scanner around and smiling.

"Is something wrong?" Thanks Gerry I'm glad one of us is still capable of forming a sentence.

"No, not at all Sandra, Gerry there's your baby." He's pointing at the screen and I am finally breathing again "And there's your baby too."

"Excuse me?" Ok I could have thought of something better to say and suddenly I have some sympathy for the way Gerry reacted when I told him how do you react properly when you're in shock?

"You're expecting twins Sandra and from the look of this scan both babies are healthy and growing well."

"Twins? Seriously?" Gerry again and he's grinning like a maniac and finally I'm catching up. Twins oh my god how much better can this get?

"Yes twins congratulations." He's turned the volume up on the scanner and I can heart the steady heartbeat again, well two heartbeats I suppose. Twins, god 3 months ago I thought I'd never hear anyone call me Mummy and now we're having not one but two babies, a perfect readymade family, how much more perfect can my life get?


	13. Chapter 13- Best laid Plans

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 13 – Best laid plans

You know when you have everything organised and it all goes to hell in a handcart someone always comes off with the "best laid plans" line? Well I used to think that was bollocks until today. We left the doctor's office on a complete high we talked the whole way to the office then put our excitement in a box until tonight when we could tell the others and really enjoy the news. That was our plan the bumps however had other ideas.

Over the years in this job I've seen most things from the most bloody crime scene to the most hideously decomposed body and everything in between. I'm not saying you get used to it, you are never any less than appalled by what you see but you learn to channel that revulsion to make you better at your job, to make you more determined to find the people responsible. That's the way I cope, today however the bumps have decided that they are not used to all this at all.

It started innocently enough we have a new case we talked it through put the photos on the incident board of the players and the crime scene, all fine then we put on the video taken by the crime scene techs. Now don't get me wrong it wasn't the worse crime scene I've ever seen but it was an entire family wiped out by arson, a house fire, one minute I was standing talking the boys through the video explaining the layout of the house, where the bodies were found and then the camera went upstairs into the baby's room and the next thing I remember is hearing Gerry yell at Jack to get the bottle of water from my handbag. I tried to warn him, I really did but it was already too late. You see when the doctor did the scan this morning he gave us photos and I had every intention of leaving them in the car in the file that I have to take to each of my appointments but somehow it didn't seem right so I slipped them into my handbag, in the section with the bottle of water. You're catching up now aren't you? Well you're just about where I am now I've come round properly again and Gerry is sitting on the floor with my head resting on his lap panic radiating from his eyes.

"I'm fine just let me sit down and make me a cup of ginger tea there's some of the teabags in the zip part of my handbag." He's insisted on helping me into the chair and is busy putting the kettle on as Jack hands me the scan photos and he and Brian look at me expectantly. Gerry is fussing on a grand scale and I'm going to have to have serious words with my unborn children about picking their moments a little better! "You two can stop giving me evil eyes, yes I'm pregnant we were planning on telling you tonight but the babies obviously decided they were sick of being a secret."

"Babies?"

"What do you mean kept a secret?"

"Stop badgering her she's just fainted for god sake"

"We're not badgering….."

"No we're asking…"

"Shut up!" It had to be done it's got to the stage I don't know which of them is shouting the loudest and a drink of the ginger tea Gerry has brought me is starting to make me feel distinctly more normal. "Right Brian, Jack you can have one question each now then we get back to work and we'll tell you everything else tonight!"

"Hey Sandra you just fainted you should be going home not working!" Oh Jack don't make me set you ground rules too!

"Don't Jack seriously been there done that and it's not pretty." Oh god Gerry is really learning.

"Exactly now it's going to be a long six months if every time I move one of you leaps all over me so either you trust me like Gerry has learned to, to know if I'm doing too much or I will have to go to Strickland and tell him he'll have to put someone else in charge of the unit until after my maternity leave because you lot won't let me do my job." They're looking at Gerry for some sort of confirmation that I'm serious and all he's doing is shrugging.

"If you think it was dangerous to mess with her before that was a walk in the park compared to how she can blow a fuse these days." Well said Gerry and finally things are calming down.

"Right my question first." Trust Jack we've dealt with the histrionics no he's all business. "How long have you known."

"Five weeks but we only found out today that its twins, long enough though for me to have heard your very interesting discussion a couple of weeks ago." Sorry but I couldn't resist I mean would you have been able to? "And just so you know I can tell you the twins are Gerry's I'm not having some sort of sordid affair and neither is he and I'll get back to bit were we discuss what you meant by "relatively" young later Brian. Now what would you like to ask?"

Aww they are so sheepish it's almost cute, almost though I haven't forgiven them yet not by a long chalk.

"So do you know if the babies are boys or girls and how do you feel about it are you happy I mean….."

"That's two questions and I swear Brian if the end of that sentence was going to have anything to do with my age I will make you regret it. No we don't it's too early it'll be another couple of months before they can tell and yes we're happy about it, couldn't be happier actually. Now back to work you can finish going over the video Gerry since your children don't appear to like gory crime scenes, I'll go freshen up then we'll head to the original scene."

"They're always my babies when they make her sick or anything!"

"I heard that!" They're all laughing now and to be honest I can't say I am sorry about how things have turned out. Maybe the bumps know what they were doing after all. Now tonight we can get down to the fun conversations and enjoying our good news with our friends. Clearly the bumps are going to get their brains from their mother so that's something I suppose!


	14. Chapter 14 - Girl Talk

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 14 – Girl Talk

"I need to go shopping!"

"Well that's fine sweetheart but can it wait a couple of hours until after dinner we have guests coming remember?" Oh he thinks he's so funny these days and he's looking at me like I've taken leave of my senses but I haven't!

"Ha, ha you're hilarious, nothing fits me properly anymore Gerry I mean we're having a dinner party and I'm wearing leggings and one of your shirts!" It's true ok it's a nice casual red shirt and I think I'm pulling it off but 99% of my wardrobe is too small now that the bumps are making their presence known much as I love shopping it hadn't occurred to me that I'd need a whole new wardrobe so soon!

"Sandra you look spectacular and you would even if you were standing here in your fleecy onesie that you don't allow me to tell anyone about." Aw he's such a sweetie at times but if I don't go out soon and get some clothes that fit me I'll be interviewing witnesses in my fleecy onesie and I don't think that would do much for my credibility! "We'll go out at the weekend and buy you a while new wardrobe all with room for growth ok?"

He's kissing me now and suddenly I don't care about clothes or growing bumps or anything. He can make me feel amazing just with a single glance, a gentle touch or by kissing me just like he is now. Damn isn't that just typical he gets me going then the bloody doorbell rings! Smile Sandra there's always later!

"Sorry we're early Esther has been like a cat on a hot tin roof since I got home and told her about the twins it was all I could do to stop her coming right here then." Aww Jack and Brian are standing uncomfortably in the living room while Esther hands me the biggest bunch of flowers I've ever seen and flings her arms around me. See this is the reaction I would have loved from my mother Esther rocks she really does.

"Right you two clear off into the kitchen and keep Gerry company while Sandra and I have a girly chat." They're looking at her like she's speaking Russian or something and I'm trying not to laugh. "Or you could stay but don't complain when we start talking about wombs and sore breasts and chapped nipples."

"So Gerry's in the kitchen then?" Oh god Jack looks like someone just threatened him with a firing squad and Brian has gone a shade of red I didn't even think was possible and they've scampered off like they are terrified if they stay too long they'll be infected by "female".

"I knew that would get rid of them one mention of women's things and Brian would rather be in the next country never mind the next room." She's giggling like a teenager as Gerry hands her a glass of wine and me some ginger cordial and leaves us to it. "So how are you really?"

"I'm fine now that the morning sickness has calmed down. Why?" How am I really? That implies that I might be pretending to be ok um not sure where this is going.

"I've known you for almost a decade now Sandra and even after you and Gerry got married I never saw you having kids." Ah ok, well at least she's being honest and she's only saying what I know plenty of other people will be thinking.

"Look I'm not saying I wasn't surprised Esther and I'm not trying to claim these little bundles were planned." I'm protectively rubbing my tummy as if I might be traumatising the bumps by saying they weren't planned, it amazes me how protective I feel over them even though they aren't here yet. "But I really am delighted it feels so right to be having Gerry's baby or babies should I say."

She's grinning at me now as she nods and I feel finally like someone other than Gerry and me are truly happy about our news and it feels fantastic. Finally it feels like it should when telling people you're pregnant!

"Well the other reason I ask is I know when I was pregnant with Mark the first three months were terrible and I was 29 and only carrying one!" Well considering that twelve hours ago I thought I was only carrying one too I really don't know if it was any worse having twins since, not to sound like a broken record, I'm new to this!

"It has been hard but mainly the morning sickness and I know I'm not the typical age to be having my first baby let alone be having twins and just because I don't like to hear other people point it out doesn't mean I don't know it's going to be hard at my age but I think it will be worth it." I've not said out loud before that I know there's a chance this won't be the world's easiest pregnancy but somehow knowing that Esther isn't judging me or thinking I'm weak for admitting it makes it so much easier.

"So you're happy and so is Gerry?"

"Yes we're both over the moon I mean not just a baby Esther but twins? Our own readymade family it couldn't get any better!" She's hugging me again and I feel so grateful for having such good friends. "I'll be even more happy though when I get some clothes that fit!"

"Ah bump growing fast?" She's smiling knowingly at me and again it feels so good to be talking to someone who's been there.

"Too fast last week everything still fitted and now nothing seems to. I seriously need to shop and Gerry is full of good intentions about going with me but I know we'll hit two shops then he'll spend the rest of his time huffing in the corner."

"Well that's easily solved; Gerry takes his grandson to football on Saturday doesn't he?" I'm nodding and keeping my fingers crossed she's going where I think she is with this. "Well why don't we have a day out then we can shop for maternity wear in the morning then go for lunch and go all soppy over baby stuff in the afternoon?"

"Really you'd go with me?" I know I sound gushing but I've been worrying about this. I mean I can hardly do this sort of thing with my mother, I have no sisters and my female friends are all more like acquaintances these days and for the first time in my life I'm going through something that I don't want to be surrounded by men for. I need someone to talk to and to share the bits of this with that only another woman can understand.

"Of course I will I'd love it. I know you are used to working with men Sandra and being surrounded by them for most things but trust me as this goes on you're going to need a woman around who's been there and done it and I'd be happy to be that person if you'll let me."

Now I'm the one hugging her as Gerry calls us and tells us he's about to put the starters on the table. It's like the final piece of the puzzle has fallen into place. Suddenly I've never been more grateful for my close knit team and for Esther. We are so lucky, I'm so lucky and my babies will be so lucky too.


	15. Chapter 15 - The great girlboy debate 2

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 15 – The Great Girl/Boy debate round 2 – The Team

"You realise that the office will be a disaster by the time you come back?" Jack is laughing and the others are all looking at him like they are worried he's about to say something very, very stupid. "You remember what it used to be like when you left us alone for a week to go on holiday? I mean six months the place will be falling down around our ears!"

Ah yeah I do remember very well the sort of mess I used to come back to and everyone else has breathed again and is laughing with him.

"Well once they get here the bumps and I will just have to make regular spot checks to ensure that Daddy and uncle's Jack and Brian aren't making too much of a mess won't we?" Like I hadn't already planned to do that anyway! There is no way I'm going to leave them completely unsupervised for six months never mind a mess I'd not have a unit to come back to if I did that!

"it's so sweet that you keep referring to the babies as "the bumps" we used to called Mark peanut before he was born remember Brian?" Brian is nodding very unconvincingly and I can't help but laugh. Brilliant as Brian's recollection is when it comes to crime facts I don't think if we put him on the spot he could even say what year Mark was born! Esther knows that and I know she enjoys messing with him.

"Well we have to call them something for the next few weeks until we know if they are boys or girls and "them" or "the babies" is just too impersonal." Well said Gerry I couldn't have said it better myself!

"So you're going to find out if you're having boys or girls? Personally I'm betting on one of each." Ah so Esther is the first to state an opinion, she'll not be the last though.

"Nah it's going to be two girls, it used to be a widely accepted fact that the sex of a baby was decided by the chromosomes provided by the father and while that's been called into question now I still think given Gerry's parenting history this will be two girls." Trust Brian to have a long winded scientific reason for that is essentially just as much of a guess as what Esther said.

"Two boys, mark my words that's two little lads baking in there. Sandra will always be the only woman in his house I'd lay money on it." No more wine for Jack he's gone all detective on us and I know he's about to launch into some lengthy explanation as to the evidence for his theory, time to prevent that."

"Well we'll all know in eight weeks they'll be able to tell us at the 20 week scan." Esther is beaming at me.

"Good idea seriously it took us two weeks to name Mark, if we'd known he as a boy we might have been more prepared. I was convinced he was a girl so I'd hardly considered boys names!" Well that says a lot for her prediction of one of each doesn't it? If she was carrying Mark and couldn't get it right what chance does she have of guessing what the bumps are?

"Names? Sandra I didn't even think about names!" Un oh Gerry's looking at me now like the bumps are going to arrive in the next 10 minutes and are nameless.

"Nor have I but we have six months to think about it Gerry."

"Well when I'm right and its two boys there's nothing wrong with Brian and Jack as names isn't that right Brian?"

"Absolutely!" Oh time for everyone to go home because I can't think of a tactful way right now to tell them that no child of mine will be called Jack or Brian!

"Right you two it's getting late and Sandra will be tired and you all still have to go to work tomorrow so let's go home." Thank you Esther I must remember to thank her properly for that at the weekend and now she's herding them away toward the door and has all but pushed them out it. "I'll ring you about the weekend Sandra and congratulations again!"

"Oh god; please tell me you do not think it's a good idea to call our children Brian and Jack!" He's sitting exactly where I left him at the table and the terror in his eyes is starting to make me nervous. "Gerry what's wrong?"

"Sandra we're going to have to agree on two names, well four names actually by the time we give them middle names too and we haven't even thought about it!" Oh god you know somewhere in the back of my head I thought he was being too calm about all this and I knew something would make him freak out eventually but names? Seriously?

"Gerry the bumps are due in January it's only May I think we have time to consider and discount any and every name between now and then and I'm sure there's some we will agree on!" I can see him contemplating that as if he's calculating the number of names in the world over the amount of time we have and his face is softening again, phew that was close!

"Ok that's true and we've already ruled out Jack and Brian so that's two less to consider. Come on we'll clear up in the morning let's get to bed you look exhausted." Normally I'd argue with him and point out that in the morning the clearing up will only be harder but he's right I can hardly keep my eyes open. It's been such a busy day. So much has happened since this morning when I was lying awake staring at the clock and I don't think I can stay awake for another second. Tiring as the day was thought I'm going to bed tonight happier than I think I've ever been in my life so it was definitely worth the exhaustion!


	16. Chapter 1-What's in a name Negosiaitons

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 16 – What's in a name; negotiations begin.

I swear the next Wednesday night we decide to watch a movie I am not letting him pick. This is terrible and he's not even paying attention he's been glued to his laptop since we sat down! I wanted to watch something exciting a good thriller or a horror or something and he picked "the good, the bad and the ugly" I hate westerns!

"Gerry the bumps and I are not enjoying this film and if you are not going to bother watching it anyway I'm putting something better on." Ok the bumps don't really have an opinion but since they're inside me I get to use them as a casting vote anytime I want it's a new rule I've just made up.

"Sorry honey I've found this website that has the top 100 boys and girls names." Oh god I thought we'd agreed that names were pointless until we knew if we were looking for boys names or girls names or both!

"Gerry we talked about this actually we've talked about it a dozen times in the last 24 hours I thought we'd agreed!"

"We did but I have the list right here we might as well look at some of them. Come on Sandra what harm can it do to at least consider some of them?"

"Fine ok but we're not going through the whole list!" So I can't refuse him anything when he looks at me with those puppy dog eyes. "You pick three numbers and I'll pick three and we'll talk about the boys and girls names attached to those numbers."

"Ok I can live with that you go first." He's grinning at me and I can't help but laugh at the enthusiasm in his eyes,

"Right let's go for 6 since we were married on the 6th."

"Ok girls name Sophie boys name George. I don't like Sophie when Paula was at school her best friend was called Sophie and she was a little madam."

"Yeah no arguments from me there I went to Hendon with a girl called Sophie and she was horrible." She really was I mean really horrible I don't know what happened to her but if she ever made it out of uniform I'll be surprised.

"I don't mind George it's nice for a boy." Is he serious? What century does he think we're living in?

"No Gerry we've living in the 21st century you don't call your child George unless his grandmother is the queen and he's directly in line to the throne."

"Your mother acts like she's the queen doesn't that count?" I actually choked on my bottle of water and he's right but still no!

"True but that doesn't count your turn."

"I'll go for 14 since your birthday is on the 14th." Aw he's so sweet at times "That gives us Charlotte and Noah. I like Charlotte but I don't think it's a good idea people would shorten it to Charlie or Lottie and I hate both of them they are terrible I'm black balling Charlotte."

"I can live with that Charlotte does nothing for me either way," It doesn't but if we're going to be allowed to black ball things Noah is out! "But then I'm black balling Noah. I don't like something so overtly biblical, I know most names are biblical in origin but Noah is so unusual it just screams biblical."

"Ok you gave me Charlotte I can give you Noah I don't like it myself either it makes me think of a grey old man not a cute little baby." That's true as well god I hadn't realised how much of a minefield this name business was maybe he was right to panic about it. "Next number."

"Well you picked my birthday so I'll pick yours 22" Sometimes we sound like a 60's sitcom these days but I don't care I'm loving every minute of it.

"Molly and Riley, oh not sure about either of those." Damn right not sure yuck!

"Did you not read the Milly, Molly, Mandy books at school? Molly is out and so are Milly and Mandy should they come up along the way." I hated those books and my mother made me read them over and over again. If there's a way to put off names school reading books have got to be it!

"Ok. Riley? It's different and different can be good. Riley Standing." I've burst out laughing and can see he's thinking the same thing, different is good ridiculous isn't! "Yeah I see what you mean so Riley is out too then I'll go for 64 this time since it's our house number and that gives us Georgia and Caleb."

"Biblical again with Caleb." We're really not doing well here are we? Well I'm sticking to the defence that you don't want to pick your children's names on a whim it's the only thing you give them that they have for their whole life.

"I'm going to say no to Georgia I don't like names that are also place names, no American states, no names of weird towns and I'm saying no to names of seasons too like autumn and Summer and days of the week like Wednesday. I mean what are people thinking with names like that?" Can't disagree with any of those some people need a good shake based on the names they give their kids!

"49 it's the last two numbers of my warrant card." So kill me for being practical I'm running out of nice soppy reasons to pick numbers.

"Madison and Luca. I'm not having Madison for the same reason as Georgia and is Luca even a name? Who came up with that?"

"Madison sounds too much like an overly bubbly American cheerleader and I don't know if Luca is a name it must be since it's on the list but it's not one any son of mine will be lumbered with!" I'll say it again some people are just weird. We only have one number left and we haven't even liked one so far come on Gerry pick a good number.

"82 because it was the first number that came into my head and the final names for tonight are….." he thinks he's presenting the bloody X-Factor or something now. "Violet and Tom."

"I had an Aunt Violet when I was growing up, well my mother's aunt actually and she always had that sort of musty old people smell definitely not Violet." My nose is actually wrinkling at the memory and he's killing himself laughing. He wouldn't be if he's ever met her if he thinks my mother can be bad he should have met Aunt Violet she makes my mum look like a pussy cat. "I don't mind Tom, its ok I suppose it might be ok for a possible list."

"No it wouldn't be seriously Sandra; Tom Sanding? It sounds like one of those slimy estate agents with too much gel in their hair and a shiny suit. No son of mine no way." So we've dealt with 10 names and not liked any of them and we've illuminated a handful of others by association along the way. "That didn't go as well as I was hoping it would."

"Aw don't worry we'll find something Gerry." He looks so dejected my heart is breaking. "And at least we know the sort of names each other doesn't like now if we do this regularly we'll come up with a short list in no time."

I had absolutely no idea that picking names would be so hard. Before now I would have said I had no strong opinions about any names but when it comes to the idea of picking them for the bumps I realise I have. This will definitely be harder than I thought but no child has ever gone through its life nameless because its parents couldn't decide right so we have to find something eventually!


	17. Chapter 17 - Who is she?

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 17 – Who is she?

I can't believe this is happening I can't believe I'm here alone pacing back and forward trying to keep my temper under control and I have no idea where he is. My husband is over an hour late and it's the final confirmation I needed. He's having an affair I know he is. Don't look at me like that this isn't some sort of pregnancy induced paranoia I have a solid basis for my belief I'm a detective it's my job to put the evidence together remember? Ok maybe I should explain myself a little better. In all the time we've been together our sex life has been amazing, like nothing I've ever experienced with anyone else before, we love to please each other and there are frequently times when we have trouble controlling ourselves. Since I told him I was pregnant though he has barely touched me, there have been times when I've all but thrown myself at him and nothing so I know there's someone else. He doesn't want me now that I'm pregnant, doesn't find me attractive why didn't I see this coming? He cheated on his other wives why would I be any different how could I be so stupid? See you can't say I'm being paranoid now can you I'll bet you're thinking there's someone else too!

"Sandra I'm home sorry I'm late I got cornered by Brian when I called in to drop off those files on the way home I thought I'd never get away." How can he sound so relaxed when I know he hasn't been with Brian he's been with her whoever she is! "What's wrong honey you look terrible, are you ok? Has something happened? Are you feeling ok?"

"Who is she Gerry?" He's looking at me now like I might have lost my mind but I'm not letting him get away with this no way! "It's been 5 weeks since I told you I was pregnant, just five weeks and you've barely touched me is that how long it takes for you to go off me? Who is she I want to know."

"Sandra what are you talking about? You can't seriously think I'm seeing someone else how could you think that I'd do that to you." He's looking seriously shocked now and a little irritated and I'm starting to doubt myself but he still hasn't explained what's been going on and until he does I'm sticking with my explanation. "I was being considerate Sandra, or at least I thought I was. You spent most of that 5 weeks feeling sick and exhausted I was letting you get used to being pregnant I know it's a big change for you and I thought you'd appreciate me being considerate of that!"

"I've been all but throwing myself at you this last week Gerry and you've ignored it completely. There's no reason we can't have a normal sex life while I'm pregnant I looked it up!" I'm starting to get frustrated now and feeling like I need to justify myself and it's not fair! "Is it just that you don't find me attractive anymore? Do I not do it for you anymore now that I'm pregnant?"

"Don't be ridiculous Sandra of course you still do it for me and of course I still find you attractive if anything I find you more attractive and I didn't think that was possible! You're beautiful; you take my breath away you always have! I can't believe you seriously thought I'd cheat on you I thought we got past that before we got married. You are the only woman I'll ever want Sandra how could you think otherwise?"

He's moved finally from the door of the sitting room where he's been standing since I started yelling and he's in front of me his eyes demanding an explanation. Now I really do believe I was wrong but he needs to understand why I felt the way I did.

"What did you expect me to think Gerry?" My tone has softened and he's taking my by the hand and leading me out of the room as I talk "Even if you set aside the number of times I tried to be subtle in the last few weeks this week I have been all out blatant and you've not made love to me. After the others left on Monday night I practically pinned you to the bed and nothing, then this morning I suggested you join me in the shower and you said we'd be late for work! Can you blame me for feeling like you didn't want me anymore?"

"I'm sorry honey I really did think I was doing the right thing I had no idea I was making you feel so rejected," We've made it to the bedroom and he's talking and slowly undressing me at the same time and I'm completely lost. I've missed this so much, missed him and how he can make me feel. "I could never look at anyone else while I have you don't ever doubt that ok?"

All I can do is nod as he eases me back onto the bed showering my body with soft hot kisses setting every bit of skin his lips touch on fire.

"You're wearing too much." Finally I've managed to put together a coherent sentence and he's moved and is undressing quickly. He's back beside me and oh god he's too good at his he's laid back against the pillows and pulled me on top of him and I can't wait a second longer to feel him inside me as I slide onto his length gripping his hands as I moan softly revelling in the feeling I've missed so much.

"I love you Sandra don't ever forget that again and don't ever doubt what you do to me." Right now I could never doubt it as he moves with me and we are both lost, no more words being necessary as he pushes me closer and closer to the edge until I tumble over, my body coming apart in his arms as he follows me and we lie together trying to get our breath back.

"I'm sorry I over reacted." Well I did and yes I know you could tell I was over reacting from the beginning but I couldn't ok?

"You don't need to apologise, I'm sorry for not being more in tune with how you were feeling." Aw I love it when he's being gentlemanly even though we both know I was in the wrong he just accepts it and loves me anyway. "Mummy's likely to overreact a lot between now and when you get here guys so you should get used to the occasional bout of yelling."

He's gently rubbing my tummy and talking in a conspiratorial whisper with the bumps and I'm laughing something I didn't think I'd be doing an hour ago.

"Hey you're going to scare them cut that out!"

"Sandra Standing nothing about you or anything I could tell them would make them scared of you I'll bet they already know how lucky they are just like I do." I don't know what I did to deserve him but I'll never stop being grateful for whatever it was. "And I want you to promise me that you'll never doubt how I feel about you again. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known and being pregnant has only made you more beautiful. There isn't anyone else for me and there never could be get it?

"I get it." We've pulled the duvet over us and I'm draped over him as sleep tugs at my senses and he gently strokes my back letting me drift off feeling content that things actually are as perfect as I hoped they were.


	18. Chapter 18 - Retail Therapy

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 18 – Retail Therapy

"Gerry! Esther is expecting me in five minutes I've already put her off for an hour this time I really have to go and you have to pick up Gerry junior or he'll be late for football!" Since we woke up this morning he's made it his personal mission to keep reminding me that I still drive him crazy. Not that I'm complaining, not at all, it's been great but we do have to go out of the house and do what we had planned to do today. Right now though the fact that he has me pinned to the wall by the front door and is kissing me isn't making that easy.

"Ok, ok you're right I'd rather spend the rest of the say here though it was killing me being "considerate" I've missed you I wish you're pointed out sooner that you were going to be one of the 40% of women who become even more insatiable when they're pregnant!" Oh he can be so cheeky at time but I don't care how could I when he can make me feel so good?

"Well I was missing you too so hold that thought till tonight and let's go. Besides you've got dinner with the exes and your girls to tell them about the bumps after football so you might need me to help you relax when you get home!"

We've finally made it to our separate cars and he's pulling out of the driveway in front of me. I know I should be there when he tells them all about the babies but I couldn't face it. Don't get me wrong his exes are lovely women and his daughters have never been anything but sweet to me but when they all get together and the exes are fussing over him and the girls are all talking over each other I find myself sitting quietly in the corner wishing it was time to go home! I told him to invite the girls over for dinner on Monday night I can handle them when their mother's aren't around.

"Daddy's going to tell your big sisters about you today bumps they are going to be really excited! Their mum's are going to be excited too but we can keep meeting them for a while longer I don't think you guys are ready for that just yet." Esther is standing by the door waiting for me and I can't help but beam gratefully as she gets into the car. It's been ages since I looked forward to hopping so much.

"So you finally got out then? Is Gerry being over protective? I can imagine he wants you to stay in bed 24/7 at the minute." Oh Esther if you had any idea how true it was that he didn't want to let me out of bed this morning you'd never have asked.

"He's not being too bad at the minute, we had an incident in work a few weeks ago before anyone else knew I was pregnant he overstepped the line big time but I reminded him that he doesn't get to pull that sort of crap in work and he's been ok since I have a feeling I may need to point the same things out to Brian and jack though or between the three of them I might be ready to kill someone before these children are born."

"So is he looking forward to telling his harem about the twins today? How come he didn't want you to come along?" We've parked in the multi-story car park and I can hardly get out of the car for laughing. Esther has always found Gerry's relationship with his exes a little unusual even before we got together but after we did she really has never understood how I can be so laid back about it.

"I think looking forward to it might be a bit of an overstatement but he's fine with it he knows better than to ask me to go with him in this sort of situation. I like his exes and his girls are great but put them all together in one room with news this exciting and it will be off the scale deafening for most of the time. He's going to invite the girls over for dinner on Monday night. The bumps introduction to the exes can wait." We're standing outside the "Beautiful Bump – Designer maternity wear" store that Esther found out about online when I said I hadn't bought anything in Marks and Spencer, her first suggestion, since my mother used to buy my school uniform there and I wasn't about to start again now.

"Yeah I can see how all together they'd be a lot to take, are you ready for this or rather is your bank manager does he know how much a whole new wardrobe is going to cost?"

We've made it back to the car after over two hours in the original shop and another one that the owner recommended for casual wear and we're both laden down with shopping bags. I'd no idea that maternity wear could be so nice, I've got some very classy and elegant new stuff for work and some lovely stuff for when I'm not working. I even got great slightly flatter shoes and boots and a new winter coat and jacket and to top it all a basket of "Bert's Bee's" mum to be bath products that are supposed to help you relax and prevent stretch marks. It has been a serious morning of retail therapy and I feel fantastic!

"Right I think I owe you lunch I couldn't have done this on my own Esther I really appreciate it." It's true I'd have spent all my time trying to decide what suited me and what didn't and Gerry would have been worse than useless no matter what I put on he says I look good!

"I've enjoyed it looking after Brian takes a lot of time as you know it's not often I get a day to just shop with a friend. Why don't we go to that nice place by the retail park then afterwards we could call into the big Babies-R-Us store on the way home?" Oh I like how she thinks that Italian place is lovely and spending an hour wandering around a baby super store might give me some idea of what we are going to need. I mean people are always talking about all the things that babies need and that's for one how much more are we going to need for two?


	19. Chapter 19- The Voice of Experience

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 19 - The Voice of Experience

"This pasta is amazing are you sure you don't want some wine Esther just because I'm not having any doesn't mean you have to do without too." I wanted to get her a nice glass of wine to relax with her lunch but she's insisted on sticking to soft drinks like me.

"No seriously I'm fine with orange juice and you're right this is gorgeous I love this place I wish I could convince Brian to come out more often." I know she loves Brian to death but there are times when I wonder who she lives with everything that comes with him.

"Do you remember what it was like being pregnant with Mark? I'd imagine Brian was a nervous wreck!" I can't imagine Brian as an expectant father he's so dependent on Esther now that I can't imagine what it was like when she was pregnant.

"Oh Brian wasn't around much when I was pregnant Sandra it was the 70's and he was a serving officer you know what he's like now and he was even more work obsessed then. I spent nine months talking to Mark and Brian dropped in now and then." She's laughing and I'm amazed again by how accepting she is of how Brian is. "It was probably better that way anyway my mood swung more than a clock pendulum especially in the early days, when he was there I either loved him more than air or I couldn't stand the sight of him. In retrospect it's hilarious but at the time it wasn't."

Clearly I'm not so out of the ordinary with my mood swings, at least that makes me feel a little better I wonder how quickly it will pass because never mind Gerry I don't think I could live with myself for long with chronic mood swings!

"I went completely off the deep end with Gerry last night." Ok I wasn't expecting to be so open I suppose when someone is that honest with you it encourages you to do the same. "I accused him of having an affair and everything."

"You didn't?" She's laughing I wasn't expecting that! "Oh Sandra I know Gerry used to have a bit of a reputation but he adores you he's never cheat on you were did that comes from?"

"Well he wasn't…well…"

"He wasn't all over you so you thought he was all over someone else?" Jesus when did I get so predictable?

"Yeah well he said he was trying to be considerate and now I know I was being an idiot but how do you stop over reacting when you seem to find it so easy to convince yourself you're right? I mean I know how much he loves me and I know how much he wants the babies and a life as a family but I was 100% convinced last night he'd lost interest in me."

"Sandra you'll decide a dozen times over the next few months that you are absolutely right and I can tell you 11 of those 12 times you'll be wrong it's hormones it goes with the territory. Gerry knows that I'll bet he made very sure you knew how he really felt once you'd stopped yelling at him." I must be blushing because she's laughing again. "So he really did want to keep you in bed this morning but it was nothing to do with him worrying about you over doing it."

"Yeah let's just say I'm definitely reassured I still feel a little guilty though. I always swore once I agreed to marry him that I'd never doubt him otherwise I'd not have said yes in the first place." God what's wrong with me today I don't do talking about these sort of things I keep my feelings to myself it's what happens when you grow up now talking to your mother then spend your life working with men when it's is seen as weakness to show too much emotion.

"Get used to it Sandra and enjoy it when you're pregnant it's the only time you can get away with being completely irrational without people telling you to snap out of it! Just don't forget that Gerry loves you if he didn't he wouldn't have waited so long for you and he wouldn't have asked you to marry him twice! Now trust me there's a long way to go with your pregnancy and there'll be times when you think you absolutely hate him just because he got you pregnant in the first place but most of the time you'll just enjoy the fact you're going through this together and when you see those babies it will all be worth it."

They've cleared away our dishes and brought pudding and as we eat it I've realised something. Having these babies is changing me in ways I never thought possible. I mean obviously there are all the real life changes things that are obvious to anyone and universal to anyone expecting a baby but there's something that I know is changing about me personally. Until now I've never wanted to ask advice about anything, to admit weakness or show that I might not know exactly what I'm doing but now I want to let people in. Special people like Esther and Brian and Jack, I want to show them more of the person I really am and I want to share this special time with them. I've realised that in some situations there's really no substitute for the voice of experience.


	20. Chapter 20-What u need 2 no about mummy

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 20 – What you need to know about Mummy.

I can hear his voice in background but I can't open my eyes. Today has been wonderful, a truly brilliant morning, followed by a fantastic shopping trip with Esther then a night curled up together in front of the TV and I've enjoyed myself but I am exhausted. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and now I can hear him talking but I can't open my eyes.

"She's sleeping now because she knows how important it is for you guys and even if she'd not admit it carrying you around is taking it out of her." Ah he's talking to the bumps so opening my eyes isn't really necessary is it? Or is it eavesdropping to just lie here and listen then fall asleep again? No I don't think it is I'm allowed to listen and even if I wasn't I hate to repeat myself but I couldn't open my eyes anyway. "See your Mummy is an amazing woman she really is but she can be a bit stubborn at times!"

Hey! I was living quite happily with the whole being an amazing woman bit but it's not fair to bad mouth me to the babies before they even get here!

"Even though she's stubborn thought she's usually right, don't tell her I said that though she'd never let me forget it!" Damn right I wouldn't, usually right, try always right! "You should see her when we're at work she scares the life out of people that would intimidate guys twice her size. She's so strong and smart I hope you two get your brains from her because she's great at anything she tries and she's going to be a great Mummy too."

Aw he's so sweet how could anyone not love listening to the person they love tell their unborn children how great they are?

"I'm really lucky that she loves me, I loved her for a long time before I ever told her, it was all a bit stupid guys I should have told her sooner but I didn't think she could love me too. See when I said she was smart and amazing and all that I hadn't got to the bit yet when I said she's gorgeous and I don't just mean she's pretty, or sexy or you'd look twice at her if you passed her in the street I mean absolutely gorgeous I'm the luckiest man in the world." Oh god if I wasn't now in a position where I have to keep quite or he's going to know I was listening I'd kiss him right now although he's kind of bigging me up to the bumps they're going to be disappointed when they get here.

"Your Uncle Jack and Uncle Brian keep joking about how they hope you two get your looks from her but I really hope you do because if you are half as good looking as her you'll be just fine. Anyway I didn't think she could love me. When she looked at me with those eyes, she has amazing eyes they are so beautiful and so blue I just get lost in them, she used to make me feel like I was the luckiest man alive."

I really had no idea he had such a think about my eyes, that's twice in the last couple of weeks he's mentioned them.

"But when I finally told her how I felt it turned out she could love and she did and now we're having you and it's like some sort of dream I must have done something really great in a previous life to deserve you three." You and me both Gerry I must remember to remind him I know I'm lucky too when I'm in a position to do so without the whole being found out thing.

"Anyway back to Mummy, you've probably noticed over the last few weeks that she shouts a lot." Hey he's at it again stop scaring the babies! They are going to be terrified of me at the minute I sound like some sort of cross between Michelle Phiefer and Cruella De Ville. "Well that's mainly because she cares so much and gets so involved. She hates it when I fuss over her at work but she gets so passionate about getting the bad guys that sometimes she forgets just how bad they are and then I worry about her. Don't get me wrong she's never do anything that put you in harm's way or let anyone do anything to her that would put you in danger but she sometimes forgets to worry about herself. She didn't have anyone to tell her to be careful you see, your Grandma, well she'…."

Oh this I've got to hear I have no idea how I would explain my mother to the bumps I can't wait to hear how he does.

"Well grandma loves your Mummy and Mummy loves her but they love each other best at a distance!" Nicely done now how are you going to explain why? "They are too alike that's the problem." What the hell I am not like my mother if I was I'd have myself committed straight away! "She'd kill me if she knew I was saying that but you see your grandma didn't have it easy either, that's a story for when you're much older, but she's a strong capable woman and she brought your mummy up to be the same, problem is they are now both too independent to admit how much they care."

Umm ok maybe I won't kill him he might be a little bit right, just a little bit though let's not get carried away.

"Bottom line guys is I just wanted you to know that you are going to be the luckiest babies ever born because she's your Mummy and all those things I said about her being smart and beautiful and capable she's going to put them all into raising you and are going to be just as amazing as she is. Sleep tight in there and remember we're going to love you so much when you get here we're never going to doubt it"

He's gone quiet now and is snuggled into my back with his hand resting on my tummy and I feel amazing. How could I not having heard all that? When I get a chance I'm going to have to have my own little chat with the bumps because I think they need to know just how fantastic Daddy is too!


	21. Chapter 21- A Question of Space

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 21 – A Question of Space

"Sandra we need to talk." Huh? Where did that come from one minute we're watching TV and relaxing on a normal Sunday night then the next thing he's getting all serious on me!

"If you are going to tell me you are actually having an affair you better be prepared for the consequences I have enough experience to kill you and get away with it." Humour is the way to go here isn't it? It is surely, but he's rolling his eyes at me. "Ok what do we need to talk about."

"The house, this house it's not going to be big enough." Ah well we had to talk about it eventually I love this house though it's ours it's the first place that was just ours.

"I know Gerry but we spent so long finding this place it's ours. It's the first place that wasn't yours or mine every memory in this house is ours." I know I sound sulky but I'm sorry if he really wants us to think about moving before the bumps arrive he's going to have to convince me. "I just think it would be hard to say goodbye to this place."

"I know honey but let's think about it logically when we bought this house we bought it as somewhere for us to live, we only bothered looking for somewhere with two bedrooms in case your mother or Gerry junior came to stay. Everything you say about this house and the memories in it is true but now instead of a home for a couple we need a home for a family." I hate it when I want to be stubborn but he is being sensible why can't he just say "ok you're right darling" even if he doesn't mean it? "Think about it for a second Sandra we were already wondering if this house would be big enough for us and one baby but two babies then two toddlers then two children, two teenagers in this house can you see it?"

"No ok I can't but do we really need to think about moving before they are born? I mean it's a year before they move into their own room." Ok, ok I know I'm being silly it's much easier to move four of us when two of us are still contained in my tummy but shoot me for wanting to delay a little longer!

"Sandra think about it sweetheart, think about this house with toys, prams, and high chairs. Nappy bags and the 3000 thousand things that come with one baby never mind two. We need a family home you know that don't you? One with a bedroom for each of them as they get older and a garden and a big kitchen for family meals and a hall that's big enough for a double pram and a living room big enough for toy boxes and crawling and….."

"Ok I get it! You're right we need to move I get it but we need to stay in the area I'm not doing a two hour commute to and from work every day." I have every intention of going back to work but I want my time away from the babies to be spent working I don't want to travel for an hour or two then work a bit and travel for an hour or two home again! "And speaking of work if we are going to do this let's make it the last move we make. I want a home office somewhere I can have a computer and a desk and where I can take the babies when they're sleeping and still be part of the team. Just because I'm going to be on maternity leave doesn't mean I can't be here to consult on cases and give my opinion. If I can avoid it I don't want Strickland bringing anyone in to cover my leave in our office so if I can convince him I can still work from home and keep an eye on you lot I think he'll go for it."

I can see him thinking about all of that pretending he's contemplating it when I already know he's going to agree but you have to humour him when he's in this sort of mood you really do. I know he doesn't want Strickland to replace me even for a little while and neither do Jack and Brian so if he thinks I can convince him to let me supervise from home he'll be happy.

"Ok that sounds reasonable I don't want to move too far away either. I mean we're handy here for everything." I know he doesn't just mean work he means his girls and Gerry junior and I agree. The bumps will need their family around. "So tomorrow when they open we contact the estate agent and put this place on the market then start looking for somewhere bigger?"

"Yes but we're not rushing into anything we have time to look and find the right place just like we did with this place." He's agreeing again I could get used to this.

"It'll be perfect we'll make sure of it just like this place was perfect and the beginning of our lives together the new place will be all about our lives as a family."

When he puts it like that how could I say no? I'm getting used to the idea that everything is changing and I'm starting to get a little excited about the new chapter of our lives and of course our new home!


	22. Chapter 22- The Great GirlBoy debate 3

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 22 – The Great Girl/Boy Debate round 3 – The Girls

"Dad dinner was lovely." We've just finished dinner with Paula, Emily and Catlin and we've moved to the living room and everyone is sprawled about relaxed and happy. It's been a lovely evening the girls are so excited about the bumps, they've been chattering away about how they are going to spoil them and how we'll never be short of a babysitter. I've just been letting them talk soaking up all the enthusiasm and love around the table for my babies even before they have even arrived.

"Sandra you hardly ate anything are you still feeling sick? When I was expecting Gerry Junior I couldn't eat anything for six months without being sick." Paula, she's the only one here who's been through this and I can't help but laugh.

"No the sickness has passed your dad had me tasting everything earlier I had about 2 full meals before I even sat down!" It's true if I ate a full meal after all the tasting he gets me to do when we have visitors I'd burst.

"Have you told Strickland yet?" See Emily is me twenty years ago forget the fluffy get the work based practicalities sorted first.

"No we haven't we'll have to soon though but I'm saving that fun conversation for a when I feel like it, about the same time that hell freezes over!" At least she's laughing I'm not sure I would have back then I was far too earnest and "dedicated" or thought I was but I can't help but feel a step-motherly pang of concern for her and hope that she isn't my age before she finds happiness.

"Forget about the boring work stuff am I getting more sisters or some brothers at last? My bet is for brothers, both of them and I get first dibs on babysitting!" Catlin is a scream she's so much the younger sister in the room, she doesn't care about sickness or work or anything practical she just wants to talk cute baby stuff.

"And why exactly would that be little sister?" Paula is looking sceptically and Gerry's shaking his head and smiling.

"I think Dad is due some boys that's all I mean the law of averages says if you keep getting married and having kids eventually you have to get a boy." Everyone is looking at her in shock and Gerry is tense beside me aw it's cute that he still thinks simple statements of fact about his past could upset me.

"So that's what you've been doing with me Gerry playing the averages?" See a little joke and everyone has relaxed again. God I know I'm a bit temperamental these days but I don't need to be treated like a live hand grenade.

"I think you're right Cat two boys definitely I always wanted a couple of sisters and a couple of brothers I've got the sisters now come the brothers!" Emily, bless her just loves the fact that we've a family even with everything that her and Gerry have been through she loves us all.

"No way, yeah there's at least one boy in there I know because I was really sick with Gerry but there's a girl in there too balancing it out." Ah the first "you've been this sick so therefore it must be…." Argument.

"Don't give them lame names please, have you at least thought about what you're going to call them?" Straight to the point Catlin nicely done.

"We've thought and ruled out about a dozen that's as far as we've got." They're all laughing now and Gerry is looking worried about names again thanks girls!

"Well I like classical names like Anya and Imogen or Joseph and Christopher." I didn't expect that from Paula interesting choices though.

"Anya is out it's too..….. Russian and Imogen is too posh!" Trust Gerry to rule things out on the grounds that they are too classical. "Sandra won't like Joseph she doesn't do biblical and I hate Christopher it's….well I just don't like it."

"Yeah I agree I like older names too but not antique." This should be interesting let's see what Emily can come up with. "Beth and Lucy or Toby and Jack."

"Not Toby!" My turn to intervene I mean Toby what am I having a baby or a puppy?

"Not any of those god you two are really out of touch!" Oh here we go Catlin let's hear it. "Robert is good…."

"No!" Gerry and I have said it at exactly the same time and I know we're thinking the same thing our child will not be called after our boss it's just not happening!

"But Robert Patterson is gorgeous and then there's something like Cruz I mean if it's good enough for the Beckham's its good enough for my brother. I don't think you're going to need girl's names but what about Jessie and Adele."

"We are not naming our children after movie stars, or pop stars or the bazar naming habits of celebrities with more money than sense." Gerry's gone all strict father on her and Catlin is pouting sulkily.

"You're too old to appreciate good names but Sandra isn't you can see where I'm coming from can't you?"

"Sorry sweetie but I agree with your dad it was a nice idea though." Now she's really sulking and Paula and Emily are finding it all hilarious as is Gerry. Looking around at them all, even the sulking Catlin, though I can't help but be pleased. I'll admit I was worried how they'd take the idea of new siblings but now I know they are totally fine with it I know they are going to want to be involved all the way along and I've never been more pleased about anything.


	23. Chapter 23- Constant Craving

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 23 – Constant Craving

This is just stupid, it's 6am on a Saturday when I should be sleeping soundly and what am I doing? I'm hunting the fridge and the cupboards for bananas and brown bread. Why? Because the bumps have decided they want mashed banana on brown toast and they want it now. The fact that I hate bananas and am not even the fond of brown bread clearly means nothing to them and the craving is so bad it's been keeping me awake for the last two hours. I can't believe there's not a single banana in this house and we only have white bread. I mean yeah I have never looked for either with such desperation before but shouldn't Gerry be telepathic or something and know that his children are going to crave these things then buy then when he goes shopping?

"Sorry guys you'll just have to wait come on let's go back to bed and as soon as it's a more sensible time of day we'll go get you anything you want even if it is bananas!"

I know you're thinking I'm getting off lightly I mean bananas on toast is hardly a terrible craving in the grand scheme of things. I mean it's not pickles and ice cream or anything but it's no less annoying when neither of the things I'm craving are available. I'm back in bed now and going back to sleep was a great idea in theory but it's not happening. This is ridiculous I'm the one who keeps pointing out that I'm pregnant not ill, I mean four months ago if I wanted something I would have just got up and gone and got it. I'm a strong, independent woman for god sake if Gerry was telling me to stay in bed instead of doing what I need to I'd be furious. Enough, there's a shop 10 minutes' drive away Sandra get up and go!

"Sandra what are you doing it's not even seven." Jesus I swear that man has radar or something. I mean I was able to get up and spend half an hour downstairs and get back into bed and he didn't even stir once now that I plan on leaving the house though suddenly he's wide awake. How does he do that?

"I just need to nip out for something go back to sleep there's no reason both of us should be awake at this time on a Saturday." Now he's looking at me like I'm crazy why couldn't he just have stayed asleep?

"Honey there's nothing we could possibly need right now that can't wait until we've had more sleep come back to bed."

"I'll only be ten minutes I just need to get some bananas and a brown loaf." Now he's totally convinced I've lost my mind and is out of bed and trying to guide me back toward it before I can get dressed.

"Sandra you don't even like bananas and you say that most brown bread tastes like straw you've been having some sort of weird dream but now it's time to go back to bed you and the babies need your sleep." Arghhhh I'm going to kill him I swear I am!

"Don't you think I know I don't like bananas or brown bloody bread but your babies have decided that they absolutely have to have mashed banana on brown toast and they aren't going to let me get any more sleep until I provide it for them." He really needs to stop laughing it's not improving my mood.

"Aren't you supposed to make me get up and get anything that "my" children crave?" Yeah right in cheesy Hollywood movies maybe.

"Only in films Gerry now can I go so I can get them what they want and maybe get some more sleep?" He's guiding me back to bed and is pulling the duvet over me.

"Well maybe I want to have my movie moment. Granted it won't be the same since it's not 3am and places are open to buy stuff but leave it to me. Tell the bumps I'll be back in 20 minutes to provide them with bananas on toast and they are to leave you alone in the meantime.

See now I want to tell him to stop being stupid but the bed is so comfy and he's already half-dressed if he wants his movie moment who and I to deprive him of it? After all I can always be a strong independent woman later right?


	24. Chapter 24- Kick off

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 24 - Kick off

We're suffering through a paper work day and the boys are grumbling loudly about it at the minute so I've retreated to my office and closed the door. God they moan like a group of old women at times, I'm sure they have got next to nothing done and normally I'd be all over them for it but I have not been doing such a great job of concentrating myself. See I was surfing the net last night and found this website that finds properties for sale. You put in the post code you want to buy in and the number of rooms you need and the type of house you're looking for and it searches all the estate agents in the area for you.

Yeah I know not that long ago I was resisting the idea of moving at all but now that we've decided to do it and our place is on the market I want to start looking. If the bumps keep growing at their current rate I'll be getting a lot bigger very quickly and I want to move while I can still walk without waddling. I mean I'm only 4 and a half months pregnant and I'm already comfortably into the maternity wear I bought so things are only going to get worse. Anyway I'm looking at the site right now and there are some really lovely houses, and some really expensive ones that I'm not seriously considering and we couldn't afford them even if I was but it's amazing to see inside them. I mean the one I'm looking at now is £16,500,000 and it's only four bedrooms! It does have a pool, a Jacuzzi, a wine room and a cinema though.

"What do you think guys if Mummy and Daddy win the lottery do you fancy living in a house with a pool and a cinema?" Yeah like even with a lottery win we could afford it! Now this one is more like it, 4 bedrooms, 3 story, 2 bathrooms and a nice garden that's definitely one to add to the possible list.

"No! It's your job Brian you have always been in charge of the petty cash book!" Oh god Jack is really going for it now they really hate paperwork sometimes I think it would be easier to send them home and do it myself!

"Yeah Brian you're the details man." Now Gerry's getting in on the act I should really intervene.

"Your Daddy and Uncle Jack and Uncle Brian are always arguing and they have a cheek to call me the moody one. I mean I have an…." Oh my god what was that? Can it be? I know the website I've now become addicted to said they could start now but… "Gerry! Gerry come here quickly!"

Ok maybe I should have said that it wasn't anything terrible because him, Jack and Brian have all just tumbled through the door looking terrified. I'm grinning at him and resting my hand on my tummy waving at him to do the same.

"Did you feel it?" Now he's looking at me in wonder and nodding and Brian is nodding knowingly at Jack.

"The babies are kicking right on cue, see their limbs start to develop more fully after the 16 week mark and they start wriggling about in there, it's a good sign you've got a couple of lively ones in the guvnor." Is there anything Brian doesn't know about?

"Does it hurt Sandra? It's amazing to feel them moving but does it hurt?" Aw now Gerry can't decide if he's delighted or worried!

"No it doesn't hurt it feels…well I don't how it feels but I like it though." They are crowded round the desk now and Jack is looking at me like he really wants to ask me something but is not sure if he should. "What's wrong Jack? Whatever it is just say it I'm in a good mood I promise I won't bite."

"I was wondering if I could…..no its ok don't worry about it." Ah I know what he was going to ask, god if he can't just ask after all we've been through together I'm serious doing something wrong here.

"Come here Jack give me your hand." I've rested his hand on my tummy where mine has just been and I'm willing the bumps not to go still on me again now and as if they know how important it is it's there it is a solid kick right where his hand is and his face is a picture it really is.

"That's amazing!" He and Gerry are both nodding as they stand up and I gently rub my tummy contentedly.

"I tell you there's at least one footballer in there going to take after their dad." I've seen Gerry play football and if that kicking is anything to go by the bumps are not going to get their skills from him! I'll not burst his bubble thought why would I since now the three of them are in such a good mood they're going back into the outer office and are actually working!

"Nice work bumps if I'd known having you two kick would have that effect on them I'd have got you to do it sooner." As if answering me there's another little kick as I laugh quietly. "Now that they're working though I'll have to stop looking for our new house and do something too!"

I've pulled the file I should be working on toward me and started to read but I'm still having trouble concentrating. Feeling them move has made it so much more real. I feel them and I know they are growing and healthy so how am I supposed to concentrate on budget forms when I have that to think about!


	25. Chapter 25-House hunting search begins

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 25 – House hunting the search begins

"I didn't like the kitchen it wasn't big enough." Trust Gerry to focus on the kitchen in a house that has such a long list of reasons not to buy it I wouldn't know where to start.

"Yeah that's one thing what about the twenty others? It was awful how do people seriously think people are going to buy somewhere like that." Never mind that were do estate agents get off selectively photographing these places and using phrases like "classic charm" when what they mean is "hasn't seen a paint brush in a century"?

We decided to use our day off to see as many places as possible, that was the 4th so far and not one of them has even made the short list! I'm starting to see why estate agents have such a bad reputation when you are going to house hunt you should have a translator on your phone or something that you can put in what the details say and get back what it actually means!

"How many more have we got to see today and before you say it again, yes moving was my idea but I can still complain about having to spend my day off with slimy guys in shinny suits trying to convince me that they hovel they are showing us is in fact a mansion."." he's getting really pissed off and I can't help but find it all hilarious!

"Aw guys daddy's not enjoying looking for our new house will we cut him some slack and make the next one the last for today?" He's grinning at me and nodding as I look at the list there was only a couple more after this next one and frankly I'm more than happy to cancel them.

"Here we are well, at least the outside of this one has seen a lick of paint and some new windows." He's right from the outside at least it looks better than the other ones we've seen. The first one we went to had windows that looked like a good gust of wind would put them in and a front door so badly damaged the panels were splitting.

"Mr and Mrs Standing I'm Callum Ellis." Well there's another name off the consider list we've had two Jordan's a Will and Jamie so far and I can tell you now if any of them come up or Callum for that matter Gerry would black ball them on principle.

We're inside now and I'm still not immediately thinking no so that's promising. The hall is very traditional with a reception room on either side and a door to take you to the kitchen at the end as Callum leads us round and I really like what I'm seeing. The high ceilings and big windows give the two downstairs rooms a bright airy feel and I and see Gerry's eyes light up as we get into the kitchen. There's loads of room not just in the kitchen but in the adjoining conservatory/dining area. So far I could see us living here so unless upstairs is really terrible this will definitely make the list.

"I like it so far." Gerry's whispering as we go upstairs in keeping with his "never seem too keen" philosophy but I can tell his mood is improving. Upstairs proves to be just as nice as downstairs was and I'm glad we decided this would be the last one for today because if we saw this then saw something that brought us down again it would be a terrible end to the day.

"Well just give me a call if you'd like a second viewing." Callum is already in the car talking out the window to us as he pulls out of the driveway.

"I loved it and those bedrooms were huge, well 4 of them were and the 5th one would be perfect for a home office." OK I know I should be being more relaxed about it but now that we're back in the car on the way home and away from the ears of estate agents I can say what I like.

"Yeah that bedroom at the front with the en-suite would be perfect for us and the attic room would make a great guest room then the little room beside ours could be the office and the twins could have the two big rooms at the back." He's already planning how we could live in the house and I know he loved it as much as me. I know we'll keep looking at little longer but it will take something very special to outdo that place. I can't help but think that we've just seen our new family home and now I'm not just happy about moving I'm all out excited!


	26. Chapter 26- Whats in a name - pot luck

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 26 – What's in a name – pot luck

"Since we're sitting around not watching the TV anyway how about we try again to get some names onto our shortlist?" I can't believe I've just said that I was determined to avoid the whole name thing until next week when we go for the scan and know what we're having. Problem is it's been playing on my mind the last few days so much so that when I was in town today I bought a book, one of those name books and I've been hiding it behind the cushion beside me since we settled down after dinner.

"Really? You said last week if I mentioned names again before the 20 week scan next week you'd throw something at me!" Yep I did but that was last week when he was being a pain in the ass about it and in my condition I'm allowed to change my mind.

"I know but I've been thinking about it and consulting the bumps and they agree that we should at least be thinking about it. I bought a book."

Oh Gerry you really don't want to be looking smug right now just like I changed my mind this time I can easily change it back again and refuse to discuss names at all until we are in the delivery ward!

"OK so how do you want to handle the book do you want to do numbers again?" See he's getting better at picking up on my potential mood swings and saying the right thing.

"No I'll open book at a random page and read the first name on the page on the left then pass it to you and so on until we've considered another 10." He's nodding enthusiastically and I've pulled the book out and randomly opened it. "First name for tonight …Simon."

"Simon Standing? Umm I don't know he's initials would be S.S. and if we called him that we'd have to be really careful about what his middle name was I mean if it was Andrew for example his initials would be S.A.S" How does he come up with these reasons, ok it's true and I agree with him but he work these things out so quickly?

"Yeah ok I can see what you mean but does that mean we're going to discount every name beginning with S?" He's laughing and I've a feeling that means yes now he's got the book let's see what he comes up with.

"Now name number two, Brianna." Oh no, god definitely not it doesn't even sound like a name it's one of those things were people really wanted a boy and ended up with a girl so stuck an "a" on the end of boys name to make it feminine!

"I'm ruling out anything that is clearly a boy's name doctored to be a girl's name, now give me the book let's see if there is anything that might actually make our shortlist!"

He's joined me on the sofa and now we're both sprawled out with my back resting against his chest and he's stroking my tummy and kissing the top of my head, god I love my life!

"Zach, oh I don't mind that, what do you think?" I really do like it, Zach Standing that sounds good and he hasn't completely ruled it out immediately.

"I like it, it's definitely worth considering here put an "x" beside it." At last something we both like and I've marked it with the pen he's handed me from the end table, could this be the start of a trend?

It wasn't the start of a trend in the 20 minutes since we found Zach we're ruled out Zoe, Rebecca, Miles, Nicholas, Julie and Brett. Only one left for tonight and I'm willing it to be something good.

"Oh I like this one!" Yes he's found something he likes I have a good feeling about this, "Alexandra, what would be better than naming one of our babies after their gorgeous mother?"

Spoke too soon that's not happening, no way, I've never been able to understand people's fascination with naming their kids after themselves it's so egocentric!

"Put that idea out of you head we're not naming either of the babies after us it's so….so…well it's so big headed!" He's laughing at me now and has dropped the book on the coffee table.

"Ok I agree but at least this time we've got one things on the short list which is better than we did last time so it's progress and progress is good." He really does like to feel like we're not knocking our heads against a brick wall bless him so he's be pacified for a least and who knows maybe the next time we might actually starting having a list that looks like a list! Until then I'm just happy we've agreed on something if this keeps up the bumps might get a name for their 1st birthday rather than their 21st!


	27. Chapter 27 - He What?

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 27 – He What?

"I'm afraid they will all have gone home for the day sir but I'll happily show you round and answer any questions you might have." Huh? I'm hiding in my office trying to sign off some case files before the weekend and I've closed the door and the blinds. Now though I can hear Strickland in the outer office talking to someone and as the other person answers him I realise it's the commissioner.

"And Sandra Pullman? Does she seem happy enough with how things are going?"

"Sandra Standing these days." He says that with such contempt I have a good mind to go out there and tell him to…

"Yeah I'll never know what she sees in Standing she's a good looking woman she could do better than him."

"Well yeah but she's been letting herself go a little lately, mind you if I was married to Gerry Standing I'd let myself go too."

Now I'm gripping my pen so tightly that my knuckles are white! Where the hell does he get off commenting on my relationship with Gerry and what is he talking about let myself go? I work damn hard at looking good and since I married Gerry I do even more I want him to be proud to say I'm his wife. I mean where is this coming from I…Oh my god I get it! He thinks I've let myself go because he thinks I've put on weight. It hasn't even occurred to him that I might be pregnant he's just assumed that I'm so miserable with Gerry that I'm eating myself into an early grave!

"Well Robert thanks for showing me round maybe I'll get down another day when the team is here." Time to get out there and make sure my boss doesn't leave with his boss he has some explaining to do. Now!

"Excuse me sir could I have a word before you leave, sorry commissioner." Oh I wish you could see their faces Strickland is sheet white and the commissioner is trying very hard not to laugh as he excuses himself and leaves us to it.

"Sandra I didn't realise you were still here I thought you'd all gone for the night." No shit Sherlock like you'd have been talking about me like you were if you thought there was any chance I'd be here.

"Yeah I gathered that so is there something you'd like to talk about with regard to the state of my marriage or my health?"

"Sandra look I…"

"Are you ready to go I booked us a table at that…oh sorry is everything ok?" This just gets better and better Gerry's arrived to pick me up and now Strickland is looking seriously panicked.

"Mr Strickland was just commenting to the commissioner that he thought I'd let myself go since I married you. I think he's decided that I'm over eating because you make me so unhappy." I'm going to enjoy this Gerry has moved to my side and put his arm around my waist pulling me closer.

"That wasn't what I meant and I didn't know you were here otherwise ….."

"Otherwise you'd not have insulted her? For your information Sandra is even more gorgeous today than the day she married me and she's not putting on weight she's pregnant, we're having a baby, twins actually." God I should really have a word with Gerry about tactful ways to break news but Strickland's face is a picture so this time it's worth it.

"You're pregnant?" Here we go again there should be a law against reacting to the news of someone's pregnancy by asking that question. "When? I mean how pregnant are you have you thought about when you'll take leave? Are there any changes we need to make to accommodate you in the mean time? Pregnant well I don't know what to say."

"Congratulations is traditional sir." Trust him to immediately think about how me being pregnant will affect the office! "And I'm not due till January, I'll be taking the six months leave I'm entitled to in my contract probably a month before then five months after the babies arrive but the guys are experienced enough to keep the unit ticking over for that length of time and I can supervise and check in regularly from home."

"Ok, well we'll talk about that closer to the time congratulations to you both I'm sure you're delighted." He couldn't get out of here quick enough and I can tell Gerry is still fuming.

"Bastard he's lucky I didn't smash his face in are you ok?" I know he's really concerned but I can't stop laughing.

"Yes Gerry I'm fine honestly and you're right he's a bastard but that's not exactly news to us is it? Come on let's get out of here me and the bumps are starving let's go eat." You think I'm being overly forgiving don't you but that's not it at all. See I've been dreading that conversation for weeks. I've woken up in a cold sweat more than once imagining sitting on the other side of his desk while he shoots questions at me and now he's not going to be able to do that. He's managed to embarrass himself enough that he'll be unlikely to comment at all on my pregnancy for the next few months and I can definitely live with that.


	28. Chapter 28- Great girlboy debate results

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 28 – The great Girl/Boy debate the results!

"Are you excited?" he's got to be kidding. Excited I'm beside myself and I know he is too which is why he's asking stupid questions. Today in…three hours and twenty seven minutes to be exact we are going for the 20 week scan and while we're there we finally get to know what we're having. How could I not be excited? We're sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast and planning the rest of our day. We know how many people are waiting for the news so we've decided to divide and conquer family wise. I've agreed to go tell my mother on my own provided he tells the exes and his girls on his own then after that we're having dinner at Esther and Brian's so we'll tell the boys then. I've deliberately not taken part in the seemingly never ending girl/boy discussions, I don't want to speculate because I don't care what they are I just want to get to the doctors and see that they are still growing healthy but that doesn't mean I'm not excited to find out.

"Of course I'm excited and so are the bumps they've been dancing a jig in there for the last hour." He loves to heat that they are moving around and being active. Its ok for me I get to feel it and wherever I am they are with me but he needs me to tell him.

"Well I suppose they want us to know what they are so we can seriously start thinking about their names." Oh he never gives up, well he can finish his breakfast and keep thinking I'm going to have a shower and get ready.

"You're sure you've got everything? The doctors file, the stuff for your Mum and some water in case you feel sick?" You'd think I was going on a hundred mile round trip instead of us taking separate cars to the doctor's office so as soon as we're done we can go see our respective families.

"Yes I've got everything now can we go or we're going to be late then we'll be late getting out then I'll be late getting to my mother and none of us what her on the war path." He's finally given up and got into his car as we both drive out of the end of the driveway. "Well guys here we go you want to give me any clues as to what the doctor is going to tell us today? No? Oh well we'll know soon enough I suppose."

I can see Gerry's car already in the space closest to the doctor's office and him standing guard in the space beside it as if someone might sweep in and steal the parking spot before I can get to it. He tries to not show me that he's nervous in these situations but then he does things like this and it's as plain as day,

"Just relax this is going to be a good day starting with this and ending with a great night with Esther, Brian and jack tonight." I'm trying my best to reassure him as we sit in the waiting room and I just wish the doctor would hurry up or he might explode with nerves.

"Mr and Mrs Standing the doctor is ready for you now." He didn't even have a chance to respond and now the moment has finally arrived shall we go find out together? I know you're as curious as we are!

"Now let's check how your babies are coming along, I see according to my notes that you do want to know the sex of your babies is that right?" I'm up on the bed already and he's pulled the machine over beside us and switched it on as Gerry tells him that's right we do but I can't speak as the small screen fills again with the image of our babies and it's so clear, they're so clear, two healthy growing little people right there in front of us.

"Is everything ok?" I've heard the questions before I've even realised I'm asking it but I need to hear him say it.

"Yes everything is fine your babies are perfect and looking healthy and a good size for you predicted due date, now are you ready for the big news?" I've grabbed Gerry's hand and I know he's holding his breath just like I am. "I'm pleased to tell you that little one on the right is a boy and so is his brother there on the left. You're expecting two boy's congratulations."

My heart is beating so fast it's almost painful and I'm staring at Gerry and all he can do is smile. This is amazing I almost want to tell him to repeat it just so I can make sure I didn't hear him wrong.

"You realise Jack is going to be insufferable tonight when he finds out he was right don't you?" I know that's not what Gerry really wants to say right now but he won't show how excited he is in front of the doctor. That's for later when we get home for now it's impossible to tell you how I feel right now. Two sons, we're having two little boys and it's absolutely perfect.


	29. Chapter 29-Words of advice grandma style

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 29 – Words of advice Grandma Style

I've just pulled up outside my mother's and even excited as I am about what we've just been told I am nervous about talking to her about it again. I haven't told her yet that we're having twins I thought I'd wait until I had two bits of information to pass on thinking one might soften the blow of the other. It's ridiculous that she can still make me feel like a naughty teenager, I'm a grown woman, married to a man I love and expecting twin boys that I can't wait to meet and I'm sitting in the car outside Whitemead trying to pluck up the courage to go in and talk to my mother Jesus what's wrong with me?

"Ok boys time to go see granny again I promise she's not as bad as I make out she is and she's waited for you two for a long time so even if she seems to give me a hard time she'll love you." It's time and for all her huffing and having a go at me I know she's excited about the babies, well baby as she still thinks it is so time to bite the bullet and get in there.

"Well how did it go, my god Sandra you're twice the size you were when I last seen you, sit down do you want some tea or something?" God she hasn't fussed this much over me in my life before and frankly its weirding me out.

"No mum I'm fine just sit down will you you're scaring me when did you go all mother earth on me?" She's laughing at me now, actually laughing and I have the urge to ask who she is and what she's done with my mother.

"Sandra last time you were here you were complaining that I wasn't excited enough now you're complaining I'm too excited there's no pleasing you sometimes." At least we've both sat down now and she's stopped flitting about like a butterfly on speed! "Now tell me how it went today is the baby ok and am I getting a granddaughter or a grandson?"

"It went really well, everything is going well and the babies are fine, both of them." I'm smiling as her eyes widen and what I've said sinks in.

"Twins? You're having twins?" Yes mother that's normally what both of them means! "Oh my god Sandra that's fantastic, boys? Girls? Both? Tell me."

"Two boys both growing well for my due date and the reason my bump seems to be growing so fast so you're going to be a granny twice over Mum neither of us thought we'd be saying that a year ago did we?" Oh shit now she's crying first excited over attention now emotional outbursts aren't I supposed to be the one who's hormonal? "Mum don't cry its good news, a ready-made family and we're over the moon about it."

"I know, ignore me darling I'm just so happy. I used to worry so much that you would wake up one morning and realise you'd spent you whole life on your career and you regretted it. Now you're married with two beautiful baby boys on the way. Have you thought about names?"

"We've thought about it but so far we're getting nowhere it's a mine field Mum how did you pick my name?" Since she's decided to act out of character I might as well join her, we never talk like this but maybe we should start.

"Your father's grandfather was called Alexander and Gordon wanted you called after him so Alexandra it was but Sandra was my input I always thought Alexandra was too formal. Have you thought…well have you thought about naming one of the twins …well naming one of them after."

"No we won't be that much I can tell you for sure." I know what she's trying to ask, she wants to know if we've thought about naming one of the twins after my father well it won't be a surprise to you to know that definitely won't be happening and for a second, before she hides it behind a smile, I can see the relief in her eyes.

"Well if you're looking for family names my father was called Harry and my grandfather was called Samuel both of them seem to be back in fashion these days." Yeah and common, I definitely don't want common.

"I just wish something would jump out at us we seem to spend all our time saying no to names instead of even maybe." She's smiling at me again and the tears are long gone thank god for that I can't cope with too much emotion from her.

"Sandra all your life you've ignored every bit of advice I've ever given you but try to listen to this one thing. Everything that ever happens with those two little boys from picking their names right up to the day they leave home and on until the day you die will seem like the biggest decision you have ever had to make. You'll worry about it, you'll worry about them and you'll constantly question yourself but they'll grow up to be lovely, caring, ambitious, intelligent men because you are all those things and so is Gerry. Just don't let them pull away from you the way I let you pull away from me. Always give them room to grow, to make their own choices and make their own mistakes but make sure they always know you're there for them. That's where I went wrong with you when you shut me out I faded away and left you to it and now look at us? You find it weird if I'm excited to see you and I never know if you actually want to be here or would rather we exchanged the odd phone call once in a blue moon. Don't repeat the mistake I made."

"Oh mum." Now I'm the one crying and she's come and sat beside me taking my hand and rubbing it gently. "It wasn't just your fault it was mine too. I'm sorry."

"It's all in the past now Sandra, these two little boys you're carrying are the future." She's resting her hand on my tummy now and as if they know we both need a little distraction one of the babies has kicked firmly and I can see her welling up again. "Just make sure they know who their grandma is you hear me? I'll expect much more regular visits once they get here you have always been terrible at keeping in touch."

"Yes Mum I know and I will try to make sure your grandsons know exactly who you are even if I have to send them to visit with Gerry." Things are back to normal now with sarcastic comments flying between us and I'm so relieved. Much as I prefer normal when things are like they should be I can't help but think that yet again the bumps have worked their magic and we're a little closer than before which can only be a good thing.


	30. Chapter 30- Daddy's evening lecture

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 30- Daddy's evening Lecture

"Now what she's doing wrong there is that she's not using iced water in her pastry boys. You should always use iced water to make pastry." Oh god help me am I really going to have to sit through these discussions for the next few months? Gerry has taken to lecturing the babies on various cooking techniques while he watches his favourite cookery shows. Right now I'm lying on the sofa with my legs over his lap while he talks the boys through what Nigella Lawson is doing wrong while making Steak and kidney pie.

"Gerry; do you think the boys need to know so soon about the dos and don'ts of pastry making?"

" Of course they do a man needs to know how to cook if he wants to bag himself a hot wife, after all you fell for me because of my three cheese soufflé. She did boys if I hadn't be able to cook you two wouldn't be here, one spoonful of my soufflé and your mummy couldn't resist me." Yeah that's what it was! Good as his soufflé is it was way down the list of reasons why I fell for him.

"Well they aren't going to be allowed to be cooking for any women other than me, their grandmother and their sisters until they're at least 35 so it won't matter."

"Oh if they are anything like me they'll know a beautiful woman when they see her, though you'll never find one as beautiful as your Mummy boys there's plenty of almost as beautiful women out there. Take Nigella for example she's a looker, she's got a pretty face, great hair and she's curvy in all the right places."

"Gerry! Can you stick to commenting food they are definitely too young to hear your opinion on Nigella Lawson's backside." Seriously he's a nightmare he'd still bouncing with excitement about the fact that after four girls he's finally going to have two boys to pass all his wisdom on to but his tips on women can wait.

"Sorry go back to your book I promise to keep it to food for now." Much as I like to grumble a little I don't mind these times when he likes to lecture the twins. I get so much time with them and I know these little lectures he gives are his way of making sure that they recognise his voice as much as mine. "So anyway boys what the fair Nigella is doing wrong here is she forgot to chop the kidney larger than the steak because by the time the steak is tender the kidney will have dissolved! I don't know what these people think they are doing having their own TV shows they never know what they're talking about."

He never believes any of the TV cooks deserve to be on TV he has something to say about every single one of them.

"Your Mummy and me once has a case with a TV cook she was a piece of work boys, not only was she a terrible person who bumped off her husband but she was mean to you Mummy. She showed her though people always learn very quickly not to mess with you mum she always makes them regret it."

"Hey can we try not to terrify the babies before they get here if you keep that up they'll believe the world is populated with murderers and their mother is come sort of harridan." I draw the line at talking about the sort of people we investigate on a day to day basis no child needs to know those sort of people are out there.

"Aw they could never believe you were anything but fantastic and as for that bitch Kitty Campbell she did cross the line with you and you did put her in her place they should be proud to have such a strong capable mother and they will be." He's given up on the TV completely now and is smiling at me as he rubs my ankles.

"You say the sweetest things when you are trying to squirm out of things, but if we are going to have to sit through these evening lectures of yours the boys and I are going to have to rule out certain topics including the criminal fraternity and Nigella Lawson's assets! Deal?"

"Ok I can live with that." He's shaking my hand and being very serious but he's winking at my tummy. "Don't worry about there's lots of lovely women on TV and in the movies for me to tell you about I mean we haven't even got started yet!"

I've just thrown a cushion at him and he's staring at me in a "what did I do" mock innocence that has made me laugh again. When I get them alone I'll have to have a word with my son's about the sort of information Daddy might want to pass along but in the meantime I'll let him ramble on, for now anyway.


	31. Chapter 31- Treasure Trove

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 31 – Treasure trove

"Sandra you've been in here for over an hour you're supposed to be clearing out things ready for the move not having a nap!" Like I could be sleeping with him banging around downstairs clanging every pot we own together while he's making dinner. Our offer was accepted on the house we found so in twelve weeks we'll be leaving this place behind and I'm supposed to be clearing out the storage cupboard in the spare room ready for packing. Problem is I've found that box the special one I've always kept hidden in there and I know I can't get rid of any of this stuff. I have my wedding dress hanging on the closet door and the bed is covered in a decade's worth of memories.

"I'm not napping I'm reminiscing." He's standing at the bedroom door now looking at me in amazement. He is such a man at times the idea that I've kept a box of memories of our relationship even before we got together is completely alien to him. Men! Seriously!

"What is all that stuff?" See what I mean it's obvious that it's a collection of cards, presents, notes, and other bits and pieces that he's given me.

"Well that pile with the pink ribbon is all the birthday cards you've ever sent me. The one with the blue ribbon is Christmas cards." He's sitting beside me on the bed now staring at everything in wonder. Before we got together I was never able to bring myself to throw away anything he'd sent me or given me. It sort of felt like I was building a case for why I should tell him how I felt. Yeah I know it sounds crazy but once a detective always a detective.

"You even kept this? My god I had no idea!" He's holding up an "I've been to the costa-del-sol " key ring that he brought us all back about 7 years ago and which we all agreed where the tackiest things we'd ever seen. He gave it to me though so into the box it went.

"It may be tacky but you gave it to me just like all this stuff. I can't get rid of any of this Gerry it's our history, it's the bumps history, someday they'll want to know how we got together and this is it, a timeline of our relationship."

He's smiling and shaking his head and he's off the bed and running his fingers over my wedding dress and I know he's remembering that day just like I did when I lifted it out earlier.

"I wouldn't want you to get rid of this stuff Sandra that's not what I meant by not taking things we don't need to the new house." He's back on the bed and pulling me into his arms. "I meant things like the 2ft statue of a giraffe your mother bought us as a wedding present and you've always hated. I was talking about things like the Christmas tree we never use anymore because it has one broken leg and the three boxes of vinyl records I brought from my place when we moved here."

Oh yeah ok he's right this single box is nothing compared to the amount of crap we have in that closet. It's the place we put things we want forget about because this room is so rarely used.

"And you are certainly not getting rid of your wedding dress, you were breath-taking that day I felt like the luckiest man alive that you were marrying me."

Aw he's so sweet it was a fantastic day though one I'll never forget. Everything about it was perfect not that there's much chance I'll ever fit into that dress again.

"No it's definitely staying but you do realise that the chances of me fitting into it ever again, even after the bumps get here are zero? When we're finished in this closet we still have the attic to do there's dozens of boxes up there neither of us bothered to unpack when we moved." There really is loads of stuff up there that will take weeks to get through but he's not even listening anymore he's still looking at all the things on the bed.

"Yeah we'll get to the attic don't worry and as for your wedding dress you may have been breath-taking that day but you are heart stopping now so I don't care if you ever fit into it again you'll always be beautiful, and amazing, and sexy to me."

"Aw boy's; Daddy always know exactly what to say sometimes." He's rubbing my tummy and holding up a pink stuff octopus that he won at the fairground on our second ever proper date raising a questioning eyebrow at me as I dissolve into giggles. That octopus and everything that treasure trove of memories now laid out in front of me is proof of what he says, He's always loved me unconditionally even when I didn't know he did and that makes everything worth it.


	32. Chapter 32- What did I say?

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 32 – What did I say?

Oh shit! He's smiling so proudly at me as he holds the tickets up and all I can think is why this year! I should probably explain shouldn't I? See every year the police benevolent fund holds a fund raising ball to mark the end of the summer. It's always the last Saturday in August and I always want to go and he never does. I have to pester him endlessly then go and buy the tickets myself and tell him he's going. This year though he clearly decided that the nice thing to do for his wife, almost six months pregnant with twins, was to save her the argument and just go get the tickets this time. Now you're sitting there thinking aw isn't he perfect and any other year you'd be right but not this year. See there is no way I am going, not this year, not a chance, no way Jose, not in a million years.

"Sandra what's wrong? I thought you'd be pleased, normally we spend three weeks arguing about this then you make me go anyway. I thought I'd save you the bother this year." See told you that was what he was thinking.

"I don't want to go, not this year that's why the tickets have been out for a week and yet we hadn't started the argument." Now he looks completely confused and I can't blame him but he should have known I'd not want to go I mean what was he thinking?

"Sandra I don't understand the retirement fund ball is the highlight of your summer normally, you are always tell me that and how important it is to support the cause because they were so good to your Mother after your Dad died so what's different this year?" What's different this year? He must be joking I mean hello!

"Gerry look at me! I mean yeah there's some great maternity wear out there but where am I going to find evening wear? There's no way I'm, going to fit into anything I already have so there's no way we're going I wouldn't show you or myself up like that."

"Please tell me you're joking." Oh I swear we have to have a little chat about what is and isn't funny. "Firstly you cannot tell me that someone as good at shopping as you can't find a dress and secondly and most importantly you could never show me up, you're beautiful, even more beautiful now that you're pregnant don't be silly Sandra come on you love this thing I want the world to see how glamorous and gorgeous you are carrying my babies."

I still don't know I mean ok I could look for something online or try asking the girl in the maternity shop Esther found but do I really want to?

"I don't know Gerry do you really think we should go?"

"Yes I do, you love it, I love taking you and this time next year just getting out over the door will involve babysitters and leaving the boys so I think we should definitely go. Come on Sandra Standing may I have the pleasure of your company at the ball?"

Oh god he's gone all 18th Century on me and I'm laughing he is too good at getting me to do what he wants at times.

"Ok, ok we'll go if I can find something to wear. I mean you've bought the tickets now and everything." It's true the tickets are there so if and I mean if I can find something nice enough then we should use them. If he still thinks I'm beautiful that's all that matters right?

"Great you will have as much fun as you do every year, you'll find a great dress, it'll be a really good night, you will look gorgeous and people will make allowances for the fact you're pregnant." Oh my god! See I knew it was a bad idea even he knows it's a bad idea. I mean what the hell? People will make allowances? I've never wanted people to make allowances for me in my life, well if that's the way he really thinks he can go on his own.

"You bastard Gerry! Go to the bloody thing on your own me and your sons will stay home where we can't embarrass anyone and no one will have to make allowances!" I've stormed off leave him staring after me.

"Sandra what's wrong? What did I say?" What did he say? He really doesn't know? Well I sure as hell am not going to tell him.


	33. Chapter 33-The voice of reason

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 33 – The Voice of Reason

"So are you going to tell me the reason for this emergency summit?" Esther is looking across the restaurant table at me and I can't decide if she's more amused or worried.

"I'm not speaking to Gerry." You can stop rolling your eyes at me I'm sorry but I think it's perfectly justified.

"Since when?"

"Yesterday he's a bastard and I needed a couple of hours with someone who would listen, agree and sympathise."

"Ok is it a general you got me pregnant therefore I hate you situation or has he actually done something? I swear Brian never know if I was going to love him or hate him on any given day the whole time I was pregnant."

"Oh he's actually done something he bought us tickets for the summer ball then convinced me I look great and…"

"Clearly a bastard then," She's laughing well she won't be when she hears the rest.

"Let me finish, then he said people would make allowances for the fact I'm pregnant." See now she's wincing I told you she'd agree once she heard it all didn't I?

"Ah ok so less bastard more general male insensitivity then." Excuse me? No she doesn't get to defend him we're out having lunch so she can listen to me moan not act as his defence lawyer.

"Esther you're supposed to be on my side! He did the whole you know I think your gorgeous bit and I want to show everyone how much more gorgeous you are now you're pregnant then ruined the whole thing by saying people would make allowances!"

"Sandra he does think your gorgeous, he's always thought you were gorgeous and I have no doubt he thinks you are even more beautiful now that you're pregnant but he's a man and like every other man on the planet sometimes he opens his mouth before he puts his brain in gear." She's smiling sympathetically at me and what she doesn't realise is I'm not disputing any of that but clearly by what he said he knows other people won't agree and I'm not putting either of us through the whole whispered gossip thing that I know goes on at these things.

"Yeah but he knows there's no way I could look even a quarter as good as I do every other year and even if he tries to make me feel better I know myself I won't."

"Rubbish! Sandra in all the years I've known you I've never seen you look anything other than fantastic. Right now you look a hell of a lot better than I did when I was six months gone and whatever you get to wear you'll knock them dead at that ball."

Now I'm starting to feel like I've over reacted again, damn this is bad, really bad. I should have known she'd be much more likely to be the voice of reason that let me wallow in my imagined offence.

"Thanks but I still don't think it's a good idea how can I tell him now I've changed my mind again after I've yelled at him and refused to speak to him for 24 hours?"

"You just tell him you're sorry you over reacted and you want to go with him. He'll be so glad you're speaking to him again he'll not care. Tell him you want to walk into that marque on his arm and show everyone how happy you are and that you are expecting two beautiful baby boys. You and I both know there were plenty of people who thought you two were mad when you got together and a lot of those people will be at that ball so go and show them all that not only were you right but you're really happy."

She's right you know sometimes I forget the maelstrom of gossip we started when news first got out that we were together and the first time we attended the ball together we were everyone's favourite gossip topic and it didn't bother me in the slightest so why should I let it now when it's the perfect time to prove to them all how wrong they were?

"Ok, ok you're right I'll speak to him later about it, he's taken Catlin to lunch with Paula then out to buy her birthday present but as soon as I get home I'll talk to him."

"Good girl maybe I'll even convince Brian that we should go this year, I'll tell him in your condition you need the moral support." Oh now that is definitely something I want to see. If they are going I will be there Brian in a tux trying to be sociable is just too good to miss.


	34. Chapter 34-Peace Offering

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Authors note:- **For those of you how are details people like me the dress described in this chanter can be found here .

**Changes**

Chapter 34 – Peace Offering

"Gerry I'm home!" His car is outside so I know he's back and right now all I want to do is apologise to him and remind him that even when I'm a complete bitch I still love him.

"I'm upstairs I have a surprise for you go sit down I'll be with you in a minute." I love surprises normally but right now I just hope it isn't that he took the tickets back and got a refund. "I'm sorry I was so insensitive I really want you to come to the ball so I went shopping."

He's holding out a large bag, two of them actually and I can't believe what I'm seeing.

"You went shopping?"

"Well the girls took me shopping after Paula had got through yelling at me for opening my mouth without thinking. If you don't like any of it we can take it back they have loads of other stuff."

I've opened the bigger of the two bags and taken out the most amazing dress I've ever seen. Its ankle length; soft fawn fabric with a classic sleeveless crossover top the large V at the front and back show just enough but not too much. There's a gold silk ribbon sash belt with it and I couldn't have picked anything better myself.

"Gerry it's amazing I love it." He looks so relieved and has gathered me into his arms and is kissing me like it's been a year not just a day since I last let him do it.

"So am I forgiven or do you need to look in the other bag first before you decide?" Well I do intend looking in the other bag immediately but I should let him off the hook first and tell him he was forgiven before I even got home.

"You were already forgiven I'm sorry I over reacted we are going to that ball and we're going to show them all how lucky we are," He's grinning madly now as I open the other bag and there's a matching clutch bag and beautiful low heeled strappy sandals, wow I should send him shopping with the girls more often.

"Paula said you'd not want too high a heel because you'd be on your feet most of the night do you like them?"

Like them? The whole outfit is perfect how could I not love it and love him?

"Of course I like it it's perfect I'll ring Paula later and thank her for helping but I'm pretty sure the fact that it's exactly what I' have picked myself is down to you." He pretends to be clueless at times but he takes in every choice I make and every preference I have and uses it all when it comes to picking things for me.

"She's going to ring you anyway she got me to make appointments for you to get your hair and nails done on the day and she's going to ring you with the details."

"Thank you, I love you and I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time." I know he doesn't care anymore he's just pleased the moment has passed "Esther reminded me how many people thought we were nuts when we fell in love and even more mad when we got married so we are going to go and show them how wrong they all were and how happy we are."

"I like that, I always said Esther as a wonderful woman far too good for Brian that's for sure." We've sank into the sofa and he's got one arm around my shoulder and his other hand is stroking my tummy. "So boys what do you think are you looking forward to a night out? It'll be great you'll love it."

"I think they're looking forward to it." I can't help but laugh as the sound of his voice seems to wake them up and I can feel them move around excitedly. "I know I am we're going to have company this year."

"Who?"

"Esther and Brian she's going to talk him into going or rather guilt him into going by pointing out I might need moral support." His reaction is an exact mirror of mine and we're both laughing. I'm so glad the frosty atmosphere has gone. I hate it when we argue especially when I know it's my fault really. Now I have the perfect dress, pampering appointments and the reactions of Brian to look forward to I can't wait this is going to be the best summer ball ever.


	35. Chapter 35 - The Bump's Night out

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 35 – The Bumps Night Out

We've just arrived at the ball and I can't believe I ever considered not coming. The marque looks amazing and at the other side of the room the caterers have done a fantastic job as always. Gerry has spent the entire drive here telling the bumps what to expect and I'm sure my make-up needs retouched I laughed so much. He started by telling them how Mummy and Daddy quite often start gossip when we arrive at these events because according to him every guy in the room is jealous of him because I'm gorgeous and they don't know what I see in him which is all rubbish but the way he tells it makes me laugh. The when he got on to Uncle Brian and how he acts in social situations, how he either hides in the corner analysing everyone or bores people to death I was in bits. Finally when he started on Strickland I had to tell him to stop I was worried about going into premature labour from laughing so much.

I can see Brian and Esther at the other side of the tent and she's somehow even managed to convince Jack to come, but before we get a change to make it over to them Gerry squeezes my hand.

"That's Strickland." Um no you don't say I mean what the hell.

"I know who it is Gerry I'm pregnant not lobotomised." Next thing he'll be asking me what year it is and who the prime minster is to check I haven't got dementia.

"I wasn't talking to you I was talking to the boys if they are coming to the party they might as well know what's happening.

"Gerry I'm all for talking to the babies in private but do that again tonight and you'll be spending the evening alone because me and them will be staying as far away from you as possible." I mean seriously there are 200 people here while I love eavesdropping on his conversations with the bumps there's a time and a place!

Sandra, Gerry I didn't know if you'd be here tonight." Gerry has nodded sulkily and now he's staring daggers at Strickland.

"We never miss this fund raiser you know that sir." God I surprise myself sometimes by how sickly sweet I can be when he's pissing me off.

"I know but I wasn't sure if you'd want to come this year with you being…..well you know." He's waving his hand up and down in front of my bump like he can't stand the thought of referring to it directly.

"With her being pregnant sir, you can say it it's not contagious or anything." Now Gerry's getting in on the act and I really hope he hold his tongue and doesn't say something he'll regret. "Why would that stop us coming, it's the 21st century beautiful women don't need to go into hiding because they're pregnant anymore that went out with the death of Queen Victoria."

"No of course not and you look very nice Sandra. I better go…..well go mingle, enjoy the evening." He can't get away fast enough and I'm trying very hard not to laugh out loud as we reach the table jack, Brian and Esther are sitting at and Gerry scowls angrily at them.

"That man is such a tosser." Jack and Brian are nodding enthusiastically as Esther looks me up and down.

"Now that's what I call a dress Sandra." She knows Gerry bought it but I refused to give her any details until she could see it ion person and she's very impressed.

"Thanks I love it, it appears my husband and my step daughters are great secret shoppers. Gerry will you sit down and relax he's done his duty now he's spoken to us he'll not come near us again and his apparent phobia of being within reaching distance of me at the minute has it's upsides." He's finally sat down and started to relax as Brian hands him a drink and we all start to enjoy the atmosphere.

"I can think of lots of upsides to that but what are you talking about?" trust Jack to get straight to the point he really can't abide Strickland there are time that I know if it wasn't for the fact he wouldn't give him the satisfaction he'd have flattened our boss.

"Yeah enlighten me." Oh Gerry don't sulk you're going to like this I promise.

"Well he won't be asking me to dance every half an hour like usual, I won't have to keep coming up with excuses and you won't have to get jealous when I run out of excuses and have to dance with him." Everyone is laughing now and I'm so glad we came. A night like this, dressed up with the people we most care about was just what we needed and as the band starts to play I can't think of a better place for the bumps big night out.


	36. Chap 36 - Whats in a name generation gap

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 36 – What's in a name – The Generation Gap

"I can't believe I let you two talk me into watching that rubbish!" Gerry is sulking in case you hadn't guessed, Catlin is staying with us for the weekend to help with the packing for the move and we have just finished watching the latest Twilight movie. Granted it wouldn't have been my first choice either but it wasn't so bad I mean a girl can't get too much of seeing Robert Patterson running around half naked can she?

"Oh stop moaning and go make us some tea and toast before bed Dad! You're such a pensioner at times!" I'm biting my lip really, really trying not to laugh as he opens his mouth to answer her then closes it again with a sigh as he gets up and I grab his arm pulling him toward me and kissing him gently. "Ewww enough you two!"

"Catlin stop acting like a five year old those babies weren't the immaculate conception you know." Now he's the one laughing he loves embarrassing her when she's being a typical teenager. "Sandra sweetheart do you want regular tea or herbal?"

"Herbal please regular at this time of night and your son's will have me up half the night running to the loo."

"Sandra can I ask you something?" He's disappeared into the kitchen and left us alone and now Catlin is looking at me like she really wants to ask something but doesn't know if she should. Even after all this time I'm never really sure where the step motherly line lies what I should answer and what I should tell her to ask Jane or Gerry about.

"Of course you can what's on your mind?" Please let this be an easy question.

"Does it feel weird? Dad says the babies are kicking and stuff now does it feel weird to have something like that happening?" Thank god for that I can deal with those sort of questions and frankly she couldn't have picked a better time to ask. The boys have been as unimpressed with the movie choice as their father and have been making their feelings known by kicking up a storm.

"It feels a little strange but in a good way, do you want to feel them move they're playing football in there at the minute." She's looking wide eyed at me as she nods and joins me on the sofas I rest her hand on my tummy over my t-shirt.

"Oh my god! That has to hurt!"

"No it doesn't I promise it's nice to feel them move around it means I know they're ok and getting bigger like they should." Gerry's back with a tray of mugs and plates of toast and is taking in the scene in front of him.

"Are they having their nightly kick around?"

"Yeah and Catlin was wondering if it felt weird to have actual people moving around inside me." He's raised and amused eyebrow at me and I've shot him a warning glance this is not the time for jokes.

"So what do you think honey do think your baby brothers are getting on ok in there?" I forget sometimes that cheeky and all as he can be he still knows how to say the right things to his girls.

"They must be getting really big they can really kick dad." She's reluctantly moved her hand and taken the mug of tea and plate of toast he's handed her as we fall quiet each lost in our own thoughts. "So you guys haven't told me if you've decided what my little bros are going to be called, don't pick things that are lame I think I should help that way at least they'll not be embarrassed by them when they get older.

Shit he's looking smugly at me now since I've been refusing to go back to the name debate until after we move.

"Well I have wanted to talk about it but your wicked stepmother won't she keeps telling me we've plenty of time." Oh I'll get him for that wicked stepmother crack just wait till I get him upstairs. "if she has her way they'll be picking their own names because they'll be walking, talking and going to university before we even talk about it."

"Don't exaggerate all I said was let's focus on the move and talk about it after!"

"Aw Sandra you need to be thinking about it now I've had some ideas." Great tag teaming again I'll have no choice but to listen now.

"What did you have in mind?" Oh he's so annoying when he's smug.

"Well since you said you wouldn't name them after movie stars or pop stars I had to think a little more out of the box." Oh this should be good. "What about Orion?"

"What?" He staring at me in complete shock now but he helped her dig the hole he's currently getting buried in so he can get himself out of it because if he thinks I'm helping he can think again.

"Orion as in the constellation of Orion, astrological cosmic names are really popular at the minute and Orion Standing sounds great." Come on Gerry explain why no child of ours will be called after a constellation.

"I don't think so sweetheart whatever we pick we have to tell people and I can't imagine either of us saying we picked that. What else have you got?"

"Skyler, I was looking at this baby name website and its lovely it means scholar and I was thinking if one was called Skyler then the other one could be called Soren it means brightest star." Oh my god I should really step in here but I'm not ready to let him off the hook just yet.

"Skyler and Soren Standing? No Catlin we've already rules out names beginning with S and even if we hadn't I don't think either of those would make the list. Come on you're a bright girl you must have something better than that."

"Ok, ok, what about Spike?" Ok now I have to step in.

"No sorry Catlin but no child of mine will be named after one of the goons, it's not happening." Gerry's laughing and she's looking at me like I'm speaking ancient Greek or something.

"Sandra she's too young to remember the goons I get where you're coming from though he was never my favourite goon I always preferred Harry Sycome!"

"You two are just weird but ok I have one more what about London? You know it's 2012 the whole Olympics thing is just over and the jubilee and everything and I know you said no celebrity connection but Paris Hilton and Brooklyn Beckham we're both named after were they were conceived so what about London?"

"Well…" Time for this conversation to come to an end before it gets any more ridiculous and I know just how to stop it. I'm looking at Gerry with a just go with me stare and I hope he gets it. "That's a nice idea and very patriotic and all but we couldn't really be sure they were conceived here. I mean we were at that cold case management conference in Liverpool that would have been around the right time and…."

"Yeah and a couple of weeks before that we were in Italy for a week." He's catching on and trying really hard not to laugh. "Then there was that weekend we went to Cornwall for your birthday Sandra…"

"Oh my god enough! Guys! Serious overshare! I'm going to bed to …. Well think of anything hat will wipe those images from my head good night."

Works every time, gross her out enough and she'll do anything to get away even if she was on a mission to get one of her names accepted.

"What the hell where does she come up with this stuff?" he's snuggled beside me on the sofa and I can't help but laugh. He forgets that were all his daughters, but particular Catlin, are concerned there is a distinct generation gap between us and them but I'm not going to point that our because it's just dawned on me that if it's this bad now what will it be like by the time these two are 18?


	37. Chapter 37-Football Crazy-Yeah right

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 37 – Football Crazy-Yeah right!

"Gerry will you slow down Homebase is not going to run out of nursery wallpaper if it takes us two extra minutes to there." It's Sunday afternoon and we've just left Catlin back to Jane's. Last night we decided we should be thinking about decorating materials for the nursery. See for the first week after we get the keys to the new house we have decorators, carpet fitters and tillers coming in for a week so that when they are done all we have to do is move our furniture in. That's fine for the easy rooms but when it comes to the nursery and the home office we haven't even thought about it so this week it's nursery décor next week it's office décor. So today we're looking for wallpaper, paint and carpet for the nursery and he's getting a little over excited and pulling me so fast across the car park I am about to fall over.

"Sorry I'm just excited you have to remember I didn't make any of these decisions with the girls so it's new to me too," yes I get all that and it's lovely but at almost 28 weeks pregnant I can't move that fast right now.

"I know and I'm excited too but we drove all the way out here because this place has a dedicated children's decorating centre so I don't think a couple more minutes is going to make any difference." We spent an hour this morning searching for the best place to get everything in one place and have driven 25 miles outside the city to the retail park were this place is because it's supposed to be the ultimate one stop shop for children's decorating supplies and carpet.

"We want something bright but not too bright and nothing too gaudy or they'll not be able to sleep." One of us has to try to keep a level head in all this but we're now standing in the middle of the nursery section and there has to be at least 300 choices where the hell do we start?

"Can I ban anything powder blue or with teddy bears on it?" Fair enough but that works both ways I wouldn't have been going down the pastel route anyway but if he gets to rule something out then I get to rule out my pet baby hate too.

"Yep but then I get to say no Winnie-The-Pooh or Beatrix Potter characters or any other overly sugary children's literature characters. I hate the way they plaster them on everything because it's supposed to be cute." I really do hate the fact that you can't walk into any baby shop without being drown in Winnie-the-pooh or Beatrix Potter characters even if we were having girls they wouldn't be making an appearance and they certainly won't be for boys.

"Ok yeah they can be a bit much at times so where do we start?"

"At the beginning. Boarders we don't want full wall paper do we? Wipe clean painted walls with a nice boarder would be better."

"Yeah definitely wipe clean what about…Oh god look Sandra." He's taken a bolt away from me and the nursery paper and is holding up a boarder from the boys section at the other side of the room.

"Gerry I know we agreed not to go cutie but I'd still like to stick to the nursery section not the….." Oh no, no way, he's not getting to start that when they aren't even old enough to state an opinion. "No Gerry!"

"But Sandra it's a Chelsea boarder and look over there there's curtains, a lamp, a night light and even a mat its perfect!" I can't believe I'm hearing this he really wants to fill our children's nursery with over the top merchandised products that would give any baby nightmares.

"Gerry no when they are older if they want their rooms decorated in football stuff then fine but not when they're babies no way." He's looking at me with those puppy dog eyes now and I know this is going to be more difficult to veto than the cute literature characters but I refuse to move on it.


	38. Chapter 38 - Football Crazy - Maybe

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 38 – Football Crazy – Maybe

"Gerry I'm home remind me never to agree to go to dinner alone with your exes again! Are you in bed?!" I've spent the last three hours listening to how hands off Gerry was as a parent to his girls and how if he is serious about having a bigger role this time and being at the birth I should be prepared for him to faint! I should have known it was a terrible idea yet I still agreed.

"No I'm in the dining room, I'm sorry honey was it really awful? I told them to be nice!" Oh they were nice too nice. I just can't take that much over excited ex-wife hysteria. I'm not good at it. Oh now I see why he's in here we gave up on nursery shopping on Sunday and instead took home a pile of catalogues instead. Now he has them all spread out on the table in front of him, no wonder he wanted me out of the house. "Oh god if we're going to get back onto this let me going and change and make me s cup of tea."

I swear he's still hoping I'll go along with the whole Chelsea bedroom but it's not happening. When I put my babies to bed I want it to be in a room that is beautiful and stimulates them and is perfect for the two most beautiful baby boys in the world. I'm sorry if any of you think it's unreasonable not to want that room to be full of football team logos but that's how I feel!

"Ok I'm back so what have you been looking at?" He's shuffling catalogues around making a pile of three and setting the others aside, god he must have been at all this since I left!

"I think I've narrowed it down to three options. I think one of them will, or rather should, be ok for both of us because if it's not I've no idea what we're going to do."

"I'm sure there'll be something, if you've spent all evening doing this then we should definitely be able to agree on something." He's brought everything into the living room and now we're lying at either end of the sofa with him rubbing my ankles as I sip my tea and if he keeps that up I'll agree to anything.

"First one is this it's all primary colours with jungle animals. If we did the walls yellow, with maybe a blue carpet then that boarder with the red background and matching curtains and the cot stuff could work." Um ok that's not bad I suppose, he's handed me the book and it looks nice but it strikes me as the way you'd decorate a nursery if you didn't know what you were having, you know the sort of thing that would work for boys or girls.

"Yeah it's nice, I mean I don't dislike it but it's not exactly boyish is it? If we didn't know what we were having it would be perfect." He's nodding and smiling knowingly at me why do I suddenly feel like I'm being played?

"That's what I thought too but it's still nice if we couldn't come up with anything else." I'm definitely being played! "What about this one? It's country cottage style, pale green lots of leaves and nature stuff, the blind is nice and with white walls and a green carpet it could be nice and outdoorsy."

"No!" He can't be serious, no way! We live in central London not a tree house in Devon! "I know you ruled out pale blue but I'm ruling out pastels in general it's just not us Gerry."

"Ok well there's this…." Sheepish looks and you know you really love me smiles I told you I was being set up! "I know you hate the whole football/Chelsea thing but how about this as an alternative?"

I'm looking at the complete nursery layout in the book he's just handed me and I'm slightly, no make that completely, confused and he knows it. God he's irritating when he's smug.

"Let me explain, you know Chelsea colours are sky blue and white?" Yes I know that but still confused. "And their symbol is a dragon so….."

Ah now I get it, um I don't know though I mean is it really right for a nursery?

"So I was thinking, sky blue carpet, white walls, the larger dragon boarder, the cots with the dragons on the end, the lamp, night light, blinds, curtains, changing table, rocker and footstool with the fabric with the little dragons on it and the dragon bedding. It's perfect!" I'm feeling distinctly like I'm having Dragon overload! How do I get out of this one? How do I come up with a good excuse and do I really want to I mean it's not bad at all actually.


	39. Chapter 39- Football Crazy- A Compromise

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 39 – Football Crazy – A Compromise

"I see where you're coming from with this and it's nice." Now he looks triumphant! I wish he'd let me finish before getting excited! "But don't you think you're over doing it a little with the dragons?"

"What are you think?" Ah now we're talking about a negotiation I can live with that. "I can live with the blue carpet but not bright white walls, something like white with a hint of blue would be better they're babies after all they will be messy."

"ok I can agree to that but we keep the dragon mat it'll be perfect and it'll make the floor between the two cots nice and cosy."

"Yep agreed but the half wall boarder is too much all that castle background and everything is over the top for new-borns I prefer the 30cm boarder with the smaller friendlier looking dragons on it."

"I like that and against the blue walls it'll look great but we keep the white cots with the dragons on the ends they are lovely." That's fine but I'm not having the medieval castle shaped changing table.

"Ok but not the castle changing table we'll take the white one with the little dragon models on the corners, and you can keep the night light but the light shade has to go it's just scary we'll get a plain blue one."

"We'll I'll agree to that but you have to give me the nice cot bumpers and bedding with all the little embroidered dragons on them and the curtains."

"Fine but not the blind we get a plain blue blind to match the light shade."

"And the rocker is non-negotiable and so is the footstool I can just see you there with the night light on rocking back and forward while you feed them it just completes the look."

I've nodded he doesn't need to know I wasn't going to fight him on the rocker anyway I love it, and he's already on the laptop on the "Bambinos" website ordering everything we've agreed on. I so knew I was being set up there but you know what I don't care. I thought it would be weeks before we agreed on anything and had visions of the boys coming home to a blank room with two cots in the middle.

"Ok that's all ordered they'll delver to the new house on 20th October ready for the decorators. You're sure you're happy with it all?"

"Gerry sometimes I don't think you know me at all if I wasn't happy would it be happening?" He's laughing now and I know he's as pleased as me that another thing has been scored off our list.

"She's right boys she can be a nightmare if she wants to be." He's ignored the cushion I've thrown at him and started to tell them about Chelsea football club and how he'll make sure when they are older they will have everything from Chelsea shirts to school bags and scarves and even underpants just like the lucky ones he has that he wore on our wedding day. Oh god he did too you should have seen them.

"Well if they ever do get Chelsea underpants I will personally be there on their wedding days to make when they get dressed their wives don't have to see them on their wedding night."

"Hey I don't remember my Chelsea pants making you any less desperate to get them off on our wedding night." He had a point but then he'd spent the entire day whispering in my ear wht he wanted to do to me at every opportunity so he could have been wearing baggy y-fronts and I'd still have been desperate for him by the time we got to our hotel room.

"Yeah but then Can I ever resist you?"

"She can't boys seriously but you're going to get your looks from her and your charm from me so you'll be beating women off with a big stick. Now back to you room, the dragons are the important thing Chelsea dragons and your room is going to be exactly what your mummy wanted but when you two look at them just think Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea and I'll make sure as soon as you're out here I'll get you to a match.

Oh I could start another argument now about taking my new-born sons to a place where men yell obscenities at a group of men kicking a ball about a field but that's for another day after they're here. Right now I'm just glad that everything he has done today has proved his exes wrong. He may not have been around for the early years of his daughters but he's a different man now and I know he's completely committed to being part of every element of the lives of our babies.


	40. Chapter 40-Opinions everybody's got one

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 40 – Opinions, everybody's got one

"I'm sorry Mrs Stewart I realise it was a long time ago but if you could try to remember anything about the man you say it would be really helpful." I am going to kill the guys when I can get away from this god awful woman I swear I will. See when we open a case where there's real people skills involved Gerry and Jack run for the hills and Jack and I are left to deal with the difficult people, this time though even Jack took one look at this woman and took fright and suddenly they all had "very2 important enquires to make.

"I know what you're saying but I don't know that I can help you. Are you pregnant young lady?" Well at least we've established she can identify the obvious presence of a bump but then again I haven't been called young lady since my grandmother was alive so maybe her eyesight isn't so good.

"Yes I am Mrs Stewart, now what we want is for you to talk to an officer about the man you seen leaving your sister's house and he will try to make a computer image of the man you saw."

"You know you really shouldn't be on your feet dear it's not good for you and the baby, do you know what you're having?"

"Yes I'm having twins both boys and I agree with you we shouldn't be standing around so why don't we go see our e-fit officer and both sit down and see what he can come up with." I've lead her in the direction of the lift and now I'm stuck in a confined space with her.

"And what does your husband think of you working while you're so heavily pregnant. My husband would have…"

"You met my husband Mrs Stewart he introduced himself before he and my other colleagues had to leave. Gerry Standing you remember I told you I was superintendent Standing? He's used to me working if I hadn't been we'd never have met." I know, I know she's an elderly woman and things were different in her day but there are some things I can't stand and the idea that my husband should somehow decide whether or not I'm doing anything is one of them.

"No his nose was a little flatter and his eyes were closer together." The poor e-fit officer is getting carpal tunnel syndrome from moving the mouse and typing commands. She's changed her mind at least twenty five times in the last half hour and the e-fit is getting more and more like Anthony Hopkins with each edit. "Do you think I could have a cup of tea?"

The officer is out of his chair and half way down the corridor before I have a chance to even get out of my seat I'll make him pay for that!

"So is this your first pregnancy? I know you girls are waiting longer and longer these days to start a family."

"Yes it is but I have three step daughters my husband was married before." Where the hell is he with that tea?

"And are you planning to return to work when the little ones arrive?"

"I plan to Mrs Stewart, now you really should be looking at what the officer has got on the screen there in case there's any more changes you want to make."

"I'll never understand you young people. Why bother having babies if you are going to be too old to run after them and never there because you are working all the time anyway. When my children were born they were my only priority and they could never have doubted how much I loved them don't you worry that your children will feel they were less important to you than your career? My children could never have said…."

She's finally been silenced by the return of the officer with her tea and she's focused again on the e-fit while I stare at her in shock. I can actually feel my blood pressure rising and I swear when I see Gerry and the others again I am going to knock them into the middle of next week. What's worse is I just sat here and let her basically say I'm too old to be having these babies and when they get here I'm going to be a shit mother anyway. What's wrong with me? Normally I'd have politely told her to mind her own fucking business but I couldn't the words just wouldn't come. Maybe she's right, maybe this is all a terrible mistake, god I've got to get out of here.


	41. Chapter 41-Crisis of Confidence

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 41 – Crisis of Confidence

"Sandra what's wrong what's happened?" I've finally got rid of the loathsome Mrs Stewart and I'm stalking through the office toward my office door. I can't even stop to answer Gerry as he watches and Jack and Brian look terrified. If I stop now I'll cru and I don't want to cry here. "Sandra calm down what's happened?"

"Mrs fucking Stewart that's what happened would it have killed any of you to deal with one of the difficult witnesses for once?"

"Mrs Stewart? Difficult? She's 90 if she was a day Sandra you've faced off against some of the most violent bastards London has to throw at you, you can't honestly tell me a 90 year old with a walking stick intimidated you." Jack is looking at me like I've just announced I am leaving the force to grow carrots for the rest of my life and Gerry and Brian are looking at him like he's making a really big mistake challenging me right now. Well they're right.

"She was an interfering busybody who….who…well who didn't even give us anything useful and….." Shit now I'm crying and Gerry is guiding me into the main office and on to the sofa as he pulls me into his arms trying to calm me down.

"Ssssh Sandra what happened? What did she say?" Brian is really uncomfortable now I can feel it as he fusses about putting the kettle on and Jack just looks horrified.

"Sandra I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you I was just surprised please don't cry….."

"It's ok Jack it wasn't you it was her you're right I should have been able to deal with her in my sleep but when she started talking about how old I was to be starting a family and how she couldn't believe I was going to come back to work and how the babies would think I didn't love them and…."

"She said what?" Oh god Gerry's furious now it's as well I watched Mrs Stewart drive off in a tax of he'd be hunting her down right now.

"Sandra you can't let some old bitch upset you like this she doesn't know anything about you or Gerry or what sort of parents you'll be."

"Yeah those little lads are going to be lucky to have you as their Mam and Gerry as their Dad and your age has nothing to do with it good parenting is not about how young you are if it was those wee girls on their second kid by 17 would be winning mother of the year." Now Brian's got in on the discussion and I can tell they are all angry. They are so over protective of me at times, not just Gerry but all of them and Jack and Brian aren't used to seeing me getting upset around the office.

"But what if she's right?" Yeah I know I'm not helping the situation but I can't stop myself all I can think about is her saying how she was there every day for her kids and how my babies will somehow be deprived. "Maybe we have made a mistake…"

"Stop that now!" Gerry's finally had enough. "Now you listen to me, I don't care what that bitch said to you and I don't care if she touched a nerve but we are going to be the best parents those boys could wish for. I'm not saying we'll be perfect, we'll make mistakes but when we do we'll fix it. Come on sweetheart you know she was full of crap."

"Maybe, she just got to me that's all I'm exhausted today do you three think you could handle things if I went home early?" Jesus I've never seen the three of them move so fast. Jack is holding my coat out for me to put on while Brian hands me my handbag and Gerry is handing me the car keys. "Wow relax will you I just need a couple of hours to relax and get over my encounter with her. I told you all months ago I would tell you if there was a day I needed a little extra time off maybe now you'll believe me."

"We know you would now go home and put your feet up I'll bring home one of those spicy Thai curries the boys seemed to have decided you're going to crave this month." Oh now that's something worth going home for and he's right I've been craving Thai red curry for a fortnight now.

"Ok well you three keep working on this, the guys are going to email down the e-fit but unless Anthony Hopkins actually did it I'd say it's not going to be of much use."

"It didn't take you long to get your sense of humour back?" Oh Jack thinks I'm joking and now I'm laughing as I head for the car. They think its funny now but wait till they see it. On the bright side if Anthony Hopkins did do it he would at least be easy to track down.


	42. Chapter 42-Intervening Esther Style

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 42 – Intervening Esther Style

I've been home now for over an hour and the idea of coming home having a nap and relaxing was a good one in theory but in truth all I've done is lie here on the sofa ignoring crap daytime TV and whipping myself up into a fresh panic.

Shit so much for a quiet afternoon! The door bell has gone now and I'm seriously considering not answering it I mean no one knows I'm home but whoever it is has decided to be persistent so I don't have a lot of choice.

"Esther what are you doing here how did you know I'd be home?"

"I spoke to Brian he told me you'd been upset but they had fixed everything so I thought maybe you could do with a chat." We've moved into the living room and she's guiding me back toward the sofa. "Now you put your feet up can you tell me about how it's all still bothering you."

"Esther am I going to have to add psychic to your list of many talents?" I can't believe how right on the ball she can be at times I suppose having spent nearly forty years with Brian has rubbed off,

"I'm not psychic Sandra Brian told me what happened and how he, Jack and Gerry had "fixed" it but you'd gone home anyway. Much as I love both our husbands and Jack they are men they consider fixing things there job and are quite happy to accept they have if you tell them so. We both know though sometimes we women don't need someone to fix things we need someone to listen so we can work through it for ourselves." God how right she is and how glad am I that she checked in with Brian like she does most afternoons. "So spit it out all I got from Brian was that a witness had upset you but something they said and you'd been crying but they'd fixed it, details please."

"You're right it is still bothering me I was actually sitting here before you arrived thinking I'd have been better staying in work!" I've started to explain what happened with the horrible Mrs Stewart and unlike the guys she's listening quietly and while I can see she disagrees as much as they did she's not losing her rag like them. "So in the end I can't help but worry that she's right am I really going to be the sort of Mummy the boys deserve? Should I just not go back to work and if I do does it mean I don't love them enough?"

"Sandra when this year started you were newly married, in a house you loved and a job you've worked damn hard to get and you had no intention of having one baby let alone two. Since you found out you were pregnant you've done everything you can to make the arrival of those boys perfect. You've dealt with all the changes you're going through personally and with Gerry's desire to wrap you in cotton wool, you've bought a new home, you've made arrangements for your maternity leave that not only works for you and the babies but for the office too and most importantly you've been happy. Does that all sound like someone who could be any less than a fantastic mother?" I agree with everything she's said but it doesn't change the fact that I will be going and leaving them every day once I go back to work and that's what's really scaring me.

"I know Esther but what about after they're here? They are still going to be so small when I go back to work I hadn't even thought about it. How do we choose who looks after them or whether they go to a day nursery or we employ someone to come into the house and look after them. Whichever we choose I'm still leaving them with a stranger for 8 hours a day when they are at their most vulnerable." Now I'm crying again, shit they must be really confused in there they've experienced many things over the last seven months but basket case mummy hasn't been one of them.

"Well one of those things is easy to fix I was going to wait till after they were born to say but if you'll both elt me I'd like to look after the boys when you go back to work. Like I said to Brian recently it looks like it's going to be a long time before Mark gives us any grandchildren and I know we're not really family but it feel like we are. I would love to look after them for you." I can't believe what I'm hearing. Is she serious? If we'd let her? God I can't think of anyone I'd rather have look after my children.

"Are you serious? You'd really do that?"

"Of course I'd do it, you know my days are mainly spent waiting around till it's time to make Brian's dinner so it would be my pleasure to look after two beautiful babies if you'd be happy with that, like I said I'm not their Gran or anything but…."

"Esther you and Brian and Jack are our family and you'll be the boy's family too if you mean it I can't think of anyone I'd rather have look after them." She's no idea what she's done, how she's helped, I know she'll put as much time and love into looking after the bumps as I will its perfect.

"Good well that's agreed then now you listen to me Sandra Standing working won't make you a bad mother it will make you a better one. You're worked hard to get where you are in your career and that's part of you. You could never be the sort of woman who stayed at home pureeing veg and going to Mum's and tots groups that would drive you mad then you would be a bad mother. By going back out there and doing what you love you will come home to them happier and you're time with them will be precious. Those babies will never doubt how much you love them because you'll never let that happen and they'll be proud to have such a strong and capable mother as they grow up."

"Thanks Esther I know you're right I suppose I just panicked but I really am ok this time." I am, and she was right the boys really tried and really believed by just pointing out she was wrong they were helping but that wasn't what I'd needed. I needed a practical approach someone to say these are the issues, here are the ways to help. The more this goes on the more lucky I realise we are to have Esther, Brian and Jack in our lives and how lucky the boys will be too.


	43. Chapter 43-Have I told you lately

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 43 – Have I told you lately

"Daddy will be home soon and he's bringing us dinner, you're new favourite. We're so lucky he takes such good care of us." Remember I said I was going to have a word with my sons about their father? Well the time has come. Esther left an hour ago and I'm soaking in a hot bath before Gerry comes home with dinner.

I feel so much better than I did when I left the office, now that I know Esther is going to be looking after the babies I feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and the final pieces of the jigsaw are falling into place.

"You're going to love your daddy he's already so great with your big sisters he's going to be brilliant with you too. People think he's a bit of a cocky ladies man most of the time but they don't see what I see and what you'll see. He and I wasted a lot of time pretending we didn't love each other but once we gave in and admitted it everything's been great and now you two are the icing on the cake. As you grow up you'll hear lots of people saying things about him but those are people who are jealous of the fact we made a great life for ourselves and I'm here to tell you none of it is true."

There's always someone with an opinion on Gerry or something to say about what he may or may not have done, I've heard it enough in the last decade. Those people take great pleasure in tell me those things and will enjoy telling the boys too but I'm determined that they will know what I have learned, that nine out of every ten of those things are rumours, gossip and lies told by people who were doing exactly those things themselves and want to tar him with the same brush.

"That's all for the future though for now all you need to know is how much he loves us. We're so lucky, he'd do anything to keep us safe and show us how much he loves us. Before him I was a mess, I was getting by but I was so lonely and convinced I'd be alone for the rest of my life. He saved me even when I didn't want to admit that I needed saving and now he's given me you two which is making everything even more perfect. Sometimes you'll hear us shout at each other or see us seem to fall out but never worry about it that's just what we do. Your uncle Jack and uncle Brian will tell you we have spent most of the last ten years shouting at each other but it never changes how we feel."

I'm starting to get emotional now and instead of getting dressed and going down stairs to warm the places I'm laying on the bed in my dressing gown.

"The most important thing for you two to remember is that he's going to love you so much and always be there for you."

"Sandra I'm home where are you?" Shit if he sees me crying again he's really going to panic but it's too late he's already on his way up the stairs. "I left the food in the kitchen come on let's….. Sandra what's wrong I thought you'd have forgotten about all that crap today by now."

"I have honestly I'm not crying because of that I promise. I was just telling the boys about you and how lucky we are to have you in our lives and …" Jesus Sandra pull yourself together. This inability to deal with anything even remotely emotional without falling apart is starting to seriously get on my nerves. Now he's lying on the bed wiping away my tears.

"Well they already know how lucky they are that you're their mum, so what have you been telling them?"

"Just how much I love you, have I told you lately I'm in love with you?"

"Yes but I can't hear it enough." He's smiling at me now and I'm finally starting to feel like the stresses of the day are gone.

"Well they know now too, I've been telling them how stupid we were to waste so much time and how you made my life so much better because you love me and now we're having them it's even more perfect." I can live with emotional if he keeps kissing me like he is right now, like he's trying to show me how much he loves me with just that single action.

"You saved me too Sandra you know that and we're both lucky things just keep getting better. Now come on dinner is getting cold I'll dish up you meet me on the sofa."

"See what I mean boys?" He's gone again and I've pulled on my pyjamas and can smell the curry and it's making me hungry. "Let's go get dinner then maybe later I can remind daddy how much I love him all over again."


	44. Chapter 44-How many ex-detectives

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 44 – How many ex-detectives

"Sandra this place is amazing you must be delighted." We're in the new house, the decorators have gone, it's Monday and we have till Friday to get moved out of our place and hand the keys over to the new owners. Today though we're here because Gerry, Jack and Brian are going to move the nursery furniture into the nursery it was all delivered last week along with the carpet, paint and boarder and have been sitting in the dining room ever since. Now I've just finished giving Esther the guided tour and we've joined them back in the dining room where they are arguing loudly about the best way to start!

"Yeah I love it we both do it's going to be the perfect place to raise the boys." Now we're both standing at the door of the dining room trying not to laugh as the guys argue. I mean it should be easy all they have is two cots, two Moses baskets and stands, a changing table and a rocker and foot stool to move how much organisation should it need?

"Look Sandra wants the rocker in the bay window so the logical thing to do is take it first because otherwise we'll have to move it from one end of the room to the other avoiding all the rest of the furniture." Trust Brian to be the logical one who has it all worked out.

"Ok well you and Gerry take the chair I'll take the footstool. Sandra are you sure the window is where you want this we're not going to do it then get everything in and have you change your mind are we?" Jack has spent the entire morning checking and double checking where I want everything informing us that he has vivid memories of moving furniture with Mary only to have her wait until it was done then want it all changed again.

"Jesus Jack she's sure she's already told you she wants it there and even told you why so that she can watch the world go by while feeding the boys now can we start moving or we'll be here till midnight." Oh Gerry's starting to lose the rag now and Esther and I have exchanged concerned glances.

"Play nice boys come on you three should be able to do this or do I need to get Sandra to phone Gerry's daughters and get them to do it instead?" Nice move Esther now they all look furious but they're finally moving appeal to their sense of masculine pride and suddenly things get done!

"Its gorgeous furniture don't you think? I can't claim any credit for it, it was all Gerry's idea but I'm really pleased with it." Esther is nodding as the chair and footstool finally leave the room. Today was the first time I'd seen the nursery decorating finished and it's gorgeous. I can't wait to see everything in place.

"Of course it is, it's so boyish and the boarder and fabric on the chair and the curtains are adorable." I know Gerry was delighted when he saw my reaction earlier and when he hears her rave about it as well he'll be insufferable. "Will we leave them to it and nip round the corner to that deli we saw and get everyone something to eat? Maybe they'll be finished by the time we get back."

"Sounds great should we tell them we're going?" We've looked at each other for all of two seconds before shaking our heads and rushing out the door like a couple of giggling school girls.

"We're back and we brought sandwiches and beer, oh and juice for you and me Brian how are you getting on?" The house is very quiet and I'm beginning to wonder if they've killed each other.

"Give us two minutes and then you can come up and beer sounds great we've earned it!" Gerry sounds so excited and I have butterflies as I gently rub my bump and Esther beams at me. "Ok come up and see we're done."

If I was capable of running anywhere at the minute I'd be running up the stairs right now I'm so excited and now I've reached the nursery door it's completely taken my breath away. They've done everything including putting the bedding on the cots and the Moses baskets on the stands and the lamp shade, night light and mat in place. I'm completely blown away it's exactly the sort of room I had imagined and suddenly I've noticed a surprise.

"Gerry where did you get them they're gorgeous."

"I ordered them on the site when I ordered the furniture I thought they'd just finish the look do you like them?" Like them? I love them and now I'm standing beside him my head resting on his shoulder as Jack, Brian and Esther look on. Hanging above each cot is a mobile with six different sized dragons hanging from it that match the boarder and bedding and he's right. They completely finish the look and now I really can't wait to bring the boys home to this house and this room.


	45. Chapter 45 - Boxes More Boxes pt1

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 45 – Boxes and more boxes pt1

"What time are the removal men arriving in the morning Sandra?" Today is our last day in this house and emotional as I am about leaving it now that the new house is ours and I know all the bumps stuff is there I can't wait to get settled in.

"9.30, they said they could be here earlier but considering how long it takes me to get moving when I get out of bed these days I thought that was early enough." You have no idea what it's like when I wake up these days assuming that I haven't spent all night up and down to the loo because one of the boys has fallen asleep on my bladder. With only about nine weeks to go I'm not quite at the waddling stage but I'm not far off it.

We're trying to make sure all the furniture is empty and all the boxes labelled and sealed, we've even taken the beds apart and our mattress is on the bedroom floor for us to sleep on tonight something Gerry was dead against until I convinced him it would be fun, like camping!

"Well everything from the spare room, the kitchen and the living room are packed and sealed have you finished in here?" Of course I've finished he'll barely let me lift anything heavier than a tea cup right now so all I had left to do was put our clothes in suitcases and the toiletries from the en-suite into boxes. Now the room is empty apart from the mattress and bedding, a pile of boxes and suitcases and some comfortable clothes for us to put on tomorrow.

"Yeah we're sorted you brought the boxes down from the attic didn't you?" I know he did I watched him do it but I have a list in my hand and everything needs checked off. "And you called the solicitor and told him I'd drop the keys off by ten in the morning?"

"Yes and yes calm down will you we've checked and triple checked everything. Now why don't you go put your feet up and watch soaps or whatever it is pregnant women are supposed to do in the evening while I go get us some food. The office furniture catalogues are down there too why don't you look and see if there's anything you like. What do you fancy for dinner? Chinese? Indian? Thai? Japanese? ….."

"English." He's looking at me now like I'm mad or have been on my feet for too long. "Fish and Chips Gerry with lots of vinegar on mine and make sure they actually put loads on because ours is packed and I can't add extra."

"Yes mam!" Oh he can be so cheeky at times but he's grabbed his jacket and disappeared so it won't be long till he's back another reason I picked fish and chips it's closest and fastest and I'm starving!

"So boys tomorrow we all move to our new family house and say goodbye to this place. It'll be sad to say goodbye but it's worth it to get you two."

I'm standing staring around our bedroom thinking of all the times we've shared here and I know if I walk into any room in the house I'll be assaulted with another collection of memories. We may only have here for two years but there are more memories, happy memories than I ever had in any other home I lived in. It's been made extra special because it was ours so sad as it is to leave it I can't help but feel excited too. We're going to start a whole new set of memories with the babies, the babies who are as yet nameless we really need to get back to that soon. For now though the bumps and I are going to do what we're told for once and go do some shopping from the comfort of the sofa I have a home office to decorate and a pile of catalogues just calling out to me from downstairs. I could get used to this moving business if it keeps giving me this number of opportunities to shop!


	46. Chapter 46 - Camping

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 46 – Camping

"Don't be stupid why unpack plates we can eat them from the paper we're supposed to be camping remember." He has just come back with the dinner and when he realised we'd packed all the plates he was going to start opening boxes to find them! Since he got into this gourmet cooking lark he's forgotten how to slum it now and then.

"Ok are you sure though….." I've started to laugh at him as he hands me the bag and goes to get himself a beer and me a bottle of water.

"They could pour an entire bottle of vinegar over my chips these days and it wouldn't be enough for your sons I'm looking forward to when they get out here and I can start making my own mind up about what I eat and when again." I know I haven't done too badly where cravings are concerned but it will still be nice not to have them anymore.

"Yeah I know sweetheart it's been a long day today too are you ok? They haven't been kicking up too much of a storm in there have they?" He worries so much about me at times it is so sweet but even though I am tired tonight I'd never admit it the next few days are going to be madness and if he thinks it's too much for me he'll insist on doing it all on his own while I watch getting more and more irritated!

"I'm fine and no they've been little stars they've clearly got their sense of occasion from me and know when to behave themselves."

"It'll be strange to leave here tomorrow." It's the first time he's said it but I'm glad he did I was starting to think I was the only one who thought the memories we made in this place were important. "Remember when we got back from honeymoon and I insisted on carrying you over the threshold?"

"How could I forget you put your back out and I spent the rest of the evening massaging it to try to stop the spasm in you muscle."

"Yeah and I seem to remember in the end you found a different way to relax me and it worked a treat." I'm smiling now at just the memory of that night I'm sure he was playing up his supposed back injury because before the night was out he was moving just fine.

"I know and whatever we told Catlin there's a strong possibility these two started off here, it would have been nice to bring them back here even for a little while but I'm glad we're doing this now. Can you imagine trying to move and look after them at the same time?"

"It would be a nightmare." We've finished dinner and I've put the rubbish in the bin now he's pulled me onto his lap so my back is resting against his chest and is brushing my hair aside kissing my neck. "You know if you really aren't tired we could say goodbye to this place in style."

God he only has to look at me the right way these days and I'm so horney I could pin him against the nearest flat surface but it does come with certain practical difficulties. Now that my bump is getting so big we can normally work around it when the bed is three feet off the ground but with the mattress on the floor it will be a lot harder.

"I can't think of anything I'd rather do at the minute but we'll need to be inventive." He's already eased me to my feet pulling my sweater over my head and my leggings and panties down my legs as he undresses himself too before sitting back down his fingers teasing my centre as I feel my legs go weak and he guides me backward onto his lap this time impaling me on his length as I moan softly. Letting me set the pace as I move slowly over him he cups my breasts teasing my nipples as he whispers how much he loves me his lips close to my ear.

"This is amazing Sandra so deep you feel…" I know exactly what he means the constant contact of my body with his, the way our position means he has access to all the parts of me that drive them mad and the depth he reaches inside me are almost too much for me to take. It's only moments before I hear him grown loudly and know he's as close as I am.

"I love you." I moan quietly as I give up feeling his hips rise off the sofa filling me a final time as he spills deep inside me and I fall against his chest.

"Now that's a memory to leave this house with." He's gently helping me off the sofa and leading me by the hand up the stairs, "But now it's late and we both have to be up early in the morning so let's finish this little camping trip."

I know he's right and now I truly am exhausted and not afraid to admit it. I knew this camping lark would be fun and as he helps me down onto the mattress before getting in beside me and spooning against my back I know I was right.


	47. Chapter 47 - 72 Days and Counting

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 47 – 72 days and counting

"Sandra, Sandra wake up!" He better have woken me because we've over slept and the movers have arrived or he's dying or else I'm going to kill him. I was in a lovely sleep and really enjoying the dream I was having and he's just ruined it.

"Gerry is it absolutely necessary that I'm awake at this very minute?" I've just looked at my watch and it's only 7:10am this better be good.

"Yes I've been counting."

"You've been able to count for over 50 years Gerry you really need to know that that's not something worth waking me for." I can't believe this!

"Ha, ha you're hilarious but this is serious it's 72 days Sandra 72 days!" I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to know what he's talking about but 90% of my brain is still asleep so forgive me for being a little slow.

"72 Days to what Gerry? You're just confusing me more now!" I've finally rolled over and he has a notepad on his lap and is looking seriously panicked.

"72 Days until 9th January, 72 days until the boys get here and that's if they don't decide to bring you in early they sometimes do with twins!" Oh god now I get it but again I don't understand my I have to be woken at this ungodly hour to be told what I already know!

"Yes Gerry but again why did you wake me to tell me that we both know when they're due."

"But there's still so much to do Sandra, I've been making a list! We have the nursery sorted but that's all we've done what about the pram, car seats, clothes, bottles so you can express milk and I can feed them too especially at night. Then there's blankets, nappies, those all in one coat things for bringing them home in and that's only what has come into my head straight away. We're never going to be ready."

Take a deep breath Sandra you knew he'd have the odd melt down it was too much to hope that they would all be at sensible times of the day. This is just a reaction to the fact we're moving today he's trying not to focus on that so he's fussing about this instead.

"Gerry I know we need all those things but don't you think maybe we should think about it on Monday when we've got through this weekend and have started to settle into the new house?"

He's staring blindly at the list now, this isn't going to be as easy as I'd hoped. Ok pointing out the obvious bad timing of this panic attack hasn't helped time for plan B.

"Let me see your list." I'm looking down the list and have taken the pen and started adding things myself.

"What are you adding what did I forget?" Now that I've got involved at least he's starting to relax a little.

"Well we'll need a steriliser for the bottles and a breast pump, stuff for my hospital bag, less practical things like play mats for the floor and those chairs that they can lie in from when they are really tiny the ones that bounce a little. Oh and muslins, bibs, socks, vests. A bath, towels, baby toiletries and those are just the things that have come into my head immediately." Now we're both staring at the list that has now made it onto two sides of the sheet of paper.

"We're never going to be ready." Shit the panic is back time to put an end to this so maybe I can actually get some more sleep.

"Yes we are, next weekend we'll hit the three story babies-r-us us place that Esther and I were in not that long ago. It's a one stop shop for everything. Remember we told Catlin she could come baby shopping with us so we'll have her over next weekend and she can see the new house and we can all go. Ok?"

Finally a little calm is returning to his eyes, phew another crisis averted. It amazes me sometimes the things that really send him into a tail spin. That's why Catlin is coming with is , if I'm going to have to do this amount of shopping and decision making with him I'm going to need someone who takes shopping as seriously as I do. Not only that but I need someone to have the casting vote in the inevitable disagreements about styles, colours and brands because if it's just us the Homebase trip has proved we'll come home with nothing.


	48. Chapter 48 - Moving Day

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 48 – Moving day

"Sandra put that down we're paying removal men for a reason, mainly to stop you lifting boxes and ending up going into premature labour!" Busted! I thought he was still up stairs explaining to them for the third time which boxes went where and where we wanted them are the other side!

"Gerry I can't stand around doing nothing! I'm pregnant I'm not an invalid."

"Well stand around giving orders, Jesus in work we can't get you to stop ordering people about why is it so hard to do it now?" I know he's stressed but I didn't realise he was suicidal.

"Do you want to live to see these babies born?"

"Yes and I'm simply stating a fact. Pretend you're at work go into that overbearing DSI mode that made me fall for you in the first place. Supervise and maybe we're have this place emptied today because they aren't listening to me."

"Ok but we'll discuss my bossiness at work later when I remind you how little bloody good it does when you three decide to go off on your own and ignore me anyway."

He's laughing now but it's true they only let me think I'm in charge most of the time in truth they only keep me around because I still have a warrant card and they don't! If they could get away with doing it all their own way they would. I wonder if it's going to be such a good idea to leave them almost unsupervised for six months!"

"Be careful with those and make sure they're secured in the van they're breakable." I spent hours deciding how to best wrap the two antique mirrors from our hall and landing and have them wrapped in cardboard and covered in layers of bubble wrap and right now they are lugging them around not being nearly as careful as I think they should be! I swear I'm starting to think we should have done more careful research before picking a removals firm. I left them with Gerry at 9:45 this morning to go drop the keys into the solicitor so that we would just have to pull the door behind us when we're done and came back expecting them to have made some progress. I was gone almost an hour and when I got back they had moved the sofa and the dining table and not much else! I was hoping by about two we'd be done here and they would have unpacked at the other end and put together the beds and other furniture we contracted them to sort out but it's clear that was being very optimistic but if I have anything to do with it we'll be closing the door on this house in less than a couple of hours!

"Yeah two little lads, we can't wait I have girls already but this will be….."

"Gerry can I have a word with you for a minute please?" How the hell is anything going to get done if he stands around gossiping with them! "They are supposed to be working not talking to you!"

"Sorry he was asking about the bumps and commenting on how lucky an old geezer like me was to have landed a stunner like you and I got distracted"

"Well stop getting distracted I'm going to make sure they are actually progressing upstairs make sure they take the fridge/freezer and the washer/drier out of the kitchen before anything else."

"We think we've got everything from upstairs Mrs Standing if you want to just check round for a last time." After an hour of marshalling the dozen men in the house and making sure they were all actually working upstairs is done and there's only a couple of boxes left downstairs. I'm walking around up stairs from one empty room to another and it seems so much bigger and louder now that everything has gone.

"They've done downstairs, the last few things are on the lorry and they're just making sure everything is secure before they leave. Time to go sweetheart." He's standing behind me in the middle of what used to be our bedroom his arms around my waist with his hands resting protectively on my tummy. "Are you ok?"

"Yes. Yes I am." It's true I thought I'd be more emotional about closing the door on this house for the last time but as we stand on the doorstep and pull the door closed I'm not. I'm ready to move on, onto a new home and a new life as a family.


	49. Chapter 49-Boxes and more boxes pt2

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 49 – Boxes and more boxes pt2

Have you ever felt like you are constantly doing things but getting absolutely nowhere? Well that's exactly how I feel at the minute. It's Saturday morning, the movers didn't leave till after 5 last night and we unpacked the kitchen and our bedroom before exhaustion took over and we had to go to bed. Since we got up this morning Gerry has been putting away boxes that came from the attic in the old house and I've been emptying boxes of CD's, DVD's and books onto the shelves in the living room but I don't feel like we're getting anywhere.

"Sandra; where do you want our wedding china? In the sideboard in the dining room or the kitchen?" God the wedding china, it's hideous I don't think we've ever used it to serve anything on. It belonged to my mother and her mother before that and I did a good job of pretending I was delighted when she carried on the tradition and gave it to me when we got married but I'll never actually use it.

"Definitely the sideboard right at the back were we don't have to look at it." I can hear him laughing but I know he agrees.

"Ok I've moved all the attic boxes from the old house into the storage cupboards in the attic room here and moved all the spare room stuff up there too the movers had put the bed together again and put the mattress on so I made it up with the white cotton bedding that matches the curtains you put up there. How are you getting on?"

"So far I've only managed to get through the boxes of DVD's, CD's and books we still have the photos and lamps and all the little bits and pieces to sort."

"This is going to take us a more than a weekend at this rate Sandra what were we thinking assuming we'd have it all done and be settled in by Sunday night?" I know he's right nothing is going as fast as either of us would like it to but what can we do?

"ok look bring me in the rest of the boxes for here and you go finish the spare room and set the computer up on the new desk we bought for the office and we'll see how far we've got by lunch time then rethink if we need to."

He's gone again but he looks completely deflated there has to be a better way than this and I've had an idea where's my mobile amongst all this?

"It's me, we need some help if I make some calls will you gather everyone up…yeah I'll get back to you in ten minutes sit tight."

It's been half an hour since I finished making calls and the doorbell has just rang but before I can get myself out of the chair I can hear him running down the stairs to answer it.

"Granddad! Where's Sandra have the babies come yet I like your new house does it have a garden?"

I've made it into the hall just as Gerry Jr runs past him followed by Paula, Emily, Catlin, Jack, Brian and Esther.

"Sandra, Sandra can I feel the babies are they playing football again?"

"Of course you can sweetheart but I think they're asleep at the minute." Gerry's looking quizzically at me as his grandson puts his ear to my bump telling the babies to wake up. "I thought we needed reinforcements so I called the cavalry."

"You should have called us sooner Sandra I told you to let us know if you needed anything." Esther is already in full on organisation mode but it's brilliant. "I brought supplies for lunch so why don't you divide this lot up into pairs in a room each and then come and we'll make lunch while they work."

I've turned to face the other as Gerry stands beside me slipping his hand around my waist as he whispers in my ear.

"You're amazing I'd never have been able to get them all here at once."

"Well given how bossy you said I was yesterday I figured I could get them all here with just the promise of a take away and booze tonight when we're finished by way of a house warming." They're all smiling at us as I divide them into pairs and send them all off in different directions. With this much help we'll be finished today then tomorrow maybe we can relax and look for the rest of the office furniture!


	50. Chapter 50-What's in a name free for all

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Chapter 50- What's in a name – Free for all

"To dad, Sandra and the babies." Emily has just proposed a toast as we all sit round the table eating the largest selection of takeaway I've ever seen in one place! It's 7.30 and the house is finished and while Gerry and Brian went and got the takeaway Jack and Emily took all the empty boxes to the recycling centre. We're completely settled there's not a single thing left to unpack and it already feels like we've lived her for years instead of 24 hours.

"Why do you keep calling them the babies why not call them by their names?" Trust the six year old at the table to point out the one thing everyone else was thinking but didn't want to say.

"Because we haven't decided what their names are going to be yet GJ what do you think we should call them?" Yes I know I'm opening that can or worms again but as Gerry pointed out it's 72, well 71 days now until they get here so we need to be thinking about it again now.

"I like Ben and jimmy." Paula has just choked on her beer she's laughing so much.

"You mean like Ben 10 and Jimmy Neutron? They are his two favourite cartoon characters." Ah ok it makes sense they seemed like strange choices for a child to make.

"They're good mate but let us put them on the maybe list ok?" Nicely done Gerry I love how great he is at handling any situation tactfully when it comes to his grandson.

"I'm still casting a vote for Jack and Brian." Oh he just refuses to give up on that and he still thinks he should have the casting vote because he guessed right that they would be two boys but sorry Jack it's just not happening.

"Like you and Mr Lane? But you two are old they're going to be babies!" Now the whole table is laughing and again the six year goes right to the point you've got to love it.

"GJ that's not a nice thing to say!" Paula's gone all strict mummy on him aw give him a break he's right!

"You can't fault the child for telling the truth." Aw Jack tries to pretend he's a grumpy old man but he's winking at GJ now and grinning back at him. "And as I was going to say I've already been shot down on that one so what about Alexander? That way one of them would be named after you Sandra even though he's a boy."

"Tried that Jack and she's said a definite no to either of them being named after us, I thought it was a great idea." Well we know Gerry thought it was a good idea but if we were having a girl and I suggested calling her Geraldine he'd have vetoed it too!

"Well if you don't want to call him after you but dad likes Alexander what about Xander, it's nice and it's modern and it's short for Alexander." Umm I've heard worse, actually I've heard worse from her so it's nice to get a reasonably acceptable name from Catlin for once!

"Oh yeah that's lovely little sis and what about Oliver? Xander and Oliver that sounds great I thought about Oliver for GJ." Ah sorry Paula but I can't hear the name Oliver without thinking about Dickensian orphans.

"I hate Oliver…." Ok well Gerry can be the bad guy on this one then. "My first Guvnor's surname was Oliver ad he was a right bas…unpleasant person."

"Nice save dad!" Emily finds it hard to moderate her language at times around GJ too it's the copper in us all so she's sympathetic and I'm trying not to laugh. "I like Eric."

"Emily are you trying to name a baby or a dog!" Brian looks appalled while I agree with him on the name I that is a slight over reaction. "You need something strong and manly like Hamish"

"Oh Brian I despair of you at times I really do." Esther is shaking her head sadly she really does look at him at times like she wonders what the hell he's thinking and it's reassuring that she's still doing that after 40 years just like the rest of us are after only 10! "That really is the sort name you give to a dog. What about Simon? I liked Simon for Mark but then the woman across the street had her baby first and called him that so I had to go for Mark."

"I don't mind Simon what do you think Sandra?" Simon, Simon Standing I like the name but….. "On second thoughts sorry Esther we're ruling out any names beginning with S because of the SS initials thing it was a nice idea though."

"What about James? It's a good strong boy's name." Well that's definitely a more sensible suggestion from Jack but my first boyfriend was called James so it's out for me I'm not going to say that's the reason around this table though.

"Boring!" Oh Emily that's mature for an intelligent woman you can be very childish at times. "You want something more memorable what about Dayton?"

"Excuse me?" it's my turn to choke she can't be serious. "Emily did you bang your head or something when you were emptying boxes earlier, is that even a name?"

She's pouting at me now and the rest of the table are laughing too, I mean Dayton? What the hell?

"Em you are mad it's so pop culture American. Walk about Walker Dad it's nice." Ok I've decided both of my older stepdaughters have had enough to drink, they are now just getting silly.

"Walker Standing? Paula no more beer for you!" Gerry is clearly thinking the same thing as me and Emily has just smiled smugly at Paula I swear she is doing everything but sticking her tongue out and going nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

"David, after David Beckham, he's hot and he's about as manly as it gets."

"Auntie Catlin you can't name one of them after someone who played for Manchester United tell her Granddad!"

"The boy's right I couldn't have said it better myself." Gerry and GJ have just high-fived it's so cute and Catlin is rolling her eyes.

"Zach? I like that and it's modern but different too." Oh Esther now you might be on to something and Gerry and I have exchanged "now that's possible" eyebrow raises but before we get to comment Brian's in again.

"What about Cary as in Cary Grant? Great man Cary Grant and a great actor too."

Before me and Gerry have had time to react the table has dissolved into anarchy as they all start shouting over each other defending their own choices. Well that didn't go as well as I'd hoped but it wasn't a disaster either there was definitely one or two possibilities there and we may finally be getting somewhere.


	51. Chapter 51-Office away from office

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 51 - Office away from office

I'm standing in the middle of what will be my new home office and at the minute all there is a desk with a computer on it and, not even a chair for me to sit on at the computer. I spent nearly 3 hours in staples with Gerry on Tuesday night and now everything is due to be delivered within the hour. I will admit I went a bit mad, I mean this is somewhere I'm going to spent a lot of time once the babies get here and I want it to be an efficient working space. It's Friday and I've taken the day off to be here for the delivery arriving and I'm quite excited. I've promised Gerry I'll not try to move any of the larger pieces of furniture until he gets home this afternoon but I have pin boards and white boards and a large map of London and all sorts of other small things I can be sorting out so that we're ready just to move the book cases, filing cabinet and large work table into place and my chair which is on wheels so I can move from the computer to the desk. I love it all and there's also a huge box of stationery arriving everything from pens to drawing pins and everything in between. I know right now you're thinking I'm some sort of head case and that pregnancy has affected my mind but I have always wanted a home office and never had the room nor a good enough reason to have one so now that I do I'm planning on enjoying decorating it!

When I'm in work I've managed to arrange my office so everything I need is right there so on those days when I'm stuck in it wading through paperwork I never need to feel like I've just got into something and it's the way I want it here too I've already made it clear to the boys that I still want to be in charge of making sure the time sheets and weekly reports are done mainly because I still remember the number of yearly audits that we had to blag when the unit first started and I will not go back to that again. Oddly enough, since they all hate paperwork, they agreed to that without even the hint of a fight and I've also said I want the files home that we never seem to get through so I can go over them all the see which ones we really could be doing something with and which I need to tell Strickland are complete no goers. They're less pleased about that since they know when I have lots of time to look at files properly there's a chance they won't get to cherry pick the way they like to but they should know me well enough to know I'll not send them out to work on anything too boring or too impossible!

"Thanks boys just put everything in the big room at the top of the stairs and I'll sort it out from there." There are four young men marching past me with various parts of my office in hand and all I can say is it's as well Gerry isn't here he'd have frog marched me into the other room and closed the door till they all left. It doesn't matter how often I tell him that I only have eyes for him he is always jealous if we come in contact with younger men and with four of them now two feet from our bedroom door he'd be ready to pass out. I wonder sometimes what he takes me for and when we were first together it was a constant argument between both of us I was convinced he'd meet some leggy 21 year old and leave me and he was convinced I'd decide I didn't love him at all and I'd rather go back to my old life of freedom as he put it, but we got past it and we've accepted each other for what we are when it comes to our petty jealousies but it doesn't mean I can't be amused by the thought of his reaction.

Now that I'm alone again looking round all the stuff as it sits in piles around the floor I'm even more pleased with it than I was when we first picked it. With the radio playing in the background I'm busy putting things on the walls and sorting the stationary into piles and storage baskets ready to be put on the shelves when he gets home and I know every single choice was right. With this room that is mine where I can still feel like I'm using my brain and my hard earned skills I'll love every day away from work and the two little blue dragons that I've just set on the corner of my desk mark it out as a perfect place for the bumps to share with me, it's ours that little space in the house where they can nap and while they do I can still be my old delve and it's perfect! The complete office away from office.


	52. Chapter 52-Plan of attack

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 52 – Plan of Attack

"Right before we go to bed tonight we need a proper list of what we're doing for so Sandra you put your feet up and tell the boys to behave for an hour and Catlin you go make us all some tea while I get a pen and paper." Tomorrow is the big day, well the first one anyway we're hitting babies-r-us in the morning, Catlin is staying with us tonight and Gerry has decided that we need to put our heads together and make a list. He's been torturing us about it for the last hour but both me and Catlin have refused to talk about it until we saw Eastenders. Now it's over there's no more getting away from it.

"Dad when I told mum you were going shopping with is she nearly fainted, she says you didn't even know what colour my pram was let alone go with her to buy it!" Un oh now he is looking at her like she's stabbed him and I know it's because he's worried she resents the fact he was less involved when she was a baby than he wants to be with the boys and she can see that's what he's thinking too. "Relax dad I think it's great that you are getting involved this time, I mean I don't remember when I was a baby and as soon as I was old enough to remember you've always been there when I needed you. There's no need to go all family therapy on me."

"Yeah well things were different then. Anyway I'm going to get the note pad, tea Catlin." He's trying to be grumpy but I can tell he's delighted by when she's said.

"You bring out all the great stuff in him Sandra it's good that you make him so happy." Now it's my turn to be delighted I know I'm lucky that his daughters have accepted me in his life and theirs and the fact that even Catlin young as she is can see that he's happy makes me feel fantastic.

"Right well top of the list has got to be the pram and car seats. They are the most important and we need to decide if we are going to get extra car seats for Esther or just keep taking them in and out of our car when we drop them off." He's staring at me expectantly now like I should know the correct answer to that particular dilemma and Catlin is laughing.

"All I know is I want a proper pram not one of those travel system things where you put the cat seats onto the pram wheels I think they look terrible and really uncomfortable for the baby." I saw a woman doing battle with one of those in Tesco car park last week and we are not doing it, the poor baby was being shunted and bumped about while she tried to fit the seat onto the wheels.

"You could get one like Paula had for GJ, it's bigger than those carry ones and does them from like birth till they're three or something. Mum has one of those in the attic too from when Roy's granddaughter was little so if you bought new ones for your car you could get that one from mum and GJ's from Paula and Mrs Lane could use them." Is it wrong to be so glad right now that my eighteen year old stepdaughter is here because she's talking more sense than me and her father put together? "You two carry on with the list I'll text Paula and ring mum."

"She's quite something your daughter."

"Yeah she's doing better than us at the minute you don't feel weird about using car seats that aren't new for Esther to drive them around do you?" Do I? Um…No actually I don't I know Paula and Jane and both of them will have taken good care of them so why would I mind?

"No it's a great idea it's the best of both worlds. Their regular car seats car stay in our car and Esther has a set that can stay in hers it's win, win."

"Mum says no problem and she says to tell you it's like new Sandra and it's red so it will do for a boy even though it was originally for a girl." See told you. "And Paula text back and said she'd be glad to get rid of GJ's because it's taking up space in her under stairs cupboard at the minute."

"Thanks Catlin you're a star!" She really is so now Gerry has put car seat x 2 on the top of his list followed by Pram.

"We need to be careful about the size of the pram I mean it's got to fit in the boot of the car when it's folded down my car has a good sized boot but yours just about holds a couple of bags of shopping."

"They'll not be in my car Sandra it's not big enough in the back for car seats and it doesn't have any of the safety features yours does so as long as it fits in yours we'll be fine," He's still not driven me anywhere in his car since I told him I was pregnant, not that I'd be able to get in and out of it these days anyway, and it's something he's clearly planning to extend to the babies. It's sweet but like I've said before it just proves what I've always said, that car is a death trap!

"Well here's what I think we should do." Catlin has gone into full on organisation mode now and Gerry and I have exchanged knowing smiles, she loves this. "In the morning we look for the practical stuff like the pram and the car seats cause along with the pram mum says you'll need rain covers and foot muffs and all cause they're being born in winter, then we can go to lunch and after lunch we can do all the other stuff like blankets and clothes and things, I think that should be our plan for the day."

"Sounds good to me, how about you three?" Gerry is smiling at me now and Catlin is in stitches at how he's included the bumps in the decision making process.

"Well it's fine with me and since right now the boys have to go where I go I think I can safely say it's fine with them too." Now we're all laughing and I'm really excited about our little outing it's only 8 weeks now and I'll feel much happier when I know everything is in for them arriving.


	53. Chapter 53-Kid in a Candy Store

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 53 – Kid in a Candy store

"Ok prams and car seats are on the top floor I'm sure there's a lift somewhere around here." We've just arrived at Babies-R-Us and I very logically have headed for the store map to see where the prams are as per our plan. That was a good idea in theory but I've turned round to look for the lift and realised I'm talking to myself they've both disappeared. Oh for the love of god I should have seen this coming when we arrived at the car park and both of them became suddenly hyperactive like two kids about to be let loose in a three story candy store.

I know it's hard to focus in this place I was exactly the same when me and Esther were here. On this floor alone there are rails and rails of the most adorable baby clothes you've ever seen. Everything from tiny little socks to coats and hats and just about everything you could imagine. Now before we can put Catlin's carefully organised plan into action I'll have to find them both!

"Sandra, Sandra you have got to see these things over here they are awesome!" Well Catlin proved easy to find, she found me but now she's dragging me over to the coat section and holding up a fleecy all-in-one. "Look when you put the hood up it had ears and turn it round and it's got a tail so when the baby is wearing it they look like a cute little bear, or there's others that are a Zebra, lion and rabbit." They have got to have these for when they come out of hospital it says they are extra warm so it would be perfect."

"They're gorgeous sweetie but aren't you forgetting the grand plan for the morning? It was your plan remember and it's a good one." She's nodding earnestly now as she puts it down.

"You're right, where's dad?" She's looking around now and so am I and he's nowhere to be seen. The floor space of these level of this place is huge and there's no way we'll find him if we stick together.

"I've no idea look you take this side of the escalator and I'll take the other we'll meet back at the map thing in ten minutes."

She's off already weaving through the rails as I make my way to the other side of the shop, he can be so scatter-brained at time only last night he was in a panic about leaving me alone for any length of time now that we're into the last couple of months and then today he abandons me two seconds after we get through the door of the shop. I'm trying to ring him now and I've just remembered he left his phone on charge beside the bed this morning and I'm going to strangle him!

I've gone through all the sporty baby joggers and t-shirts and stuff and he's not there and now I'm in the accessories section and I'm trying really hard not to get distracted myself by the tiny little vests, socks and baby grows all around me. I would love to be walking around right now with a trolley filling it with all this stuff but we decided to focus on practical stuff first and even if he's forgotten that I still think it's the best idea.

"Dad put them down you know we said prams and stuff first so come on. Sandra's looking for you too and she'll be mad if she finds you here with an armful of mini football boots and trainers instead of focusing on….."

"Too late, Gerry what the hell are those?" I've turned the corner following the sounds of Catlin's voice and he's standing with clear Perspex boxes full of little soft baby shoes. He moans that I have a shoe obsession, well next time he does I'm going to remind him of this moment.

"They're trainers and footie boots and little boots look at them they're great!" Oh god he looks like someone's just handed him the winning lottery ticket.

"I can see that but firstly we're supposed to be looking for a pram first and some car seats and secondly I don't think they'll need six pairs of shoes each before they can even walk."

"But they aren't for walking they're soft for keeping their feet warm and…"

"And we can look at them all after lunch! Come on the stuff we're looking for is on the top floor." He's pouting at me now, oh for pities sake he's such a child at times. "Come on let's go do what we planned to before lunch then we'll come back and look at the shoes."

"You promise?"

"Yes I promise now come on!" Remember I said I was looking forward to this? That may have been a little premature if this is going to keep up all day I may be suicidal by the end of it.


	54. Chapter 54-Pram perils-twin or tandem

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 54 – Pram Perils – Twin or Tandem

"They can't be serious I mean how many different types of pram can there be?" We've just moved into the pram section after a relatively easy car seat selection. We got two gorgeous ones, one blue and one green with cute "little monster" patters all over them, it took all of ten minutes to decide and now we've checked they have them in stock that's sorted. Somehow I don't think the pram selection is going to be so easy.

"Dad don't be so grumpy it's called choice, look double prams are over there there's a big sign."

Well at least that's something surely there's got to be less choice for double prams than single ones. Not that I mind choice usually I mean put me in a shop full of shoes and handbags and it's great but that's because I know what I'm talking about with them. I can look at one pair of shoes and know why it's better or worse than another pain. This is not a luxury I have with prams I don't know what makes a good one and what makes a bad one."

"Paula told us to stay away from the silver cross ones remember. She had to take GJ's back like four times and in the end they gave her a refund." Oh yeah I do know one things that makes a bad pram, having to return it four times because the wheels fell off!

We've slip up, divide and conquer that's what I say and I have to say some of them are gorgeous but there is a lot of choice.

"Gerry come and see this one!" I've called him over to see something called a "bugaboo" and yes I know it's a ridiculous name but it's a nice pram and it comes in loads of colours and…

"Sandra! Dad! I've found it the perfect one you have to see this." So much for getting my choice in first but it can wait I suppose.

"What have you found Catlin? Oh hold on I don't know about that. I don't know that I like that style of pram it seems unfair." Ah I have caught up with them and I know what he means it's a tandem where the babies are in a line one in front one behind I saw those when I was researching double prams online. They are the same width as a single pram just longer and I don't like them much myself.

"Don't be stupid it's lovely and it would fold up small because it's the same size as a normal pram and look it comes in different colours and it's all in one the seats lie completely flat so they can so in it from when they're born." She has the pram off the little raised platform now and is wheeling it back and forward as if to prove her point about its versatility. "And it's cool I mean it won't just be you pushing it me and Sandra will too and we're so much younger than you we need to look cool and so do my brothers."

"Don't try appealing to your step mother's sense of vanity! Catlin I don't know I don't think it's fair, I mean how do you decide which baby gets to have a front row view of the world and which gets to see nothing but the back of his brother's chair? Not only that but one of them is practically on the ground and the other is up in the air above them it's a recipe for an inferiority complex if ever I saw one. Sandra what do you think?"

"I think based on what comment about my vanity you'll be lucky if I ever agree with you again! I'm not sure though come and see the one I liked." So forgive me for not just immediately ruling out Catlin's choice but I think we should all have our say before we start ruling things out.

Gerry is looking at me sceptically he knows me too well to think I actually like the pram but he also knows it would be a mistake to challenge me right now.

"Ok but I'm bringing the brochure with about mine with me!" God the determination of teenagers, if the world was run on teenage energy there'd be a lot more done!

"This is the one I like I was looking at it online it does from birth with proper carrycots and then when they are old enough the carry cots come off and it's a side by side push chair. It comes in lots of colours and all the accessories can be bought to match." They are both looking at it now like they are trying to pick out the things they don't like about it rather than the things they do!

"It's nice, I suppose, but will it not be too big for your car? I mean the chunky wheels and everything are pretty cool but I still prefer mine." Well that was to be expected now let's see what Gerry has to say, this should be interesting.

"I like it better than the other one but don't you think it's a bit "trendy" I mean what sort of name is "bugaboo" anyway? I saw a nice one round here a McLaren I mean if they can make sports cars they can make prams surely."

I despair I really do but we've looked at the others so it's only fair we look at his too even if he does think it's going to be best because it's made by a racing car company!

"Dad it's boring, it's black and it's one of those travel systems that Sandra said last night she didn't want!"

"Yeah but the travel system is an optional extra you can buy the pram without the car seats and it's one of those umbrella folding ones so it would be easy to put up and down and will be small."

I don't like it either but unfortunately I have to be a little more tactful than Catlin, she's right about the black and it doesn't look very comfortable.

"Do you think they'd be comfortable in that one Gerry?"

"Well they wouldn't sell it if it wasn't comfortable would they?" There really wasn't much chance that was going to work but a girl can hope right? Now how can I tell them both I hate their choices and get my own way?


	55. Chapter 55-Pram perils - all the colours

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 55 – Pram perils – All the colours of the rainbow

"Look there's nothing wrong with it Gerry I'm just saying it's not really what I had in mind and I do think Catlin is right about the colour. We've spent ages making sure the nursery is nice and bright and stimulating and picked colourful car seats and now you want to buy the world's most boring looking pram?"

Catlin is looking triumphant now oops that wasn't supposed to happen and she's really not helping my case here.

"It's not boring Sandra it's practical. Babies aren't always neat and tidy so what happens when they boke on your nice brightly coloured one or when they're a bit older and get juice or ice cream or whatever all over it. Black is practical and it doesn't show the marks the same way bright colours do."

"Yes I understand that but the bugaboo is scotch guarded so it doesn't mark either and that's beside the point anyway it's still black." He's got the brochure out now and is looking for the colour chart as me and Catlin exchange amused glances.

"Well it doesn't only come in black you can get it in red and royal blue too." Shit why didn't I see that coming? This pregnancy business is making me lose my touch now Catlin is looking at the colour chart for hers.

"Yeah but mine comes in red, blue, green, black, purple and yellow!" Well ok if we're going to get into the colour debate that is one thing I know I can beat them on.

"And the bugaboo comes in black, navy, grey, yellow, dark green, light green, pink, purple, electric blue, royal blue, yellow, orange and white!" Maybe I should stop calling it by its name because every time I say bugaboo they look even less convinced.

"If you are saying no black then that means no navy, grey or dark green either they are just as boring as black." I can agree with that and clearly so can Catlin because she's got her iPhone out and is making a list of all the colours then crossing off the ones we've ruled out and now we're all staring at the screen.

"Pink and purple are out too I mean they're boys no brothers of mine are going to be pushed around in a girly pram." Like we'd have considered pink or purple anyway.

"Yes definitely and orange is out and so is white." I mean I know I said it was scotch guarded and everything but who buys a white pram?

"Yeah the orange is too bright and so the yellow it's awful." Gerry actually wrinkled his nose and I don't blame him the yellow is no more us than the orange is I know I want colour but not something that looks like it should have a Jack Russell in it being pushed around by a clown at the circus.

"So we've managed to narrow it down to red, royal blue, green or electric blue and that hasn't helped with picking which pram we're getting since all three are available in at least two of those colours." Catlin's right so we've reached a complete stalemate now and after nearly two hours here and only two car seats purchased I think I'm going to have to sit down. My back is killing me, my legs feel like they can't hold me up much longer and I really think it's time for lunch my head is getting light. It must be showing in my face because suddenly Gerry has suddenly lost all interest in the prams and is beside him with his arm around my waist.

"Sandra are you ok? You've gone very pale."

"No I think we should go for lunch. I think my blood sugar is probably low or something why don't we take the three books on the three prams with us across the road to the pizza place and we can talk and eat." They're already walking me back toward the lifts.

"Are you sure you don't just want to go home, we could come back tomorrow." Catlin looks really worried now too and I really need to reassure them that things are that bad I'll be fine once I've sat down for an hour.

"No honestly I'm fine the babies just don't like me standing around for two hours at a time these days. I'll be fine once we've sat down and had something to eat and it will give us a chance to look at these three pram brochures properly and decide."

They both seem satisfied now and so are the boys the mere mention of pizza and they are very much making their presence known. Pizza and iced water is just what I need and then I'll be able to make sure we can make the right decision and by right I mean all agreeing that the one we want is the electric blue bugaboo, with carrycots and all the accessories of course!


	56. Chapter 56 - Pram Perils - Decision time

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 56 – Pram Perils – Decision time

"Are you feeling better? The colour's come starting to come back to your cheeks at least." Between the three of us we've just eaten an 18inch pizza and a portion of cheesy garlic bread, Gerry is on his second beer, Catlin is working her way through the biggest milk shake I've ever seen and I've drank half a jug of iced water and he's right I do feel better.

"Yeah I just forget sometimes that I can't do 12 hour shopping trips right now the boys find it too much fun to cramp my style." The waiter is clearing away the dishes and as Gerry and I have passed on pudding and Catlin is ordering a large slice of death by chocolate with ice cream it's the perfect time to get back to the great pram puzzle.

"I'm still rooting for the tandem I know you two don't think it's fair but it's a nice pram. It will fit in the car and you just have to take turned one bump in the front for one trip then next trip the other one gets to go in front. Problem solved!" She's waving the brochure for her pram in front of us and I can see another problem immediately.

"I don't like the shape of the seats in this either Catlin I mean they are deep. When they're tiny they couldn't possibly be comfortable in those they can't even lie flat." It's described as comfort fit bucket seats but they look like the boys would be practically folded in two in them.

"Sandra they would be fine, they're babies they don't need to lie flat they're bendy." Oh my god, Gerry has just choked on his beer and he's almost falling off the seat laughing.

"They're bendy? Jesus Catlin that's you off babysitting duties until they are able to walk, talk and defend themselves. You'll be surprised just how unbendy they are when they get here. I'm sorry but I'm with Sandra on that one they don't look comfortable and I still don't want the whole tandem thing however you dress it up it's not fair."

"Fine then." She's taken back the leaflet and is pretending to be really hurt by the rejection of her idea but the waiter has just brought her chocolate cake and that's enough to distract her. Now on to the more difficult job, convincing Gerry that mine is better.

"So it's down to your choice and mine sweetheart I know you love the buga-whatever but don't you think given the size of the wheels and the fact if looks really complicated mine is better?" I'm going to have to play this right and to start with that means being sweetly open minded.

"Ok let's look at your one open the brochure and let's look at the features." He's beaming now but bear with me I promise I have a plan it just requires biding my time.

"Right well it's a twin so they're beside each other not one getting an inferiority complex like that other one. Not only that but the seats lie completely flat so that means they can lie flat like you rightly said they need to. You can get those sleeping bag things too so….."

"Cosy toes dad it's called a cosy toes even I know that." Ok maybe the chocolate cake hasn't completely eased Catlin's irritation.

"Ok then cosy toes, and the rain covers so they'll be warm and dry."

"Yeah ok I see what you're saying and it's practical for trips to Tesco or doing a bit of shopping or a short walk or whatever. I suppose we probably won't want to do the sort of long days out we used to do once we have them or think about keeping up our monthly dinners at Esther and Brian's. One of us could always stay at home with them while the other goes." Catlin is narrowing her eyes at me now and smiling and I know she's caught on to what I'm doing. Gerry on the other hand hasn't but then that was the plan.

"Why couldn't we do all those things with this pram? We're going to want to do all those things as a family the whole point of having a pram in the first place is so one of us doesn't have to stay home with them where we go they can go."

"Well you can't expect them to be in that sort of pram for hours on end when they are little dad." Thank you Catlin see right now she sees him as the one who put the mockers on her pram choice so she's quite happy to gang up on him. "But you'll probably not want to be out for hours anyway it'll be hard for you to cope with that sort of thing at your age."

"Why couldn't they be in that pram for just as long as any other I just said it folds flat."

"Yeah baby but it's not soft like the mattresses in the carry cots in this one. Being in it would be just like being in their cot at home. If we were spending the whole evening away from the house they'd be able to settle for the night in the carry cots. Not only that but we would know they were properly sheltered as well as warm and dry but you're probably right the one you picked is practical, small and it comes in the royal blue so that would be ok." I can see him thinking now as Catlin goes to speak and I shake my head at her and throw her a playful wink. Whoever speaks first right now has lost and it's not going to be me. He's reaching for the brochure now and we're almost there. Here we go he's about to crack by the time I'm done he'll think he's convinced me to go with the one I wanted all along instead of the other way around.

"This one does have a better selection of colours I suppose I really like that bright blue." And so it begins "And I suppose the chunky wheels would be good if we were in the park or something."

"True but you were right about it I'm sure it would be really complicated and….."

"Yeah but no pram is going to be easy to start with Sandra we're intelligent people I'm sure we'll work it out and it's nice that all the accessories are matching." See now he's trying to convince me and Catlin is staring at me in shock. "I know you like the royal blue in the McLaren and everything but I think you're wrong I think we should go with this one with the carry cots."

"I don't know…" Time to bring this home "But if you have your heart set on that one then ok the electric blue Bugaboo with carry cots and accessory pack it is. I mean it's only fair you get your own way once in a while."

"Exactly! Right I'm going to pay the bill. Catlin eat up so we can get back and get it ordered." He's left with a spring in his step completely convinced that he got exactly what he wanted.

"Man you're good Sandra can you teach me how to do that to him?" He's on his way back so I'm just smiled at her as she shakes her head in disbelief. She'll learn as she gets older that there's an art to dealing with men and it's simply to make them think it was all their idea in the first place. I told you by the time we left here we'd be getting the one I wanted didn't I? Yet he's beaming like the cat that got the cream because he really thinks he got his own way so everyone is happy.


	57. Chapter 57 -One bad day too many

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 57 – One bad day too many

I'm hiding in my office, I'm not ashamed to admit it especially since there's no one here to hear me if I did. Since finding out I was pregnant I've been determined to work right up till a month before the babies come and even then that was a compromise I wanted to stay till two weeks before my due date and Gerry wanted me to stop 2 months before so we ended up compromising on a month. Today has been the worst day so far though and I'm beginning to wonder if I've made the right decision to stay on. Strickland arrived this morning with a case that had been pushed to the top of the pile so I passed it to the boys to get it up on the board and went to the deli round the corner to get us all breakfast. I should have looked at the file first if I had at least I would have been prepared for what I was going to see when I came back but those ideas are always great in hindsight.

The case involved a woman killed by her husband in '85 but now someone has come forward and claimed that the husband couldn't have done it because when she was killed he was in bed with this other woman. It seemed simple enough when Strickland explained it to me, the sort of bread and butter case we work day in day out. What he didn't think to mention though, and what I didn't know until I walked back into the office and saw the crime scene photos was that when she was murdered she was heavily pregnant.

I tried to hold it together while we ran through the details, I got through the briefing and sent Gerry and Brian off to interview the woman who had come forward and left Jack looking into the family history with a promise that I'd help him in 5 minutes. That was over an hour ago and to give him his dues he hasn't come near me since.

"Sandra can I come in? I've made you a cup of that mint tea stuff you like these days that looks like stewed grass." I take that back he hadn't come near me now he's standing in front of me holding out a mug like it's some sort of peace offering.

"Yeah I'm sorry I'm coming out now to help you with the background I just needed a bit of time on my own." I'm rubbing my tummy and he's sat across from me cradling his own coffee.

"When I saw Brian putting this case on the board I was worried you'd find it hard." Other than Gerry he knows me better than anyone and I can see he's really concerned.

"I just can't get out of my head how she must have felt at the end knowing that she was going to die and so was her baby that must have been the worst moment of her life. If anything happened to these two now I'd…." He's nodding knowingly at me and I know he wants to say something he just can't decide how to say it.

"Sandra don't bite my head off or anything and I'm not trying to interfere…." Oh this isn't going to be good why do people always say "I'm not trying to interfere" 30 seconds before they interfere? I've never stopped him stating his opinion on my life before so I'm not likely to start now. "Do you think maybe it's time?"

I could pretend I don't know what he's talking about but what's the point we all knew the day would come when they'd start to worry and this time he might be right.

"I'm not ready yet Jack." Every time something like this happens it frightens me, I've worked hard to get where I am, to stand on my own two feet, to prove I'm as good if not better than any man in this job and be independent and strong and when you've worked that hard it's difficult to step back even when the reason for doing so is the best in the world.

"Maybe it's time to find a way to be ready Sandra, you're over 7 months pregnant with twins. A lesser woman would have thrown the towel in months ago and thought to hell with the office. Instead you've worked just as hard as always, torn a strip off us if we've tried to cut you even the smallest amount of slack and you've arranged it with Strickland that you can still coordinate the office from home so give yourself a break and admit it's time to take it easy."

"We'll see," I know he's right, I have managed to convince Strickland that I can coordinate from home which cases the boys work and how they manage them and he can be there if they need a serving officer to make an arrest or sit in on an interview. The house is sorted, most of the shopping for the babies is done so I should admit defeat and start my maternity leave. The problem is that part of me that doesn't want to let go is still chirping in my ear. The voice is getting quieter though and I have to admit that even I can only cope with so much of this and there will come a day when there really is going to be one bad day too many and this might just be it.


	58. Chapter 58-A Heart felt plea

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 58 – A heart felt plea

"Just tell me what's on your mind Gerry, I know you want to say something so spit it out." He's been staring at the same page in the newspaper for 20 minutes now and he's hardly said two words since we left work so I know there's something he wants to say.

"Sorry I've just been thinking, you know I think you can do anything don't you? And you know how proud I am of the fact you've worked so hard even while you've been pregnant?" Ah I know where this is going I've been expecting it since we got home.

"Yes Gerry I know all that and I know what you're trying to say but…."

"I know you aren't ready or don't think you're ready to stop working yet, Jack told me about your conversation today but don't you think it's time we talked about it again?" I should have known Jack would have told him about the conversation we had earlier, I'd have told him myself if he'd just asked but sometimes the three of them are worse than M.I.5 when it comes to monitoring my every move these days. "Don't you think it was hard for me to look at those scene photos today too? I mean the photos taken from behind with the woman on the floor that could have been you. Her hair was the same colour and a similar style and length, she was the same build as you and she was pregnant my stomach lurched when I saw it but it made me think of what I would feel like if something happened to you or the boys."

"I know Gerry why do you think I spent half the day hiding in my office but that woman wasn't dead because she went out to work every day. She was dead because someone with a grudge against her husband went mad with a shot gun." I know that wasn't what he meant I know he was thinking more about the fact we never know what we're walking into and it wouldn't be the first time one or both of us had found ourselves in danger in the line of duty. He's also starting to worry about complications the closer to my due date we get and he's right about it all I just still don't know if I can do it.

"Sandra that's not what I meant and you know it even if you were 21 and expecting one baby it would be getting to the stage where you'd need to be taking it easier. The stress of getting upset like you did today isn't good for you and the boys. You can't tell me you aren't finding it harder Sandra I know you too well." I told you that he's the only person who really knows me didn't I? Even when to the rest of the world I seem content and happy he's always been able to see right through me.

"I am finding it harder, I'm finding myself getting more tired and less focused by the end of the day but it's not impossible honey. I just don't know if I can step back yet and I know you and probably everyone else we know think I am mad or selfish or…"

"Wow back up no one is implying that by wanting to keep working you're being selfish, anyone who matters, anyone who knows and cares for you knows that it has nothing to do with being selfish. You've spent over 20 years slogging to get where you are and no one blames you for being nervous about the idea of stepping away from that even short term. That's not what this is about no one doubts your commitment to the boys just because you enjoy your job we've had that discussion remember?"

He always knows exactly what to say to remind me that he always supports me and has my back and right now it's just making it harder. I know he'd never play the "you're my wife and those are my babies too" card but it doesn't change the fact that I know he wants me to stop.

"You've done everything you can to make sure that the office can function normally with you here and us there so why can't that work from now instead of three weeks from now? Every time I leave the office and leave you there I worry that something is going to happen, that you'll be on your feet too long or getting upset about our cases or whatever and something will go wrong. Premature labour is a real danger with twins Sandra what if you were on enquiries or something and your water broke or you came in contact with a witness or suspect who was hostile all they'd have to do is push you the wrong way and it could start things off. Please Sandra at least promise me you'll think about stopping soon. "

I actually have a lump in my throat listening to him lay his fears out and I know he's right. I've thought about all those things too, I've worried about what would happen if I went into labour in the office or on the road working a case so maybe he's right. Maybe like Jack said it's time to find a way to be ready but if I do give in it will be a conditional surrender I can't spend my days sitting around watching daytime TV I'd go mad.


	59. Chapter 59 - Conditional Surrender

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 59 – Conditional Surrender

"I swear these people must be really doing badly to come on this program you couldn't pay me enough to live like that and then eat kangaroo dick into the bargain it's awful." The "to work or not to work" debate has been forgotten in favour of I'm a Celebrity Get Me out of Here and I know exactly what he means. Reality TV is bad enough at the best of times but this is truly terrible.

"I know I mean that girl from Eastenders only left about three months ago surely things can't be bad enough for her yet that she needs to put herself through this and I've no idea who half the others are. I do love Colin Baker though I used to love Dr Who when I was a kid. If they all keep fighting the way they are at the minute it will be a disaster by this time next week."

We've fallen silent again as we watch some politician who should be in parliament instead of in the jungle get buried alive and covered in bugs, surly we have better things to do with our evening than watch this! I can't seem to concentrate anyway I'm still running over everything he said in my head. Between him and Jack they've almost convinced me it's time to stop working full time but I need to decide how I cut down or if I don't just cut down and stop altogether. If I stop altogether right away I think I'd find it impossible but there's nothing to say I couldn't still do a day or two is there? If I did that and brought the huge pile of ignored cases home with me to work on the other days it might be a little like working even though I'd be taking it easy.

"Gerry, about work." His head has snapped away from the TV so fast I'm surprised he hasn't given himself whiplash and he's beaming at me he knows he's about to get his own way at least on some level he could at least try to look like he's less delighted about it.

"Yeah? Tell me you're going to stop sweetheart, you know it makes sense."

"I can't just stop Gerry not completely but I'm prepared to talk about a compromise ok?" Right now how do I put this so it sounds like a good idea, time to be tactful and give a little I really don't want this turning into a fight? "How about if I work Tuesday and Thursdays and work from home the other days I could work on the files the rest of the week and be there to be involved and supervise the cases we're working on those days I'm in the office."

He's thinking now and why do I feel like this is going to become a negotiation? It was too much to hope that he'd just go ok then that'll do wasn't it?

"So you'd be going sort of part time doing what you want to do when the boys get here but still coming into the office? I can see where you're coming from but it's the being in the office bit that worries me right now Sandra, how about if you just came in one day every couple of weeks or something just to see how things are going?" No there's no way I mean come in one day every couple of weeks that would end up with them saying oh no it's fine you don't need to come in yet and me sitting at home wondering what's been happening. It has to be something more structured or not at all.

"No Gerry if I'm going to be off an extra three weeks then I want there to be some structure to it I'll give you a day a week but it has to be that no less, what about if I come in on a Wednesday and maybe a Friday afternoon just to sign the week off? That way I'd not be over doing it but I'd also be feeling like I was still involved."

"Friday afternoons no Wednesday, come on sweetheart you know if there's anything we need we can call you at home and you can pick and choose the cases we work from here. If it will make you happy I'll give you a full briefing every evening over dinner so you know exactly what's going on every day then you can come in on Friday afternoons and bollock us for anything we've not done and the mess of the office and the fact that you can't leave us alone for more than 5 minutes at a time without everything falling apart."

He's not going to budge on this one I know he isn't so I can either dig my heels in and keep working full time or I let him win on this one. I already know what I'm going to do I just don't want him to think he's got his own way that easily.

"If I'm only doing one half day for the next few weeks I want it to matter so you three will have to work harder than you normally do when I leave you alone for any length of time and I want to know what we're finding out so I can at least have an opinion on the cases we're working ok?"

"Ok and you'll stop right away?" No he's not getting that one it's Tuesday it will take me to the end of the week to clear my desk and sort out what I need to bring home.

"No I'll work this week out and finish on Friday." He's nodding now and I know we've come to a decision and I think I actually feel ok about it. It can't be that bad staying at home after all can it?


	60. Chapter 60 - Party Time

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 60 – Party time

"Well I was expecting them to at least come back to the office for ten minutes since it's my last day." I'm in a major sulk, Jack and Brian went off two hours ago to interview the victim's family in our latest case, now its 6:30 and we're going home and they didn't bother to come back to the office. All I got was a text from Jack saying they told them nothing and he was just going to take Brian home then go home himself.

"You told them you didn't want any fuss as I matter of fact you told us all if we did anything to mark the event you would make us regret it." Yes I did but only because I believed they wouldn't listen to me! Normally everything I say to them goes in one ear and out the other but suddenly they're doing exactly what I say! Well I'll remember that.

"Yeah well when we get home take those boxes from the boot up to the office I'm going to soak in the bath then you can take me out to dinner." If I didn't know better I'd say he looks smug but since he wants to see his sons born I can't see that especially in the mood I'm in.

"Leave the boxes for a second and let's get you inside then you can put your feet up and I'll run you a bath ok?" He's guiding me into the house and I've only just got my coat off before he's pulling me into the living room I'm starting to get seriously irritated I mean…

"SURPRISE!" Oh my god! I don't believe it we've just walked into the living room and it's decorated with banners and blue balloons and it's full of people.

"You didn't seriously think they were going to let you go on leave without marking the occasion did you? Esther and the girls have been organising this all week." I don't know what to say, there's a table set up in the bay window covered in presents with a beautiful cake in the shape of a double pram in the centre. Jack and Brian are standing in the corner of the room looking sheepish, Esther, my mother, Catlin, Emily, Paula, GJ and all three of Gerry's exes are here and they are all beaming at me as he guides me to the arm chair in the corner and hands me a glass of orange juice.

"Are we going to open the presents now? Can I give them mine first?" GJ is clearly very excited as they all sit down positioning themselves on chairs and perching on the arms sitting anywhere they can find space. Esther seems to be taking control of the situation as she hunts through the presents handing one to GJ which he bring to me as Gerry sits on the arm of the chair putting his arm around my shoulder.

"He's been too excited to sleep since we went shopping yesterday, he insisted on getting that and using his pocket money to put toward it so it had to be just from him." I've opened the neatly wrapped present as Paula explains and lifted out two 0-6 month size replica Chelsea kits including socks with the name "Standing" on the back of each top and Gerry is delighted.

"They're lovely GJ thank you sweetie I think your granddad likes them a lot and the babies will too." Gerry has taken them off me and he and GJ are now deep in conversation about the numbers he picked for the back.

"You know they may not be Chelsea supporters, they might actually support a decent team." Oh Brian I learnt the hard way that you don't di the Chelsea around Gerry and GJ.

"Ignore him GJ his team hasn't scored a goal since about 1947." See told you Gerry is all ready for a full on football debate now but thankfully Esther has diverted their attention by handing me another gift.

"That one's from DAC Strickland Sandra I did tell him he should come along but he…." Poor Emily is now trying to find a nice way to say he'd rather stick pins in his eyes.

"Aw well it's the thought that counts." She visibly breathed a sigh of relief at being let off the hook as I open the gift bag and pull out two doorstop sized books holding them up for everyone to see.

"What a lovely idea." God my mother would think anything Strickland picked was amazing. She always held out some hope that he and I would end up together but then she's always been deluded.

"They baby's guide to animals and the natural world and the baby's guide to the stars and space, they're lovely Sandra a child can never have too many books." I know Carole is right and they are gorgeous books like I said it's lovely that he took the time to pick something specially.

"Give her mine and Jack's next love." Brian is pointing at a large box on the floor as Esther rolls her eyes.

"You should have been in my house on Wednesday night Sandra less research goes into decisions by the prime minster to go to war than went into this they must have been on the computer for three hours deciding." I can just imagine the two of them arguing over what would or wouldn't make a good present and as Gerry bends down and rips the paper off the box I'm still not sure what it is.

"Oh I saw one of these when we were looking on the Babies-R-Us website it wraps nappies doesn't it Mr Lane?" Catlin clearly knows exactly what it is but I'm still in the dark as is Gerry.

"Yeah it's a "diaper genie" I hate the name it's so American but the idea is good." Jack really does hate to hear anything named after something that is just typically American. "You put the dirty nappy in the top Sandra and it wraps it in a scented bag and drops it into the bucket bit at the bottom then you empty it when it's full."

Gerry is looking seriously impressed as he and Jack and Brian get completely distracted by the technical specifications of the gadget.

"This one's from Clarky he's on my team now he really wanted to be here but we're working a really big case at the minute so I couldn't spare him." Emily has handed me a box carefully tied with a blue ribbon. He's such a nice guy he was there right at the beginning and he came to the wedding it's a pity he's not here but if Emily could have let him away she would have I know. Inside the box are two little Ralph Lauren shirts I didn't even know they did baby clothes but I should have known he would he was always very into fashion.

"Well they'll be better dressed than their father anyway." Oh mum this is not the room in which to start making digs at Gerry if you think I can be quick to jump to his defence wait till the exes and his girls get going.

"Mine next." Esther has clearly seen the panic cross my eyes and decided to divert the conversation.

"Esther they're beautiful they must have taken you forever!" In the parcel from Esther are two hand knit blankets in blue and green and an album with "family history" etched on the front. It's exactly the sort of thing I'd expect from Esther and reminds me of something I want to discuss with Gerry but that's for another time.

"Mine is something for you all but mainly so my grandsons know their mother has a family." My mother has just handed me two large picture frames with room for about 20 pictures in each one. The first one is empty except for a picture of me and Gerry on our wedding day and the other is full of old photos starting with a picture of her and my dad on their wedding day and tracing my childhood and right up to my graduation from Hendon.

"They're lovely Mum they'll look great in my new office upstairs." They really will and I'm actually quite emotional about them. She's obviously taken time to pick a nice selection of pictures, maybe becoming a grandmother is starting to mellow her a little.

"Well if I left it to you to show some form of family history to my grandson's they'd swear you were hatched from an egg at age 30!" I take it back it definitely hasn't mellowed her and everyone is laughing except for the guys who have now taken the nappy wrapper thing from the box and are examining it.

"Carole, Allison and I decided to club together and get something for you." Jane has handed me a large box the only one wrapped in girly paper instead of blue and as I lift the top off I can see it's full of pampering products and chocolates and even two bottles of wine. "It's easy to forget about the fact that you're the one doing all the work to get those little fella's here so someone needs to give you a present too."

"Thanks girls I love it does that mean I don't have to share the wine and chocolates with Gerry?" They are all nodding now and even my mother is laughing this is great.

"Jack said when I gave you this one I was to tell you that "smarmy Steve" dropped it by the office I assume you know what that means?" I do indeed but I didn't even know he knew I was pregnant but then I shouldn't be surprised, Strickland probably told him. Sports cars, two little models of red sports cars, I should have known and even Gerry has looked up from his investigating to roll his eyes at them. It's so typically Steve but I'm sticking to my original "it's the thought that counts" philosophy and smarmy as he is he has been very helpful when we've needed things rushed through forensics so I suppose he's ok. "And this was left in the office too it's got a note with it."

"A little bird told me you're expecting a couple of special deliveries. Since someone stole your swear box and I'm sure you'll have swearing around your babies completely banned I thought these might be useful. Congratulations, Puscha" Gerry just looked up again as I finish reading out the note and he's staring at me in surprise, inside the box are two lovely silver money boxes in the shape of police cars and I'm getting quite choked.

"God how did he know?" Like I could answer that!

"He was back down working a case that crossed over with one of his cases at his new nick in Hampshire and he was asking me about you all so I filled him in. He still says he learnt more in the week that he worked with you all than in the year he was in uniform before that." Emily is filling us in and it's lovely to know we made enough of an impression that he still wants to celebrate with us even six years later.

"That just leaves us three." Catlin has leapt off the sofa determined to get her present in before her sisters. "I had to decide which ones to get myself I was going to get two the same but no one dresses twins the same these days it's so 80's."

Inside the parcel are two of the coats we saw the day we went shopping for the pram and she's gone for the bear and the dog. She was determined they'd have them for coming home from the hospital and now she's looking distinctly pleased with herself.

"I love them Catlin sorry we didn't get back to them at the weekend they will definitely wear them to come home from hospital." I do love them, now that the stress of pram shopping is no longer on my mind I can appreciate them for their total cuteness.

"Sandra we're just going to take this up and find room for it near the changing table in the nursery ok?" They haven't given me a chance to answer as the three of them traipse out of the room with GJ following close behind.

"You go ahead Em unlike Catlin I'm not going to start fighting over who gives theirs first." Paula is so much the sister in charge when they get together but Emily has no intention of arguing as she gives me a box and I open it my eyes widening as I look at the baby grows, bibs and vest inside. Each one has a slogan on it some saying "My mummy can arrest your mummy", some saying "When I grow up I want to be just like daddy" with a police car on the front and some saying "My sister can arrest yours sister" I absolutely love them!

"Emily these are brilliant where did you get them?"

"I found them online, I thought they'd be perfect I mean there's loads of my mummy/daddy loves me stuff around but I thought they were so much better." She's right they are and when Gerry sees them he's going to love them.

"Mine's a little more practical and not as cute but I remember what it was like when GJ was born you have all the lovely cute stuff but you always seem to run out of the practical things in the middle of the night when you're not in a position to go get them." She's pushed a wooden box with two dragons engraved on the top toward me and inside are all the baby essentials, nappies, bottles, bibs, socks, wipes, a bottle brush, muslins and loads of other little bits and pieces.

"Paula it's perfect all of its brilliant thanks so much all of you." I'm trying not to let my emotions get the better of me as they all start taking amongst themselves and Esther wanders around with a bottle of wine in hand refilling people's glasses. I can't believe I actually thought they would let the day go past unmarked, this has been amazing and now I really am ready to stay at home because seeing all of it reminds me how much I still have to shop for!

"Sandra there's one more thing." Esther is whispering now, "I left if on the book shelf it's from Tom he dropped it off earlier while I was setting up. He says it's some vouchers he hopes they are useful and to give him a call when the boys get here….. Grace can I top you up?"

She saw my mother start to look suspiciously at us and has done a great job of distracting her as I glance at the small blue envelope on the shelf. I don't think I'll ever get used to things with Tom but that's just another example of someone who cares and I'm going to stick to my mantra of it's the thought that counts wherever that thought may have come from.


	61. Chapter 61 - Fairy godparents

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 61 – Fairy Godparents

"Some of this stuff is gorgeous, they are completely spoilt and they aren't even here yet." We're in the nursery it's almost nine and we're putting away all the things the boys got today, he's right it's all beautiful. I've just hung Esther's blankets over the end of the cots and it's reminded me again that I have something to talk to him about.

"Yep they are going to be surrounded by people who love them. Speaking of which there's another important decision we have to make." He's sat down on the rocker and pulled me into his lap and now he looks worried.

"Another one? We haven't even picked names yet do we really have to start making more decisions?"

"This one is important but easy, at least I think it's easy." Now he's intrigued "I know we decided to have a naming ceremony rather than a church christening for the boys but we should still have godparents don't you think? While I don't believe in the whole guardians of their spiritual welfare thing I think it's important that they have people they know we trusted to look after them."

"Ok so what are you thinking? How many do we need? A godmother and a godfather for each, how do we decide who to choose?" See while I have an idea we will still need to come up with others and that's where I was hoping he would help!

"I'm not sure let's talk about it while you make something to eat, all this celebrating has given me an appetite."

"Pass me the coriander off the shelf beside you sweetheart, do you want this spicy? How are the boys feeling about hot and spicy these days?" They still love it but unfortunately my stomach doesn't the indigestion caused by anything too spicy keeps me up all night.

"They love your curry the spicier the better but don't go mad tonight I'm exhausted and if it's too spicy I'll be paying for it all night." So far we've realised that having two godmothers is likely to be a problem. We've established that we can't pick two of his girls and leave one out and since I already know I want Esther to be in there we definitely can't just pick one of them. You know when I said this was going to be easy? You knew it wasn't going to be didn't you, well you could have told me!

"Ok did you open the envelope from Tom?" I know what he's doing he's trying to distract us from our current discussion in the hope we might have a bright idea while we're not paying attention but he could have picked a better diversionary topic. I've been ignoring the envelope since Esther told me about it earlier but I know I'll have to look at it eventually.

"No not yet, I appreciate the thought and everything but it's just another example of him pushing me further than I want to go. I'm trying with him but he can't seem to understand that I can't just switch on some sort of "normal" sibling relationship just because we're been thrown together by the fact my father slept with his mother." I know how it sounds, like I'm being childish and deliberately taking my anger at my father out on him but that's really not what it is. I have been trying I just can't go from being an only child to a full on brother/sister relationship in the space of a couple of years, it just doesn't work like that.

"I know sweetheart, I know how hard you've tried and I don't want you starting to worry about it now, we'll send him a thank you note with a picture of the boys when they get here and then the ball is back in your court. Just don't stress about it right now it's the last thing you and the babies need." He's finished making the curry and we're at the table so I suppose it's time to get back to the much more enjoyable topic of the boys godparents and I've just had an idea maybe he did know what he was doing after all.

"Do we have to stick with the traditional two godparents each? I mean if we're not doing the whole church christening thing then why do we have to do things as if we are?" Now he's thinking I can see him running it over in his head and I know he knows it makes sense.

"What do you have in mind?" Told you it's a good idea and he's going to think it's even better when I'm finished.

"Well we already decided who we want so why do we need to keep thinking just to make the numbers up. Can't they just be godparents to both boys?"

"Do you think they'll say yes? I mean if it's just them don't you think they're going to find it all a bit weird?" He has got to be joking they know us better than anyone both as individuals and as a couple and I'd say they'd find it weirder if we did everything in a completely conventional way.

"I think they'll be delighted but why don't we invite them to Sunday lunch and then we can ask them." He's smiling now as we agree that it's a great idea. It's been a day so full of mixed emotions, finishing work, the party, Tom, and now this but I can't wait to ask them because I meant what I said it will be great and they will be delighted I can feel it.


	62. Chapter 62 - A very Special Invitation

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 62 – A very special invitation

"I don't know how you do it Gerry I can never get my roast beef to stay so moist, you need to share your secrets." We're all sat round the dining table finishing off Sunday Lunch and Esther has been raving about Gerry's roast beef the whole way through. He does make a fantastic roast there's no getting away from it, he's such a good cook which is just as well since I can burn water!

"Water in the bottom of the roasting dish, it creates steam and stops the outside of the roast from drying out."

"Really? That's a great idea." They've now launched into a full discussion of various different cuts of meat and what roasts best, I can tell Jack is losing the will to live and I agree with him.

"Gerry why don't you get pudding sorted then while we're eating it maybe we could talk about something else." I'm staring pointedly at him and he's getting the message now. Interesting as it is to listen to them play Delia verses Nigella this lunch was for a reason, one I'd like to get to before he, Jack and Brian are too full of food and wine and fall asleep in front of the afternoon match.

"You're being very mysterious Sandra, you invite us for lunch, tell us you have something to talk to us about then leave us hanging." Trust Jack to get straight to the point.

"Yeah you're not going to tell us you've changed your mind and you're coming into work tomorrow are you because we might have to barricade the door if you have." Brian is a little too enthusiastic about the fact they are going to have the office to themselves it's starting to worry me.

"No she's not going to work tomorrow, it's more important than that." Gerry's back with dessert plates and black forest gateaux. "Sandra fill them in while I dish up."

"Ok the thing is we wanted to talk to you about the boys." God suddenly I'm tongue tied and I'm panicking about how they'll react what's wrong with me? Not 48 hours ago I was the one telling Gerry to stop worrying!

"Is everything ok Sandra you're starting to worry me are the babies ok? Are you?" Now Esther is panicking note to self when seven weeks away from giving birth to twins don't faff about getting to the point it terrifies people.

"Everything is fine with the bumps and with me what I'm trying to say is that we're not having the whole traditional christening thing, it just doesn't feel right we don't go to church, we didn't get married in church it's just…."

"Well you're right but you don't need to explain your choices to us Sandra you know we're…"

"Jack let me finish." God it's a nightmare at times just trying to make a simple point without them interrupting me. "Because of that we've decided to have naming ceremony instead, my mother has spoken to the lay preacher who comes into Whitemead he is part of a nondenominational gospel centre and he does naming ceremonies he'll come here or we can have it at a venue and he'll come and do it there."

"That sounds lovely Sandra is there something he can do to help? Is that why you need to speak to us, we'll do whatever we can to help just tell us what you need done." See Esther is right in there ready to help and do whatever we need and it's just more confirmation that we're doing the right thing.

"No Esther it's not that we want to speak to you about something else." Gerry is taking over now and I have to say I'm relieved I felt like I was getting nowhere there. "Because we're not doing the traditional christening we're not doing conventional godparent rules either. We wanted to ask the three of you if you would all be godparents to both boys."

They're all staring at us now and I'm really worried maybe Gerry was right maybe they just think it's a ridiculous idea.

"You mean it? You want us to do it?" Jack looks suddenly like he's just been handed a cheque for a million pounds and I think Esther might be about to cry.

"Yes we do you three are our family and the boys will be spending lots of time with you especially with Esther looking after them while I go back to work. So will you do it?"

"Of course I will I'd be honoured." he's looking at Esther and Brian now and so are we.

"I don't know what to say…" Say yes Esther, now she's actually crying I really hope they're happy tears.

"Just say you'll do it and please don't cry Esther we didn't want to upset you." At least she's smiling now tough she still hasn't stopped crying.

"Yes we'll do it you didn't even need to ask we'll be delighted to do it won't we Brian?"

"Yeah it's the nicest thing anyone's ever asked me to do but….." Trust Brian to be the one with a "but" in his reply.

"But what?" Now Gerry's looking concerned again.

"But if you're going to have a naming ceremony aren't you going to have to get your finger out and pick some names?" Ah yeah that again. He's right of course I'm running out of excuses not to talk about it anymore.


	63. Chapter 63 - What's in a name - Pep talk

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 63 – What's in a name – Pep Talk?

"They're snoring so loudly in there it's as well none of them are awake or they'd not be able to hear the commentary over the others." I've just ventured into the living room to see if they wanted snacks or more drinks and as I predicted they are all out for the count.

"I swear Brian has spent the last ten years only seeing the first twenty minutes of anything. Last night we were watching this Agatha Christie thing, he saw about 10 minutes of it." I'm laughing uncontrollably now because I know exactly what she means Gerry is the same. "Oh you haven't heard the funniest bit yet, so he sleeps for about two hours by which time it's over and I'm half way through watching an episode of Silent Witness, they arrested this man and he woke up at that point and announced that he was right he'd told me he did it right from the beginning. It wasn't even the same program, actor or even time period but he was completely convinced he'd seen the whole thing and solved it!"

"Men! Seriously how do we put up with them?" Now it's her turn to laugh as we sit at the small table in the kitchen and she hands me a cup of tea.

"Because life would be boring without them and just remember that's two future men you have brewing in there so it's your job to make sure that in thirty years it isn't their wives sharing a cup of tea and complaining while they snore in front of the TV."

"Yeah well just remember you've agreed to help now it's a godmother's duty to help in when it comes to raising enlightened men."

"Enlightened men with names?" Ah I thought we got off a little lightly earlier when Brian brought up the subject of names again.

"Is it supposed to be this hard to pick names Esther? I mean we seem to be going around in circles, every name we come up with one or other of us doesn't like it and even when we think we have something we like after a day or two it doesn't sound right any more. How did you decide?" Everything I've said is true and even though I'm the one who keeps putting off talking about it again I'm starting to get worried, I mean it's only 7 weeks now and they'll be here and completely dependent on us and we can't even decide what to call them.

"Of course it's hard Sandra like I said to you before their name is the only thing you will give your kids that they have to live with for the rest of their lives but you will find something. As for how we picked Mark's name it was simpler then it was the 60's there was about 20 names that you picked from, not that I'm saying there weren't unusual names out there but they were few and far between. Besides that I liked Mark and as I told you my first choice had been taken by the woman across the road and then it was bad enough that your child was probably going to school with at least 4 kids with the same name as them never mind one almost the same age just across the road."

"Right now I feel like it's never going to happen I know Gerry jokes about them still being nameless on their first birthday but it's starting to feel like he might be right." I know that's a bit over dramatic we will eventually agree on something but right now it doesn't feel like it will happen.

"My sister and her husband took 3 weeks to name my niece; we'd got to the stage where we thought she was going to grow up simply being called "the baby". Then she was out shopping one day and picked up a book and the author was called Andrea something or other, she loved it so Andrea it was. Eventually inspiration will hit and when it does it will just feel right. You might not decide until they're born and you see them or they might arrive and you look at them and decide the names you picked just aren't right."

Oh great now I feel loads better; at least I'd convinced myself that if we did pick something at least it would be done now the thought that even when we do find something we might change our minds when they're born has just sent me into a complete tail spin.

"Look Sandra one thing I can tell you for sure is that you won't come up with anything while you're still refusing to discuss it." If I didn't know better I'd swear Gerry had put her up to saying that! "When you close your eyes and imagine calling people to tell them they have arrived is there anything that comes into your head? Imagine you're phoning your mother you say they're here, they're fine you're fine and they're called… What finishes the sentence in your head?" She's smiling at me now and she knows there's nothing there yet but it could be a good exercise while we're considering different names. If we put them in that sentence imagine telling people it might make it easier to decide if we like them.

"I don't know yet, I do know though whatever it is my mother will have something to say about it." I wish I could find that statement as amusing as Esther does but it's true. Maybe using my mother as the subject of the test question isn't a good idea because all I'll be able to think about is how she'd be able to criticise our choice and if I start doing that I'll be really sunk, I'll end up throwing in the towel completely and they really won't get names.


	64. Chapter 64 - 48 Days and Counting

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 64 – 48 Days and Counting

"Sandra come here look at this." I swear I'm going to put a complete ban on him going near the computer at this time of night. We've had a lovely but tiring Sunday and now instead of doing the same as me and getting ready for bed he's in the office on the computer doing god knows what!

"Gerry can't whatever it is wait? You still have to get up for work in the morning and I'm exhausted let's go to bed." I've come through the door of the office and I can immediately see what this is about. A few months ago he found this website where you put your baby's due date in and you can check the stage of development, things you should expect in terms of movement and how you should feel yourself and finally the things you should have prepared. That's what he's on now and I just know it's going to have started him on a whole new panic, well here goes no one should have to deal with father-to-be nerves at this time of night.

"No it's important do you know what we're supposed to put in your hospital bag? Have you started to pack it? Do we even have a bag that will be the right size? According to this site we should have had it done weeks ago in case they decide to come early, there's a list of stuff we should have and I'm pretty sure right now we don't have any of it." See I told you he'd be panicking about something didn't I? "It's 48 days Sandra you realise if you went into labour now that wouldn't even be considered that early for twins?"

"Gerry I am going to block that sire so you can't go on it at this time of night and whip yourself up into a panic."

"But this is important if you ended up in hospital and we hadn't done it I wouldn't even know where to get half this stuff. What the hell are breast pads? How do you know what size nappies to buy?" I've perched myself on the end of the desk, my legs are ready to give up but I know I'm not getting to bed till we've talked about this.

"Breast pads are things you put in your bra to catch any milk that leaks when you're breast feeding and to start with you buy the nappies that say new born on them the name is a clue. Gerry I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands from now on I have plenty of time to shop for the rest of what we need."

"Do we even know what we need?" He just said there's a list we can both read so I'm guessing we'll be ok!

"Print the list and tomorrow I'll go get it all, I'll call Catlin and see if she's got lectures if she doesn't she might want to come with me."

"Ok but if she can't phone Esther you shouldn't be wandering around on your own or carrying a lot of bags or anything." He's not going to give up on this fear that if I'm alone for more than five minutes outside the confines of the house something terrible is going to happen but he needs to stop treating me like a six year old.

"Gerry are we going to have to have a row about this? You know I can't cope with you going all over protective husband on me. I know my limits right now I don't need twenty four hour a day supervision. If you're going to be like this for the next 48 days we are going to fall out big time." He's printed the list now and shut the computer down and I can see he is regretting being so over the top as he takes my hand and leads me toward the bedroom.

"I'm sorry sweetheart I am trying I promise." I've finally made it into bed and now that my feet are off the ground I'm feeling much more amenable. "I know it drives you nuts but I can't help the fact that the closer we get to January the more worried I am about you overdoing it. If anything happened to you or the boys and I wasn't here to help I'd never forgive myself."

"I know that but you've got to trust me to know my own body. If I feel like I can't do something I won't and if I need to do something and don't feel like I can do it on my own I'll call someone to go with me. We've got this far without me killing you let's get to the end of this without that changing." Now I've made light of the situation he's relaxing again I can see it in his eyes.

"Yeah I really don't want my sons born in prison so I'll back off with the over protectiveness if you promise to accept that we need to get things done now but you can't run around doing it all yourself."

"Ok deal; now get to sleep just because the boss is off tomorrow it doesn't mean you can slope into work late! I'll take the list tomorrow and get what we need for the bag and I'll take someone with me I promise." The light is finally off and he's cuddled into my back like he does every night with his hand resting protectively over my tummy like it always does and I love that feeling of being secure and cared for by him even if it does annoy me when he goes over the top.


	65. Chapter 65 - The Ex-Files

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 65 – The Ex Files

How long does it take one 18 year old to get ready? I phoned Catlin two hours ago and she said she'd love to come with me shopping. I said I'd pick her up ten minutes ago but instead of being ready when I got here she's still doing her hair. In the end I had to accept Jane's invitation to come inside since my extremities were turning to blocks of ice waiting in the car.

"She's a nightmare Sandra sorry, I have been yelling at her every five minutes for the last hour and she's been ignoring me. So this is your first day off work, how are you feeling?" Jane has spent the last ten minutes apologising so I am more than grateful for the change of subject.

"I don't think it's really sunk in yet, I mean right now it's like I've taken an extra day off to do some shopping." It's true when Gerry left this morning it didn't feel like the first day of my maternity leave. I know it will hit home by the end of the week though and then I'm not sure how I'll feel.

"Do you have a list? When I was expecting her ladyship I went out thinking I knew exactly what I needed and came home with not even half of it. MY mother took one look at it all when she called over that evening and rhymed off a list of about twenty things I'd forgotten and it's worse now. A friend of mine was telling me last night that the hospital doesn't provide anything these days. When I went in they had nappies, blankets and wipes and stuff you know the basics now you have to bring it all with you."

"Gerry printed me a list from this "baby's progress" web site he's been addicted to for months so I'm pretty sure it has everything on it though I'll still probably forget something." She's smiling sort of sadly now as she hands me a cup of herbal tea and I suddenly feel a little uncomfortable. It's fine that he's so friendly with his exes and that they will always be part of our lives but it doesn't change the fact that sometimes it still unnerves me a little to be alone with them talking about him.

"You realise you have been the best thing that ever happened to him don't you?" Ok make that a lot uncomfortable Jesus Catlin where are you? "He's a different man since you two got it together. We, the three of us I mean, probably all set out believing we could change him, that somehow it would be different for us than it had been for the ones before but we were kidding ourselves. You don't ever seen to have wanted to change him and yet you're the one that has."

See now I'm floored again. I don't know if they set out to change him but I do know I she's right about one thing I never laboured under any illusions that I could change him and I didn't want to. I fell in love with who he was and that was who I wanted to be with so I never expected him to change and I'm not even sure that he has apart from the obvious new found ability to be faithful.

"I don't know that he's changed that much." I should be better at dealing with this by now but I'm not I really want to be anywhere but here right now. I want to be shopping not listening to my husband's most recent ex take apart his character. Forgive me if that sounded ungracious but I have limited patience for things I normally tolerate these days.

"Sandra I know I'm the last person you want to hear this from in your position I'd be the same actually I was the same. When Carole and Alison used to talk to me about him there were times when I just wanted to say give it a rest already and I said I'd never do it when you two got married but it needs saying. He loves the girls, he's loved them since the day they were born and he'd do anything for them but e never wanted to be involved the way he does this time. That has nothing to do with the babies and everything to do with you. He wants to do it with you and that's how you've changed him, he loves you more than he loved the rest of us put together and that's what's changed him and all I'm saying is it's a change for the better."

"Thanks Jane." What else can I say but I can't help the fact that it pleases me that it's obvious how happy he is and that can only be a good thing right? Finally Catlin has bounced into the room and we're on our way and I have to admit that uncomfortable as it was it has put a little more spring in my step. I can't wait to get home later and show him what I've got for the boys and pack that bag together.


	66. Chapter 66 - Sisters are doing it

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 66 – Sisters are doing it for themselves

"So I think we need to hit Mothercare, boots, Debenhams and maybe stop at babies-R-Us again on the way home." By the time we left Jane's it was after one and we were both starving so we decided to stop for lunch before we shopped and review the list. Catlin has completely taken control of organising the military operation that is making sure we cover everything and I'm more than happy to let her, actually I'm finding it all very amusing. "And dad called me while I was getting ready and made me promise that I'd make sure you took it easy and that you let me carry all the bags!"

"Your dad is a nightmare we had this discussion last night and he promised me he'd back off."

"And you believed him?" Now she's laughing at me and she's right of course there was no way he was going to calm down completely but if our conversation makes him think before over reacting even half the time it will be an improvement. "To be honest he did tell me not to tell you he'd phoned but then the fact that he believed me when I said I wouldn't just shows he's as gullible as you."

I'm sure in her position I'd not have been so cheeky at 18 but then I know it's because she's as comfortable with me as she is with her mother so I should be grateful. Of all the girls she's the one I'm closest to, she was only a child when Gerry and I started working together so I've watched her grow from a hyperactive child who used to bounce into the office now and then and turn it upside down with her enthusiasm into a confident young woman who knows her own mind and isn't afraid to say so.

"You know the boys are going to love you as they grow up, you are definitely going to be the cool big sister." She's beaming with pride now but I really believe that. When I was a child I would have loved a big sister who was old enough to babysit me and fill me in on all those things I considered cool but my parents considered too trivial for conversation.

"Yeah well someone is going to have to teach them about the important things. The best music, films, TV and stuff. Dad doesn't have a clue and you'll be too busy looking after them to keep up with the most up-to-date and important stuff."

"hey I'm not over the hill yet I think I still know what's popular." She looks completely sceptical now and I am regretting saying it now because I know she's trying to think of questions to throw at me to prove her point. "That doesn't mean you won't know more than me though I'll give you that."

"Exactly." Phew that was close I think I've satisfied her that I agree and there's no need for a quiz. "Anyway it won't be hard to be the cool sister I mean Paula is so a "yummy mummy" these days she's only interested in football practices, school plays and what the other mums are doing. AS for Emily she'll be great at teaching them about police procedure but they've got you and dad for that. Once they are old enough they'll definitely choose me any time you need someone to look after them."

We've finished lunch now and are heading for the main street and she still clutching Gerry's list. I'm not sure Paula and Emily would be overly happy with her descriptions over then and I know something she doesn't.

"I'm sure they will but you know variety in siblings is a good thing. Think about what you've learned from your sisters in the past," See the way I look at it the boys are going to have the best of all worlds. "You will be the cool sister but they will love going to Paula's because GJ will be there and they'll have someone to play with. Where Emily is concerned she'll be telling them all about the cases she's working on in a way me and your dad never will because we'd be worried about traumatizing them. They're boys so you can rest assured they will love her descriptions the gorier the better."

"Yeah I see what you're saying." She's thinking about it now as we get to Mothercare and she grabs a basket focusing on the lists. Standing with her as she points out the various departments of the shop we need to go to I can't help but think that when it comes to their sisters the boys have got it made. They are going to have the perfect balance between all sides of their personalities and when they get older and me and Gerry are driving them crazy they will never be short of people to complain to.


	67. Chapter 67 - Big bag of little things

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 67 – A Big Bag of Little Things

"Did Catlin make herself useful or was she more trouble than help?" He has so little faith in his youngest daughter to focus at times. He should know by now that when it comes to her brothers she can be downright single minded.

"Of course she did she followed your instructions to the letter." Ah now he looks guilty and he knows he's totally busted it's almost cute how sheepish he looks. I'm lying on the bed as he unpacks the bags of stuff I bought today and prepares them all to go in the new suitcase I bought because every other one we owned was too big or too small.

"She ratted me out? I should have known she never has been able to keep her mouth shut especially when you tell her specifically to do just that."

"Yeah well she pointed out that you were as naïve to think she'd not tell me as I was to believe you would stop fussing." He's shaking his head now and I wouldn't like to be in her shoes when he sees her again. They are too alike that's the problem it's blatantly obvious from the fact he's taken almost as long to sort the shopping into neatly organised piles as she did categorising the list. In one pile he has practical things like nappies, wipes, dummies, nappy sacks, nappy cream and cotton wool. In another he has things that are for me, nighties, toiletries, breast pads, nursing bras, dressing gown you know the sort of stuff. The finally he has two piles for the boys one with clothes and baby grows and one with things for bringing them home, coats, hats, blankets and things. When I looked at the list last night it didn't seem like it would be so much. Now though with all but the bit of the bed I'm sitting on covered in stuff I've realised it was.

"Why don't you let me actually pack the bag and you have a turn at lying on the bed?"

"Not on your life I've seen the way you pack cases and it's not happening I have this all worked out."

"Hey I always get things in when I pack just because I don't go all Brian about making sure it's neat does not mean I'm bad at it." Seriously he could give Brian a run for his money when it comes to obsessiveness in packing you should see it he not only puts everything in categories when he packs or holidays he has all this underwear, socks and stuff in little zip up freezer bags so he can use them to put the dirty ones in for coming home, it makes me laugh it really does.

"Sandra I love you and you're amazing at many things but packing is not one of them so admit defeat and leave this one to me." He's started by putting my stuff in the bottom followed by the nappies and stuff. "Where's the breast pump? Did you not get one?"

"Of course I got one it was on the list wasn't it? But why would we need it at the hospital, Me and my breasts will not be going very far away from them so we'll not need to express milk." He's completely ignored me and disappeared into the nursery and come back with the pump which has now joined the other stuff in the case. I give up I really do.

"Some of these things are gorgeous." He's carefully folding vests, baby grows and putting socks and scratch mitts into a bag then adding them and bibs which are in another bag to the top of the case. "Let me guess these were Miss Catlin's choice to go with the coats to bring them home in?"

"Yeah they are adorable though I promised her that they'd come home dressed in the full ensemble including coats." He's holding two outfits both with tiny little pairs of denim dungarees one with a red t-shirt under it the other with a blue one. On the pocket of one set is a bear and on the other a dog so they match the coats she got and they have now been added to the case. Finally adding two blankets and two baby towels to the top covering everything else he's standing back smiling at his handy work.

"See Sandra it is possible to fit everything you need into a suitcase and still be able to get it closed." He is so smug at times I could scream this time though he has a point normally when I pack it involves me needing to sit on it just to get the bag closed but he's just pulled the zip round the case effortlessly. "Now that's us finally ready boys so you can come along any time you want."

"Don't tell them that Gerry for god sake it's not even December for a few more days. Much as I'd like to get back to being able to see my feet I'd rather they stayed where they are for a little while longer." I know he was only joking and he's right about one thing if they do decide to make a surprise appearance we're actually ready but I'd still rather they didn't. Right now I'm all for predictable so they can stay put and the bag can sit by the door waiting like it's supposed to.


	68. Chapter 68 - Antenatal Antics 1

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 68 – Antenatal Antics 1

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this!" We've just arrived at our first antenatal class something I really didn't want to have any part of but which Paula convinced him we really needed to attend. We've just walked into the room and there's already about a dozen couple all milling around and as I predicted when we discussed this last night they are all a lot younger than us. Not only that but there aren't any chairs there are bean bags scattered around the floor and I'm pretty sure there's whale music playing in the background I mean who thinks that will be relaxing for a pregnant woman to listen to I already feel like a beached whale most of the time I don't need to listen to them screech at each other too.

"Blame Paula, haven't these people heard of chairs?" If we're here we might as well make the most of it but I swear if this ends up being half as unbearable as it feels like it's going to be then we're not coming back!

"Clearly not just pick a bean bag and sit on it then I'll sit on the floor in front of you that's what everyone else is doing."

"If you get down on the floor are you going to be able to get up? You couldn't get out of the armchair at Jack's last night without help."

"Don't push it it's your fault I'm this size you got me pregnant in the first place and remember you promised to love me no matter how big I got." He's right though he's picked the largest of the bean bags and I've just about made it down there's no way I'm getting up from here without a winch. Right now though he's whispering in my ear how much he loves me and how much more radiant and beautiful I am than all the other women in the room so I'll think about the practicalities of getting up later!

"Good evening Mummy's and Daddy's and welcome to your first antenatal class, it's lovely to see such a big group for this set of sessions." Oh god; imagine if you will the TV stereo type version of someone who takes these classes and I swear that's what we've got. She has that total earth mother look about her, I can imagine her going home to her bohemian home with her 12 children to prepare them an organic home grown dinner before they all spend the evening doing yoga and writing poetry instead of watching TV. I'd say it's only because the older I get the more cynical I become but at least half the other couples in the room are looking at her like they're thinking the same thing. "Now I like to start these sessions by having everyone introduce themselves so if we can start here on my left and work our way round. Just tell everyone your name, when you baby is due, if you know the sex and if this is your first child."

I can feel Gerry tense behind me and I know he hates every second of this. He comes across as so outgoing and able to mingle anywhere and he is but that's when there's a large group and no one is looking directly at him to be the only one speaking. We're second from last and the closer it gets to us the more tense he is I should really let him off the hook shouldn't I?

"Hi everyone I'm Sandra Standing and this is my husband Gerry." He's finally relaxed and is squeezing my arm gently in thanks. "We're expecting twins on the 9th January, they are both boys and they are our first children together but we have three daughters from Gerry's previous relationships the youngest is 18."

"Thank you." He's whispering against my hair as he kisses my head gently and the couple beside us inform us that they are having a girl at the end of January and she's their 9th child, some people really are gluttons for punishment.

"That's lovely thank you everyone, my name is Jasmine and I have four children myself, 3 boys and 1 girl and the youngest is 4." See I told you complete hippy. Who's called Jasmine anyway I bet her kids are called things like "star" and "cosmic" they are bound to be. "I like to start off with watching a video. One of our couples from a couple of years ago kindly agreed to film their birth for us and we've put together some of it to show you the different stages you will experience when your little bundles decide to make an appearance."

There has been a collective gasp of shock from the entire room especially from the men and if I could get off the floor with any speed at all we'd be out of here. She's wheeled a TV and DVD player into the centre of the room and killed the lights. This can't be going to be good it really can't.


	69. Chapter 69 - Antenatal Antics 2

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 69 – Antenatal Antics 2

"Why would anyone let themselves be filmed like that?" Gerry is staring at the TV screen as the video starts with what I am pretty sure from my research is the very early stages of labour. The woman is pacing back and forward one eye on Eastenders playing on the TV in the background and the other on her husband who is going "he, he ,he ,he" breaths with her as she comes out the other side of her contraction.

"I've no idea but if you even think about bringing a camera into the room when these two are being born not only will I make sure you are in as much pain as me but your ability to ever get us into this situation again will be seriously compromised." Oddly enough he's chosen to ignore that comment but then that's probably because the action on the screen has changed dramatically and the time code in the corner tells us we've moved on five hours.

"Sandra?" The woman on the screen is now in the final stages of labour and it's not a pretty sight. The question in the terrified way he just whispered my name and the fact that he is holding me so tightly I think he's going to squeeze the life clean out of me tells me he's not enjoying the show one bit.

"Its ok honey it's almost over and just think it will be worth it in the end." He's not the only man in the room who's at full on the panic scale right now and several of the women have gone a milk like shade of white too. What was the instructor thinking making this the introduction to the course? Now it's over and the collective sigh of relief as the baby is handed to the mother is almost deafening.

"Well now we've had the shock treatment next time we'll get on to advising you all on the best breathing exercises to minimise the distress for both mummy and daddy when your little bundle begins their journey into the world. For now though there are cold drinks and bran muffins at the back of the room for any of you who want to stay and get to know your fellow prospective parents and of course I'll be around to answer any of your questions. Thanks for coming and I'll see you all next week." Now she's creeping me out how can she be so cheerful when she's scared 70% of the class to death? She's acting like she just showed us an episode of Fawlty Towers!

"We don't have to stay do you?" Like hell we do the last thing I want to do right now is talk to her or anyone else.

"If you help me up I swear we're out of here." If he says "I told you so" I'll kill him I swear I will. He's helping me up without some mush as one "I told you so" though but I think that's more to do with the fact that he doesn't want to get cornered by her like the couple beside us have.

"It isn't going to be that bad is it? I've never been there when it's all going on Sandra I have walked in to a smiling wife and a cute little baby please tell me it isn't going to be that bad. Is it too late to change our minds?" We're in the car now on the way home and he's already gone through two red lights he's so flustered. See now I have a choice I can lie and say no it'll be fine, he'll know I'm lying but he'll feel better in the short term or I can be honest and say yes but it's one day and at the end of it we'll have two beautiful baby boys.

"Yes it's too late to change our minds there's only one way out from here and from what I've read every labour is different but I don't imagine any of them are fun. You know the size of a baby and you are intimately acquainted with the place they have to come out of so it's bound to be rough. We can do it, we can do anything together can't we?" See now I've prepared him but taken the sting out of the tail by hopefully making him feel a little better.

"We've always been able to so far so why should this be any different?" He's smiling at me now phew that was close.

"It won't be any different, six weeks and it will all be over and the boys will be here don't you think that's worth anything we might have to go through between now and then?" He's nodding and I can tell for now the moment has passed. When I get my hands on Paula though I'm going to kill her and the next time she has a bright idea I'm ignoring it on principle.


	70. Chapter 70 - A date with the Doctor

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 70 – A date with the doctor

"We're going to be late!" We have an appointment with the doctor, we've had one every fortnight since I found out I was pregnant but he still gets into a panic and gets nervous every time if it wasn't so bloody annoying it would be sweet.

"Well tell your sons that if they'd let me go longer than twenty minutes without needing the loo maybe we'd be on time for lots more places." Personally I just want to get there, have the scan, listen to him tell me everything is ok then drop Gerry at the office so I can go Christmas shopping. It's 30th November and I really need to get started. He can't see why I'm so worried about it as far as he's concerned it's weeks till Christmas so why bother. The problem is that I am the one who does all the Christmas shopping, the only thing he has to buy is my present and even though he swears he doesn't I know he buys that on Christmas Eve.

"I can't wait to see them again, I know it's only been two weeks since the last scan but they seem to grow so much each time now." We've finally made it into the car and he's gone from panicked to excited. I know what he means though over the months I've become completely addicted to seeing them once a fortnight.

"Yeah you know I know I'm normally the one saying there's loads of time but we're going to have to think again about names. Maybe tonight when you get in from the office, after you've filled me in on how the Macintosh case is going we could talk about it again." We've pulled up outside the doctor's office and he's now grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"I think that's the best idea you've have in weeks now let's get in there and see if we get any inspiration from seeing them again."

"Well Sandra, Gerry as you saw your boys are coming along great, they're a good size and they both have strong healthy heartbeats." We've had the scan and he's asked me all the questions he normally does but instead of telling us he'll see us in two weeks he's asked us to stay and now we're sitting in front of his desk while he looks through my file. "Given the fact you're having twins and given your age Sandra I would be reluctant to let you go full term."

"Why? Isn't it better that they stay put until they're ready to come out themselves?" I was about to ask the same question but Gerry got their first. If they are growing and healthy why move them before they're ready?

"With twin pregnancies in older mothers the longer the gestation period the more likelihood that if labour starts naturally there may be complications. Our best chance of bringing them into the world with the minimum risk to Sandra and them is to induce early. That way we have the best chance of you having a natural delivery but we are also in the best position to carry out a C-section should we need to."

"Ok so how early are we talking about? A couple of days? A week? A few weeks?" Gerry looks like he's been slapped so now I'm the one asking the questions even though I'm not feeling so great about this news myself.

"Well normally we'd induce two weeks prior to your due date but since two weeks back from 9th January is Boxing Day I'd be looking at 27th December." December? I was expecting him to say just after the New Year or something but December? "Obviously I can't make you go with an early induction Sandra the choice is ultimately yours but I can't advise you strongly enough to follow my recommendations. Your boys are a good size and we've seen nothing up to not to lead us to believe they would be in any way disadvantaged by arriving a couple of weeks early."

Gerry and I are staring at each other now and we both know that we have to do what he says. If we didn't and anything happened we'd never forgive ourselves.

"Ok the 27th it is then." The doctor is smiling at me now as he opens is desk planner.

"Good well I'll book you in for 8am on 27th. You Just arrive at the main hospital reception and they will take you to the ward were the nursing staff will get you settled then I'll see you about 9am to start the induction. In the meantime just keep doing what you've been doing because it's working, it's producing two healthy little chaps and enjoy your Christmas."

Now he's ready to let us go and I've got over the initial shock so I'm starting to feel a little excited. It's just over three weeks till Christmas, my favourite time of year, then when it's over we get to become a family even earlier and by New Year 's Eve we'll be seeing the new year in with our sons what could be better than that?


	71. Chapter 71 - Grandma knows best

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 71 – Grandma Knows Best

"I thought you said twelve Sandra it's almost one I've been waiting for over an hour." By the time I dropped Gerry off at the office after the doctor's appointment I knew I was going to be late picking her up but I really hoped that she's cut me some slack since she knew I had to see the doctor and I'm taking her Christmas shopping something I swore after last year I'd never do again. I wasn't pregnant then and it was a nightmare I can only imagine how bad it's going to be this time.

"Sorry mum the appointment at the doctor's went on longer than I was expecting we'll stop for lunch before we hit the shops if that's ok with you your grandsons are making their displeasure known at the fact I haven't eaten since eight this morning." Now she's tutting and shaking her head as we pull away from Whitemead here comes the lecture about not eating properly and how I need to think about the babies not just myself these days.

"What did the doctor say? Why was it longer than you were expecting?" OK I wasn't expecting that. "Sandra stop ignoring me is everything ok with the babies and with you?"

"Yes Mum everything's fine with all three of us he just wanted to talk about the delivery now that we're heading into December."

"So how early does he want to induce you?" What the hell? She's totally one step ahead of me and she hasn't been pregnant for… well let's just say for a long time if she knows that he'll want to deliver early why did I not see it coming?

"How did you know that was what he wanted?"

"Sandra just because you decided to wait until it was almost too late to give me grandchildren does not mean that I haven't spent the last twenty years listening to every detail of the pregnancies of the daughters of my friends." God she never misses a chance to have a dig but I'm not rising to it we've arrived at the little gastro pub not far from the rest home and I need food more than I need an argument.

"Normally he'd want to bring me in a fortnight early but that would be Boxing Day so I've to go on the 27th." We've ordered now and have been sitting staring at each other until I gave in and realised she wasn't going to let the question lie. "Apparently there are too many risks to wait for me to go into labour naturally."

"Because of your age" Argh! She couldn't just say ok well thanks for telling me could she? Why is everyone so obsessed with my age?

"Not just my age but because its twins, he says there're a good size and everything says they are healthy so there's no reason to believe they won't be born and perfectly fine a couple of weeks early."

"Well if he said all that why are you so worried, and don't tell me you're not because whatever you might believe I know you too well to be fooled by that." See I told you I was getting transparent the longer this pregnancy went on didn't I? I've never been good at talking to my mother about how I feel and the longer I'm quiet the less likely she is to let it drop. I could just… "Sandra I know we've spent the most of your life not talking to each other, not really believing we have anything in common to talk about but for once in your life you're going through something I might actually understand so why don't we give being a proper mother and daughter a try? Tell me what's bothering you."

God how do you argue with that? She's right we act more like strangers most of the time would it kill is to act like we care for a change?

"I'm just worried in general Mum the closer it gets to the boys getting here, I'm worried about them coming early, I know the doctor says they'll be fine but what if they aren't? I'm worried about the birth itself and I'm worried about what sort of mother I'll be when they're born. Basically you name it I'm worried about it right now."

Now that I've said it all I've realised just how much has been on my mind and now she's staring at me thoughtfully. This is one of those times I need her to just tell me it's going to be ok but somehow I don't think that's going to happen.


	72. Chapter 72 - Letting Go

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 72 – Letting go

"Sandra do you know what you're biggest problem is?" See told you not a hope in hell that she was going to just go for the "don't worry darling it will be fine" approach. "You're a control freak you can't just…."

"Mum you know what don't worry about it you can't do "normal" when it comes to being a mother and I can't do "normal" when it comes to being a daughter we should jut carry on accepting that." I really can't believe I ever thought talking to her was a good idea and now the waiter has brought out food so her answer has been delayed but she'll no doubt just tell me I'm being childish that's her usual line.

"For once in your life just let me talk Sandra, if I'm finished and you choose to ignore me then fine why change the habits of a lifetime." Well I'm stuck here it's not like I can just walk out and leave her so she's not leaving me much option but to listen to her is she? "For your whole life you've needed to be in control, even when you were a baby it was the days when midwives and doctors were pushing routine, set feeding times, nap times the whole thing and I tied that with you. It lasted less than three days before I had enough of constantly listening to you scream when you didn't get your own way. You wanted to decide when you slept and when you were hungry and when you had cuddles and just about everything else."

"I'm surprised you lasted three day I'd have given up after one!" I really would the idea of the boys being unhappy because they weren't getting what they needed when they needed it makes me panic already.

"In the 60's you did what your midwife told you to do Sandra especially when it was your first baby but in the end I told her I knew my baby better than she did and I'd decide what to do. She was disgusted and informed me I was making a rod for my own back, there are times when you are being at your most independent and impossible that I think she might have been right.2 I talk a lot about how little my mother understands me but sometimes like now I realise that it's not that she doesn't know me, she does she just doesn't always like who I am.

"Well I'd not make the boys wait for food or force them to sleep if they weren't ready so if it helps I think you did the right thing." She's nodding now is this conversations nearly over? Please tell me it's nearly over!

"Anyway pregnancy and parenting are two of the things in your life you will have least control over Sandra. They will be fine arriving a little early the doctor knows what he's talking about and if he's happy to deliver on 27th then you have to trust him. As for the birth I'm not going to lie to you Sandra it's not a pleasant experience. Your grandmother refused to say anything when I asked her about giving birth when I was expecting you and I went into labour completely unprepared I thought I was dying it was awful."

"Oh I know I've been doing some research and we went to one antenatal class where this awful woman who was taking it showed a video, it scared the life out of most of the room I swear Gerry is still traumatized."

"Who on earth would allow themselves to be filmed giving birth?" See no one thinks that it's normal to do that or expect others to watch it!

"That's what we wondered I've made it very clear to Gerry if he even thinks about bringing a camera near me he'll regret it." She's laughing now and the atmosphere is starting to thaw a little but I notice she's not bringing up my abilities as a mother even she knows there' every chance I'll be terrible at it.

"As for how you'll do once they get here if you calm down, go with the flow with them and trust your own instincts you'll be a great mother. Just remember everyone, including me I'll admit, will want to tell you how to raise those boys. They'll say you should feed them more and then others will tell you to feed them less, some will tell you to wrap them up more others will say you're not putting enough on them they'll be cold basically every opinion on both sides you'll hear from someone. What you need to remember though is no one will know your sons as well as you will. You know what they need when they need it, you'll be the only person who can sooth them at times, you will be the centre of their little worlds so if you relax and go with your instincts were they're concerned you'll do great and you'll be a great mum. You've never failed at anything you've put your mind to Sandra, there's not been a single time I've been anything but proud of your determination and your success and this is going to be no different."

"Thanks Mum." I can't believe how much better I feel I should be able to do what she says right? I mean I trust my instincts every day in work and there are already times when I can predict how they are going to act or react and they aren't even here yet so maybe she's right, maybe if I just let go of my need to be completely sure of things and trust myself a little more everything will be ok.


	73. Chapter 73-What's in a name inspiration

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 73 – What's in a name - Inspiration strikes

"So you managed to get through it without killing her?" I'm exhausted, I used to be able to keep going from 7am till midnight and then get up at 7 the next morning and do it all again but this pregnancy business is tiring! I'm sitting with my feet up on Gerry's lap while he rubs my ankles and we've covered his day at the office and my shopping trip.

"Yeah it wasn't too bad I actually enjoyed some of it." After our conversation over lunch we did actually manage to shop for over two hours without it descending into a complete disaster! I got all the most important presents so another short trip for stocking fillers and cards and we're sorted. "She's still not happy that we haven't picked names though. I did tell her we weren't overly pleased about that fact ourselves either now that we know exactly when they are going to arrive we really need to make some progress Gerry."

"I know, did you at least tell her we've picked middle names?" I did but I'm not sure now is the time to tell him she didn't like them but then I did tell you that she'd have holes to pick in whatever we decided on didn't I?

We've fallen silent again and I've picked up the radio times off the table and am flicking through it I've got the stage were I'm prepared to look anywhere for inspiration! I'm scanning the cast lists under all of tonight's programs in the hope something will jump out at me but nothing has so far.

"Some of these actor's parents must have really hated them when they were born to have picked these names I mean who calls their child Tiger Drew Honey?"

"His real name is probably Nigel Smith or something and it wasn't starry enough for him so he changed it. I think I'll we'll stay away from wild animal names for the boys I can't imagine telling people that we have two beautiful healthy baby boys called zebra and warthog or whatever."

"Why can't something just come to us, why can't we just hear something and know it's right?"

"Well I did hear one name I liked today Jack was going through the original witness statements in the Peter's case and one was from the son's best friend when he read the name out it sounded good." He's carried on explaining how the friend was involved in the case and now that he's finally got to the name I'm floored by how perfect it is. It's not the sort of thing I think we'd have come across on our own even if we'd had another nine months to go through the books and have lengthy discussions with friends and family.

"Gerry it's perfect! I really, really love it and now we've got one it should make it easier to pick the other one shouldn't it?" I'm starting to get excited now that we've made some progress.

"I hope so let's see what you've for from the radio times while I get the baby name book off the shelf. Pick a program and read out the male cast members."

"Christopher, Peter, Michael, Edward, Kevin, Lawrence, Paul and Stewart." We've already discounted every male actor's name from Silent witness now we're on Lewis and there's nothing there that's jumping out at me.

"No, no, no, Edward is too old, Kevin is too…..well too Kevin, Lawrence who the hell calls their child Lawrence, Paul is too plain and we've already said no to Stewart when Esther suggested it." I take back what I said about picking the second name being easier because we already had one! "Right random page in the baby book first 3 names I see, Nathan, Nadium and Nigel."

"Do I even need to say it?" He's shaking his head and flicking through the book again as I try to find another show, maybe if I go for something American it will at least give us a wider selection of names. "Ok let's try these for size, Jason , Marshall, Adam, Caleb, Anthony, Eli, Ethan, Reece and Blake."

We're reading silently down the list again together now as he looks over my shoulder ad I can already sense he's thinking the same thing s I am.

"What do you think? It works doesn't it? With the other one I mean?" he's pointing at the name on the list that is the exact same one I was thinking of too. At last! With less than four weeks to go the boys finally have names, fantastic names! They will suit them perfectly I can feel it and that's it now, the final thing, now there's nothing more we can do to prepare for them arriving all we have to do is enjoy Christmas and wait for the 27th when we become a complete family.


	74. Chapter 74 - 26 Days and Counting

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 74 – 26 Days and Counting

"It's December boys Christmas is coming; when daddy gets home we're going to put the Christmas tree up. Next year when you are here for it you're going to love watching us put the tree up the lights when they are all sparkly will keep you occupied for hours!" It's December 1st 26 days till I becoming a Mummy and the boys and I are having a relaxing day waiting for Gerry to come home to go into the attic and get the tree and the decorations. I love the house once the tree is up it makes it feel like the festive season has really started and because it is the first year in this house it will be even more special, Now that I've pretty much accepted the fact that the doctor knows what he's talking about and I know they are going to be here so soon I know it will be the best Christmas ever.

"Will we wrap some presents to go under the tree? I think we should if we don't wrap Daddy's he'll spend the next three weeks hunting for it and Catlin will be the same every time she visits they are both terrible at waiting for gifts to be a surprise. Last year I caught the two of them rooting through the cupboard in the spare bedroom when they thought I had gone out for takeaway!" I thought the whole searching for present's thing was only for little kids but Catlin is still terrible and she gets it from her father. Other years I've always hidden his in the locked filling cabinet in the office to stop him finding it before I have a chance to wrap it but this year I've had to be inventive and it's at the bottom of the baby box in the nursery that Paula gave us at the party so doing some wrapping up today while I have the house to myself is a good idea.

"Right boys first lesson in Christmas wrapping is start with the awkward stuff first otherwise you get to it at the end and you can't be bothered." That's happened to me more times than I care to remember, I've spent ages wrapping nice boxes and items of clothing that are easy then come across some candle sticks or a football and given up for the day. "So we're starting with GJ's presents because being six years old appears to mean that nothing you like is easy to wrap! You two are going to love GJ he's going to think you're great when you get a little older. He's really into Ben 10 right now so we've got him some figures and this truck thing that turns into a lab Paula says he's going to love them. You two are going to want this sort of thing in a few years so I should get used to wrapping them."

I could just put all the little figures, the lab and all the other things, PJ's, sweets, books and a collection of other bits and pieces we always get for him in one big box and wrap it but Gerry likes to have them all wrapped separately and then we put them in a big Santa sack with GJ's name on it so he can open each one, this means it takes a while to get through his wrapping. I'm sounding grumpy about wrapping but now that I'm sitting at the dining table with rolls of paper and bags with all the presents in them I'm looking forward to it. I know it's a cliché to say Christmas is your favourite time of year but it always has been mine. Everything about it, the shops, the decorations, the atmosphere in general makes me feel like no matter what we see in our day to day working lives there is still goodness in the world, still a feeling of care for even a stranger and a love between families that can battle anything.

When I used to think about having kids I used to justify the fact that I wasn't considering it by saying why would I want to bring another life into a world where things that I saw could happen. I used to say no child deserves to be brought into a world where people could do those sorts of things to people they didn't even know and the same or worse to those they claimed to love. I know now that it was just another excuse that I gave myself to justify how "happy" I was alone. In 26 days I'm going to have brought not one but two new lives into the world and while I'm not going to claim I haven't worried about the sort of world I'll be bringing them up in, I've realised that the fact they are going to have us to protect them is the really important thing. If I believed that the timing of things was predestined I'd say someone somewhere planned for me to have these babies around Christmas because now surrounded by gifts neatly wrapped and with the prospect of putting the Christmas tree up tonight to look forward to I can't think of any better place or time to bring new life into the world. New life that is part of me and part of Gerry, new life that will make our lives even more complete, what better belated Christmas present could there be?


	75. Chapter 75- Family Matters

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 75 – Family Matters

"Gerry that's the box with the Halloween costumes in it are you actually looking at what you are bringing down or are you just reaching for random boxes?" This is getting ridiculous he came in from work an hour late because he had to call at Jane's to help Roy with a leak or something, he burnt the chilli he was making for dinner and he's not answered a single question I've asked with anything more than a distant mumble and I'm starting to go from concerned that something is bothering him to seriously pissed off.

"Sorry I'll put them back up and get the box with the tinsel and stuff."

"We already have that you're supposed to be looking for the one with the candle holders and stuff for the book cases but forget about it for now we need to talk." See normally he'd be concerned that I wasn't feeling well or something was wrong but instead he's just nodded and his heading down the stairs, whatever is on his mind better be worth worrying me like this or he's going to seriously regret it! "Are you going to tell me what's got into you tonight?"

"Nothing what makes you think there's something wrong?" Is he kidding me? Has he not been paying attention to the way he's been acting for the last two hours?"

"You've been on another planet since you got home Gerry and I can't decide if I'm worried or pissed off. You haven't said two coherent sentences in a row, you haven't spoken to the boys which is always the first thing you do when you come in, you burnt the dinner and now you can't even tell the difference between Halloween and Christmas so tell me what's going on. Did something happen at the office today because if it did you need to tell me we had a deal remember?" Now he's refusing to look at me this is bad, really bad and I can tell you now of those two emotions I was feeling earlier worried is winning hands down. "Gerry stop it you're scaring me now what's wrong?"

"It's nothing to do with work honestly it's just Jane has…well I didn't know how to…it's just…"

"Jesus Gerry spit it out is Jane ill? Is there something wrong with Catlin? Is she in trouble?"

"Roy wants to take Jane away for Christmas and New Year." Ok now I'm confused why should his exe going on holiday warrant this sort of reaction?

"And that's turned you into an incoherent zombie?"

"She asked if we'd…shit Sandra she wants us to keep Catlin for the two weeks she's away I told her I'd have to speak to you first with the boys coming and everything but I didn't know how to ask you. She says she could stay at home on her own normally but with it being Christmas and….." He's staring at me now like he's worried I might be about to completely blow my top and he might be right nut not because he wants Catlin to spend Christmas with us but because he's put me through two hours of hell rather than just saying so as soon as he came in the door. What the hell does he take me for he knows his girls are always welcome here why would that be any different now it's not like she's a toddler I'd have to be running after as well as looking after the boys.

"Gerry what the hell were you think why didn't you just tell her that was fine, have I ever objected to her being here or any of them being here for that matter?" See now he's smiling and pulling me toward him so were sitting with our feet up on the sofa with my back resting against his chest as he strokes my tummy.

"I know that but with the doctor bringing you in early and the fact that it will be our first New Year's as a family I thought you'd want us to be on our own with the boys." I'm starting to get a little irritated now, he knows me well enough to know that our family includes his girls; does he really think that's going to change just because the boys are going to be ours and the girls are his?

"Gerry we've always been a family as far as I'm concerned you, me, the girls and GJ and just because we're adding two new members to that family ourselves doesn't change that. I can't believe you'd think I'd want Jane to give up a holiday or want Catlin to spend Christmas at home alone just because we'll hopefully be bringing the boys home in the middle of this holiday period. Of course I want her here it'll be great; she'll be able to enjoy the boys coming home just as much as we will.

"I'm sorry it wasn't that I didn't think you'd want her here normally just this year is sort of special but I should have known you wouldn't mind you still surprise me every day. I'll call Jane and tell her it's all ok she'll be here from 20th till the 5th January ok?"

"Yes and when you call Jane please let her know that I said you should have just said yes right away!" He's disappeared into the hall to ring Jane and I still can't believe that all that panic was over something so stupid! Not only do I love the idea that she'll be here with us over the holidays but other than us she's been the most involved in preparing for the boys to get here so I think it's perfect that she's going to be here when they come home. The prospect of this Christmas just keeps getting better and better.


	76. Chapter 76- The Stockings Were Hung

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 76 – The Stockings were hung

"Why is it that the lights are always working perfectly when you put them away in January then somehow they stop working while in a box in the attic?" After we finally got to the bottom of his mood last night and he'd let Jane and Catlin know that everything was fine we were both too tired to even think about carrying on with the Christmas decorating so we made sure we have the right boxes down and left it all siting in the corner ready for tonight. Now he's doing his yearly battle with the lights while I move things around on the book shelves to make room for the candle holders.

"Daddy says that every year boys so get used to it, he always says the lights were fine when he put them away and now that aren't. Uncle Brian says it's the same in their house but me and Auntie Esther know the truth. They're just too careless when it comes to putting them away that's all."

"Hey! That's not true you know me and Brian both agreed to pack them really carefully last year and it's made no different they still aren't working and he told me that when he took his out last night they didn't work ether. Ignore Mummy boys when you grow up you'll realise women always blame men when electrical stuff doesn't work."

I've just thrown a ball of bubble wrap at him and now we're both laughing I love this I love the decorating and how it all looks when it's done.

"Make sure all the icicle decorations aren't in the one place spread them out up there." The lights and the tinsel are on and we've been doing the baubles something I'm unbelievably fussy about. Normally I'd be up the step ladder at this stage making sure each one was exactly where I wanted it for obvious reasons though this year I'm not allowed up the ladder so he's doing it and I'm instructing. As usual though he's ignoring my instructions and doing exactly what he wants.

"I have spread them out." He hasn't "And before you say it I am listening to you." He's not! "You are going to have to get used to being less uptight about the tree you know by this time next year the boys will be almost one and will be crawling at least maybe even walking, Paula was by then. Toddlers and obsessive tree decorating do not go well together."

"Well then we'll get a smaller tree and put it on a table out of their reach but for now can you just put things where I'm telling you to put them." I don't want to think about the boys being one I'm still getting myself ready for them to be here and be lovely little bundles I definitely don't want to think about them already being a year old."

"Well happy now?" He's down the ladder and we're standing back staring at the tree.

"I will be once you put the star on top." It's his job to the tree off. When I was growing up my father always sat back and let me and my mother do the decorating then when we were done he'd put the fairy on top and the decorating was done. Now he's back up the ladder and the star is in position everything is ready. Christmas can begin, well almost. See when I was out today I came across a stall in the shopping centre that did something gorgeous and I couldn't resist.

"Where are you going I thought we were finished and you promised to put your feet up as soon as we were?" He made me swear that if he didn't insist that I sit still and watch him decorate then I'd put my feet up and have a nap while he made dinner and I'm still going to do that but I need to get my surprise first.

"I am going to put my feet up but we're not finished yet I got these today." I've handed him a bag with five stockings inside, two bright red with fur tops with a "g" and an "s" on them , two in royal blue with the same fur and a "e" and an "a" on them and one in rich dark purple with fur and a "c" on it.

"Sandra these are beautiful where did you get them?" He's looking at them like he's never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

"One of those pop up stalls at the shopping centre I thought since this is a special Christmas we should have something new. I know last Christmas was our first married but this year is going to be our first as a family even if it's the day after boxing day when the boys get here it doesn't mean they can't have stocking. I thought it would be nice for Catlin to have her own one too." He's pulled the box of drawing pins out of the decoration box and is putting the stockings up along the fireplace. They really are the perfect thing to finish the decorating and as he puts the last one up and kisses me gently I feel like Christmas is really here and I can't wait.


	77. Chapter 77-We wish you a merry christmas

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 77 – We Wish You A Merry Christmas

"Sandra will you stop stretching if Dad comes back and sees you I'll get ear ache about the fact that you and me both promised him you'd just supervise sorting out the table while I did all the work!" Tonight is the night of our annual Christmas party. The first year we were together we decided to have a party to sort of show everyone how happy we were, it was supposed to be a one off but since this is the 4th year we've been hosting it I think that makes it a tradition! It's 14th December exactly ten days before Christmas and Gerry has spent the whole day cooking up a storm making a table's worth of finger foods. He has now gone to the wine warehouse not far from here to get wine, spirits and mixers and he gave strict instructions as to where to put everything but only allowed us to do it if I promised to only supervise and let her do all the work.

"Are you going to be as impossible as him next week when you move in here for a couple of weeks?" The whole Jane's holiday crisis has long passed and we're all looking forward to Catlin being here for a couple of weeks. She's already spending more time here than at home because she's almost as paranoid as Gerry about me over doing it.

"Probably, it's genetic." She is so comical at times the way she has, actually that it seems all teenagers have, to come up with a smart ass reply in seconds cracks me up. "I love the stockings Dad showed me earlier and thanks for getting me one too."

"Why wouldn't I get you one, it's Christmas and you're going to be here so you should have one just like us. Besides it means as the boys get older and enjoy the fact the stockings get put up every year we'll be able to tell them it started the year they were born and that you have one because you were here when they arrived." She's beaming now and I'm so pleased she's happy about it and it will become a new tradition.

"And I love the names you guys picked they're perfect and not at all boring or lame." We told her the names earlier when she saw the stockings but we've sworn her to secrecy we don't want anyone to know until they're here.

"Thanks but remember Catlin the names are a secret so no telling half the room later no matter how hard you mum, Carole, Alison and Esther pester you. Plead ignorant." It can't hurt to remind her again I know how intimidating the exes can be when they get going and throw Esther into the mix and they could collectively get the most hardened SAS man to give up his secrets.

"I'm back how are two of my favourite girls and my two favourite boys getting on?" I can hear the repeated tinkle of bottles banging against each other as he empties the car and puts all the booze he bought in the hall.

"Sandra keeps trying to help!" Oh she is such a little snitch he couldn't have been in two minutes before she blurted it out.

"Tattle tale!" She's laughing uncontrollably now as I stick my tongue out at her.

"Well I'm back now so she can go sit down and leave us to it even if I have to handcuff her to the chair." Excuse me?

"Hey you two "she" is still in the room remember and I don't imagine lifting a bowl of pasta salad the whole six feet from the counter to the table will do me and the boys any harm." I mean seriously what are they thinking if I try to do anything more taxing than making a cup of tea they are all over me.

"That's not the point Sandra you don't need to be lifting things even if it is just a bowl of pasta. Catlin was here to do it and now we're both here! Now everyone will be arriving soon so why don't you go finish getting ready and leave this to us….please sweetheart." How can I refuse him anything when he goes all puppy dog eyes on me?

"Ok but remember I'm not an invalid I can still help if I have to sit around all evening while you two run around doing everything I'll not enjoy myself."

They're completely ignoring me but I'm not even going to bother arguing it takes me a little longer to get ready these days and everyone will be here in twenty minutes. For me this is the real beginning of the Christmas season and even if they do insist on wrapping me in cotton will I intend to enjoy it.


	78. Chapter 78 - Santa's Secret

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 78 – Santa's Secret

"God Sandra when did you say they were bringing you in?" Carole and Alison have just arrived and she's looking at the size of my bump with complete scepticism as Alison nods her agreement at the shocked tone of her voice. "There's no way those wee fella's are waiting till after Christmas your bump has dropped so much since I last saw you I'd be surprised if they waited until then end of the party let alone another couple of weeks what do you think Ally?"

"No way I'd say you should be planning for Santa to pay a visit because those two are planning on being here for the big day." I am staring at the two of them now in complete panic and I don't know whether to laugh it off or rush off into the hall to check my hospital bag is where I left it and Gerry has finally caught my eye.

"What are you two saying now, honestly I leave you alone with her for five minutes and you have turned her sheet white!" He has a great way of dealing with them that makes it all sound very light hearted but still get his point across. I wish he'd tell me how to do it then maybe I won't need rescuing so often.

"We're just pointing out that it looks like the boys aren't going to hang around until after Christmas." Carole is just shrugging like it's no big deal as they wander off toward the makeshift bar that Gerry set up on the breakfast bar and which Catlin is manning.

"Sorry I didn't see them come in are you ok?" He's guiding me into the sitting room where the guys and Esther along with Jane and Roy are talking about much less frightening things like global recession and nuclear war. Ok that's not actually what they're talking about but it would be less scary a prospect than the thought that I could go into labour tonight.

"Hey have you seen this Jack?" Brian is standing by the fireplace and I know what's coming, I'm surprised it's taken them all so long for one of them to notice. I could lie to you and say I considered taking the stockings down with the boys initials on them but it really would be lie. It crossed my mind for all of 10 seconds before I decided it would be more fun to leave them and see if everyone noticed and if it would start speculation.

"What is it Brian Roy was just telling me about the new golf course he played last week. I don't need to see that Gerry has wired the Christmas tree lights up in the most ineffective way this year again."

"There are five stockings on the fire place." Jack still looks unimpressed but Jane and Esther look like they've just heard the most exciting thing in the world.

"Aw Sandra Catlin's got a stocking? You know how grateful I am that you are keeping her over Christmas don't you?"

"You know Catlin is always welcome here anytime Jane there's nothing to be grateful for and of course she's got a stocking you just enjoy your holiday I'm sure it'll be amazing being away in the sun for Christmas." They are both looking at the other stockings now and even Jack has had his curiosity peaked.

"So we've a "c" for Catlin, the "S" and "G" are clearly Sandra and Gerry so are we to assume from the "e" and "a" that my godson's have finally got names?" Suddenly it feels like everyone is on the living room and they are all staring at us.

"Yes we have finally picked names and yes the initials on the other two stockings are theirs we thought we might as well put them up this year and start a tradition." Gerry has answered before I've got a chance to even open my mouth and now he's gently squeezing my shoulder reassuringly

"So are you going to tell us or is it secret?" Emily is losing patience now and I'm willing Catlin not to mention that she knows or it's likely that Paula and Emily are not going to be happy at being left out of the loop.

"They'll not tell you I've been trying to get it out of them since last weekend and all I keep getting is that it's a secret until the boys get here." Oh Catlin you little star, it's as if she read my mind and ok I know she's essentially lying but it's not a real lie we did tell her it was a secret she just left out the bit where we told her then names first.

"E and A? Come on Jack and Brian you two are detectives as are you Emily surely you can work it out." Esther just loved to wind them up and the playful wink she's just thrown in my direct tells me she knows that we'll not tell them even if they guess correctly and she agrees with us.

"Edward, Eric, Earnest?" Oh dear Jack if that's all you've got this is going to be easier and more fun than expected.

"What are they naming? A pensioner?" Carole has actually choked on her glass of wine see now they all know what I have to put up with every day!

"Well can you think of any better names beginning with "e"?" Aw now Jack's getting grumpy and they are all getting in on the act now and so far I've only heard one person get close one of the names and not a single person get the other. I can't help but feel a certain amount of pride we always said we wanted great names that were sensible but not common and as I listen to them rhyme names off I know that is exactly what we've picked and hard as they try they are never going to guess both so Santa's secret is safe.


	79. Chapter 79-Panic Stations

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 79 – Panic Stations

"You pick a film I'll go make some microwave popcorn!" It's the night after our big Christmas party and I know you are dying to know if anyone guessed the boys names. Well they didn't at one stage I thought they were getting close to one of them but not close enough. I will admit that as the evening finished and they still hadn't got there I felt a certain amount of pride. The more time that's gone by the more I'm sure that we have picked the right names. Tonight Gerry is away to his friend Cass's stag do and Catlin is on babysitting duty he has now got to the stage where he won't leave me along for any length of time at all. He wasn't even going to until I told him if he didn't I'd feel guilty and get stressed and that would be bad for me and the babies. Even then he only went because Catlin was available to stay over. She's disappeared into the kitchen to make the popcorn while I flick through the movie channels trying find something worth watching.

"Catlin these are all terrible I think we should go for a DVD instead." I've just got up off the sofa and the pain that has shot from my back through my tummy has taken my breath away. I hope that isn't going to become a regular thing getting up and down again is hard enough at the minute without…..Oh shit another one that….No it's can't be, not now, not tonight….. "Catlin! Catlin! Get in here quickly!"

"God Sandra it's not that important what we watch pick anything you're screaming like the babies are coming or something calm…" she's made it into the sitting room and taken one look and me and dropped the bowl of popcorn.

"Don't panic Catlin just get my mobile and ring your dad. You don't have to explain what's happened just say double trouble and he'll know what you mean." That sounds stupid I know but when we talked about the possibility of be going into labour alone he insisted on a code phrase that I could say or text to him and he would know immediate what was happening even if I was too upset or in too much pain to explain properly.

"It's going straight to answer phone I've tried 3 times what do I do now Sandra are you ok? Are them coming right now?" I've just been assaulted by another pain and I'm trying to breathe through it so I can answer her but it's not working instead I've taken the phone off her and scrolled through to Esther and Brian's number before handing it back to her.

"Call Esther…..tell her we need her…we need her asap."

"Mrs Lane it's Catlin Sandra is going to have the twins and I can't get Dad on the phone and I don't know what to do…yes…yes, ok yes I will…..ok see you then."

She's trying Gerry again and I can tell from the continued panic in her eyes she's getting nowhere as I'm hit by yet another pain. This can't be happening it's too soon it's still two days till the 27th and even that was a fortnight early, please god let them be ok.

"Mrs lane is on her way Sandra dad's still not picking up I've left him like 4 messages and sent two texts as well, the babies are going to be ok aren't they?"

"Of course they are, go get my hospital bag and put a note on the blackboard on the fridge in case your dad's phone battery is dead or something and he doesn't get your messages. By the time you've done that Esther should be here." I don't know if any of that nor the accompanying smile I just about managed have fooled her but she's doing what I asked anyway.

Where the hell is Gerry and why is his phone off? Isn't he the one who's bloody paranoid about exactly this happening? I can't believe the boys have decided to pick now, tonight when it's obvious that not only and I terrified but Catlin is close to complete breakdown to make an appearance. I swear if he misses this, if I end up going through this on my own I'll be raising them on my own too because I'll kill him and there's not a jury in the land would blame me.


	80. Chapter 80 - Absentee Father

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 80 – Absentee Father

"We're almost there Sandra how are you, any more pains?" Esther got to our house in record time and now we're on the way to the hospital.

"Not since just after we got into the car, Catlin is the answer phone still coming on? She's in the back of the car still frantically trying to get Gerry and frustration is starting to get to her now. AS soon as Esther arrived and there was another adult taking control she started to focus in earnest on trying to get in touch with him and I'm pretty sure if he doesn't make it in time I won't have to worry about killing him because she'll do it for me.

"Yeah I'm going to call mum there's an old address book thin in the hall drawer she's had for years since before her and dad split so maybe there's a number in it for Cass or someone else who might know where they are likely to have gone."

"Brian and Jack are checking the Indian restaurant they were going for food and all the pubs in the area." Esther immediately mobilized Jack and Brian to find Gerry and we have a three way mobile communication on going. "Jack made a call before they left and pulled in a favour all the uniforms out around the area they were heading are watching for him too."

God I don't think there was such a coordinated search for Lord Lucan! I've never believed it when couples say "we have a connection" or "we can tune into each other even when we're miles apart" but tonight I really want it to be true. If he can tune into my feelings at all when we're not together now is the time for it to kick in and him to know I need him, we need him, me and the babies, we need him now!

"No mum seriously Mr Lane and Mr Halford are out looking for him and they have an idea where he's likely to be so leave it to them…..yes I'll let you know and Mum…Try to keep it off the exes grapevine until we've found dad can you?"

I've just been hit by another pain and my laboured breathing and the way I've gripped the seat belt make Esther accelerate again.

"Esther slow down if we get stopped by traffic I don't even have my warrant card with me to get us out of it." OK I know it's not the time for jokes but the tension in the car has reached such a level I'm worried it's going to explode and it's still ten more minutes' drive to the hospital. Why didn't we think about travelling distance to the hospital when we were buying the new house?

"There were no details for Cass or anyone Mum thinks might know where Dad is in the address book. She was all out freaked when I told her we were on our way to the hospital she was ready to abandon her packing and look for him herself."

Well that would have been a great idea if Jane had found him before Jack and Brian she'd have got as far as "Sandra is…" before he passed out assuming it must be really bad and I was dead if she was the one looking for him.

"Jack any sign of him?" The car has just become a phone on wheels as Esther hits the hands free on her phone and Jack's voice fills the space.

"We spoke to the waiter at the Taj Mahal they left there about half an hour ago and he's pretty sure they said they were going to the King George, the ship and anchor and the ploughman but he had no idea where they were going first or if there were other places they plan on going he only knows what he picked up while he was clearing the plates." Well at least we have something to go on which is more than they had 10 minutes ago. "Oh and we've solved the mobile phone mystery when they arrived one of the other guys produced an evidence bag and told all the others to put their phones in it turned off, he remembered Gerry because apparently he kicked off and told them he had to keep his on because you might need him but in the end one of the other guys took it off him and the whole time they were there he was trying to get it back! Hence the reason he was so memorable."

"OK well we've reached the hospital I'm going to get her inside just find him even if you have to check every pub within a 20 mile radius." We've just pulled into the parking space at the hospital and before the car had even stopped properly Catlin is out and grabbing a wheel chair from the front door.

"They're going to find him aren't they Esther?" Now that we're here it is do real I'm actually shaking as she and Catlin help me into the chair.

"Of course they are and in the meantime we're going to be with you every step of the way right Catlin?" They're both smiling at me now as we reach the door and are met by a smiling nurse. I wish I could be reassured by their smiles but until he's here I won't be able to feel like anything can be right.


	81. Chapter 81 - Too late?

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 81 -Too Late?

"Ok Sandra just relax and we'll see what's going on and whether your boys have decided they don't want to wait till after Christmas to put in an appearance."

"Esther where is she? Is she ok are the babies ok? Am I too late?" The doctor has just finished examining me and is about to speak again as Gerry comes bursting through the door of the examination room.

"Gerry take a breath will you or you're going to pass out." Part of me still wants to be cross at him but the relief at the fact he's here at all has overtaken that. Catlin on the other hand, who has been sitting beside me refusing to move since Esther went out to take another call from Jack, is staring at him like she's ready to kill.

"I'm sorry I told them I had to keep my phone I knew I shouldn't have gone I'm sorry Sandra are you ok is….."

"Relax Mr Standing your sons won't be joining us tonight." That statement has shocked all of us into silence as we all stare at him and Esther puts her head round the door and looks just as puzzled.

"I don't understand, the pain was excruciating I thought it was the real thing how can they not be coming tonight?"

"Oh the pain was real enough Sandra but it was Braxton Hicks, false labour, it's very common in women you age and in multiple births. Don't worry you aren't the first woman to think it was the real thing and you won't be the last. Since we're here though we might as well have a little look at them and see how they're getting on." I don't know if I'm relieved or terrified or furious. Actually I'd say I'm a pretty comprehensive mixture of all three and I can see Gerry is the same although there's a pretty hefty dose of guilt in his eyes too.

"Wow look at them they are like real little people!" The doctor has started doing the scan and Catlin is amazed. She's seen the scan photos along the way but there's nothing quite like seeing them on the screen moving and hearing their little hearts beating.

"Well they are real little people young lady and they are still perfectly happy where they are for now." The doctor is smiling at me now and I know I'm relieved, I was nervous enough at the prospect of them coming a fortnight early under carefully supervised conditions tonight was just plain terrifying.

"So they're ok, these Braxton whatever things haven't done them any harm and they aren't dangerous for Sandra?" Gerry's looking really concerned and I've just realised I was so busy being relieved that it never occurred to me to ask if this sort of thing could harm them in any way.

"No there's no danger at all, it's common like I said, they are ready to join us soon or getting ready to at least see how they've turned since the last time we did a scan?" He's right even I can tell they've moved into a position that is more conducive to birth.

"So does that mean they might not wait until the 27th?" I need to be prepared if this is going to happen again and not be a false alarm. I sure as hell don't want to go into labour and dismiss it as a false alarm and it be the real thing.

"I've no reason to believe they won't stay put for the next 10 days. The best advice I can give you is to go home, take things easy and enjoy Christmas. What I want you to do though is assure me that if this happens again you won't assume that it's not labour and stay at home. You must come in if you get any pain at all, the last thing we need is you going into labour and ignoring it then leaving it too long to come in. We want you in the best position possible when they do decide to come and that isn't the floor of your living room ok?" See that's what I needed to know and now that I do and am sure I'm not going to be considered as some sort of hysterical middle aged first time mother if I come back and it's another false alarm I'm happy to go home. "So I'll get you a discharge letter sorted then you can head home."

"Catlin why don't you come with me and we'll get a hot chocolate or something from that machine downstairs and give your dad and Sandra a minute to get sorted to go home." He actually looks like he might be about to cry god I hope when they do decide to come they do so without another scare like this I don't think he could cope.

"Gerry it's ok, I'm the one who told you to go remember. I'm fine, the boys are fine and Catlin will be fine after a year or two of intense therapy." OK trying to turn the situation around and make it comical isn't working.

"What if it had been the real thing? What if I'd missed it? What if you'd had to do it alone when I promised you that you wouldn't have to? I'd never have forgiven myself."

"That's a lot of what if's Gerry and none of them actually happened so how about you take me home and we get some sleep because I'm exhausted."

"Ok but I promise this won't happen again from now on I'll never be out of communication again." Normally I'd find that all a bit stressful but after tonight I'd rather he was not only never out of communication but never out of ear shot!


	82. Chapter 82 - I Promise

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 82 – I Promise

"You gave us quite a scare tonight; so how about you give mummy a break and let her get to sleep for a few hours without having to get up and run to the loo?" I don't know if he's been having these late night conversations with the boys the whole time but I haven't heard one since way before we even knew they were twins let alone boys. I'm not going to interrupt him though he's been so tense since we got home from the hospital and if having a one sided conversation with the boys is going to help I'm not going to stop him. Besides if they listen and actually let me have a whole night without running to the loo I'm not going to complain.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here but you see you'll know when you grow up that sometimes when you go out with your friends and they think they know what's best you don't argue even when you know you should. I really let you Mum down, she says I didn't but she'd say that anyway to make me feel better." God I must have told him a dozen times that we had no way of knowing what was going to happen tonight and he's still beating himself up about it, he's impossible.

"You see I didn't see any of your sisters being born. I mean with Emily I didn't know, and with Paula it wasn't the done thing but I could have been there when Catlin was born I just chose not to and that's the blunt truth of it. It's different this time though I don't want your Mum to ever have to go through anything alone. I think I've been an ok dad to the girls but before you mummy I was a terrible husband. It's different with her though I'd rather cut my arm off than hurt her and I promise you both this is going to be the happiest family in the world."

Now I feel like crying he tells me how much he loves me all the time it's not that but hearing him tell the boys that it's important to him that we are happy as a family means everything.

"I promise you're never going to have to go through what the girls did. You're never going to have to watch me and Mummy fight all the time, you're never going to have to see her upset because she doesn't know where I am or who I'm with and you're never going to live with only seeing me at weekends because we're not together anymore." He never really talks about his other marriages or how they ended but it's never been a secret that it was because he used to chase anything in a skirt. He's always promised me it would be different for us but it's nice to hear him say it to them too.

"I promise you both that I'm going to be there for everything from the minute you decide you're ready to get here until my last breath. I'm going to do all the things that need doing just as much as your mum does. I'll be there to feed you, change you, pace the floor with you when you're poorly or just grumpy. When you get older I'll be there to take you to football, help with your homework, put up with your tantrums and your tears. Basically I promise to do my best to ever let you down and always be there no matter what you need. Now sleep well lads and remember what I said don't give mummy too much of a hard time tonight she needs her sleep."

He's finally fallen silent and as I hear him begin to snore softly I've finally opened my eyes. You know that I think I'm lucky I've said it often enough in the last few months but tonight really scared me and hearing him tell the boys those things has calmed my nerves a little. I know that even if tonight had been the real thing and Jack and Brian hadn't been able to find him in time he'd have only missed one thing and while it's important to me that he's there when they're born it's even more important to know that he's planning on being there for every other day of their lives and although he doesn't know it he's just promised me that as much as he has them.


	83. Chapter 83 - Big Sister Bigger Nerves

****For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 83 – Big Sister Bigger Nerves

"Catlin are you ok? I've been looking everywhere for you your dad say's dinner will be ready in 20 minutes." I've looked everywhere for her from the attic bedroom that is hers for the duration of her stay to the bathroom and even our bedroom she likes to watch DVD's in there while Gerry's hogging the TV in the living room. The last place I thought to look which sods law dictated was exactly where she was is was the nursery. It's 23rd and things have been rolling along quite calmly since our panicked dash to the hospital last week.

"Yeah sorry I didn't know you were looking for me I'm fine I was just thinking." She's playing with the two soft toy dragons that normally sit in the rocker as she sits on it and now I'm getting worried. Catlin doesn't do pensive she's always bubbly and happy.

"You wanna talk about it? I know you must be missing your mum but we'll try to make Christmas as much fun as possible I promise."

"It's not that I'm excited to spend Christmas with you and dad. I was thinking about the babies what if they don't like me Sandra?" Ok I didn't see that one coming and I've sat in the rocker she's just got out of as she sits on the foot stool and stares at me with real concern in her eyes.

"Why would you think they wouldn't like you? Sweetie they're going to love you just as much as we do." She's still not looking convinced and now I really am wondering where this is coming from. She's never been anything but excited since the first time we told her I was pregnant.

"I was talking to Paula and she was saying that when I was born I used to cry every time I saw her and I used to get really jealous any time she came to stay with mum and dad, She said it wasn't until we were older that we started to get on I don't want them to hate me or cry all the time when I'm here I want them to be happy to see me and to think I'm a great big sister but what if they don't?"

Aw see I don't have any experience really of being a sibling. Ok so technically I have a brother but I didn't even know he existed until I was well into my forties and the shock of discovering he was around at all was bad enough. I've never thought about how it might feel to be born into a family with older children or be a sibling when a new baby is expected.

"Catlin sweetheart they are going to think you're great, remember Paula was only a little girl herself when you were born you probably didn't cry as much as she thinks you did why don't we go down for dinner and we can ask your dad. I bet he remembers it differently." She's smiling now but I can see she's still sceptical. I hope Gerry can remember something that will make her feel better.

"Miss Paula has selective memory! She was just trying to wind you up you loved her when you were a baby the only time I remember you crying around her was when she went home." Well done Gerry I've said it before how great he is with the girls haven't I? "And I don't remember you ever being really jealous, no more than any other set of siblings anyway. Don't you worry about it sweetheart the boys are going to love you."

"See Catlin I told you didn't I? You're going to be a great big sister because you have been the little sister for so long you'll remember what it is like to be the smallest in the family and can tell them how to wrap the rest of us round their little fingers."

"Yeah well she's certainly had enough practice at that Princess Catlin has always been able to get her own way." He's teasing her now and she finally seems to have relaxed and has just flicked a pea off her plate in his direction.

"Hey it takes years to lean to get your own way as often as I do but don't worry boys I'll fill you in on all you need to know."

This talking to the babies thing is contagious and the atmosphere in the room has properly lifted. We've all started chatting about our plans for Christmas Eve tomorrow. It's amazing how many things I never thought about when it came to having the boys. It's easy to think about the practical things but when it comes to emotions it's a mine field and I hope we can defuse all those mines as quickly as we did this one.


	84. Chapter 84 - Something Starting

****For authors notes, summary etc. see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 84 – Something Starting

It's almost 3am on Christmas Eve morning and I should be sleeping but I can't seem to get comfortable. It was after midnight when we came to bed and I was exhausted I had every intention of sleeping like a log and waking up refreshed and ready to enjoy tomorrow. The babies and my body however have other ideas. My back is killing me and no matter how I lie it never seems to feel any better. Not only that but it feels like the boys are playing tag football in there. I think I've been pretty lucky so far when it comes to not suffering too much from the exhausting back pain and aching legs I read about and was expecting in these last few weeks but tonight it appears that I am being made to pay for it.

"Sandra are you ok? You've done nothing but wriggle about since we came to bed." Damn he scared the life out of me I thought he was sleeping! Doesn't he realise this is a bad time to scare me half to death too many sudden shocks like that one and I could be spending Christmas in labour.

"I can't get over, no matter how I lie I'm not comfortable the boys don't want to settle tonight and my back's really sore." Normally I'd just tell him I was fine and to go back to sleep but something doesn't feel quite right at the minute and I'm glad he's awake.

"Are you getting any pains, anything like you were getting last week?"

"No nothing like that I just feel uncomfortable. I'm going to go downstairs for some water you go back to sleep we have a busy day tomorrow." He's about to argue with me but it's only taken one look and he's thought better of it. "Don't even think about arguing with me about this you go back to sleep there's no point in both of us being awake and I think walking around might help."

I know you're all going aw he only wanted to help but right now helping is accepting that I'll feel better if he sleeps because there's no point in us both being exhausted in the morning. When I spoke to my mother yesterday to tell her what time Gerry would be picking her up on Christmas Day for lunch I told her I was getting fed up with being constantly exhausted and I couldn't wait for it to be over. She informed me that she'd be more worried if I wasn't feeling like that because according to Mary's daughter's best friend who is a midwife that feeling is your brain's way of getting you ready for the birth. I can tell you now it was very disconcerting to hear my mother talking complete sense but it's turned out she's right. I'm counting the hours till the 27th now it can't come quick enough for me.

"Right boys we're going to have a glass of water and some fruit then we are going to sleep. It's Christmas Eve and we're going to enjoy the…..Oh god" Oh no here we go again I've just taken a pain, a seriously agonising pain and it's made me drop the glass in my hand the sound of it shattering on the floor has alerted Gerry that something is wrong I can hear him running down the stairs.

"Sandra…Sandra are you ok?" He's taken one look at me and he knows everything is not ok.

"No it's….I've got…..oh god…." He's beside me suddenly and rubbing my back as I try to breathe through the pain. This doesn't feel like the last time it's so much worse I've never experienced anything like it before. "Gerry wake Catlin or leave her note or something then get my bag we need to go."

"I'll wake her…..I'll…..I don't know I mean she can't just sit around in the waiting room at the hospital." He's starting to panic now this is the last thing we need and now that the pain has subsided I can think clearly I need to get him to calm down.

"Ring Esther tell her what's happened and ask her to come and get Catlin. Then go wake her and tell her to get dressed and wait for Esther to pick her up. She'll not want to go but tell her as soon as they're here we'll ring her and Esther will bring her straight to the hospital." He's left the kitchen and is running around getting himself dressed and Catlin up and ringing Esther all while I try to pull something on other than my sleep shirt.

"Sandra you promise that I'll be the first person dad rings when they're born? And if it's another false alarm you'll make sure he lets me know that too right away?" Catlin has now joined me by the door as Gerry puts the bag in the car outside and opens the passenger door for me.

"Of course we will either way you'll be the first to know I promise." She's given me a tight hug as Gerry comes back to help me to the car and another pain hits that means we end up standing in the middle of the driveway doing "he, he, he, he" breaths. This feels like it, I mean I know I've never done this before so I've no frame of reference but it feels like it's time and if it is then Carole was right they had no intention of waiting until after Christmas they are determined to be here in time to enjoy Christmas day on the outside.


	85. Chapter 85 - The Real Deal

****For authors notes, summary etc. see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 85 – The real deal

"We're almost there Sandra." Gide haven't I been here before? It's only a couple of days ago I was sitting in the car stopped at these exact same traffic lights with Esther saying exactly the same thing. That time I was panicking about Gerry's whereabouts and really hoping it would all stop. This time though he's right beside me and I don't want it to stop I want them to come today, for them to be here safe and sound and us to be a family for Christmas.

"Did you ring ahead so they know we're coming in….oh shit….." I've just been hit by another pain and this one is worse than the one before which was worse than the one before that and they are getting closer together too quickly I know that much.

"Jesus Sandra that one was only six minutes after the last one is it supposed to be happening so quickly? I thought about was supposed to take hours, days even in some cases." Like I know the answer to that question, suddenly I'm starting to wish I'd spent more time at those classes instead of refusing to go back after the first disastrous adventure. I know what I've read and that means I know that they aren't going anywhere until my waters break and the hospital is now in sight so I'm trying to focus on that.

"Sandra, Gerry, good morning I thought we'd be seeing you again sooner rather than later.2 Well I wish to hell he'd shared that bit of information with me instead of telling us to relax and enjoy Christmas and have us panic again when things started happening again. He's fitted a foetal heart monitor around my bump and is busy doing an internal as Gerry sits beside me squeezing my hand tightly.

"Is everything ok?" He's not said anything or a good 10 minutes and I'm starting to get worried.

"Yes everything's fine, I think it's safe to say we won't be sending you back home this time your boys are impatient to get here. Considering how close together the contractions are and the fact that theya re already so strong I'm going to go ahead and break your waters and get things moving along ok?" I've nodded because that's all I can do as he goes to the corner of the room and Gerry hands me the gas and air because I've been assaulted by another contraction this time only four minutes after the last one. A smiling woman I recognise as the midwife who sat in on some of our consultations with the doctor has just walked in with a metal tray of instruments covered with a cloth and I can't quite believe this is happening it's just after 7am on Christmas Eve and we're about to become parents, well maybe not about to but hopefully it won't be too long.

"Are you ok sweetheart? Do you want some water or anything, do you want me to rub your back or…." Gerry is starting to freak out but he's trying really hard to hide it.

"I'm ok let's just let the doctor do what he has to do and get things moving I…"Oh god I'm squeezing his hand so tightly now I think I might be in danger of breaking his fingers but I can't help it I've never felt pain like this in my life and now the doctor is back at the end of the bed putting my feet in stirrups and I know the "fun" is about to really begin."

"Right Sandra I'm going to break your waters now then I'm going to leave you in Mary's capable hands but I don't want you to worry, there's no reason to believe everything won't go perfectly smoothly but if it doesn't I'll not be far away ok?"

"Ok" I'm trying to smile at him as Gerry puts his arm around my shoulder and kisses me reassuringly on top of my head but the combination of nerves and pain are making it impossible.

He's moving around at the end of the bed as Gerry and I look at each other focusing on us rather than what he's doing and suddenly there's a rush of pressure and I'm hit with the worst contraction yet as he stands up, takes off the gloves and talks quietly to Mary the midwife.

"Ok Sandra now I want you to try and relax we don't know how long things will take now it could be minutes it could be hours but you just keep breathing through the contractions and using the gas and air as much as you need to." I can't answer her since the last pain hasn't subsided yet but she's clearly used to that because she hasn't waited for an answer instead she's at the other side of the room preparing the clear sided hospital cot for the boys.

"You're doing great Sandra I can't believe they're really coming." I know exactly how he feels but they are. My two little boys are going to be here for Christmas, my perfect little Christmas angels.


	86. Chapter 86 - The Best Christmas Present

****For authors notes, summary etc. see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 86 – The Best Christmas Present Ever

"Ok Sandra we're almost there the first of your babies is ready to come join us, on your next contraction I want you to give me one big push and he should be here ok?" Thank god I don't know how much more of this I can take. It's almost four in the afternoon and since the doctor broke my waters this morning the day has been a constant round of pains and attempts to ease them. I have been in every position imaginable and Gerry hasn't left my side, constantly rubbing my pack, talking me through each contraction and generally being amazing. Half an hour ago I was so exhausted the doctor finally decided it was time to do a C-section for my sake and the babies but that appeared to be all the boys needed to hear because since that all hell has broken loose and now we're almost there. Oh god here we go.

"That's it sweetheart come on you can do it." That's easy for him to say as I try to put every ounce of energy I can into doing what I have to as I squeeze his hand as hard as possible if I'm going to be in this much pain he might as well suffer too but, oh god…oh god….."

"That's it Sandra you've done it the first of you babies are here and he's got a fine set of lungs." I can hear the room filled with a whole new sound as the baby cries and the burse helping the midwife takes him into the corner quickly cleaning him up before wrapping him in a towel and handing him to Gerry. "Ok Mummy let's get this other little one out here push for me again come on you're almost done."

Gerry is staring at the baby cradled in the crook of his arm as he takes my hand again with his free arm and I can see tears in his eyes as I gather together all my strength and finally hear the other baby's cries fill the room.

"Sandra they're gorgeous I'm so proud of you." Our babies are now twenty minutes old, they've been cleaned up and so have I and the midwife and nurse have left us alone. They are perfect I can't even begin to tell you how I feel, how we both feel. They aren't identical one has one has a mop of dark hair that must come from my side and the other is blond and even now when people would say that all babies look alike I can tell them apart even though they are wrapped snuggly in blankets and that one clear defining is covered up/

"We did it Gerry, we really did it. Did you call Esther and Brian's and let Catlin know we promised her we'd let her know," He's smiling at me as he puts his free arm around my shoulder and kisses me gently.

"Yes while the midwife was cleaning you up and you were getting sorted and getting these two into their very snazzy red and blue baby grows I was making phone calls. I called Catlin first them your mother and Jack and the girls, everyone knows they're here and you're all fine."

"Is Esther bringing her in?" She better be or she won't just have a grumpy Catlin to deal with I'll have something to say about it too. After the hell she went through last week when they decided to pretend they were on their way she deserves to be the first to see them.

"Yes they're on their way I told Jack to come in about half six and I told everyone else the visiting was from 7-8.30 I thought we might like to talk to Jack and Brian alone before the others all descended on us, Emily has volunteered to go out to Whitemead and collect Grace.2 I bet she didn't volunteer I bet she was pressganged into it but I'm not going to think about that right now. He's thought of everything which is just as well because between being exhausted from the birth and deliriously happy I can't put a coherent thought together right now.

"They're so tiny, so prefect Gerry." I keep looking from the perfect little baby in my arms to the perfect little baby in his and I can't seem to take it in. "Look at them they're…."

"They're beautiful just like I told you they would be with a mother as gorgeous as you how could they not be?" He's laid them beside each other in the cot beside the bed as we both stare at them sleeping peacefully. "Thank you Sandra."

"For what? I didn't have them on my own you know you've been around for the last 9 months to remember." I couldn't have got past the morning sickness alone let alone everything else that's happened on my own this has definitely been a team effort.

"Yeah I know but you did all the hard work, I love you and I always will. Thank you for the best Christmas presents ever." I can't argue with him about that as I kiss him enjoying the moment of calm before the storm. Once everyone starts arriving later to see the stars of the show it really will be a storm. For now though we have a moment of quiet just the four of us as they sleep soundly side by side under the darkness of the Christmas Eve sky and I've got to say they truly are the best present in the world, nothing will ever be able to beat this feeling if I live to be 100 this will have been the best Christmas ever.


	87. Chapter 87 - Introducing

****For authors notes, summary etc. see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 87 – Introducing Masters EJ and AB Standing

"Are they ok they're so tiny, they're amazing but so tiny." Catlin arrived half an hour ago and she's spend most of that time standing staring into the cot in complete awe.

"They're fine honey a little early but it's done them no harm they are fighting fit. So you think we should let them stay?" Gerry is standing beside her now with his arm round her shoulder and has winked playfully at me but I'm distracted, Esther and Brian are waiting outside and I've just heard Jack's voice too.

"Yeah they can stay, hey that's Mr Halford outside is it time? Can we tell everyone their names now?" I wasn't expecting to feel so nervous about this I love their names but I have butterflied in my stomach as I nod at her and she dashes to the door to tell them to come in.

"Well Sandra I've got to say you did well they're healthy look little lads, congratulations." Brian is all slushy and Jack's standing beside him saying nothing but I can see from his eyes that he's fallen in love with them just as quickly as the rest of us have.

"Gerry do you want to….." I haven't had to finish the sentence as he nods at me lifting one of the babies and handing him to Jack then the other to Brian. I can see Esther's eyes brighten with realization but they both look a little awkward, best get this over with. "Jack meet Ethan Jack Standing and Brian meet Adam Brian Standing."

"Oh Sandra they're perfect names" Esther is actually crying and Jack and Brian haven't said anything yet they are both still staring at the babies and I'm starting to get worried.

"God I never thought I'd see you two lost for words a little reaction would be night though." Thank god for that they appear to have snapped out of their stunned silence.

"Adam Brian? Well I'd say that's a name to do great things with wouldn't you wee man? You and me just you wait we're going to have a great time, Sandra, Gerry, I don't know what to say…"

"Well I do. Thank you, they're a fine pair of boys with great names and we're going to be there for them any time they need us." Jack looks more emotional than I've ever seen him look before but he's holding it together better than Brian but he's still obviously pleased

"Esther did you bring the things?" I've not got a baby o each arm and the noise level in the room has gone up several octaves as they all start talking over each other but Catlin has finally broken through the riotous chatter and she and Esther have exchanged conspiratorial glances.

"Yeah they're in the car do you want to go get them now?" Catlin has nodded and grabbed the keys before disappearing from the room. "While you were busy today having these little treasures we did a little shopping. I mean Ethan and Adam need some presents for tomorrow too don't they? Anyway there's one thing she doesn't want to wait until tomorrow to give you, or rather give them."

I can imagine Esther and Catlin having a ball baby shopping on Christmas Eve. I can see them cooing over cute little outfits and toys and waiting for Gerry to call with news. I dread to think what Santa will bring the boys tomorrow but for now Catlin just arrived back with a little Mothercare bag and handed it to Gerry since my hands are a bit full right now. Out of it he's pulled two dark blue bibs one says I'm the older brother and the other one says I'm the younger brother. They're adorable.

"I don't know who was first but one of them had to be out before the other so I thought it would be fun."

"Well Ethan arrived 4 minutes before Adam so that would make him the older brother." He's taken Ethan from me and laid him down on the end of the bed as he puts the older brother bib on him and hands me the younger brother one for Adam. They look so cute the bibs are almost as long as they are and after a little wriggling as they get used to them being clipped around their necks they have settled down again as Catlin flits around taking photos of them on her phone.

"They are going to be the most photographed new-borns in the world at this rate." Brian and Jack have relaxed again and are taking their roles as uncles/godfathers very seriously hovering around keeping an eye on things as Catlin snaps away.

"Can I text mum now with photos and tell her their names not that Mr Lane and Mr Halford know?" She's disappeared into the corridor to call Jane and send her photos and Esther is sitting beside me as the guys get into a debate with Gerry about who the twins look like.

"They're two beautiful boys Sandra how are you feeling?" For the first time I'm actually thinking about how I feel and to be honest there's only one word for it.

"I feel fantastic, exhausted, emotional, relieved it's over, happy they're here safe and sound, lots of things to be honest but the most prevalent feeling is fantastic." She's smiling at me now and everything I said is true, after all the sea of emotions I've been through in the last nine months right now all I can focus on is how amazing it is that I'm a mother, we're parents, and that's the most amazing feeling in the world.


	88. Chapter 88 - Family Ties

****For authors notes, summary etc. see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 88 – Family Ties

"We'll be back in five minutes and I'll bring your phone and stuff out of the car." If I have more energy right now I'd get out of this bed and kill him. There's only twenty minutes of visiting time left Esther and the guys left an hour ago, Emily and Paula have spent half an hour cooing over their new brothers and throughout it all my mother has been watching it all from a respectful distance. Gerry has now decided that he and the three girls should go for a coffee and leave me and the boys with her for the last bit of visiting time before Emily takes her back to Whitemead. I am absolutely determined that at four hours old my sons will not witness an argument between me and their grandmother.

"I think they're starting to get hungry Mum the midwife said she'd be back to show me how to get them to settle to feed but she must be busy." Don't ask me why I decided why I decided to make that the start of the conversation other than that they boys are both getting fidgety and restless and since they haven't eaten at all, something the midwife assured me was normal in the first few hours, I'm going to hazard a guess that they're hungry.

"Do you want to feed them together or separately?" Why is she asking that I don't know what to do. I've shrugged at her now and she's smiling, not her usual irritated tolerance smile but a proper motherly smile, god that's one step away from creepy. "Remember what I told you, don't over think it what feels right.

"Together, they won't always be hungry at the same time I suppose so tonight it feels like feeding them together is right the midwife says they won't be that hungry for the first 24 hours anyway." She's nodded and without saying another word she's started rearranging pillows in front of me as I unfasten my pyjama top and she gently lifts first Adam and Ethan into place.

"Is that comfortable, have they latched on? You'll know if they haven't." They are both sucking gently and it's the oddest yet most satisfying feeling I've ever experienced.

"Yeah they're fine and yes it's comfortable thanks Mum." For a second it actually feel like were "normal" like we're a normal mother showing her daughter how to be a good mum to her babies. "So are they going to have the champagne on ice for you back at Whitemead?"

"I wouldn't be surprised any excuse for a party. They are beautiful boys Sandra, Ethan is just like you when you were born right down to his little button nose and how he clenches his fists when he's feeding and Adam has my mouth although he's much more like Gerry than Ethan is." I can't help but smile as she continues to ramble on the perfect picture of a proud Granny.

"I think Adam might have had enough but how do I know Mum?"

"If he's stopped ducking sweetheart then he's done let me take him and I'll get his wind up and change him." Watching her take my son and gently pace the floor and talking him quietly, telling him how she's looking forward to watching him grow up and making a little dig about him and Ethan making me visit more I can't help but wonder if this is how she was with me when I was born. Was she this gentle, , this overtly loving? Somehow I think she probably was and right now I don't want to think about what changed that, mainly because I don't want to tarnish the day by thinking about how much of that change was down to me and how I shut her out.

"We will visit more Mum I promise, and as soon as we're home and they're settled I promise to bring them over so that they can be cooed over by all the Whitemead ladies." She's giving me that knowing smile now the one that says I know you mean what you say but we both know it'll never happen. That's yet another thing to be discussed on another day though Ethan has finished now too and she's changed Adam and settled him to sleep before I can do anything she's doing the same thing all over again with him

As I'm sure you've gathered normally I'd be getting angry and frustrated now about the fact she seems to be taking over but there's something about the magic of having two tiny lives dependant on you that means these petty irritations and stubbornness are irrelevant.

"I think Mr Adam is going to be an eat and sleep little fella, Mr Ethan here is going to be a whole different story he's already tuning into the world around him, look at those eyes blinking away trying to take in the world around him you'd think he could see everything clearly already, he's the one who'll keep you up at night cause he'll want to play instead of sleep." She's now changed them both and we're staring into the cot as they settle again.

"Thanks Mum." It's telling that she's completely shocked by the simplest of statements. We really do need to do something about how detached we all are. I know I'm the one who always says I don't do family but I don't want the boys growing up not knowing where they came from so it's time to make those links again and re-establish my connection with my family. What better reason can there be to do it than them and wanting them to grow up with proper family ties not just to Gerry's side of the family but to mine too.


	89. Chapter 89 - Just the three of us

****For authors notes, summary etc. see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 89 – Just the three of us

"We'll be back first thing in the morning and we'll bring presents if you and the boys have to be in hospital for Christmas then we'll bring it to you here right Catlin?" It's after 9. All the visitors have gone, the boys are sleeping soundly and I've finally convinced Gerry and Catlin to go home and get some sleep.

"Ok just make sure you get some sleep that's what me and boys will be doing and Gerry if you decide to wet the babies heads try not to overdo it." I know when he gets home and starts ringing round telling people about the boys he's going to be so happy and relaxed it will be easy to get a little too full of Christmas cheer then he'll be dying with a hangover in the morning.

"I'll make sure he behaves Sandra." Catlin has just given me a tight hug and kissed the boys gently on the tops of their heads. "Night, night little bro's see you in the morning."

"You go down to the car I'll be with you in 5 minutes" She hasn't even argued just smiled and left us to it and he's sitting beside me on the bed kissing me like he's leaving for a month instead of a few hours. "I love you, you're amazing and they're amazing I promise we'll be back first thing and we'll make it the best Christmas day ever."

"I love you too and you're right they are amazing just like you, now go get some sleep I know you'll be back first thing and in the meantime I'm sure the boys will keep me busy." He's standing over the cot now gently stroking both boys heads as they squirm under his touch and I know how hard it is for him to leave us right now but we have to be practical we all need to rest and it's just not possible for him and Catlin to sleep in chairs here.

"You two be good for mummy and I'll see you in the morning." He's kissed them both goodbye and he's got as far as the door and stopped again at this rate it'll be time to come back before he leaves! "Merry Christmas sweetheart and thanks for the best Christmas presents ever."

He's gone before I have a chance to respond and for the first time all day it's just me and the boys, just the three of us and I know I should be getting some sleep before they need fed again but instead I'm sitting staring at them watching every little movement and listening to every little gurgle. I still can't believe they're here. I'm a Mummy, me who would have laughed heartily at anyone who suggested it was a possibility not that long ago am a Mummy to two beautiful little boys.

"I'm glad you're here for Christmas boys Daddy's right there's no better present in the world than having your two here safe and healthy. You've had lots of visitors already, they were definitely here to see you they didn't come to see me and I don't blame the how could anyone look at anything but you in this room right now. Granny was very impressed with you both and it's a long time since she's been impressed with anything I've done but she loves you two." I'm still sort of in shock about how it felt so right to talk to my mother and accept her help with the boys in spite of all I say about her and how much I complain part of me really wants to feel connected to her and today I really did.

"Aw it's ok sweetheart come here." Adam has just had a little start in his sleep and he's let out a scream which hasn't even caused his brother to stir in his sleep. I guess Ethan is going to sleep like Gerry once he's out he's out for the count. "Ssssh there now it's ok Mummy's here." I've wrapped him in one of the spare blankets and am rocking him gently as he falls asleep again. I've never understood it when people said they fell in love with their children the second they were born, I've never understood how emotions that strong could be turned on so quickly but now I can. I've never felt so much love or so much need to protect anyone as I do now. As I hold Adam a little tighter in the crook of my arm and stroke Ethan's face with my free hand I realise this is what my life has been for, it has been building up to this moment when I would be sharing it with the man I truly love more than anything and when with him I'd bring two beautiful boys into the world. Two little Christmas angels that are all mine, all ours, to love and protect and I know that's exactly what I'll spend the rest of my life doing.


	90. Chapter 90 - Here comes Santa Clause

****For authors notes, summary etc. see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 90 – Here comes Santa Clause

"Catlin; hold that bag up a bit higher it's dragging on the floor"

"Oh boys it sounds like Daddy and Catlin are back he peace and quiet ends here." The boys are lying beside each other on the bed in front of me I've just finished feeding and changing them and now they are looking festive in their brightly coloured baby-grows; red for Adam, green for Ethan. It's been a long night not because they've been keeping me awake but because I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep even though they were settled. It's like I've been captured by a spell they've cast and it exhausting as that is proving so far it feels amazing.

"Merry Christmas." Oops they've burst through the door shouting at the tops of their voices and now the boys are both screaming at the stops of theirs. Should really have text Gerry and reminded him tiny ears were in the room so to come in quietly.

"Oh god, I didn't think, I'm sorry boys, Daddy's sorry it's ok." I've lifted Ethan and am soothing him as Gerry does the same with Adam and Catlin looks horrified.

"Catlin it's ok sweetie you just surprised them that's all come here." I've handed Ethan to her and he's completely calmed now.

"I'm sorry little bro in a couple of years you'll be the ones making all the racket on Christmas morning then you'll understand. Anyway we brought presents for you and Adam and the rest of us this is the really fun bit about Christmas." I've got off the bed and am emptying the bags they've brought and making piles of presents for each person as Gerry swaps with Catlin giving her Adam then shower Ethan with the same kisses and cuddles Adam received.

"Aw I love them they'll be perfect on the door of the nursery you and Esther must have been really busy yesterday." I've just unwrapped two jigsaw piece name plates for the nursery door that Catlin assures me are completely individual, she and Esther found somewhere that does them to order the jigsaw pieces are in the same Chelsea blue as the room is decorated in and each letter is hand painted with little dragons around it.

"I didn't let Mrs Lane see them she'd gone to get something from the health food shop to get something for Mr Lane when I ordered them then she waited outside while I went and picked them up." I hadn't even thought about the fact that when they bought them the boy's names were still a secret it's so cute that she was still thinking about the fact it was a secret when she was excited and probably a bit nervous considering we'd dumped her at Esther and Brian's in the middle of the night.

"Why don't you open yours from us?" Gerry's handed her a present that I spent ages wrapping perfectly with ribbons and bows to make it look extra special.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Thank you so much Mum said I had no hope she's been saying no for like a month!"

"That's because we'd already told her we'd got it and she couldn't tell you that or it would spoil the surprise." Gerry looks so pleased it's almost like someone had just handed him an iPad instead of her.

"Well you're going to want to be able to keep up with the boys when you go home to your mum's again so this way you can face time me or check in with Facebook for photos or whatever when you're at home and your Dad has gone back to work. It's 3G and Wi-Fi is it ok?" I can tell if it wasn't for the fact she's already scared the boys once today she'd be jumping up and down screaming right now.

""Well that was a success your turn. Nothing I can give you right now comes close to what you've given me this Christmas but I hope this will go a little way towards it." He's handed me a tiny little gift bag and inside is a ring box and I want to remind him again that the boys are as much his gift to me as the other way around but I really want to know what's in it so I'll get back to that later. "It's an eternity ring, I took a picture of your wedding and engagement rings to one of those jewellers who make things to order the green stones are the same as are in your engagement ring one each for the boys and the diamonds are for us. Is it ok? Say something Sandra."

"I love it." I'm not sure how I even managed to get those three words out. It's spectacular the white cold wishbone design and four stones with the two green ones standing out in the middle are beautiful just like the beautiful babies we have and it's taken my breath away. He's taken the box from me and is slipping it onto my finger and it fits perfectly over the top of my engagement ring.

"Merry Christmas Sandra." He's kissing me hungrily and I'm not even bothered by the fact that I can hear Catlin telling the boys how gross it is and how they better get used to it because we're embarrassing like that. All I can focus on is how much I love him and how this Christmas just keeps getting better.


	91. Chapter 91 - Christmas Invasion

****For authors notes, summary etc. see chapter 1****

**Changes**

Changes 91 – Christmas Invasion

"Emily just text me they're all here and on their way up in the lift." Oh god here goes in the hospital lift at the minute on their way here is Carole, Alison, Paula, GJ and Emily. Horrible as it is to say it I had hoped the exes would leave visiting until we were home but it is Christmas and I suppose I can't blame them for wanting to see Catlin and Gerry and the boys arriving so suddenly will have surprised them all; the girls I don't mind I want to see them and GJ was with his Dad yesterday when Paula came so he's yet to meet the boys but the exes I can do without and Gerry knows it.

"They'll not stay long sweetheart I'll make sure they don't I'm sorry I did suggest to Carole last night that they leave it until you got home and the boys we settled but you know what they are like." I do and I also know he still finds it hard to say no to them when they gang up on him I can imagine exactly how the conversation went last night and it won't have been pretty so it's my job now to reassure him I'm not letting them spoil him mood today of all days.

"It's ok they're excited they want to see the boys and I want to see GJ so it wouldn't have been fair for you to tell them not to come minutes then have Emily and Paula come again today when they were here already last night. We'll cope with the excitement won't we boys then when they go we can go back to our perfect Christmas Day ok?" He's smiling again now and has put one of the boys in the crook of each of my arms just as the door opens a little too quickly and I expect to see GJ running excitedly through it but he and the girls are lagging behind as Carole and Alison come tumbling through the door in a mass of flowers and bags. Instinctively I've held the boys a little tighter as Catlin rolls her eyes and settles back into the chair in the corner with her iPad clearly wanting no part of the madness to come.

"Oh my god Sandra they are gorgeous and you look amazing I wished I'd looked that good less than 24 hours after giving birth," Carole as usual is first to speak it always amuses me that they seem to fall into line behind her because she was ex number one it's like a club and she's the chairperson.

"Sandra, granddad can I see them, you promised me I could meet them as soon as they got here and I have a present for them." Gerry has bundled GJ into his arms and set him on the bed beside me as he hands a gift bag to Gerry and studies the boys in my arms. "They look ok, which one is Adam and which one is Ethan?"

"Good question GJ." Alison has gone into grandma mode all bristling and proud and I sometimes wonder if she feels she has to be more of a grandma when we're all together; if she somehow worries that I want to take her place, which as you know and so does Gerry I really don't, I love GJ but I've no desire to be anyone's grandma!

"This is Ethan," I've nodded at my right arm," you can tell he's Ethan because he's the one with the dark hair and this one with the blond hair like yours is Adam."

"I like the names when will they be able to play?" Everyone is laughing now as Gerry opens the bag and lifts out two fire engines with lights and sounds. "Mummy said they were too little for fire engines but I think they should have them for when they are old enough."

"You thought right mate they are great they'll love them when they're big enough and in the mean time we can out them on the shelf in the nursery so they can see them." Gerry is grinning at him as he takes the flowers and gift bags off Carole and Alison opening the bags to find two gorgeous little dungarees sets with checked shirts and two "my first year" baby books.

"They're lovely thanks both of you" See I can play nice and I know they are both desperate to hold the boys but in a rare act of reserve they aren't asking. "Would you both like a cuddle? They've not long been feed to they're out for the count but you're welcome to have a closer inspection."

They haven't needed asking twice and Allison now has Ethan and is cooing over him and Carole is lecturing Adam about keeping his dad in line which is making everyone laugh as Emily comes and sits beside me on the bed hugging me tightly.

"I called DAC Strickland last night and told him the good news he says to tell you congratulations and if it's ok he'd love to come visit once you get home." I wasn't expecting that, I knew she'd let him know but I never dreamed he'd want to visit, I suppose considering how long we've worked together it's nice that he wants to share our happiness and at least he's got the tact to ask if it's ok first.

"Aw that's nice of him when you see him again tell him we'd love to see him once we're home and settled." Gerry is making faces behind her as I smile and try not to react. Emily is a typical newly promoted officer she's young her superiors in the force command ultimate respect something that I know from experience will pass quickly but for now all I can do is sit back and follow Catlin's lead. Quiet observation is the key when there's an invasion like this one and much as I was dreading it I'm finding it all quite comforting that yet again I'm shown how many people my boys will have around them who care, what mother wouldn't love that.


	92. Chapter 92 - Silent Night

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 92 – Silent Night

"Hey gorgeous it's fine go back to sleep everything's under control. I'll wake you when they need fed again." God I don't even remember falling asleep. The last thing I remember was Carole and Allison leaving then the girls agreeing that Catlin should go spend the night with Paula.

"Did the doctor come? Are the boys ok?" I'm still exhausted but I know the doctor was supposed to come after visiting time to tell us if we could go home tomorrow.

"They boys are fine, both out for the count and yes the doctor's been and looked them over and he said provided you're ok in the morning we should be good to go. Are you hungry the nurse left in some fruit and sandwiches because you were asleep when they brought round supper after visiting." Actually now that he's said that I've realised I am hungry, starving actually.

"Yeah what time is it? Do I have time to eat before they need feeding again?" I've glanced at the clock and it's almost midnight so I don't have long if they run true to form so far they've been awake every 4 hours or so and I fed them just after the girls left earlier.

There's something fantastic about the fact that the four of us are together right now alone especially since Gerry has pulled the little wheeled table beside the bed with the food on it and got onto the mattress beside me putting his arm around me as we eat. I've rested my head on his shoulder as we both stare at the boys in a mirror of what I was doing last night that has resulted in me being so tired tonight.

"How are you feeling sweetheart? Everyone's been so wrapped up in the boys I've yet to hear anyone ask I you're ok and I'm including myself in that. You look so peaceful when you were sleeping you must have been exhausted." Well I was exhausted but then isn't that what having a baby, or in this case two babies, is supposed to be like? Other than that I feel fine, a little tender and uncomfortable at times but let' face it I'd be more worried if I wasn't all things considered.

"I'm fine and I like the fact that everyone is so excited about the boys they are ignoring me you know how much I hate people fussing over me."

"Yeah you're a terrible patient." He's always complaining that no matter what's wrong with me I won't let him "nurse" me or even make a bit of a fuss over me. "Can you believe they're here?"

"No but they are." He's staring at the boys and the emotion in his eyes is brings a tear to mine. This is the first time we've had anything resembling quiet time to just let it all sink in and believe me that's exactly what is happening. We're a family, yeah I know I said we already were and I meant it but sitting here now he's really brought home how having them has changed everything for us. We're not a couple anymore we're a family, not a part time family when the girls visit or Catlin comes to stay for a while but a full time family, us and the boys, "We're going to be ok parents aren't we? I mean I know you're going to be a great dad you already are but I'm going to be an ok mum right?" I don't know why that particular insecurity has decided to rear its ugly head again right now other than I've been hit by the realisation that tomorrow we're taking them home and there'll be no call button to push and have an expert walk through the door full of helpful advice if I don't know what I'm doing.

"Sandra, sweetheart we talked about this you're going to be a great Mum, the nurses told me when I rang last night before I went to bed that you wouldn't even let them help you were happier if they just left you alone to deal with the boys yourself. You don't realise how unusual that is for a first time Mum so you're going to be great." Now I am crying, why does no one tell you that just because the babies are born that doesn't mean the hormones switch off and you go back to being a rational person again. He doesn't seem to mind though I suppose he's been here before and knew he wouldn't be getting his level headed, rational wife back immediately and he's kissing me now as the boys begin to stir. Ethan is making his presence well and truly known as we laugh at the sudden intrusion onto our intimate moment and I pull myself together and get settled to feed them he is definitely going to be the impatient one, I wonder where he gets that from? Can I really talk about impatience when I'm frequently told I am the most impatient woman in the world? I wouldn't care anyway, a silent peaceful night might be a thing of the past for the foreseeable future but I wouldn't have it any other way.


	93. Chapter 93 - Military Operation

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 93 – Military operation

"Gerry this is ridiculous it's like we're moving house again how did we manage to end up with so much stuff here in less than 48 hours?" It's 11am on Boxing Day and the doctor has told us we can go home. That is easier said than done however there's so much stuff in this room that there's no way it's all going to fit in the car with the boys and the two of us it's just not possible.

"Don't worry about it I have to go home anyway to get the car seats and bring you something to wear is it'll be fine I can fill the car with most of this and just leave you with your clothes and essentials for the boys then come back and pick you three up." Ok I'm glad one of us is thinking clearly. When they told me I could go home I was so excited I immediately started sorting out the things we had to make sure we took home but now suddenly I seem to have gone into a tail spin. I leave my phone on my desk and don't realise until I get home. I park the car and forget where I parked it. I rent DVD's and forget to take them back and I had to write my new pin number down in the back of my dairy because I never remember it am I really allowed to be completely and totally responsible for two tiny little lives? "Sandra stop panicking it's fine, they are fine, we're going to get them home ok and when we do we're going to cope, millions of parents have done it before us some with triplets and quads and even sextuplets so we'll be ok!"

He never fails to pick up on exactly what's wrong with me and say the right thing and I suppose he's right. I mean a phone and a car are different from a baby right? I'm not likely to go shopping and forget to bring them home. Am I?

"Ok well take all the gifts, the balloons and stuff, leave me everything I need to get the boys ready while you're gone and don't forget to bring me something comfortable to wear." It's till going to take him three trips to the car to get everything down there at this rate it'll be nine tonight before we get home but I'm trying to be calm. I am an island of clam, I am going to sail through this, I am relaxed I….. "Gerry! For Christ's sake don't carry so much at once you'll put your back out!" Ok so maybe an island of calm was a slight exaggeration!

"Ok boys are you sure you're both full up because Daddy will be back soon and we're supposed to be ready to go." Gerry left half an hour ago and I assured him I'd have the boys ready and be ready just to quickly get dressed myself and we'd be out of here. His son's however had other ideas first Adam decided he was hungry then I was just about to get them changed into Catlin's carefully picked going home outfits when Ethan decided it was only fair that he got lunch too before we left. Finally though I have everything laid out; clothes, socks, nappies, vests, all-in-one coats and hats. I haven't been outside obviously but everyone who's come in has told me how cold it is so I've left them both out a blanket to keep them cosy while we get them out to the car. Ethan hates getting changed he grumbles the whole way through and when the nurse came in this morning to show me how to bath them he all out screamed blue murder. The nurse assured me that lots of babies hate bath time at the start but I'm glad he's not gone quite so crazy while getting dressed. Finally you're both ready and all we have to do is wait for Gerry to come back with my clothes and we're good to go.

"You ready?" I've just got changed and the boys have fallen asleep again as I try to get my hair to behave.

"Yep we're ready do you want to take the bag out to the car then come back and we can take one of the boys each?" He's disappeared with the bag and now the room is as empty as when I arrived apart from the two most important things. Today has been a bit like a military operation but as he arrived back and we lift one of the boys each I can't wait to get home and be in our own home, have Catlin back from Paula's and enjoy the rest of Christmas all exactly where we belong.


	94. Chapter 94 - Welcome home boys

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 94 – Welcome home Boys

"You go in and I'll bring everything from the car you take Ethan and I'll get Adam." We've just pulled up outside the house and we're home. I've never been so glad to see anywhere in my life. The nerves I was feeling while sitting in the hospital waiting for him to come back are almost completely gone all I want to do is get inside and the boy settled.

"Is Catlin back from Paula's? She'll be all over the boys as soon as she gets in so she can watch them while I help you with the bags and stuff." He's shaking his head at me again, he's making a habit of that lately I must tell him to give it a rest. Catlin is back though I know because she's just bounced out through the front door and as I predicted she's taken Adam from Gerry before he's even had a chance to object.

"That's ok Catlin don't bother helping with the donkey work or anything." He's smiling as she shrugs and we head inside leaving him to get the bag.

"I want to make it special for them coming home do you like it?" We've just walked into the living room and there's a huge "welcome home Ethan and Adam" banner above the fireplace. It must have taken her hours! "With it being Christmas I couldn't get balloons or anything I borrowed GJ's art box last night and made the banner, he helped too he painted the footballs along the bottom and we all made the cake."

"Catlin it's perfect, who needs balloons anyway I'll let you into a secret, I hate them I always have since I was a little girl and my cousin thought it would be fun to pop one right in my ear."

"I laid the play mat out for them I know they can't actually play with the things hanging from the gym bit yet but I was reading this thing in one of Paula's magazines that said it's good for them to have stimulation even when they're very tiny." I can only imagine what last night at Paula's must have been like she's taking her role as big sister very seriously and already she has Adam's coat and hat off and has placed him under the gym now she's taken Ethan from me and is repeating the process it's too cute!

"She's been working on getting this place organised all morning, she's even sterilized bottles ready for you to express milk if need be and she's moved the Moses baskets from the nursery into our room. Everything I went to do when I came home with the other stuff she'd already done." Gerry's dropped the bag in the hall and is now standing with his arm around my shoulders as we watch Catlin coo over the boys talking to them about how great it's going to be now that they're home.

"It's perfect she must have been making Paula's live a misery last night."

"From what I hear Paula didn't see much of her no GJ apparently they were locked in the kitchen working on their art project. I'm glad you're home the house just isn't right without you in it."

"I'm glad to be home I'm not used to sleeping alone anymore and they boys belong here at home with us surrounded by all their beautiful things and in their Moses baskets not in that hospital cot." He's pulled me into his arms now and is kissing me and it just cements my relief to be home.

"oh gross boys it's started already, don't look you're too young to be looking at that sort of thing." I can't stop laughing now as we break out kiss and I bury my head in his chest trying to muffle my laughter.

"Hey one thing those two will never doubt is how much their father loves their mother now didn't you say you'd made cake do put the kettle on and make yourself useful." Gerry is teasing her mercilessly but she's taking it all in good humour and she's disappeared into the kitchen as I sit on the sofa and he joins the boys on the floor.

I can't help but smile as he seems to have forgotten there's anyone else here as he chats to the boys telling them how much he love me and how Catlin may think it's "gross" but showing the woman you love that you love her is essential.

"Tea and cake made specially by me and GJ he picked the chocolate icing but I think that was just because he wanted to like the bowl." Catlin's come back with a tray o mugs and a huge chocolate cake just as Gerry gets to the point of informing the boys he'll tell them more about how to treat women when they're older and we're all laughing now. Looking around at the perfect domestic scene, my perfect domestic scene I feel and surge of love and contentment and I am so glad to be home.


	95. Chapter 95 - Guided Tour

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 95 – Guided Tour

"This is mine and Mummy's bedroom where you'll be sleeping for the next few months until you're old enough to sleep in your big cots. Mummy snores like a train, she'll tell you she doesn't but I promise she does you'll get used to it though." He's whispering because he and Catlin insisted that I go for a nap between feeds and he's standing at the bedroom door with one of the boys on each arm and thinks I'm asleep. Oh and just so you know I don't snore! He does though so he was right about them having to get used to sleeping through the noise. "Anyway on with the tour Mummy's been working very hard the last couple of days making sure you two got here safely and looking after you in the hospital so she needs her rest."

As so that's it! He's giving them the tour and he's closed the door over but I'm out of bed standing by the small gap listening as he moves into the nursery.

"And this is your room once you're old enough. We had almost as much trouble picking the décor for in here as we did picking your names. I wanted to introduce you to the wonders of Chelsea football club from day one but Mummy vetoed turning your nursery into a Chelsea shire so we have to compromise. You're going to love all the dragons and the castles and everything when you're a little older. GJ thinks it's great he's a big Chelsea fan too and when you two are older we'll all go to matches together." God he's really not going to let the football thing go is he? I'm going to have to put up with him insisting that they all watch every match on TV while he gives them a blow by blow account of all the players and their strengths and weaknesses. I suppose I should be grateful for the fact that now that the babies are here and able to be present in person for match watching events I would have to sit through them like I did while I was pregnant.

"You've already got loads of great things, there's so many people who were excited about you two getting here that they've been spoiling you in advance! How about since we're here with all the stuff we get those nappies changed before we go see the most important room up here?"

He's fallen silent again and he's obviously changing Adam's nappy first because if he had started with Ethan we'd all know about it. Ah and there it is my son expressing his displeasure about being changed I did tell you he was a screamer where getting changed was concerned didn't I?

"Ethan mate there's going to be a lot of this changing lark in your future so you're going to have to get used to it I know it's not fun to have us fussing over you since you don't care if your nappy is wet or not but it's gotta happen." Aw he's so cute when he talks to them as if they can answer. "You're going to be just like your Mummy she hates people fussing over her too." I take it back he's not cute after all! I swear I leave him alone with them for twenty minutes and so far he's told them I snore and I'm a terrible patient!

Well you know if I decided to start telling them all the things they are likely to find impossible about him I'd be there all day I….ok, ok yes I know over-reaction much? He's distracted me again anyway because he's out of the nursery again and heading for the office I can see him still with one of them on each arm nudging the door open.

"Now fellas this is one of the most important rooms in the house see you two even have your own seats in here already because while Mummy's working you'll probably spend a bit of time in here.2 Curiosity has got the better of me and I'm out on the landing just in time to see him put them in their bouncy chairs before sitting at the chair by the desk smiling down at them. "Mummy's going to keep me and Uncle Brian and Uncle Jack in line from here. People think she's mad that she should just let someone else do it but she knows us too well. Without her nothing gets done, she's the heart of the office when we weren't together and she used to go one holiday it was terrible nothing got done and she used to say every year that she'd not go again. It's going to be your job to keep her busy enough that she doesn't spend too much time in here though you think you can do that?"


	96. Chapter 96 - Watching over you

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 96 – Watching over you

"Gerry what are you doing? It's the middle of the night!" I've just woken up to find Gerry wide awake sitting up in bed staring into the Moses baskets at the boys. "Have you been asleep at all?"

"I'm not tired, they've been asleep for four hours twenty minutes shouldn't they have woken up to be fed by now?" Oh god I know I'm new to this and everything but even I know enough to be thankful when they sleep at night. They were fed just before we put them down for the night if they were hungry again I'm pretty sure we'd know about it.

"Baby they'll wake up when they're hungry and in the mean time you should be getting some sleep if we spend all the time they're sleeping watching them we'll bother be half dead from exhaustion in a week." He's still a little doe eyes, less than 24 hours since we got home from the hospital I suppose it's to be expected I feel the same way myself but we do need to sleep.

"I know I was just enjoying watching you all sleep and think how lucky I am. I love you; you know ."

"Of course I know it's still nice to hear it anyway though. I love you too as a matter of fact I love you more." Now we're bot watching the boys with my head resting on his shoulder as he pulls me close and Ethan mumbles quietly in his sleep. "I wonder what they're dreaming about?"

"Probably boobs." I've choked laughing as I stare at him and he shrugs. "They're two days old their world revolves around eating and sleeping. Since it's unlikely they are dreaming about sleeping my guess would be that it will be the other thing they like. Boobs equal food to them so I'd say that's what they're dreaming about."

"Not that different from you then?" He's trying to look hurt but I can see he's actually finding this late night teasing as much fun as I am.

"Hey when they look as good as yours how can a man not dream about them?" I almost got my equally witty reply out there but Adam has decided he has had enough to listening to us discuss breast and deeding and he wants a practical demonstration instead, "See Adam agrees!"

"Course he does! The only thing you've said that he agrees with is that he should be hungry." I've gone to get out of bed and lift Adam and bring him back with me but Gerry has beaten me to it and is muttering away to him about how he agrees with his desire to get a closer look at my breast and I can't help but laugh.

"Ethan's awake too should I change him while you fed Adam?" He's going to have to get out of this habit of asking me if he can do things and if he should. I know even less than he does about all this and they are as much my sons as his!

"Gerry you need to stop acting like you need to ask permission to do something with them. If it needs doing or if you just want to do it then get on with it. They aren't my children they're our children if you think Ethan needs changing then change him, if you just want to cuddle him while Adam feeds do that I don't want to feel like it's up to me to give you permission."

"Sorry it's just when the girls were babies I didn't do this sort of things so if I was going to do anything with them at this age I asked first in case I disrupted their routine or did something that upset them and made things more difficult." It's easy for me to forget that things were so different for him with the girls and I understand to some extent how it must have been for the exes. I can't help but feel a pang of regret for him for how much he missed out on when his daughters were babies though.

"Well it's different this time and I don't want you to ever forget that. You kept telling me we're in this and that's how it's going to be." We've swapped and he's pacing up and down gently winding Adam as I feed Ethan. "I want us both to feel we're has as much input in bringing these guys up and I want them to not just remember what Mummy did when they were 2 or 5 or 7 or whatever I want their memories to be family memories and I want us both to feel we never missed anything.

He's put Adam back down now that he's asleep again and sat down beside me gently stroking Ethan's head as he feeds. I meant it all, when my sons tell their children about growing up I want them to talk about happy times spent as a family rather than memories of seeing me all the time and him only at weekends and an hour before bed. I want us to do things together and raise them as part of a partnership. Me, him and our son's making memories that will last a lifetime.


	97. Ch97-Out and about the adventure begins

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 97 – Out and about – The adventure begins

"Are you sure we shouldn't just make a list and I could go get what we need?" Gerry is panicking because we have decided, after 4 days of post-Christmas relaxing and getting the boys into a routine it's time to venture out. Last night when we made the decision it all seemed very simple. We'd wait till they had their 12 o'clock feed then go out and be back before they needed feeding again now though it's already almost two and we've gone nowhere yet.

"Look we're not going on a day trip to Alton Towers we're going shopping surely we can manage that." I'm starting to get frustrated. I don't want to feel like even a simple shopping trip is impossible I know it's only been a few days and adapting will take time but if we can't do something this simple with three of us here to help what hope do I have when Gerry goes back to work and Catlin goes home? I need to know that I can do this and that's why we're starting small with shopping for food and drinks to have Esther, Brian and Jack on New Year's Eve.

"Dad stop being such a drama queen we are going out to show off my hansom brothers and you having a fit isn't helping with getting organised! Go put the pram in the car, me and Sandra will get the boys changed and into their coats." Trust Catlin to be the one to end up taking control of the situation she's the most sensible person in the house at times these days and I know he can see that I'm one step away from losing my temper so he's gone and done what she asked without a word.

"You're getting good at ordering him around. You take Ethan, I'll take Adam let's get them ready before he comes up with any more excuses not to go.

"Are you sure we have everything thing we need Sandra?" The boys are in the car ready to go and being supervised by Catlin and Gerry has decided to start checking the changing bag again! Give me strength!

"We have nappies, wipes, spare clothes, bibs, two bottles of expressed milk even though we should be back long before they need fed again. We have extra blankets, nappy sacks and extra dummies exactly what else do you think we might need for a 2 hour trip out?" I know I am sounding grumpy and irritable but I just want go now and he's not actually worrying about the bag he's just coming up with more excuses.

"I'm sorry sweetheart I know I'm driving you nuts I just want everything to be ok. Catlin's right we are going to show off the boys for the first time and I can't wait to walk through that shopping centre with you all I just want it to be ok." He's pulled me into his arms and is staring at me with puppy dog eyes how can I stay angry at him when he does that?

"I can't wait to be out there with you and them either but if we keep analysing every miniscule detail of the outing we'll never actually get there! Even if we have forgotten anything we're going to a huge shopping centre with a large Sainsbury's and a dozen other shops I'm pretty sure we'd be able to be able to pick up anything we needed." One of us has to try to be logical and it's true there's nothing there that we couldn't get while we were out if we didn't have it except for the milk and it's one thing we really don't need to fuss about. If I'm there then there's a ready supply of milk! "Now let's go or it'll be time to come back before we've even got out of the driveway."

"Ok you're right I know you are." At least he's got the bag and the car keys and we're heading to the front door. We're on our way out for the first time and it's all going to be ok. We'll get the shopping and….

"Sandra I think we might need a quick nappy change before we go anywhere." Damn! We were on the door step about to close the door but Catlin has just got out of the car and is getting Ethan from his car seat. For the love of god someone somewhere doesn't want me to see the inside of a shop today and I seriously need to have a word with Mr Ethan about his sense of timing!


	98. Ch98-Out and about- A feat of enginering

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 98 - Out and about – Feat of engineering

"Catlin are they ok? They aren't uncomfortable are they?" Oh my god what's she supposed to be? Psychic or something? We've only to drive ten minutes down the road , we've barely pulled out of the driveway and he's still in full blown panic mode.

"Hold on and I'll ask them shall I?" Oh sarcasm that'll go down well I don't think! In the couple of weeks she's been staying with us she's gradually been getting more comfortable and now she's being just as cheeky with us on a day to fay basis as I'm sure she is with Jayne. I'm sure if you live with it permanently it would be infuriating but I'm still finding it amusing.

"Gerry they're fine those car seats are designed for comfort we did a lot of research before buying them if you remember. You need to relax you don't do well with shopping at the best of times if you're going to be this uptight the entire time we're out you can leave me and Catlin there and go home to panic alone." Now he's pouting at me god why do I feel like the second the boys were born I suddenly had three children instead of two? I wonder if it's normal for fathers to become impossible when their children are born. I must remember to ask Esther when I see her again although she may not be the best point of reference since I'm not sure Brian even grew up at any point!

"I just want them to be comfortable and I was just asking if they were ok, other than the drive from the hospital this is their first outing they might be put off by the movement of the car of they might even be travel sick."

I've heard it all now, five day old babies with travel sickness is that even possible?

"They're fine dad they're both sleeping now like Sandra says stop panicking already." I'm laughing again as we make it to the shopping centre car park at last. Now if we can just get them into the pram and get inside maybe he'll stop panicking and go back to grumbling like he normally does when he goes within touching distance of a shop. Right now the return to that relative normality would be reassuring!

"Catlin don't unstrap them yet until we get the pram set up." She was all set to jump out of the car with a baby on each arm but it's started to snow again and they need to stay inside the car in the heat until we are ready to put them into the carry cots under cosy blankets.

"Sandra can you remember what button you press to get the bloody wheels up? I swear you should get a pocket sized set of instructions with these things that show you how to put them together." Gerry is standing in the middle of the car park now with the pram wheels on the ground trying everything to get them open. In the process he's getting covered in a thin layer of snow and even though I'm trying really hard not to laugh you have to admit it's pretty funny.

"Isn't it the big button in the middle of the handle?"

"I've tried that but it's not budging, Jesus you need a bloody degree in engineering to work these things." He's losing his temper now and it's time to step in or he'll likely turn to the "give it a swift kick" approach and that we can definitely do without. Now that I've got close I can see immediately what the problem is and the fact I am going to do this first time isn't likely to improve his mood.

"You need to take the safety lock of the side first." Told you now he's scowling as the wheels immediately open, expand and lock in place once the safety catch is taken off. "Don't sulk just because you forgot how to put them up doesn't make you any less of a man now get the carry cots out so we can get them out of the car and inside out of the cold."

Finally we're sorted. The pram is assembled, the boys are tucked up inside and Gerry and Catlin are fighting over who should push them, an argument I'm not joining in with nor getting involved in at all.

"But Dad I'm going back to Mum's in a few days so I won't get a chance to push them all that often you'll be able to do it anytime!" Fair point Catlin one nil to you.

"Yes but it's their first time out and I'm their Dad I should push them, you may be going home but you'll be round all the time and probably out with them and Sandra all the time. I have to go back to work so during the week I'll not be out and about with them." Ah I make that one all and I'm getting sick of standing around freezing my ass off because they can't agree so much as I hate to do it it's time to intervene.

"Stop arguing why don't you push the pram for half an hour Gerry then Catlin can for half an hour and so on until we go home which at this rate will be about nine tonight. I'm freezing, the boys are bound to be cold so can one of you start pushing the bloody pram before I lose my temper and push the damn thing myself and leave you both behind!"

Gerry's got his hands on the handle of the pram first and it's Catlin's turn to sulk. I don't care though we're finally inside out of the cold. It feels so different to walk into this place, that I've been in hundreds of times before, with my new babies. It had never occurred to me that I might feel so different about something so simple. I'm bursting with pride as I put my arm around Catlin's should and we walk down the central mall being stopped now and again by people who coo over them and all ask the same questions. How old are they? What are their names? Is it hard work with twins? Right now even the repletion of those comments can't annoy me. They're said by people we don't even know because they can see how gorgeous our sons are and how happy we all are. What's to complain about there? It's all true they are gorgeous and we are happy so I would tell every person in the building so if need be and if they keep asking I will happily answer as many times as possible just to show how proud I am of them.


	99. Ch99 - Out and about - A Step to far

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 99 – Out and about – A step too far

"What do you want to do on New Year's for eats?" Catlin now has the pram and Gerry the trolley as we battle through the crowds in the supermarket. I'm starting to think sending Gerry for the shopping might not have been such a bad idea after all.

"You're the chef honey what do you think?" I want to be more helpful I really do but I'm not feeling that great right now. I can't put my finger on what it is but I feel like the rooms too warm, the people in it are closing in on me and my head is light. It's really not a nice feeling and I must look like hell because Catlin has just stopped in her tracks causing the woman behind her who was trying to get past the pram to mutter quietly about young girls and babies. If I wasn't feeling so bad I'd have called her out on it who does she think she is making judgements about Catlin?

"Sandra are you ok? You look terrible, dad stop forget the shopping look at Sandra she's white as a sheet." I can just about focus on Gerry as he turns and I try to tell him I'm fine she's over reacting but the words won't come out instead the shop, him, Catlin and the pram are all blurring and suddenly I can't stand up anymore.

"She had twins five days ago, I told her it was too soon she shouldn't be out but she wouldn't listen. Is she going to be ok?" I can hear Gerry's voice as I start to come round again to see a woman kneeling on the floor beside me her fingers pressed against my wrist as I try to get up.

"Sandra just stay where are for the moment my name is Louisa I'm a doctor, you fainted." I can hear one of the boys crying and Catlin trying to sooth him, Gerry looks terrified and all I want to do it get up and do something. Louisa the doctor however needn't worry because I feel like there's a lead weight pushing me into the floor. "There's an ambulance on it's way, don't worry you probably just over did it a little but it's best to get you checked out."

"I don't need an ambulance I'm…"

"Sandra for once in your life just do what you're told you're going to the hospital to get checked out and you're going to stay where you are until the paramedics get here and tell you that you can move am I making myself clear?" Ordinarily I'd hate him speaking to me with that tone and would make him regret it and think twice about doing it again but I can see he's two steps away from complete melt down right now.

Before he has a chance to carry on with his scolding the paramedics have arrived and the doctor is filling them in. I'm trying to interrupt to tell them again that none of this is necessary but one of them is already fitting a blood pressure cuff to my arm while the other tells Gerry they'll take me straight to the maternity unit to be checked out by my own doctor and telling him to follow in the car.

"Gerry where are the boys they must be hungry, I don't need to be here." It took 20 minutes to reach the hospital during which time I came round properly and I'm not just irritated but embarrassed about all the fuss. Now I'm sitting in a hospital bed with doctors and nurses bustling around me and a bag of fluids attached to the drip in my arm.

"The nurse who was on duty over Christmas when we were here is on duty today she put them and Catlin into one of the empty side ward. Catlin has fed them with the bottles of expressed milk we brought with his. The doctor thinks you over did it and are a bit anaemic but if you start getting worked up he'll keep you in overnight because getting upset isn't going to help you need to be taking it easy.

"I'm not staying here overnight Gerry even if I have to discharge myself I'm not spending a night away from the boys at this stage." Are they all mad? I fainted I'm sure I'm not the first new mother to do it. They're giving me fluids there's no reason I can't go home once they're done I….

"Still making your views known I see Sandra;" I'm not sure if I'm pleased to see my own consultant or not but since he's smiling at me I'm going to be optimistic. "You're definitely anaemic and a little dehydrated which isn't unusual after child birth but it seems you haven't been doing what you promised you would when I let you go home. You haven't been taking it easy at all from what I hear." So much for optimism now I'm getting bloody lectured. "If and it's a big if at this stage, I let you go home this time you have to promise me that you will do as little as possible for the next week or so. Let Gerry wait on you that way you can concentrate on getting better and on the babies. If you can't promise me that you'll do that I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist that you stay here not just tonight but for a day or two until we are sure you aren't going to go around fainting on us again."

"I'll make sure this time she does nothing other than sit with her feet up and feed the boys even if I have to tie her to the chair to make sure she does." Great now they're ganging up on me! I had enough of the tag teaming crap while I was pregnant but I know for sure I don't want to be stuck here for any longer than necessary. Catlin has just come into the room with the boys and it's all it takes to snap my final resistance.

"Ok, ok, I'll do nothing for the next few days I'm not staying here I'm going home with Gerry and the kids." The doctor is smiling triumphantly now. God I'd like to wipe that smug smile off his face but as he tells me the nurse will arrange for me to be discharged when the fluids have run through and he'll see me on 3rd January I just want him to go. Yes it's meant conceding a little but I can live with that if I get to walk out of here with them because I can't imagine spending any time away from the boys right now let alone a whole night.


	100. Ch100- House arrest - the torment begins

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 100 – House Arrest – The torment begins

"Do you need anything else? Do you want me to being you something to read? Some Supper? Anything at all?" I've been home from hospital less than 2 hours and I've fed the boys and put them down in their Moses baskets beside me in the bedroom, drank my own weight in tea and had dinner and Gerry is still fusing!

"Honey will you relax? I'm in bed just like I promised the doctor I would be, you've fed and watered me until I'm ready to burst and I don't need anything to entertain me other than peace to catch up with my soaps. Tell Catlin Eastenders is on in 5 minutes if she wants to come watch it with me and you go and watch your match you've been looking forward to it for days." Now I can see conflict in his eyes. Chelsea are playing tonight he's been talking about it for days but he's still shaken up enough by what happened today to not want to take his eyes off me. "Seriously Gerry I'm fine go watch the football. If I need anything Catlin will be here."

"Ok but just shout I'm only down stairs if you need anything or if the boys wake up and there's anything they need that you don't have within arm's reach."

He's finally left me alone to switch the TV on and settle down with my usual evening soaps and catch up on the post-Christmas pre New Year's fall out that keeps us all gripped. I know you're thinking god the drama of soap land no one ever wakes up on Christmas morning has a collection of gifts most of which they like, has an average Christmas dinner with the minimal amount of family strife then flops about in front of the TV in the evening. In soaps nothing is ever normal Christmas can't come round without being accompanied by a mass of death, destruction and general angst. They are seriously over the top but isn't that why we watch them and Christmas and New Year week just isn't the same without the fall out.

"have I missed the start?" Catlin has just come bounding into the room and jumped onto the bed cringing slightly as she realised the boys were sleeping bit it's ok they haven't stirred. I did mention they sleep like their father didn't I? You could parade a brass band through here when they're sleeping and it wouldn't wake them! "I can't believe Sharron is back with Phil, I mean I know she isn't officially but it's only a matter of time we all know it is."

"Yeah some women never learn. Is your dad finally relaxing in front of his football match or is he still flitting about like a bee with a firework up it's arse?" She's laughing at my analogy but that's exactly what he's been like.

"Yeah he is but come on Sandra you can't blame him for being a bit over protective tonight you scared the crap out of us this afternoon. One minute you're fine the next you're flat out on the supermarket floor. I didn't even think it was possible to think of as many terrible scenarios in such a short space of time as I did and you better believe he'd have come up with ones I couldn't even dream of." I know she's right it must have been awful for them and I can only imagine what Gerry thought but you can rest assured it would have covered the whole spectrum from me having tripped over my own feet to me having dropped dead and everything in between!"

"He doesn't need to fuss Catlin I promised that this time I'd take it easy. I don't want to end up back in hospital any more than he wants me there. He doesn't need to turn into a twenty four seven body guard he's only downstairs not on the other side of London. If I need something I can ask him for it."

"But you don't have the best track record when it comes to doing what you should be he just needs time to realise that this time you will." She's completely engrossed in what's happening on screen now as what she said sinks in. I am terrible at doing what I've been told to do. I know that even before pregnancy and the twins arriving I drove him mad and since we found out I was pregnant I've been worse. I just hate being told what to do. I hate anyone thinking they know better than I do what's best for me even if that someone is a doctor or someone who loves me and just wants what's best for me.

Catlin's now rested her head on my shoulder as we continue to watch and glancing from her to the boys I've realised something. When it comes to my health and wellbeing from now on I need to be more cooperative. Much as I always would have said I'd not do anything to put myself at risk it's now even more important that I practice what I preach. If something serious had been wrong with me today or if I had just dropped dead in the middle of Sainsbury's I'd have been leaving so much behind. Before now I've always thought that there was no great danger in putting myself in a collection of increasingly foolhardy situations. My argument has always been that it comes with the job and sometimes you have to take a risk to get a result. Looking again at the boys though I'm completely determined to be here for a long time, I want to watch them grow, to be there for all their firsts and even one day see my grandchildren. God I sound like my mother already and they aren't even a week old yet! Anyway though to do all that I'll have to start following doctor's orders even if that means effectively being under house arrest for the next week.


	101. Ch101-House Arrest - Cabin Fever

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 101 – House Arrest – Cabin Fever

"Sandra we'll only be an hour remember you promised that you'll not get out of bed." I've now been confined to barracks for two days and they haven't let me move further than the bathroom they've been like sentries at the side of the bed. Now though it's the day before New Year's and I've put my foot down. I don't want to cancel tomorrow night I've been looking forward to spending some quality time with Jack, Briana and Esther and it's not like I have to do anything other than sit and enjoy their company. Gerry will be dealing with food and drinks and with Esther and Catlin both around I doubt I'll even get a looking in with the twins. The upshot is that they have to go out because the last time we tried to shop for supplies I spoiled it with the whole passing out and getting myself confined to bed thing.

"Gerry we've done this conversation three times since breakfast alone. I promise that I will not turn into Aggy friggin' McKenzie and try to clean the house from top to bottom. I won't start running up and down the stairs I will stay here and wait for you to come back. Now will you go or you'll get caught up with everyone shopping for New Year's and not be home till midnight." Catlin has just come in with a basket from the nursery with half a dozen nappies, a packet of wipes and a load of other stuff that I wouldn't need even if they were going to be away for a week instead of an hour.

"I got everything you might need so you don't even need to go as far as the nursery. Dad did you tell her not to move until we get back?"

"I did and she's promised not to but you know what she's like the minute we're out the door she'll…"

"Excuse me "she" is right here and can hear everything you're saying!" God talk about feeling like your presence isn't needed. If it wasn't for the fact they need me to feed the boys they'd probably dispense with me altogether!

"I'm sorry sweetheart we're just worried." Gerry's realised from one look at me that they've over stepped the mark and so has Catlin because she's left the basket beside me and beat a hasty retreat as he sits beside me.

"I know I can be a bit stubborn at times and I know I'm not always great at doing what I should do but you've got to realise I don't want to end up in hospital any more than you want to end up there." It's been bugging me for the last couple of days the constantly treating me like a child thing. I've been really biting my tongue but this is beyond a joke! "I'm starting to feel like I'm only useful for feeding time and other than that you would be happy to ignore me. I won't lose my identity because I've had the boys I won't turn into "Adam and Ethan's Mum" when people talk about me. I don't mean I'm not proud of them and that the fact I'm their mum doesn't mean everything to me but it's not all I am. I'm still as much me as I was before they were born all that's changed is that I've brought two beautiful new lives into the world."

"Oh Sandra I'm so sorry." Now he looks like I've told him I want a divorce instead of pointing out simple obvious facts. To be honest I didn't realise how upset I was about it all until it started coming out of my mouth but now that I've said it I know it had to be said. Another day of being smothered or ignored depending on his and Catlin's mood and by tomorrow I'd need hospitalized but not in the maternity ward in the psychiatric one.

"Just stop treating me differently just because we're a family instead of a couple and we'll get through the next week just fine,"

"I'm frightened, I'm scared to death that something will happen to you and I'll be left alone to face the world and raising the boys without you. Without you I don't think I could…" Damn now he's getting emotional I didn't want that I just wanted him to realise what he was doing.

"Gerry I'm not going anywhere and I'm doing what the doctor told me to aren't I?" He's calming a little but I can still see panic behind his eyes. Time to lighten the mood a little or try to anyway. "Do you really think I would leave you to raise the boys alone? I want them to grow up able to do more than cook a good meal and use said meal to seduce women. No, no, no Mr Standing I intend staying right by your side while we raise these two."

"Hey I can do more than cook!" Thank god for that at least he's smiling now. "I'm sorry we'll tone it down a little I promise. I didn't realise we were upsetting you. We'll go get the shopping then maybe you and the boys could come downstairs and we could spend the afternoon watching some movies and relaxing. If you want to of course."

"Sounds like a plan now go! I meant it when I said if you don't go now it'll be hours before you're back."

He's kissed me gently and is finally gone. The whole situation right now is far from idea but I suppose I was a little too focused on how I was feeling and hadn't given much thought to the fact that he might actually still be scared. The sooner I get on top of this anaemia think and back on my feet the better because cabin fever is starting to set in and it will only get worse the longer we're all confined to the house!


	102. Ch102-House Arrest - Every Cloud

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 102 – House Arrest – Every Cloud

"I wonder how daddy and Catlin are getting on I bet the shops are packed we're much better off staying here!" I have just finished feeding and changing the boys and they are both lying on the bed in front of me kicking and gurgling and generally acting like six day olds. They really are unbelievably cute even if I do say so myself and I'm still in awe at the fact we managed to create two such beautiful human beings. I'm starting to see little similarities between them and us, the way Ethan's chin has a tiny dimple in it like Gerry's and how Adam's nose looks like it's going to be just like mine.

Since Gerry left I've been thinking about what he said about how scared he has been since I fainted. I suppose I assumed that because the doctor said if I took it easy I'd be fine he'd just accept that and be happy provided I was doing what I was told. I never thought for a second the memory of the hour before the doctor told us that would still be frightening him. The thought of something happening to me meaning I wants here to see the boys grow up is too terrible to comprehend and I'm determined that later when we're done I'll remind him that I couldn't think of doing anything that would put my health at risk. He doesn't need to pester me or wrap me in cotton wool because I've already realised how important it is.

"We're back! Jesus how do people do that all the time? I mean I don't care how good a bargain something was I'd not want to shop in the sales." He's flopped on to the bed beside me and looks like he's been trekking in the Amazon not getting some groceries. "Never let women convince you shopping is fun lads it's not! You should have seen that place!" "I did warn you before you left that it would be mad. People shop like places aren't going to open again instead of only being closed a day, actually these days they don't even close properly for New Year's there's always somewhere open!"

"You should have seen the trollies people where coming out of Sainsbury's with they were overflowing! And in the shopping centre itself it was like a riot in some shops." I can only imagine how bad it was I've never been one for the whole queuing up for the sales thing. I've never really seen the point of going through the while rugby scrum thing when what I want is just as likely to get taken by someone else before I can get to it. I have ventured out when others are doing it through and it's not pretty.

"You should have gone to the big out of town Sainsbury's at least you'd have been spared the madness of the shopping centre."

"Yeah but we had a couple of things to get, special surprises so why don't you get sorted and transfer to the sofa. I'll take the boys down and once Catlin and I have finished putting the shopping away we'll show you what we've got."

"Gerry tell me now you know how impatient I am with surprises…." Argh he's just given me one of those annoying "knowing" smiles before scooping up a baby in each arm and disappearing. Right then if he wants to play that game I'm more than happy to join in. I'm out of bed already and pulling on my dressing gown to go downstairs they will be unpacking the shopping so I can check what else they bought and what the surprise is.

"Don't bother looking for bags in there just put your feet up we've hidden the surprise!" Damn him for knowing me so well he's heard me come down and just as I thought I was doing a good job of creeping into the living room on my investigation mission he's caught me! "Don't bother denying that was exactly what you were planning I know you too well! The boys are on the play mat, we'll only be ten minutes finishing off in here so settle yourself on the sofa and work on developing some patience."

"You're mean, both of you!" Yes, yes I know that was childish but surprises turn me into a child. "You agree with mummy don't you boys? Daddy and Catlin are being mean!"

"The boys agree with us that you should stop acting like a five year old and wait ten minutes without complaining!" I love that the atmosphere in the house has finally lightened a bit and now Catlin is getting in on the act saying she has spoken to the boys and they definitely agree that she's not being mean and that I am being impatient!

"Dad says do you want a cold drink or some tea made?" Clearly the shopping is put away because she's finally emerged from the kitchen and is smiling smugly. This is not helping me be more patient! Between Gerry being mysterious and her being smug it's killing me right now!

"Tell him to bring me a bottle of water if he's doing snacks. Waiting for the kettle to boil will only waste more time."

"God Sandra you're even more impatient than me I didn't believe Dad when he said you were impossible when it came to surprises but he was right!" She's rolled her eyes and again I'm on my own!

"Ok we bought you a present while we were out." No you don't say Gerry! I mean what the hell like I hadn't worked that much out already. If he'd put me through all this only to day he'd bought an exciting new flavour of crisps I'd have made him regret it. As it is though he's just handed me a bag and he and Catlin are being smug again. This must be good, really good, if they are both so confident.

"Oh my god! I love it are we going to watch them now?" I've just lifted out a huge box of Lindor chocolates. Some other snakes and at the very bottom of the bag a box set of DVD's "great slasher movies of the 70's and 80's" They both know how much I love an old fashioned horror movie and this has all the best! Halloween, Friday 13th, Nightmare on Elm street, the Hills have Eyes you name it it's here!

"That's the plan.2 I no longer care about them looking smug they have good reason to be and as he tells Catlin to put the first one on while he gets the lunch and snacks from the kitchen I can't help but be a little smug myself. Being house bound isn't all that bad with this to do today it definitely proves that every cloud has a sliver lining.


	103. Chapter 103 - Party time - Almost

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 103 – Party time – Almost

"Do you thing we should do plated food for the guys tonight or a buffet and let them fill their own plates?" It's finally New Year's Eve and we're getting ready for Esther, Brian and Jack coming this evening. Actually Gerry and Catlin are getting ready the boys and I are supervising from the sofa. Yes I'm still on minimal household duties but at least they've backed off a little and I'm not stuck up stairs constantly so I'm coping a little better. Right now Adam is out for the count on the play mat on the floor and Ethan and I are watching carefully as Catlin hangs streamers from every available surface.

"You're doing a curry and a paella aren't you? I'd put them in the big serving dishes Carole bought us as a wedding present and put them on the table then they can serve themselves. That was they can take as much or as little as they want and they can have a bit or both if they like. Don't forget you're doing a little paella for me with no shell fish." We had a debate last night about how safe it was for me to be eating shell fish while still breast feeding and in the end we decided that it was better to be safe than sorry. I love his paella but everything I've read says anything you were advised to stay away from in pregnancy you should stay away from while your nursing too.

"Like I could forget you've reminded me at least once an hour since last night I have everything read for your chicken and chorizo version and I've kept all the ingredients well away from the muscles and prawns in the fridge. No changes where the boyo's are concerned isn't that right Ethan?" He sat down beside me for a minute and is talking more to the baby than to me which is so cute and a habit he's got into since we came home.

"Do you think I need to go get more streamers?" Oh god Catlin you can't be serious! There isn't a surface in the living room undecorated at the minute even if she did get more I don't know here she'd put them! I love that she's so excited though she's eighteen I had assumed that she'd have plans for tonight with her college friends and we'd be sitting here in the small hours waiting for her to come home. We both told her that she didn't have to stay home but she's adamant that she wants to. With only three days left until Jayne comes home and she leaves us again I can't say I'm disappointed that she still wants to spend time with us I'm going to miss her when she's not here all the time again.

"I think we're good for streamers sweetie why don't you put the banners up then you and I can blow up the balloons while your Dad is doing his Gordon Ramsey impression." She's giggling now she as she disappears into the hall and comes back with the bag of balloons and banners she brought back from the shops with her today.

"It's going to be strange when she's gone again isn't it?" Gerry doing his mind reading thing again it's actually pretty freaky when he does that and it's becoming a habit these days.

"Yeah it is, it's amazing how much it's felt right to have her here I'll miss her and I think the boys will too." He's deep in thought now and I can tell he's turning things over in his head as he leaves me alone again to go start the cooking prep. I love and hate in equal measure when he gets like this. Some of the most amazing things in our lives have come from one of his overly thoughtful moments but equally so have some of our biggest arguments. It always worries me a little until I know if it's just going t be a flash in the pan or if his mood will last, cooking though he has always assured me is his best time to think so with what he has to do this afternoon he should have cleared his head again by the time our visitors arrive later.

"What's wrong with Dad? I went in to the kitchen to look for the scissors and he didn't even seem to notice I was there!" See everyone feels it when his mood changes.

"He's thinking."

"Oh god I hope he's finished by later I'm not spending New Year's Eve watching him be all broody and thoughtful!" It's my turn to laugh now as she rolls her eyes at least I'm not the only one who worries when his mood changes so quickly. I've no idea what's going to happen as the day goes on but I have a feeling it will either be the best New Year we've ever had or the most disastrous!


	104. Chapter 104 - Party Time - Invasion

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 104 – Party time – Invasion

"Where are they? Where are my gorgeous godsons?" Esther has just arrived with Jack and Brian, completely by-passed me, Gerry and Catlin and is on the floor cooing over the boys where they are wriggling about on their play mat.

"Esther there are adults in the room too you know it's still customary to say hello when you arrive in someone's house even when there are babies in the room." Brian is hilarious when it comes to manners and social niceties he's the worlds worse and he has the cheek to tell her off!

"It's fine Brian we're getting used to being ignored in favour of the boys why don't you two come into the kitchen with me it'll be all baby talk and chapped nipple discussions in here for at least an hour." Gerry has winked playfully at me as Jack and Brian plod after him in the direction of the kitchen.

"I was out yesterday and saw these I just couldn't resist." Esther is going to spoil them rotten I can tell already. She's bought them a dozen things already and now she's handed e a bag with two gorgeous little hats inside. One's red and the other is green and they say "If you think I'm cute you should see my brother". They're brilliant!

"Esther they're great I love them but you have to stop spoiling them!" Yeah like that's ever going to happen!

"Don't be daft Sandra of course I'm going to spoil them! Right now though I want to hear about you how are you feeling? We've been worried sick since Gerry called about your supermarket incident. How are you feeling now? Have you been taking it easy? Have Catlin and Gerry been looking after you?"

"Of course we have and yes she's been taking it easy. Sandra I'm going to call mum before it gets too late over there."

"Yes Esther I've been uncharacteristically well behaved the whole thing scared the crap out of us all including me." I'm not really paying attention to my own answer let alone what she's saying in return. If I'm honest it's getting stranger not each time Catlin goes off to call Jayne or grumbles about going home.

"Sandra are you sure you're ok? I'm sure it was awful but the doctor said you'd be ok didn't he?" Shit now she looks really worried I'm not good at hiding my feelings these days but I'm worse at table about them especially when it comes to Gerry's exes and his girls." It's not about you being ill is it? What's wrong Sandra?"

"Nothing…..well nothing really it's just…." I'm glancing around to make sure none of the others are around as I join her on the floor lifting Ethan onto my lap as he starts to cry. "Catlin goes home in a couple of days and I'm really going to miss her, we both are. It's only been a few weeks I know but…"

"But it feels like she's been here forever? I can understand that she's a good kid and it's obvious she adores you and Gerry I can understand it being hard for you. Have you thought of suggesting she stays a bit longer?" Have I thought about it? I don't think I've thought about much else while I've been sitting around taking it easy for days and even more so since Gerry and I talked about her going this afternoon but I don't think she'd want to and I'm not sure Gerry would be 100% behind the idea either.

"I couldn't suggest that Esther I'm not her Mum she'll be looking forward to getting back to Jayne. Besides if Gerry had thought about her staying he'd have mentioned it by now. It'll be fine it's not like I don't have enough to keep me occupied with these two."

"You should talk to him about it. Maybe you're right maybe neither of them would go for the idea but maybe they would and just don't want to broach the subject with you." Only Esther can be so completely able to turn around my idea of things and point out that there's another side I might not be seeing.

"Sandra should you really be sitting on the floor aren't you supposed to be taking it easy?" Jesus Christ Jack just scared the hell out of me where did he come from?

"Jack I'm sitting on the floor not doing press-ups or anything it's hardly hard work. Why would it matter where I'm sitting provided I am sitting?"

"Well you know the floor's hard and with…..you know with….." Oh my god he's actually blushing there's a first time for everything. Now do I throw him a lifeline and not make him spell out that it might be a little delicate down there since only a week ago two tiny humans made their way out? "isn't it…you know…."

"It's fine Jack I'm comfortable don't worry." Esther is trying really hard not to laugh and frankly so am I.

"Drinks everyone! Where's Catlin?" Gerry's just come in with a tray of drinks and classes of orange for me and Brian and has not got the joke at all but the explanation can wait till alter no point embarrassing Jack any more right now.

"She's gone upstairs to call Jayne before it gets to late there and the mobile networks all go crazy here. She'll be back in a minute."

"Right, yeah of course she has, anyway drink up everyone food in half an hour." He's handed round the drinks and disappeared again and I'm starting to wonder if maybe Esther is right. Maybe it is worth sounding him out about having her around more permanently if it's what she wants and it's ok with Jayne. We definitely have a lot to talk about over the next few days. Just because we're going into 2013 as a family of four doesn't mean we can't consider just one more change does it?


	105. Chapter 105- Party time - Happy New Year

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 105 – Party time – Happy New Year

"Dad where's the champagne I thought you put it in the fridge?" It's a quarter to twelve, we've had a fantastic evening, everyone but Brian and I are a little tipsy and between Catlin and Esther the boys have been completely spoiled. I've missed this. Christmas was such a whirl of excitement with the boys deciding to make their surprise entrance that we seem to have been in a tail spin since. To sit tonight and just enjoy the company of our friends has been great.

"I've already brought it in it's on the table in the ice bucket just bring glasses and hurry up or we'll not get it poured before the fireworks!" I've lifted Adam and he has Ethan as we all stand round the TV waiting for Big Ben to chime and the fireworks to start, Catlin and Jack have just tried to do an extremely loud countdown which has resulted in some equally loud screaming from Ethan who clearly doesn't get the whole excitement of the dawning of 2013 thing.

"Sorry little bro we'll do it quietly I promise." Catlin is kissing the top of his head and it sooths him immediately. I know they may only be a week old but I think they'd really notice if she wasn't here too but that's a discussion for later because the clock has started to chime and we're all very quietly hugging each other and wishing each other a Happy New Year.

"So 2013 then?" Jack is hilarious when he's drunk, he seems to either decide the world is not worth living in or he loves everyone and everything. Right now that statement could go either way.

"Yeah mate that's normally what comes after 2012!"

"You're a loss to the world of stand-up comedy Gerry but what I mean is look at us, when we all started UCOS eight years ago did any of you think we'd all be here celebrating New Year's together tonight? Did you imagine you and Sandra would be married and just had two lovely little lads? Amazing the difference a few years makes. Eight years ago I was sitting on my own in the garden wishing Mary a Happy New Year and wishing I'd already joined her."

"Eight years ago I was at a party with the rest of CID wishing I was just about anywhere else." It's true I always hated those do's where everyone got too drunk, said things they didn't mean and you used to watch people leave together knowing full well they'd regret what they were about to do come morning.

"We'd probably not even have bothered staying up to see the New Year in." There's a tinge of regret to Esther's voice that reminds me how hard it much have been for her and Brian before UCOS. I can only imagine what it must have been like I'm sure it's not something they want to go back to not that they'd ever have to. With or without UCOS now we're stuck with each other our friendship is too important to throw away.

"I can't remember what I was doing but then at that stage I considered that a good way to spend the evening." He's put his spare arm around me as he sits beside me on the sofa and I involuntarily rest my head on his shoulder looking from him to the boys. "I know what you're thinking and I agree."

"That this is the best way to spend New Year's?" he's nodding at my question and has kissed me provoking collective ewww's from Catlin and the guys and a characteristic aww from Esther.

"Guys there are kids present get a room you're going to traumatise my brothers." Now everyone is laughing including me and Gerry and I can't help but think how perfect it all is. This time last year we were all at Jack's toasting the New Year and thinking life couldn't get any better. I thought at the dawn of 2012 my life was perfect and complete and it was but now it's not just complete it's overflowing with all the best things live can give you and that's why I'm looking forward to 2013 even more.


	106. Chapter 106 - When the party's over

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 106 – When the Party's over

"Are they settled?" I fed the boys when everyone left an hour ago. Catlin is out for count and I left Gerry to settle them while I made us both some hot chocolate.

"Yeah full tummies, clean bums and all burped out we should get a couple of hours sleep at least before they're up again." I love that even though he's as new to this aspect of parenting as I am he's so hands on, so good at judging what the boys need and looking after them. "Happy new year sweetheart."

"Happy new year to you too, I love you."

"I love you too, how are you feeling? It's been a long day and I'm not fussing over you I promise I'm just asking if you're ok?" Aww he's been so careful since we had our melt down yesterday or rather I had my meltdown. When he's not being over the top and is being genuinely considerate I don't mind him fussing just a little bit.

"Tired, exhausted actually but happy it was a great evening so nice to catch up with what they've all been doing over Christmas. I know it's only been a week but so much has been going on that it's felt like longer." He never questions my slightly irrational moments, he just accepts them and agrees even though I'm sure he thinks I'm mad at times. Normally the idea of a week without having to listen to Jack moan and Brian obsess is my idea of heaven but it's different now. I want to boys to be surrounded by all the people who love them as much as possible and other than us no one loves them more that Esther, Jack and Brian. Then there's Catlin of course I'd promised myself that I'd talk to him about it and about her staying on once the party was over but I'm not sure I can keep my eyes open long enough to do the conversation justice, When we do talk about it I want to be coherent enough to put across my point well.

"You should sleep while we can it maybe a new year but the boy wonders have no respect for the fact we used to go to bed late and sleep half of New Year's Day." I've completely ignored the hot chocolate I made as he gently eases me down on to the pillow and spoons against my back. Couldn't object to his idea of sleep now even if I wanted to the comfort of his arms around me and the warmth of the blanket covering us is enough to drag me under and into a dreamless sleep whether I want to or not.

"Sandra honey wake up, sorry sweetheart but the boys are awake. I've changed them and everything but now they need fed and I can't do that for them." Gerry's voice seems far away as I try to force my eyes open nothing that he's saying is making any sense for a split second until I hear one of the boys scream in protest at being kept waiting. It's amazing how in that second when you just wake up you can forget how much has changed until your conscious mind kicks in and it all comes back.

"I'm awake, I'm awake." In moments I'm awake and the boys are both resting on the pillow on my lap feeding contentedly as Gerry climbs back into bed beside me.

"Sorry sweetheart I hate waking you when you're so settled we should keep some expressed milk so we can at least take turns at night until you're completely back on your feet again."

"it's fine I don't mind it just took me a minute to become completely conscious ." He's smiling at me now as he rests his head on my shoulder and watches the boys. I love the little contented gurgling noises they make when they eat it's the most amazing feeling in the world to know I'm giving them what they need to thrive.

"Catlin was up a little while ago I think she'd have happily fed them if there were bottles ready to do it with. Normally it would take a bomb to get her out of bed at 4am. I think she's really going to miss then when she goes back to Jayne's next week." There's that tinge of regret again and I'm starting to wonder if maybe Esther was right. Maybe he is thinking about what it would be like if Catlin stayed a little longer or at least split her time between here and Jayne's and just doesn't want to bring it up.

"Gerry about Catlin…" I'm not sure how this is going to go or even how I'm going to suggest we bring the subject up with her if he agrees but it feels right to do it and now is as good a time as any.


	107. Chapter 107 -Pros and Cons

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 107 - Pros and Cons

"What about Catlin? I know something's been bothering you all evening. I know you've had a good time and everything but I've noticed how you reacted every time Catlin's name came up and when Esther was tabling about her going home to Jayne's." He always knows what's bothering me it's like he has a sixth sense even when we're in a room full of our friends and to the entire world I couldn't be happier he picks up on even the tiniest thing that's playing on my mind.

"How are you feeling about her going home? Back to Jayne's I mean?" I need to know if he's even thinking the same thing as me or along the same lines. Right now I'm not sure, as I look at the boys still feeding contentedly, if I have the right to suggest that she stays no matter how much I'd like her to.

"I don't know, I've got used to having her around, I think it's good for her and the boys to bond and I'll miss her but she has to go home sometime doesn't she?" I know the question is as much him speaking to himself as me.

"Does she? I'm not suggesting we just say she's not going she's 18 she's an adult we can't tell her to do anything but that doesn't mean we can't ask her how she'd feel about staying or about maybe splitting her time between here and Jayne's. She's out at Uni all day and back and forward in the evening anyway meeting her friends so it's not like we'd be taking on a toddler,"

"Are you sure you'd want to have her here all the time? You're not just saying that because you've realised how used to having her around I've got?" I take that back about how he always knows what I'm thinking, he does but once I confirm that he was right he has an unparalleled ability to start doubting himself.

"Look I wouldn't suggest something that is such a big step if I wasn't serious about it. She's been great, she's helped with the boys, she's fitted in with the house routine perfectly, we all have to get back to normal next week, you have to go back to work she has to go back to Uni and I have to get used to being at home with the boys ad working from here so would it be so terrible if we all got used to those changes together?" I can see him weighing things up in his head and I know I'm about to get the "cons" list to go with the "pros" list I've just given him.

"You think you'll be ok with her having a social life not coming in until late maybe even not coming in at all at times? Her stuff all over the house, music being played too loud, her friends visiting, the phone and the door never stopping?"

"It's 2013 Gerry teenagers don't communicate using land lines and by calling at each other's doors. They leave each other Facebook messages or Tweets or whatever. She's an adult of course she's going to come and go as she pleases but provided she's not falling through the door at 3am 5 nights a week waking us and the boys I can live with that. As for her stuff have you looked around the house this week if she can find a surface that's not already covered in baby stuff to cover with her stuff she's welcome to it. She can have the room she's in now, it's a good size and it has that little en-suite shower room. If we need a spare room for visitors they can sleep in the small spare room."

"You're Mummy can be very convincing boys." They've both finished eating now and we're burping one of them each though I'm pretty sure they are too sleepy for winding as we fall silent for a minute until they are completely settled and back in their Moses baskets.

"So what do you think? The pros outweigh the cons don't they? I mean this may be a pointless conversation she may not want to even consider it." He's pulled me back into his arms as I rest my head on his chest and am just as sleepy as the boys were.

"I think we should ask her, or suggest that if she wanted to stay then there's always a bedroom here for her here and see what she says." I knew he wanted it as much as I do it just takes him a little while to make sure I know what I'm getting into before he agrees. Now all we have to hope is that Catlin and Jayne are as happy with the idea as we are because if they aren't and she does go for good at the end of the week it'll be so quiet here without her.


	108. Chapter 108 - The Big Question

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 108 – The Big Question

"Gerry will you stop fussing around or the second she comes down stairs she's going to know something's going on!" We've both been up for ages but there's no sign of Catlin waking up yet. We've bathed the boys, fed them, argued about what to dress them in from their extensive and ever growing wardrobe and now they're sleeping and we're staring at each other will her to get up so we can broach the subject of her becoming a more permanent fixture.

"Maybe I should just go and wake her it's almost ten she should be up I can just go make some noise outside the bedroom door and…."

"Some noise outside whose bedroom door? Don't tell me Adam and Ethan haven't woken up yet Can I go wake them I don't have many more days of being here when they get up." Jesus where did she come from people are getting way too good at creeping around in this house.

"Not they're only just down again your dad was getting impatient because you weren't up yet and we want to talk to you about something. I'll go make some coffee first." Shit now she looks terrified "It's nothing serious sweetie don't look so worried I'll only be a second."

I know I'm stalling but suddenly I'm really nervous about what she's going to say or how she's going to react to the suggestion. After Gerry fell asleep last night my determination to sleep until the boys needed fed again was battered out of me by concern that maybe we're completely misjudging the situation. What if she's really hated staying with us and has just been doing a good job of putting on a show of being happy until Jayne gets back? What if all the stress of false alarm and Christmas Eve births has put her off the idea of staying her at all let alone moving in permanently?

"Sandra will you get a move on Catlin has gone from nervous to terrified and she's heading for angry." Ok enough stalling let's do this,

"Catlin you Dad and I have been talking. It's been really great having you here the last couple of weeks. You've been a great help with the boys and we've loved just having you around…."

"But now the boys are here I'm getting in the way and you want me to go to Paula's or Emily's or whatever until mum gets back? It's ok I understand I….."

"No! Catlin sweetie no it's not that at all." She looks like she's about to cry and I'm looking at Gerry and now it's my turn to panic god I'm bad at this step mother thing.

"Catlin what Sandra was trying to say was how would you feel about living here with us for a while instead of with your mum, or even splitting your time between here and mums?" Thank god he's taken over and did a better job of getting to the point than I did! Now there's a knot in my stomach as she stares at him and says nothing. Oh my god this can't be good for a woman who gave birth a week ago and has already passed out once since.

"Are you serious?" Well that hasn't helped what is it with people asking if you're serious Gerry did it last night too and I'm still not seeing how anyone could be anything but serious about something so important!

"Yes we're serious you can say no don't feel like you have to say yes if you don't want to. It's just that we've enjoyed having you here and we'll miss you when you go home. I think the boys will too." Now she still looks like she's going to cry god if I was this confusing as and 18 year old I'm developing a while new respect for my mother.

"Would I keep the room I'm in now? And you wouldn't go all 1950's father on me would you dad? You'd remember I am 18 not 8" I don't know why I'm laughing other than the completely normal teenage nature of her reaction had broken the air of tension in the room and I'm more than happy to deal with negotiations about details.


	109. Chapter 109 - The Next Step

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 109 – The Next Step

"What do you think? Like Sandra said you don't have to say yes we just thought we'd give you the option." There's been complete silence in the room since she asked about her room and I'm not sure what it means. It's probably been about five minutes but it feels more like five hours.

"I want to I'm just trying to work out the tube route for getting to Uni and back." Oh my god I feel like I've just breathed again for the first time in about a week. Could she not have said yes and thought about tube lines later? "I'm going to go call Mum. I don't think she'll mind though she's always dropping hints these days that I maybe need to get a place closer to Uni. I think she wants the house to herself with Roy for a while newlyweds and all that rubbish."

"Can you believe her? I was actually crapping myself I thought she was going to tell us we'd lost our minds." Gerry just took the words right out of my mouth god the stress of his all is getting too much for me I think I need a lie down.

"I'm not even sure if she's said yes or not." I'm really not sure. Was that a definite yes? Was it a depending on tube lines yes? Was it an if Jayne agrees yes? Someone help. He doesn't look like he knows any more than I do!

"I think it was a yes but…" One of the boys has just let out a cry and the baby monitor has sprung into life with a rainbow of coloured light and I'm just about to go see to them when we can hear Catlin entre the room and talk quietly to them.

"Hey little dude don't scream so loud you'll wake Adam what's wrong are you lonely up here and the only one awake?" Clearly Ethan is the one making his presence known and I'm on my feet to go take him from her when Gerry puts his hand on my arm stopping me. Now we're both standing listening.

"Gerry this feels like eavesdropping we should go up and….."

"What do you think of having a full time big sister then Ethan?" Ok maybe just this once eavesdropping might not be so bad, it's not like we've planted a mike on her or anything she knows about the baby monitor right? "Dad and your Mum have asked me to come stay for a while which I think is a great idea you think you two could live with sharing them for a little while?"

"I think it was definitely a yes." He's wrapping his arms around me and is kissing me gently, So we've gone from a couple this time last year to a family of five? Well I never saw any of it coming but I'm glad it has.

"Sandra I think Ethan's hungry I've changed him will I bring him down or do you want to come up?"

"Bring him down sweetie no point in disturbing Adam if he's still sleeping."

"I spoke to Mum she was starting to pack she said wait till you see the gorgeous little designer shirts and jeans she's got the boys and she thinks it's a great idea for me to move in here. She said what if I go home for a couple of weeks and sort out my stuff. Then me and her could go one the Paris shopping trip thing that her and Roy bought me for Christmas and when we get back I can move in ready for Uni starting back at the end of the moth." Ethan is now feeding contentedly and I feel unbelievably content myself as they fall into conversation about plans and what she needs to do and of course back to the all-important tube journeys.

"You have to get a desk for your room and some book shelves." Gerry is trying so hard not to show how pleased he is by focusing on the practicalities. He's right though that room was perfect as an occasional guest room but it's not exactly perfect for an eighteen year old to live in permanently. She's just gone back upstairs because Adam's awake now too and she's insisted she has to get him since she got Ethan and she doesn't want to show favouritism and give Adam a complex.

"So we're taking on an extra person…..great isn't it?" I can't stop the huge smile on my face. "You know when she goes back to Jayne's and you go back to work I'll have to do something with that room for her coming back. The whole Cath Kidson flowers thing was lovely when it was just a guest room but not for an 18 year old."

He's rolling his eyes at me but I know I'm right and when they are both not here all day the boys and I are going to need something to occupy ourselves. My mind is already whirling with ideas about how I can change the room to make it perfect for her and I can't wait.


	110. Chapter 110 - Unexpected visitor

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 110 – Unexpected Visitor

"There's just something not right about still showing a "Christmas" special on New Year's Day. I mean they had a week to show all this and the whole month of December before that they should be showing things that are nothing to do with Christmas by now and why the hell do they insist on repeating James Bond films we've all seen a dozen times." In case you haven't guessed we've trying to find something worth watching and Catlin and I made the mistake of putting Gerry in charge of deciding. We're all sprawled about the living room with the boys wriggling around on their play mat on the floor and it was very relaxing until we started having to listen to his one man monologue on the shortcomings of today's TV.

"Dad just pick something or put on a DVD or something you're not Richard Arnold leave the TV critique to the professionals." He's looked at me like she's talking Greek.

"He's one of those TV critics on day time TV but she's right pick something before your son's get bored and we don't have peace to watch anything." I know he's just on a rant because he wants to find something that we'll all love and make the afternoon even more perfect. Since Catlin agreed to move in we've had a lovely dinner all played with the boys and argued over whether they were smiling and if they were at whom and now he doesn't want to break that spell but seriously anything would do right now we'd all still enjoy it. If he doesn't pick something soon I'm going to…. Shit who is that? The doorbell just rang and we're all looking at each other like it's a sound we've never heard before.

"Well one of us should go see who it is." Catlin is finding it hilarious that we're all just siting her but we don't get visitors really unless they've called first especially now so the random ringing of the doorbell is a big thing. "I'll go shall I?"

"Did you know someone was calling this afternoon?" He's looking at me like I somehow knew we were expecting a visitor and didn't tell him but I'm as confused by it as he is.

"Dad, Sandra it's Mr Strickland he's called with a present for the boys." Oh great just what I need today and Gerry is looking like he can't decide if he's furious at our boss's intrusion into our family time or he wants to run and hide in an upstairs room until he goes.

"Hello I hope I'm not intruding I was close by leaving Rufus and Hermione back to their mother and I thought it was as good a time as any to call in." He's standing at the door like he knows he might not be the person we want to see right now and I suddenly feel very sorry for him, it's nice that he's making the effort after all right?

"Thanks for coming come in and meet the boys." I've lifted Ethan and Gerry has Adam and he's clearly picked up on my just be nice glance because he's smiling very uncharacteristically at Strickland. "This is Ethan and Gerry has Adam."

"They are beautiful congratulations I brought them a little something it's not much but Rufus had them when he was a baby and he loved them." I've glanced at Catlin to take Ethan from me while I take the gift but he's held his arms out and now he's cradling him in the crook of his arm making gurgling noises, and I've suddenly got a flash of how great a father he must be.

"Sir these are lovely you really didn't need to bring them a gift." I've opened the bag and there's two wooden trains inside the sort with a string that when they are older they will be able to pull along behind them. One is blue with a red letter E on it and the other is red with a blue letter A and they really are beautiful."

"There's a little place in convent garden that is run by a couple who make them and hand paint them they do all sorts of wooden toys my two are too old for them now but you should take a look if you're in the city centre it's a lovely place."

"Here sir why don't you introduce yourself to Adam and I'll take Ethan I think he might need changing." Even Gerry is bowled over by the gift and is being nice as he takes Ethan and Catlin says she'll take him upstairs and change him and we all sit down. Whatever we think of Strickland in our working lives there's no getting away from the fact that he didn't have to come here today or make any sort of effort really so we should return the favour. The boys haven't screamed the house down when he's held them so clearly they are ok with him so that's good enough for me.


	111. Chapter 111 - Discharged?

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 111 – Discharged?

"Are you sure you'll be ok with them? There are four bottles of expressed milk in the fridge but they should only need one feed while we're gone." It's the day of my return visit to the hospital and I'm sure they're going to discharge me. I've been really good and I feel great so Catlin has said she'll look after the boys at home rather than us all have to go. It's a great idea but I'm nervous about leaving them. Don't get me wrong it's not that I don't think Catlin is more than capable of looking after them it's just that the idea of leaving them at all is making me feel a little panicky.

"Sandra we'll be fine and I promise if there are any issues at all however small I'll call you now will you go or you're going to be late."

"She's right sweetheart come on the sooner we get there the sooner they can tell us you're ok and we can get home again." Gerry is all but shoving me toward the door now. Right let's do this, he's right if I get out and back again then we can finally get back to normal!

"He's going to say everything's ok isn't he? I mean Catlin goes back to Jayne's tomorrow and you have to go back to work at the beginning of the week. I need to be able to do things myself." I don't know how I'll react if the doctor says I'm still anaemic, I want to be able to look after my boys without relying on him and Catlin or Esther or whoever because I'm limited in what I can do.

"Well if he doesn't we'll cope but he will. You feel ok don't you? You promised me you'd tell me if you didn't" He's been asking so often the last couple of days that in the end I lost the rag and told him to stop asking if I didn't feel ok he'd be the first to know and he would have. The last thing I need is to keep it from him and then have him furious when the doctor contradicts me.

"Yeah I feel great but I'm worried. I feel like I can't be a proper Mummy to the boys right now. I should be getting up with them at night, I should be able to crawl about on the floor playing with them like Catlin and Esther were on New Year's, I should…."

"You should stop beating yourself up that's what you should do! They aren't even two weeks old Sandra and you have still been doing the most important things. You've been feeding them, bonding with them., showing them how much you love them that's what they need at this age it's the most important thing." He can still know exactly what to say and when to say it I know I say it all the time but I really am so lucky to have him!

"I love you, you know that right?" When he flashed me that smile, the one that says "damn right I know you do" it makes me melt and now we've pulled up outside the hospital so it's time to bite the bullet and get in there.

"OK Sandra I have your results here." We've been here nearly two hours they took blood checked me over then sent us off to get some lunch while they did the tests they needed to. I've been very good and only called Catlin three times while we were having lunch and now it's the moment of truth. Please god let him say everything's ok. Jesus he thinks he's frigging Dermot O'Leary waiting to announce the winner on the X-Factor! If he doesn't hurry up I'm just going to say forget it I know I'm fine I'm going home to my sons.

"Are they ok? I mean she's been really taking it easy and she's feeling a lot better you're killing me here doctor what do the results say?" Or I could just stay here quietly and let Gerry tell him to get to the fucking point! My Hero.

"Yes based on these results the iron supplements and taking it easy have solved the immediate problem." Why do I feel like there's a but coming on? "But you have to remember to get enough rest and make sure you are eating properly while you're breast feeding. If you do that though I can't see why you should have any further problems."

I feel like I've just been given a pardon and released from prison and now I can finally start enjoying our new life. Enjoying our boys, enjoying my new role as Mummy and getting ready for Catlin coming to stay, life doesn't get much better.


	112. Ch112-Necessity the mother of invent 2

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 112 – Necessity is the mother of invention round 2

"There now sweetie all sorted now you get back to sleep before your brother decides to wake up the whole house." It's 3am and Adam decided to lose his feed all over his clean sleep suit so he's just had a middle of the night bath and change and I'm hoping I can get him back into his Moses before all the activity wakes Ethan. As my mother predicted Ethan is the louder of the two when he decides he's not happy the whole street could hear him! Catlin went back to Jayne's this morning and Gerry is out for the count so the house is quiet yet I can't sleep. I should be able to because as soon as she left I had Gerry move all the furniture into the middle of the room and over it all with dust sheets so that I could get started sorting that room out for her coming back. I should be exhausted and yet I'm not I'm standing here looking at the three men in my life sleeping soundly and yet I'm wide awake.

"Come back to bed Sandra you're starting to creep me out standing around beside the bed it's like something out of a bad horror movie." Jesus I wish he wouldn't do that what's creepy is that he pretends to be asleep then scares the shit out of me.

"You're like something from a bad horror movie how did you even know I was standing beside the bed your eyes were closed."

"I don't need to be able to see you to know where you are I can sense it now come back to bed, why are you up prowling about at this time anyway?"

"Adam decided he didn't like his last fee so deposited it all over his pyjamas I had to bath and change him." I've slipped back into bed beside him and he's pulled me into his arms kissing me so gently it's barely there. God I miss being close to him at times. I know the boys are only two and a half weeks old and it's way too soon to get back completely to normal but I miss just being touched by him. It's ridiculous we should be past the stare were I find it hard not to be able to make love, to be close to him like that but it's not, I'm not. He doesn't seem to be having the same problem though but I've promised myself that I'm not going to over react this time. I know it's not because he doesn't want me, I know it's because he's being considerate and more accepting of the practicalities of the situation than I am but it doesn't stop the tiny pang of worry that sometimes coils in the pit of my stomach.

"We should get back to sleep they'll be up again in no time." See what I mean? Just as I've relaxed into just enjoying being close to him he shuts off again.

"I don't want to go to sleep yet I was enjoying what we were doing instead of sleeping." Now he's looking at me like I'm a puzzle he had to try to solve, god for someone so perceptive sometimes I really have to spell things out for him! "I miss you, I miss this. Do you realise it's been almost six weeks? Don't you…..aren't you missing being able to make love? Is it just me?" For a couple of weeks immediately before the boys were born it was just impractical to do anything, I was the size of a house just sitting down and getting back up was an issue add that to the time since they arrived and it's the longest we've ever gone without making love in the entire time we've been together yet he's still looking at me like I've asked the most ridiculous question in the world and I can't look at him anymore, I can feel myself getting tearful and I refuse to come across as a paranoid wife like I did when I was first pregnant so it is time to just go to sleep. This wasn't the right time to have this discussion, I'm still a mass of hormones that make it impossible to think straight at times.

"Sandra…"

"It's fine you're right we should get some sleep." I've turned my back on him determined not to let him see that I'm upset. I'm over tired, or over something I don't know what but Ill be fine in the morning I just…..

"Don't turn away from me you asked me a question now you won't let me answer." He's spooned against my back now whispering in my ear as his hand runs the length of my body, god that really isn't helping right now.

"it's ok I know I'm being irrational just go to sleep this isn't the time to have this discussion I shouldn't have brought it up."

"I miss making love to you so much it hurts at times. I miss how your skin feels under my fingers, I miss how amazing it feel when I'm deep inside you, I miss the way you sound when I'm making love to you, I miss how you look when you're desperate for me to take you harder, faster, deeper. I can't wait until it's been long enough that we can do it again because not making love to you for six days is hard enough six weeks is torture but it's the way it has to be right now." Now my mind is a mass of imagines thrown up by what he's saying and it's made maters 1000 times worse. Now not only do I miss being able to do all the things he's just described but my head is light with need for him.

"God you are the only man I've ever known who could turn me on so much just by talking about what they want to do to me. By the time it's ok for you to actually do it you'll be able to get me off with just a single touch." I've turned in his arms now and he's kissing me hungrily, properly, for the first time in weeks. There is no way I can just abandon this tonight and just because we can't make love doesn't mean there aren't other things we can do right?

"Sandra don't it's not fair, I don't want you to….." I've silenced his protests with another kiss as I continue stroking him feeling his twitch in my hand the beginnings of the erection he was getting just from our kiss springing completely to life at my touch.

"Who says it has to be unfair? Just because I can't feel you inside me just yet doesn't mean we can't enjoy each other in other ways does it?" It's take him all of ten seconds catch up with were my mind had already taken me and in almost as little time he's shed his boxers and my night gown has gone the same way. A quick glance at the clock tells me we in theory have about three quarters of an hour before the boys are due to wake up, more than enough time for what I have in mind.

"You have to tell me if anything is uncomfortable or if you want to stop." His words are muffled as he buries his head in my neck, nibbling on my earlobe as I moan softly at the feeling of his skin on mine as I resume my attentions on his length and his hands trace my body. Now that they've dipped between my thighs rolling my clit between his fingers I know 45 seconds would be enough to have me lost in waves of pleasure let alone 45 minutes and I don't think he'd be far behind.

"It's fine, it feels fine, actually it feels amazing don't step Gerry please!" He's starting to thrust into my hand and I know he's close, I know that 6 weeks of pent up need is making it as hard for him to hold back as it is for me and I don't want him to.

"I love you Sandra don't ever forget that and don't ever feel like I don't want you as much as you want me." It's taken moments for me to be teetering on the brink of climax and his words have taken me over the edge as I bite my lip trying not to cry out and wake the boys, How he makes me feel, the intensity of the pleasure he brings me never lessens and as he buries his face in the pillow beside me to deaden the sounds of his own pleasure I know it's exactly the same for him.

"Well that was an enjoyable and inventive if slightly messy solution to the problem." I can't help but be a little playful as we both climb out of bed heading for the en-suite to clean up.

"I'd say it was more than worth a little mess, it certainly was for me." The playful wink he throw in my direction as he turns on the shower and we both step under it together makes my heart skip a little. Necessity is the mother of invention and in this case invention has worked out pretty perfectly and will certainly make the next couple of weeks much less frustrating.


	113. Chapter 113 - Bye Bye Daddy

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 113 – Bye-Bye Daddy

"You'll ring me about the Morrison case once you've all gone over it? And don't let Brian go all….you know Brianish just because it was his case for 5 minutes 20 years ago." It's Monday morning and Gerry should be getting ready for work. I say should be getting ready because right now he's only got as far as showering and now he's lying on the bed in his bathrobe talking to the boys! "Gerry will you get up and get dressed you are going to be late."

"Yeah but I think my boss would understand, besides she's got her hands full at the minute so I don't think she'd bother telling me off for bad timekeeping." Ha, ha he's hilarious what he seems to have forgotten though is that while I'm still running the team from home Strickland will be watching them like a hawk ready to pull the plug and bring someone else in to take over for my leave if they put a foot out of line.

"Daddy's being an idiot boys." He's looking at me now like I've just told them he's a multiple murderer. Well time for a little wakeup call Mr Standing. "You know why he's being an idiot? Because he's forgotten that Mummy is only his long distance boss for the next few months."

"Yeah but there no on sire boss so…."

"You remember Mr Strickland boys? With the night wooden trains? Well he's not so nice when he's on duty and if he can find a way to make Mummy and Daddy's lives more difficult he will."

"Shit yeah sorry boys much as I'd rather be spending the day with you and Mummy she's right." I've never seen him move so fast! He got of the bed so quickly I had to hold onto the boys to stop them bouncing off! Now he's tearing around the room like a whirling dervish. "Sandra where are my ties they aren't in the drawer, shit, shit, shit why didn't you point out about Strickland half an hour ago?"

"In case you've forgotten half an hour ago I was showing and assuming that you were getting ready instead of discussing tonight's football match with your sons! Your ties are in the wardrobe on the "World's best Granddad" tie holder that GJ bought you for Christmas. You still have 45 minutes I'll go make you some coffee and toast I've got Ethan you bring Adam down with you and put a muslin on your shoulder when you lift him you know how he likes to leave deposits on your shoulder for at least an hour after his feed."

I'm not exactly looking forward to him going back to work myself, not because I'm worried about being on my own like I was when I wasn't well just because I don't want to get used to him being gone all day. I've enjoyed all of us being at home or the last couple of weeks!

"So Mr Ethan just you and Addy today what are we going to do with our day?" He's sitting in his reclining chair on the kitchen island and appears to be completely unperturbed by the fact that we're losing his Dad for the whole day.

"I think his lordship here needs changing sweetheart I'll do it while you get breakfast finished," Oh now he doesn't chances are that the second he takes Adam's nappy off his suit will get christened with baby wee and he'll have to….

"Gerry! I told you to use a muslin!" I've just lifted Adam off his shoulder and as predicted he now has a shoulder covered in baby sick! "You're going to have to go change and do it quickly!"

"Is my grey suit up there or is it still at the cleaners?"

"It's in the wardrobe now hurry up." He's rushing again all this exercise can't be good for a man his age. "Adam you just couldn't help yourself could you? Poor Daddy today is stressful enough for him without you making it worse you little monkey!"

"Ok now I don't have that sort of hanging around baby sic smell do I?" We've finished breakfast and now he really has to go but he's still stalling if it's this bad with just him going back to work what's it going to be like when we both have to go and leave them with Esther? I refuse to think about that though it's months away one landmark day at a time!

"No you smell great and you look very handsome just remember to remind any of the women who might throw themselves at you as a result that you have a wife and children to come home to and we will not be happy if you are late!" He knows I'm teasing now and he's smiled properly for the first time all morning as he kisses me again and I push him gently out the door toward the car. "Go and don't forget to ring and fill me in as soon as you know anything."

"Yes guvnor!" he's finally heading for the car and I've closed the door. So this is it just me and my boys for the first time, time to try to get into some sort of routine but first we have shopping to do. I have a bedroom to decorate and only a couple of weeks in which to do it.


	114. Chapter 114 - Just this once

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 114 – Just this once

"Ok boys we have nappies, a change of clothes, spare vests and hands, wipes, bibs, anything else you can think of I've forgotten?" In the two hours since Gerry left I've bathed the boys, changed them twice, fed them, changed Adam again since he's still going for the world most vomity baby world record and now I'm determined to make it out of the house and to Homebase for paint samples before we have to do it all again!"

I have exactly two weeks to prepare the room for Catlin arriving back complete with all her stuff and I have absolutely no idea where to start. I mean the carpet is a nice shade of pale blue which means it shouldn't need changing but I think just about everything else from the bedding, curtains and lamp shade to the furniture will. Gerry tried to make a half heated argument against going overboard with the redecorating but to be honest I think he's just glad I'm well enough to be able to do it so he'd let me decorate from top to bottom if he thought it would make me happy.

"Right let's get you two into the car so we can do this! I mean we don't need an extra set of hands every time we go out do we?" I'm taking to two sleeping two and a half week old babies and hoping to get some reassurance clearly I've lost my mind! I mean women do this day in and day out, I'm going to have to do it day in day out you don't have a bay and then never leave the house again alone so it's time I got used to it. That though isn't helping though as I take first Adam and then Ethan out to the car.

Even something simple like making sure they're strapped into the car sets properly is making me nervous. I've checked and triple checked everything, made sure it was all clipped in place and that they were comfortable and now I'm sitting in the driver's seat in the car looking at the windscreen trying to convince myself I have to move.

"Come on Sandra you're being ridiculous now!" I'm really starting to get cross with myself I mean I'm sitting here thinking what if I start to drive and they both start screaming at the same time then I get distracted and cause a 12 car pileup in the middle of the dual carriageway between here and Homebase? What if I get there and lift the two of them out and they both decide to throw up or need their nappies changed or that they didn't get quite enough to eat earlier and need fed? Will Homebase have one of those mothering room things where I can do those things? Now I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate this is just stupid. I've spent my career in dangerous and sometimes even life threatening situations with the worst people London has to throw at me and never once had a panic attack. Now I am about to have one at the thought of taking two tiny babies to buy some paint samples. God if it wasn't so serious it would be hilarious!

"Sandra it's Esther I just thought I'd ring and see how you're getting on without Gerry?" I've hit connect on the hands free without even looking at who's calling and I've never been more glas to hear Esther's voice as I am right now!

!Oh god Esther I'm sitting in the car outside the house with the boys all strapped in to go out and I can't move, what's wrong with me I only want to go get some paint samples but my imagination has run away with me." I'm pouring out all the "what if's" that have been running through my head and just when I think she might be about to suggest I need psychiatric help she's laughing!

"First of all take a deep breath it's fine, it will be fine you're not mad for being a little concerned it's normal this is all new to you." Breathing yes that's what I need to do, deep breaths that'll fix everything but…. "If the boys get upset you just find a safe place to pull over and clam them down then carry on. If they need anything doing while you're out and Homebase don't have a mother and baby room there's huge Mothercare in the same retail park which will have. You just need to calm down. I'm not doing anything to you want me to meet you there and we can look at decorating stuff together then get a coffee?"

"Are you sure? I know I'm being stupid but…"

"of course I'm sure I was going to say I'd call over this morning for a visit with my gorgeous god-sons anyway so a trip out will be even more fun."

"Thanks Esther you're a star! Homebase in half an hour?" I know I should be being braver about all this, that once she'd pointed out the complete irrationality of my concerns I should have just said now I was fine on my own but I couldn't. I know she doesn't mind and maybe after this time I will have the confidence to do this on my own. Actually after this time I will have the confidence I know I will it's just that this is such a giant leap, a really big thing for us that I don't think it's cowardly to want someone to hold my hand just this once.


	115. Chapter 115 - Sugar an spice and all

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 115 – Sugar and spice and all things nice

"Are you sure you don't want me to wheel them Esther? You don't have to do it I'm ok again the doctor said I'm fine to get back to normal." We've been walking around Homebase for nearly half an hour debating colour choices for Catlin's room and the whole time Esther had been negotiating the pram around the aisles.

"Of course I'm sure and I know you can do it but I'm enjoying it, didn't anyone warn you that when your children are in the pram it's a rare occurrence for you to get to push them yourself?" She's smiling at me now like it's a secret no one saw fit to tell me and I can't help but laugh. She has been fussing over the boys from the second I pulled the car up beside hers in the car park and it's completely dispelled the last of the nerves I was still feeling. We got here with absolutely no fuss, both boys slept the entire journey, I managed to construct the pram with the minimum of fuss and they settled into it without needing changed or fed or anything else. To be honest I was starting to feel a little bit of an idiot for dragging her out to meet me until I started looking at paint and wallpaper samples. See what I'd forgotten was that other than the last couple of weeks I have no experience of what 18 year old girls like since I haven't been around them since I was one myself and I don't think the geometric browns and oranges of the 70's and posters of Aha and Duran-Duran will cut it.

"Well if you get bored just hand them over in the meantime we really need to pick something. I was expecting it to be easier than this I thought it would just be a case of picking some pink or purple paint and going home again." Now she's the one laughing you know it's moments like this I realise I've spent too much of the last two decades working and not enough keeping up with popular culture!

"Just think about how to make it warm and welcoming, somewhere she can love when she walks in but can still make her own by putting up her own pictures and posters or whatever." See I know all that I just don't know how to do it and I'm starting to wonder how she knows so much. I mean she only has a son and she's older than me yet she seems so much more in touch with how teenage girls think.

"How come you're so good at this?" I might as well ask I don't suppose this will be the last time I need to try to get in turn with how Catlin is thinking or what she might like or dislike so any advice is welcome.

"Brian has a thing about repeats of all those interior design programs, Changing Rooms and all that sort of rubbish. The most recent one has them doing up whole houses in an hour and they do girl's bedrooms all the time. I record it for him and we watch it in the evening. They always go on about being personal but not too personal so kids can still put their own stamp on it." Ah ok now I see though I have to admit the idea of Brian being interested in interior design has made me laugh again.

"OK so colours, the carpet is pink but I don't think going all out pink is Catlin's sort of thing. I can't really see her as a real girly girl can you?" It's true while Catlin loves clothes and makeup and all that other stuff and she's very feminine I just don't see her as a "pink princess".

"Well if you don't want to go too fluffy what about going bright? The carpet is dark pink right? Sort of a rich pink?" I've nodded and I'm starting to see where she'd going with this as she reaches for a roll of wallpaper. "Something like this would be nice the purple flower thing on the black background would contrast with the pink carpet and there's a little pink in the middle of the flowers too."

"I love it, I knew there was a reason I liked you so much." She knows I'm teasing but I am serious about the wallpaper with some pink and purple accessories it'll be perfect. It's really feminine without being too over the top. With so much male influence in the house between Gerry and the boys it will be the perfect escape for her away from all the testosterone. It will give us the perfect little haven of sugar and spice and all things nice just like it should be for my beautiful step daughter.


	116. Chapter 116 - Girl Talk

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 116 – Girl Talk

"I can't believe how good they're being when Mark was a baby I used to have to limit my shopping trips to an hour at most any longer than that and he'd scream the place down." We've stopped for coffee and the boys are still sleeping soundly in spite of the fact we've been out almost an hour and a half. Is it wrong to feel a little bit proud that they are taking it all in their stride? Actually don't answer that I don't care if it's wrong it's how I feel anyway.

"Sorry to drag you out with us Esther I can't believe I panicked so much." I do feel pretty stupid now that it's all gone so smoothly yet I was a mess at the thought of it earlier. I'm a grown woman for Christ sake I need to snap out of this I'm a mother now I can't spend all my time worrying about how I'll cope every time I leave the house.

"Stop apologising Sandra I told you a dozen times already it's fine I was hoping we' get together today anyway now that the boys are back to work and we can talk properly." Umm not sure if this is going to be a good thing or a bad thing but my coffee and sandwich has arrived so I'm prepared to roll with it. "How are you feeling now that you've got over the initial trauma of the birth? Are you ok?"

"Yeah I think I am, I mean I feel good and now that they've given me the all clear at the hospital Gerry has calmed down a little. I love being a Mum I can't believe how much I love them and how much I want to protect them it's amazing." People say the second my kids were born I knew I loved them more than anything in the world and before you have your own you find it hard to believe but trust me it's true.

"And you and Gerry? How are you getting on? It can be hard on a relationship when one baby comes along let alone two." My mother asked the same thing last night when she called why do they all assume out relationship will fall apart just because we've had the boys? She can see the irritation in my eyes I know she can but she's just smiling at me.

"We're fine, we're enjoying the boys and each other and getting ready for Catlin coming back. What is with everyone asking that? My mother was giving me the Spanish inquisition about it last night too. She even asked how Gerry was coping with the fact we couldn't have sex and was I sure he wasn't getting what he needed elsewhere. I swear I have never discussed my sex life with my mother in my life and I'm not about to start now she seems to have assumed that while giving birth I had a complete personality transplant!" Oops that turned into more of a rant than I was intending it to be but I get bristly when it comes to people doubting the strength of my marriage and implying that Gerry would be anything other than faithful to me.

"We're just concerned about you both it's easy to underestimate how much strain things like new babies can be. I personally wasn't going to ask about your sex life but since you brought it up how it that going and I don't mean for Gerry I mean for you?" Ah see she clearly remembers my complete melt down early in my pregnancy and unlike my mother she knows that it isn't only Gerry's potential frustration we have to worry about.

"You don't need to worry about our marriage I mean we're coping and as for sex well we've learned to improvise, we had an….actually I had a bit of a moment the other night but we worked it out. God it makes me sound like some sort of nymphomaniac I…" Now I'm getting upset Jesus this is getting ridiculous!

"Sandra stop don't get upset this is me you're talking to I know you're not a nymphomaniac and I know how important the physical side of your relationship is to both of you so to be honest I wasn't going to ask because I was sure that was the one thing you would have been able to work around." She's so good at saying just the right thing at the right moment and even the slightly cheeky smile she's giving me makes me laugh just as Adam wakes up and she's lifted him out of the pram before I've even had a chance to set my sandwich down and move. "You eat your lunch I'll deal with Mr Adam he just wants a cuddle and feel free to tell me how you chose to improvise I wish I'd thought of that when Mark was born. At least now the doctors tell you to wait a few weeks then go by how you feel when Mark was born you had the fear of god put into you that you absolutely should not do anything for six weeks at least I was convinced if I so much as let Brian near me I would bleed to death."

She's laughing but to be honest I can't imagine what it must have been like then, now the doctor basically says give yourself time to recover we advise whatever but it's your body and you know best I can't imagine being lectured about it like it was a matter of life and death. At least I've stopped acting like an emotional wreck and as I tell her the edited details of our evening I can't help but laugh too. For a first day as a full time Mummy I think it's gone quite well only two emotional break downs, by tomorrow I'll be down to one and give it a week and it'll be like I've been doing this my whole life. Hopefully. No not hopefully it will be I can do this I know I can so bring it on!


	117. Chapter 117 - Work-life balance

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 117 – Work-Life Balance

"I'm home how are my gorgeous wife and my handsome sons tonight?"

"We're fine we missed you though, we're upstairs getting ready for bath time." I'm so glad he's home I wasn't joking when I said I missed him and I'm sure the boys noticed that he wasn't around as well.

"Let me change and we'll do it together or I'll bath them actually and you can go relax." He's kissing me now like it's been nine years rather than nine hours since he left the house and I'm about tosay no he's been working all day we'll do it together when he pushes me out the door. "The case files are downstairs for the Murray case we've been stonewalled go read it while I bath them then while I cook and you feed these litter terrors we can discuss it."

"Are you sure? I can do it while you get changed and relax you've been out at work all day."

"Exactly and I've missed them right now I need you in guvnor mode down stairs looking over that case because Jack and Brian have been driving me nuts all day about it." I could stand here and argue but the boys need their bath before they start to get hungry and I need to work even if it's only reading over files so I suppose by giving in to him we both get what we want.

"Ok did you bring it all home?"

"Yeah we can't break the son-in-law, we're all convinced he's either involved or knows who is but he's not talking and as far as we can see we've nothing to lean on him with, Now go leave us to bath time and find something we've missed. Please."

"ok, ok don't take too long with their bath though or they'll be screaming for food and you know it takes ages to get Ethan to feed if he got upset beforehand."

"Sandra am I just putting these white sleep suits on them?" I've been downstairs for half an hour and have all of the case notes laid out on the table in the kitchen where I can sit in the carver chair when he comes down and feed the boys and still see it all.

"Yes I left them on the bed with nappies and vests!" I can see exactly why they are having problems with this case there's a mountain of circumstantial evidence the size of Everest against the victims son-in-law but not a single obvious thing is concrete enough to lean on him though. Obvious isn't really what we deal in though if the evidence was obvious the original investigating team would have solved it.

"Well I'm back with two clean and hungry boys are you getting anywhere at all?" He's positioning the boys on either side of the nursing pillow and it's taken all of two seconds for them to latch on and start feeding contentedly as he kisses the top of my head and moves to the breakfast bar to start chopping the veg for our stir fry dinner.

"Have you brought him in?" I know it's a stupid question of course they have but I want the facts and he's not even rolled his eyes so he clearly doesn't think I'm being too unreasonable.

"Yeah Jack brought him in today he's a cocky shit sweetheart you should have seen him he sat there knowing damn well we had nothing, was bouncing back our questions like we were playing a game of bloody yes or no with him." I can tell he's really frustrated and I can completely understand it we all know what it's like dealing with people who have been infused with the confidence of having got away with whatever they've done sometimes for decades. They look at us and you can almost hear them thinking the other dumb shits couldn't catch me why would you be any different? It's one of the most infuriating aspects of our job.

"What about the wife? What's she got to say about it?" I have to say that this is exactly how I imagined our evenings being while I was pregnant and thinking about what it was going to be like after Adam and Ethan were born. Him throwing together our favourite quick suppers while I nurse then and we discuss our latest case. It's perfect I love it.

"She's still standing by him even though she was working at the time her parents were murdered so can't actually prove or disprove his assertion that he was home the whole evening. She works as a domestic in one of those high rise office building in the wharf so she's cleaning from 8pm when it empties until usually about 2am. According to her there's absolutely no way her precious Stevie could have harmed her parents he loved them like his own Mum and Dad. I mean the woman is either really stupid of really blind, maybe even both!" Well it's not like we haven't encountered that before either but we'll get him there's something here in this stuff it just needs fresh eyes and that's exactly what I have. Right now I have the best of both worlds. I get to look after my precious babies all day then spend the evening doing one of the things that we've always done best. Solving the apparently unsolvable. That, if you ask me, is just about the most perfect work-life balance in the world.


	118. Chapter 118 - Still got it

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 118 – Still got it

"There's something here we're all missing." Well no shit Sherlock I'd worked that out but what have we missed? We've settled the boys, eaten ourselves and now we're on the sofa with all the original crime photos and details of the investigation and he's getting frustrating hence the stating the blindingly bloody obvious.

"Look do you think the wife, what's her name….Susan genuinely believes he didn't do it or is she covering for him? You interviewed her you must have got some sort of feeling for how she was."

"I don't know, that was always your job, you're better at tuning into when people are lying than I am. I don't think she knows for a fact that he did but she may suspect that he was involved and just not want to admit it to herself let alone us. I'm going to open a bottle of wine you can have a glass too can't you?"

"Yeah I've expressed for tonight's feeds I'd love one." I'm reading through the witness statements from the original investigation and something just isn't ringing true to me I just can't get hold of what it is yet. I was so determined that pregnancy and being a Mum wouldn't affect my ability to do my job maybe I was so busy saying it wouldn't that I haven't noticed that it has. Maybe it's just post baby brain but I don't feel at all confident about whether I have lost my instincts on this shit. "Tell me exactly what she said about that night."

God I've missed just being able to enjoy a glass of wine whoever invented the breast pump deserves a noble prize or something and I can feel just the act of holding it in my hand relax me as he runs over the interview and I listen carefully.

"So according to her even though she was working and nowhere near her home nor her parents she can categorically say that her husband didn't go and stab her Mum before putting a bullet in her Dad's head and try to torch the place?"

"And we can confirm that she was at work from 8pm till 2am on the night it happened?" I can't understand women who stand by their partners regardless I mean I'm not exactly best friends with my mother but she's still my Mum and I love her if I thought Gerry was responsible for hurting her it wouldn't matter how much I loved him I wouldn't be standing by him.

"Well there's only a security guard there at night and the one who was on duty six years ago is untraceable but if she wasn't there why wouldn't she say and give him a proper alibi?" I don't like it when we only have someone's word for where they are and nothing's fitting.

"Affair maybe? I mean 8 till 2 is plenty of time to be doing the dirty on her husband."

"Nah she's not the type I can always tell." He's smiling at me now with that "remember before you I used to be able to judge my chances with any women" smile and I can't help but roll my eyes, "Besides she told me that she had to fight her parents to get them to give their blessing to the wedding back in the day and we've established she's completely blind to the thought he could do any wrong. No she's not the adulterous type no bit on the…."

"Wow back up a minute." Light bulb moment here! See this is why it's easier to do this when I'm actually in on these interviews myself, either that or the wine has loosened up my brain cells.

"What? None of this is new we have it all already in the case notes." Yeah but reading something and hearing it are two completely different things.

"Look let's put the husband aside for a second because I'm starting to think the reason we're not getting any further than the original team is that we're making the same mistake as they did." I can't believe this never occurred to the original officers but it's clear they had decided from minute one that the husband was their man. "She is convinced he couldn't have done it even though she's supposed to have been at work, at work at a job where she works alone and we really have no idea or way to prove that she was there. Even if we could get anything from the security guard all he could confirm was that she went through reception at 8 and didn't come back through till 2 but there's got to be more than one way in and out of that building. Has anyone ever thought to look at whether she might have done it?"

"Slitting her mother's throat and putting a bullet in her father? The man was 6:2 and not a light weight and we know the mother was killed first if that was me and one of the kids had just killed you I wouldn't be standing around waiting for them to do me next I'd fight back but he has no defensive wounds." Ok he has a point but there's any number of reasons the man could have been in shock, he might have not had time to fight back, he might have been in a different room when his wife was killed, he….yes, got it.

"Restraints."

"What?" He's looking at me like the half a glass of wine I've had has gone straight to my head.

"The autopsy report on the father says they retrieved a sticky residue from his left wrist. He was restrained. I think you've been looking at the wrong person in that marriage. I think she knows her husband didn't do it because she did."

"My god how did we miss that?" He looks like I've just given him the winning lottery ticket.

"it was easy to miss everything pointed to him I only thought about her because she seemed so adamant he couldn't have done it. I mean if it was just she believed he wasn't capable of it she'd admit she couldn't prove it and give is the whole I know my husband he couldn't do that speech."

"You are a genius see this is why we can't do this without you." He's kissing me now and I'm feeling so pleased with myself. Pregnancy brain? I don't think so I've still got it and we still make a great team even though I'm not there every day.


	119. Chapter 119 - Grandma's house

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 119 – Grandma's house

"No Grace really I think this one is more like you."

"Rubbish Ivy this one is definitely more like her."

"They are both like me adorable and stunningly attractive." My mother has just saw my exaggerated eye roll and chose to let it slide this being a grandmother thing is clearly agreeing with her but I swear we've been here half an hour and her rest home cronies are driving me crazy. I tried really hard to get in through the door with the pram and past the day room without them all seeing us but I should have known they have radar for cute babies the elderly I swear they do. So now I'm sitting in the corner while Ethan and Adam are passed around from one cooing old woman to another praying that they will not start to kick off from all the fuss. I am starting to realise that I shouldn't have worried though they clearly get their sense of occasion from their grandmother because they are performing perfectly. They have smiled at every single wrinkled face thrust in their direction, gurgled and cooed on cue and are now lying peacefully in my mother's arm's while the great "who looks most like granny" debate rages.

"Mum they're going to be getting hungry let's take them upstairs ok?" I know she's having a ball holding court with all her friends but they really will be looking fed and I draw the line and whipping out my breasts in the middle of the Whitemead day room, I can do without the embarrassment not to mention the fact that it would give any male residents that came by a heart attack.

"Yes darling of course, sorry girls visiting time is over for you I'm sure my gorgeous boys will look forward to seeing you again though." God she really is like queen bee she's loving every second of playing the doting granny and the caring mother let's see how long the caring mother bit of that lasts once we get back to her room.

"Are they eating well Sandra they don't seem to be putting much weight on are you should you shouldn't switch from breast to bottle now they're three weeks old you know the older they get the more difficult it is to know if they are getting enough from the breast." See I told you we've been in her room long enough for me to settle in the wing chair and start feeding the boys and she's all over me already.

"The health visitor says they are putting on weight perfectly Mum she says they are right at the weight they should be so I think they're fine for now I want to do the 8 weeks if I can and I do bottle feed them sometimes to get them used to it they're getting plenty to eat otherwise I'm sure I'd know about it they can both scream loud enough when they are hungry."

"I knew you'd be finding all the noise and fuss too stressful that was always your problem Sandra you liked order too much that just doesn't work when you've got little babies to think about you'll have to be more adaptable." What the hell? Did I say I was having a problem with the noise or lack of order? Why does she always have to turn what I say into a negative?

"I'm not finding it difficult I wasn't complaining about the fact they cry when they're hungry I was just pointing out that I would know if they weren't getting enough to eat I am their mother after all." I hate the fact that she can make me react so easily I should be able to ignore her comments by this stage in my life and yet here I go again rising to her bait and getting into a row.

"You don't have to be so touchy Sandra I wasn't suggesting you were anything but their mother I was just commenting that you have to be flexible where babies are concerned." If it wasn't for the fact I can't move while they are eating she'd see how flexible I can be because I would be flexing myself right out the door and home again but unfortunately I'm stuck here at least for the next half hour.

"We can't stay long after they are finished Mum I have to get home for some furniture being delivered for Catlin's room" Change the subject that will help just move away from the thing that is causing us to argue and that will do it.

"I still can't believe you are having that girl come and live with you haven't you enough on your plate with twins without dealing with a party animal teenager?" Argh I take that back changing the subject wasn't such a good idea after all she has been going on about how she can't believe I "gave in" to Gerry about Catlin coming to stay and no matter how often I point out it was my idea she doesn't seem to get the message at all.

"Mum for the tenth time I want Catlin to come and stay with us, I have not been pressganged into it or any other situation you're imagining she's not 13 she's 18 with a life of her own and we like having her around we're a family a family that includes Gerry's other kids I want the boys to know their sisters."

"You are too accepting of that man's past you….."

"MUM!" I've raised my voice a little too loud and startled the boys which has started a whole new round of eye rolling and tutting from her but I'm sorry she can tell me I'm messing it up all she wants but to start yet again on Gerry is a step too far. "If this is going to be the theme of every visit then we'll just stop coming I know what I'm doing where Catlin is concerned and Emily and Paula and GJ and I may not know what I'm doing with everything where the boys are concerned but I'm getting there so if you can't be supportive instead of picking on every single thing then maybe in future Gerry can bring them by to see you once every few months when…"

"Ok, Ok I'm sorry I just worry about you taking on too much it's normal for a mother to worry surely you know that now that you've got your own." Ok she has a point but there's a difference between worrying and setting off to turn everything even remotely negative into a reason why I am failing at the whole thing! "Let me take Adam while you finish up there with Ethan he's clearly finished."

I want to argue again but she's right this is the problem I have constantly with them both feeding at the same time one is always finished before the other and then how do you do everything you need to with that child while the other still demands your attention? Right now she's taken Adam and is pacing back and forward in front of the window winding him and singing softly to him and he's completely loving every minute. Maybe it is time to set aside our constant differences and accept that she has a new roll not just as Mum but as Granny too and she's trying her best to fulfil all the duties that throws up but it doesn't make it any less infuriating. Maybe I'm getting soft now though after the birth because the fact she's trying seems to be enough. The fact that I do believe there's real concern behind her sniping may mean that I can do this again. She may be a bloody infuriating Mother but I have a feeling she's going to be a fantastic Granny and that's the most important thing right now.


	120. Chapter 120 - Changing Rooms

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 120 – Changing rooms

"So boys do we put the desk by the window or do you think that might be a bit distracting while she's trying to work?" The new wallpaper and paintwork is done in Catlin's room, I've hung the new curtains and lamp shade and all the little things now I just need to decide where to put the furniture and try as I might I can't get the boys to make a decision or help at all!

The paper Esther picked is perfect and the room is starting to look much more like a room that belongs to a young girl instead of one that's a generic spare room. I can't say I don't still have the odd bout of butterflies at the fact I'm doing it all without any input from her considering it's her room and everything.

"Sandra are you going to let me help now that I'm home?" God he made me jump, oh yeah didn't I mention I haven't let him see either? See she's coming back tonight he's going to pick her up with all her belongings at about eight when she gets back from her trip with Jayne and I had the idea that it would be lovely if they both saw it together in some Changing Rooms style grand reveal. That was the idea and at the time it seemed like a really good one now I'm not so sure.

"No I told you it's a surprise you go get changed and have a snack since we're not eating until Catlin arrives and leave me and the boys to it."

"Ok well make sure they do all the heavy lifting don't let them get away with just lying around gurgling and being cute."

"Oh don't worry they're moving a wardrobe as we speak." I can still hear him laughing from downstairs he's in such a good mood, we both are it's been lovely to have a couple of weeks just us and the boys but we're looking forward to her coming back. She's been so busy we haven't seen her since she left and I can't wait to catch up with her and hear all she's been up to.

"Right boys time to get moving before you two decide you're hungry again!" I really need to stop procrastinating and put the last pieces for furniture in place and make the bed or I'm never going to be ready.

"At last I thought you three were never going to emerge from that room. Can't I just have a sneaky look before she gets here?" I've finally finished and the boys and I are downstairs where Gerry has taken my "snack" suggestion a little too seriously and made us both sandwiches and fruit salad! If I eat all that three hours before dinner I'll never be hungry when it comes time to eat again!

"No! You can't! I told you I want it to be a surprise!" He's taken the boys and put them in their recliners on the table and thrust the sandwiches at me I….oh what the hell I'm starving I've just realised I was so busy getting ready for Catlin that I forgot to eat today!

"Tell Daddy what Mummy's been up to come on boys help me out here you've seen it, details please." I've just choked on my glass of water as he pretends to listen carefully to what they're saying them looks smugly at me. "Ah see I'm not so sure yellow with orange spots is what I would have gone for but Mummy knows best."

"Gerry! I know it's a while since I was eighteen but I think I still have a vague idea what girls like I just hope I haven't got it completely wrong."

"Well if you let me see I'm sure I could reassure you." Ha does he think I'm that stupid!

"Nice try but no! Tell me about today did Strickland give you all a really hard time at the morning meeting?" I know they got a complete bollocking from Strickland this morning about the state of the office he called me at lunch time and moaned at length about it! Now I just need to distract him because the more he talks about it the more panicked I'm getting. I really, really hope I haven't screwed this up I want everything to be perfect and if her room is a complete disaster that's a long way from perfect!


	121. Chapter 121 -Welcome Home

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 121 – Welcome home

"Jesus Catlin how have you accumulated so much stuff in 18 years? I don't think I have this many belongs now and I'm over three times your age!" Gerry has been carrying boxes and bags in from the car for the last 10 minutes and our hall is now almost completely covered with Catlin's entire life. Suddenly I'm very, very glad I bought extra sets of drawers and book shelves for her room.

"Yeah well you only own four sets of clothes for a start, it's not like you have to keep up with fashion or anything at your age." I'm not sure I would be pushing my luck right now if I was her there's at least four maybe five more boxes in the boot and she could end up doing the rest of the moving herself!

"Come see the boys while your dad brings the rest of the stuff in then we'll all go upstairs and see your room." Distraction feels like the best option right now separate them before their combined sarcasm ends up causing a row and ruining the evening. She wasn't hard to convince and she's already down on the floor telling the boys how she's missed them.

"Just wait till you see what I brought you back from my trip, if Daddy ever gets everything out of the car I'll get it for you, it's so cool you're going to love it!"

"You were supposed to be having a break from all of us not going away and thinking about them." She's looking at me now like I've just said the most ridiculous thing in the world and I suppose I have. I know now even if I was away from them they would constantly be in my thoughts I suppose it's unrealistic to think she wouldn't have thought of them a few times over the last couple of weeks.

"I've really missed them, actually I've missed all of you. I have so much to tell you about my trip and about what's been happening while I've been away." Aww I know it's silly but the fact that she does really seem to have missed us and seems genuinely glad to be back has given me a warm fuzzy feeling that just makes me even more sure that having her come stay is a great idea.

"Catlin what the hell is in these last boxes? Gold bars or something they weigh a ton!"

"Well maybe I haven't missed him." I know she's joking and the fact that the house seems to have already taken on a new energy even though she's only been back half an hour is brilliant.

"Well we've missed you too, although the boys and I have been busy getting your room sorted I figured you could do without the whole Cath Kidson thing so we've redecorated and got you some new bedding and a few extra bits of furniture. All of which was approved by your brothers of course." I did tell her by email that I was getting her room ready but I didn't mention the redecorating or that I was making huge changes to the room I wanted it to be a surprise and now she looks really excited which has given me a little burst of butterflies again in case she doesn't like it.

"Seriously? Can I go look now? I can't believe you did that aren't you still supposed to be taking it easy?"

"I was taking it easy there's not a lot of stress involved in shopping and hanging some wallpaper. We better wait until Gerry has finished bringing everything in from the car I haven't let him see it either so he'll get grumpy if we go look without him. In the meantime tell me about Uni have you remembered to give them your new address and have you worked out your tube route and stuff?" She's launched into a whole list of details about how she let them know all about her change in circumstances and how she's been and bought her books for the next term and worked out her journey to and from campus and I am loving just sitting back and listening to her. The way she talks while still giving the boys so much attention and really seems excited about getting into a proper routine here instead of at Jayne's just intensifies that warm fuzziness I was talking about earlier and now I can't wait for our new fully formed family to get into it's stride because I know it's going to be amazing.


	122. Chapter 122 - The big reveal

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 122 – The big reveal

"Before we go in if there's anything at all that you don't like just say and we can get it changed ok? I think I did an ok of job of trying to think of what you would like but it's a while since I was 18 so I might have got it really wrong and I don't want you to think that you have to say you like it even if you..."

"Sandra will you shut up and opening the bloody door already you've told her a dozen times that if she doesn't like it she can change anything and that you won't be offended blah bloody blah we're dying of suspense here!" Ok maybe I am stalling a little but I did mention I was nervous didn't I? We're standing out on the landing with them holding a baby each and me holding the handle of the door like I'm worried something is going to leap out at me if I let go.

"Dad's right Sandra I'm sure it's going to be lovely but I can't tell you that and put your mind at rest of you don't let me in! I want to get some unpacking done before dinner so please open the door!"

"Ok here goes now remember ..."

"Yeah; yeah open it!" I've opened the door and had to really force myself not to just disappear downstairs while they look inside. Catlin has given a little squeal and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing.

"Oh my god Sandra I love it! I love the colour and the wallpaper and everything did you really do it all yourself just for me?" I don't think I've ever been more relieved in my life she genuinely looks like she loves it and Gerry is nodding approvingly so I'm pretty sure it's all ok.

"Yes of course I did like I told you I want this to feel like your home we all do which means it should be a room that was done with you in mind not as a spare. You're very quiet Gerry don't you like it?" I know he does at least I think he does I just want to hear him say it though.

"I think it's lovely really girly you did great and the boys clearly worked hard moving the furniture." Catlin is looking at us both now like we're nuts as we dissolve into giggles but I don't care I'm so pleased that everything is ok now all we need to do is move the small mountain of bags and boxes from downstairs into here and before long it'll be like she's lived here all her life.

"Good so everyone's happen then? Why don't you bring her stuff up while I feed the boys then I'll put them down for the night and we can eat?" With unanimous agreement for my plan we've all split up again, Gerry and Catlin down stairs to start the big move and me and the boys into the nursery so I can feed then and get them ready for bed.

I'm so pleased its gone ok I really was starting to wish that I had at least let Gerry see it when it s finished because I've been having nightmares about her hating it. Now though it's clear that I had nothing to worry about. I can hear Gerry moaning again about the amount of stuff she's brought but to be honest I'd have been more concerned if she'd have turned up with next to nothing because then I'd have believed she was having second thoughts. Now that she seems to have brought the entire contents of her bedroom at Jayne's though I feel like she's staying.

"So my beautiful boys what do you think? Your big sister's back and it looks like she's here to stay you think you can live with that? I think..."

"Sandra will you tell Dad that is really is absolutely necessary for a girl to have four pairs of shoes that are the same colour? He doesn't get that they are all different styles he's such a Neanderthal when it comes to fashion." She's just appear at the nursery door holding up four different pairs of red shoes and she's right they are all completely different styles.

"You're fighting a losing battle there Catlin I've been trying to educate him about the need to above different styles of shoe and colours of handbags for years now and have got nowhere. Maybe now there's two of us in the house he'll finally get it!" He's rolling his eyes as she sticks her tongue out at him god it's going to be great to have someone around who can understand and back me up when I tell him how important things like that are. They may have spent the better. Part of the last 10 months ganging up on me but I have a feeling that the tables may be about to turn and I can't wait.


	123. Chapter 123 - Girl Talk - Next Gernerati

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Changes**

Changes 123 – Girl Talk – The Next Generation

"Sandra there's bottled milk for the boys in the fridge isn't there?" Adam has woken up just in time for Catlin and I to have finished our dinner and settled down for a proper chat but Gerry is in full on doting Daddy mode tonight so I haven't even had to move he's busying around getting bottles sorted out and deal with them.

"Yeah there is are you sure you don't want me to do it you made dinner and cleared up too I'm starting to feel guilty." Catlin is trying really hard not to laugh because she can tell that I don't look at all like I feel guilty right now but he has been really busy so it's only right to offer.

"No you say put and talk to Catlin I'll go up and deal with the men of the house you're only going to end up talking about shopping and spas and other stuff that would put me to sleep or embarrass me anyway."

"Fair point ok well if Ethan needs fed before you've finished with Adam just give me a shout ok?" He's not even answered and I can hear him moving around upstairs through the baby monitor. "So tell me about your trip, was the spa fantastic? I went a couple of years ago for a pampering weekend when Gerry and the guys were driving me crazy at work I came out like a new woman."

"Oh yeah me and mum spent two days just getting waited on hand and foot I had one of those hot stone massages have you ever had one? Seriously Sandra they are so great I was like almost asleep on the bed thingy." Go the idea of a massage of any sort right now is lovely but a hot stone one I would kill for. "Not only that but the guy who was doing the massage was seriously gorgeous."

"Ah so it wasn't so much the massage as the hands holding the stones that made it so good?"

"Seriously Sandra he looked like he spent every spare second in the gym." She's dropped her voice to almost a whisper and the glee in her voice is contagious it's making me feel 18 all over again.

"Oh sounds fantastic, so did you get a chance to talk to this hot stone wielding Adonis then?"

"I went to one of his personal training sessions Mum convinced me to go I was half dead by the end of it but it was worth it just to watch him flex his muscles! I'm not sure what made me hotter the exercise or looking at him." Now we've both descended into giggles and I can here Gerry talking quietly on the baby monitor as we both fall silent and listen for a second.

"You hear that boys? We need to get used to hearing a lot of that but here's the best advice I can give you. When women start giggling stay well out of it because it's probably at the expense of some poor bloke." You wouldn't believe how hard we are now both trying to stay silent to hear what other words of wisdom he has for them and I'm not sure if it's the fun atmosphere in the house tonight or the two glasses of wine I've had but suddenly everything is hilarious!

"Are you sure we should let Dad give the boys advice about women?" We're both staring at the baby monitor now and I'm sure he's forgotten that it's there because there's no hint of teasing as he talks it's just like he and the boys are having a little man to man chat while we're being all girly downstairs.

"Don't worry let him talk I'll put them right tomorrow when he's at work." She's actually buried her head in a pillow to muffle her laughter as I nod, I really need to put her straight on how many of Gerry's "man" facts I have to put our sons' right about and they're only a month old! Right now he's telling them how when women get together they only talk about shoes and clothes and what happens in soap operas on the TV now he and I may have to have a little chat about that one, actually a little punishment may need to be exacted. Although as we ignore him again get back to talking about her shopping trip to Paris with Jayne and all the designer shops they went into just to look because they could never afford to buy anything I think he might be right. At this exact moment I can't think of anything I'd rather do than sit here with her with a glass of wine and hear about all the girliest things the world has to offer. Maybe he is right that once in a while that's what they'll come up against with the women in their life but I still need to make sure he reminds them too that they'll also hopefully get brains and compassion and all those other things that makes us just as amazing if not more so than men!


	124. Chapter 124 - Happy Families

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes 124 – Happy Families

"Thank you." Huh? I wasn't aware I'd done anything other than sit around on the sofa for hours gossiping with Catlin like I'm 18 too while he did all the work! She'd just gone to bed full of how she's going to unpack tomorrow and we're not allowed in the room until she's done then she'll do her own big reveal like I did tonight.

"I should be the one thanking you, you've been out at work all day then cooked and sorted the boys out I've done nothing all evening." The wine glasses have been forgotten on the kitchen counter as he pulls me into his arms smiling at me with a playful tilt of his head. God he can still make my heart flutter when he does that.

"Thank you for being the best step mother in the world as well as the best mother, thank you for making Catlin feel like she's special and we really want her here. Thank you for letting me be the man you love and for giving me two beautiful sons. Thank you for making me happier than I've ever been in my life. Thank you for being my wife and my best friend. I think all of that is a lot more important than making dinner and feeding the babies frankly." Wow I can actually feel a tear coming to my eye he really has no idea how much all of that means to me and how much I feel like I have to thank him for too.

"Well if we're getting into thank you's then thank you for giving me everything I once thought I had no right to expect. Thank you for loving me no matter how mad I get at times, thank you for always making me feel like I am the centre of your world. Thank you for making me a mother something I'd given up on a long time ago. Thank you for making me feel part of a larger family and for giving me three step daughters that I am so proud of and feel like they truly accept me and love me. My life couldn't get more perfect right now and all of that is down to you, I don't know what I'd do without you and I don't want to find out."

"Looks like we better cancel the appointment with the divorce lawyer for tomorrow then." God he's cute when he's trying to be funny.

"Yeah I think that's for the best. Do you think she liked it? The room I mean? I know she said she did but wouldn't she say that anyway?" I can't help still having a tiny bit of doubt about the whole thing even though she's raved about it all evening and how it's perfect and will be even more perfect once she's unpacked.

"Sandra she loved it did you not hear her all evening? She's already got it all organised in her head it's like she's lived here all her life and you made that happen. You did a great job considering you were home alone doing it with two six week old babies to deal with as well. You're amazing and Catlin knows that as much as me but she's still 18 if she hadn't have liked it she'd have made sure we know what she wanted changed!"

"Yeah I suppose. I'm going to go feed the boys and settle them for the night then I think we should get to bed too it's been a long day." I don't think I've ever felt as content as I do right now climbing the stairs hearing soft music coming from Catlin's room and the sound of the TV from down stairs as he catches the late night news bulletin while I'm on my way to spend a little time cuddling my boys while they have their final feed of the night. In the last six weeks things have changed so much and yet it feels so right.

"They both look like they have full tummies and are ready for a few hours' sleep." I've just finished changing the boys and they are both already asleep on the bed in front of me but I couldn't bring myself to move them until he came up, sometimes I just like to watch them sleep, take little snapshots in my mind because they are changing so much and so often now.

"Yeah we were waiting for you to come up let's put them to bed." There's something in the way he's smiling at me that is making my heart flutter a little as he lifts Adam and I lift Ethan and moments later they're settled and silence has completely fallen in the house.

"Six weeks, hard to believe isn't it." He's right about that and he's pulled me back into his arms and there's that smile again and suddenly I know exactly what it's all about. Six weeks, the magic number, oh just when I thought things couldn't get any better they just did and I'm not in the least bit tired any more.


	125. Chapter 125 - Together Again

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes 125 – Together again

"You know when I looked in on Catlin on my way in she was out for the count with her earphones in, the boys are sleeping so it's just you and me. I was wondering if you were….."

"Yes, do you really need to ask?" I was brought up to believe it's rude to interrupt but right now he's talking way too much.

"Of course I need to ask I don't want you to think I'm putting any pressure on you. I want you to be ready." God he has no idea how ready I am, how ready I've been for weeks and right now just being this close to him is only making matters worse.

"Why don't you come to bed and I'll show you just how ready I am." I've slipped off my sleep shirt and dropping it on the floor before climbing onto the bed and I think I've got my point across because I don't think I've ever seen him get undressed so quickly.

"You look amazing god I've missed being able to make love to you so much." His words sound distant because I'm already lost in the sensations of his hands on my skin and his lips trailing over my neck. I knew when this moment came it wouldn't take much for him to turn me to a puddle of desire but even I'm surprised by how quickly I'm reacting to even the gentlest of touches. I know he's being careful, mindful of the fact that I might still be finding it hard to get back to normal but he seriously doesn't need to worry.

"Gerry I'm not made of glass I want to feel you touch me like you did before, please baby." I've taken a little more control running my hands over his chest taking him in my hand gently stroking him and I can see his reserve snap as he kisses me pressing me into the mattress with the weight of his body as he rests between my thighs.

"You have to promise to tell me if you want to stop." Oh for the love of god he's killing me here. "I mean it Sandra promise me, I don't care how long we have to wait I…."

"I promise, I promise if it doesn't feel ok I will tell you but right now the only thing that feels wrong is that you're waiting so long, I need to feel you inside me Gerry now, please." Oh god, oh yes I have missed this feeling more than I even realised I had and he's stopped again argh I might have to pin him to the bed and take matters into my own hands. "Don't stop baby it's fine, it better than fine it's fantastic."

"It feels so good Sandra I just want it to be as good for you." Ok enough I'm sorry I know it's adorable that he's being so caring but I don't need caring right now and if I have to take control so be it. Before I've had a chance to do anything though he's finally moving inside me as I whisper instructions telling him to move faster, harder and it doesn't take long for him to give in not only to my urging but how much I know he needs this too. Every movement is pushing me at frightening speed toward the edge and the way he's telling me over and over how much he loves me and how fantastic it is to make love to me again is only adding to the sensation.

"I'm so close Gerry I love you don't…." Before I can finish the sentence I'm gone my body liquefying under the onslaught of pleasure that is coursing through it right now, in spite of the fact we've found our own ways around it the last few weeks there is nothing that compares to the way it feels to cum when he's making love to me, to feel myself pulsate around his length and then to feel him follow me over the edge. I love how it feels when he swells inside me and the sensation of him exploding deep inside me is one I'll never tire of.

"I never thought making love to you could get any better but not having been able to for so long means that was even more amazing." I have to agree with him, I've read articles in women's magazines about ascendance meaning that when you finally do allow yourself to indulge it's so much better but I'd never believed it was really true. "Are you ok? I didn't hurt you did I?"

"No! The last thing you did was hurt me you're right it was amazing and I love you but let's not ever go so long without doing that again ok?" I think that's a plan he can totally get behind as he pulls me into his arms and I rest my head on his chest pulling the duvet over us both. Finally it feels like we have settled into something resembling a new normality, that we've come through all the stressful parts of pregnancy and birth and the first few weeks of having new babies in the house and we've made it. Not that I ever really doubted we would. Together we can face anything so as I close my eyes letting sleep overtake me all I can say is bring it on parenthood and family life we're ready for you.


	126. Chapter 126 - Tummy bugs and tantrums 1

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes 126 – Tummy bugs and tantrums – the beginning

"Gerry you can't go into work you can't even move more than dashing distance from the bathroom." My extremely stubborn husband is I'll and rather than accepting that he's picked up a tummy bug somewhere he's trying act like a hard man and insisting on going to work!

"I'm fine Sandra stop fussing it's probably just something I ate Brian bought some seriously dodgy looking prawn mayo sandwiches yesterday for lunch if it was that it'll be out of my system by now and I'll be..." Yeah right he hasn't even managed to get to the end of the sentence before he's had to dash back into the en-suite bathroom the sound of him throwing up for the tenth time since 2am enough to spur me into action.

"Jack its Sandra...no everything is fine with the boys and with me but Gerry is going for the world throwing up record I think he must have caught some sort of bug your and Brian are going to have to manage on your own today...yeah I know just carry on with what you were doing and hopefully it'll only be a twenty four hour thing and he'll be back tomorrow."

"I said I'd be fine." Oh god I may have to kill him he's clearly not ok mushy can't he just accept that and get back into bed without causing a row?

"And I said you're not so as both your boss and your wife I am telling you to get that cute ass of yours back into bed when I've sorted Adam and Ethan out I'll bring you some water a some dry toast it might help to settle your stomach and if it doesn't at least there'll be something in your stomach if you are sick again it's got to be better than what you're doing now." I swear he looks like he's about to have a full on tantrum but I'm not messing about here I need him well and so do the boys so if I have to bully him back into bed then so be it.

"Sandra I am not a child I can..."

"You can just do what you're told for once in your life that's what you can do now I'm going down stairs because Catlin will have the go in a minute and the boys can't be left on their own you back into bed and try to sleep understood?"

"Fine but if I feel better later I'm going in I won't have Strickland saying we're taking advantage just because you are at home rather than in the office."

"He wouldn't think that and even if he did he'd not dare say it he knows he can't say anything about me being on maternity leave and you can't help being sick so just do as you're told ok? I'll be back shortly."

"Did you finally convince him he's not well enough for work?" Catlin is finishing her breakfast and talking to the boys in their chairs on the kitchen table. To be honest she is looking at a little pale herself and the cereal and toast I gave her twenty minutes ago is barely touched,

"Yeah well he's back in bed but he's not happy about it, are you ok? You look a little off colour yourself."

"I'm fine I'm just not good with sick and listening to dad chucking up all morning hasn't exactly helped my appetite." Ah ok I can understand that no one is exactly thrilled to be around illness I'm sure she'll be fine once she gets out of here and gets some fresh air.

"Ok have you cash for lunch and your tube and everything?" What is it with people these days and rolling their eyes at me?

"Yes Sandra we've been through this Dad topped up my Oyster card and I have my own cash you don't need to worry I'm fine and I'll be fine now I'll be back about nine ok? I have a lecture at 5.30 then I'm going to meet some friends for a drink and something to eat if I'm going to be late I'll call ok?" With a quick kiss to both boys she out the door leaving a waft of air in her wake got I wish I was still 18 and had that amount of energy.

"Well boys Catie is off to learn lots of stuff she can pass on to you someday and Daddy is sick so we've a lot to do today let's start by getting you two sorted so we can play nurse maid and make daddy all better." You'll be surprised to know they aren't exactly jumping up out of their chairs to help nurse their ailing father why do I get the feeling this is going to be a very long day?


	127. Chapter 127 - Tummy bugs and tantrums 2

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes 127 – Tummy bugs and tantrums – It never rains…

"Sandra could I have another glass of water and maybe a little ice in it this time?" Arghhhh remember I made him stay home from work today because he was ill? Well that turned out to be a huge mistake because after he got over his initial sulk at the fact I'd sent him back to bed he seems to have gotten a little too used to being waited on hand and foot. So far he's had the equivalent of about four pints of water and some toast which he preceded to throw up again and now he not only wants more water but he's starting to specify the way he wants it!

"You want a slice of lemon with that sir?" He knows I'm being sarcastic I've only just got the boys to sleep Adam has been grumbly all morning barely ate anything and Ethan hasn't been much better. I had every intention of putting my feet up with a coffee and trying to get a nap under my belt before I had to do it all again this afternoon so my temper is possibly a little raw when he's concerned. Must be a better nurse Sandra!

"Do you think Adam is ok? He's been wriggling about in his sleep and being really grizzly since you put I'm down." I've just come back with his water and he's staring into Adam's crib by the bed looking really concerned and I can't say I blame him.

"I don't know he barely fed this morning and what he did take didn't stay down long." He's looking at me now with mild panic in his eyes and I am just catching up with what he's already obviously thinking.

"You don't think he's caught what I've got do you? Should we call the doctor?" How should I know if we should call a doctor? So far the boys haven't even had so much as a really bad sleepless night now my stomach has knotted too and it's nothing to do with a tummy bug. What do you do if your child is sick? They're only two months old is it normal for them to be throwing up their feeds now and then or should we immediately assume that they are ill?

"I'll get the thermometer from the nursery he doesn't feel overly hot but we should check if he has a temperature right?" What little colour he had got back has gone now and he looks terrified well one of us has to stay sensible so I'm getting the thermometer and then if need be I can always phone the surgery or NHS direct of something.

I've popped the thermometer under Adam's arm and he's not happy about it at all I know it is impossible for them to constantly be well to go through their lives without ever getting a bug or cold or anything but it feels too soon they are still so tiny. He's screaming at the intrusion and being fussed over and just as I lift him to try and sooth him while Gerry checks his temperature against the guide thing on the side of the thermometer box he loses what little of his feed he'd managed to keep down all over himself and me.

"His temp is up a little but according to this that can happen just because he was upset." Yeah well temperature or not I think it's safe to say he's not his usual cheerful self and it's been weeks since he last had trouble keeping his milk down.

"I'm going to change his and try to calm him down do you think your stomach has settled enough to be able to deal with Ethan if he wakes up without having to make an emergency dash for the bathroom?" He's nodding but frankly I'm not convinced and just as I'm about to leave the room again the phone has started to ring.

"Hello…..ok, ok calm down…..right well can you get yourself home? Do you think you'll be able to manage on the tube?...Right well sit tight I'll come for you…yeah well if we have to stop by the side of the road so be it….give me half an hour…..ok bye"

"That was Catlin." Why did I know he was going to say that and I bet I can tell you what he's going to say next too. "She's just spent half of her morning lecture in the ladies with her head in the toilet bowl she is feeling light headed and she can't make it home on the tube I'll have to go get her."

"No you can't take the risk driving, stay here clean Adam up and pray Ethan doesn't start as well I'll go get her and be back as quickly as I can." I don't believe this I really don't this morning at 5am when I fed the boys everyone in the house appeared to be fighting fit now less than 8 hours later only Ethan and I are still standing and frankly I'm not sure that situation is going to be maintained since I'm on the way out the door and am sure I've just heard Ethan start to cry. I swear it never rains but it pours we better hope I can avoid coming down with it too or we're completely screwed!


	128. Chapter 128 -Tummy bugs and tantrums- 3

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes 128 – Tummy bugs and tantrums – Dropping like flies

"Sandra you need to slow down I know you're trying to juggle 12 balls at once at the minute but if you keep going the way you are you'll end up flat on your back and none of them will be able to cope." Oh well no shit Sherlock, thanks for that insight Mother but I think I've worked out that trying to deal with two ill adults and two ill babies isn't exactly an ideal situation. Yes you heard right two ill babies! By the time I had made the 40 minute round trip to get Catlin and back Ethan had come down with this super bug too. In the end I called the doctor who came out to the boys, ended up checking everyone out, and told me it was just a 24 hour bug it would pass to try to get the boys to take small amounts of fluids to stop them getting dehydrated and keep the adults on a work house style water and dry bread diet and it should be all gone by this time tomorrow.

"I have Catlin and Gerry both playing the martyr refusing to let me do anything for them until it's too late and they are throwing up again or incoherent because their temperature has spiked again and gone through the roof and then I have the boys who are trying to boke on everything they own so in between dealing with them and changing their Moses basket sheets when they are not sleeping and trying to keep up with the mountain of laundry they are all creating between them slowing down really isn't an option Mum." I don't know why I didn't just tell her I was busy when she rang instead of filling her in on the events of the morning I should have known she couldn't just understand that I was busy and leave me to it without her customary lecture.

"Well all I'm saying Sandra is that they may all be sick but right now if you get it, which by the way you probably will, who's going to look after everyone?" Oh my god if I don't end this call soon I am going to say something I'll regret it's bad enough dealing without it all without her suggesting I'm going to get it next. "And have you remember to eat something yourself? You can't skip meals when you are still breast feeding Adam and Ethan now that they are a little older I still think it's time you transferred to bottle feeding but if you insist on continuing with the breast if you start skipping meals your milk will dry up."

"Firstly Mother I have told you I'm planning on changing them to bottle feeding at 12 weeks like the midwife, the doctor and every other source of child care expertise says it's ok to." Sorry but we're past the not saying something I regret stage she's just pushed me a little too far this time. "Secondly I am well aware that I need to eat I am not 6 years old and finally right now you are not helping so I'm going because I can hear someone up and about upstairs which means there is probably about to be another round of cleaning up to do thanks for your helpful advice but you can shove it where the sun doesn't shine!"

Arghhhh I've hung up and now I need to calm down before I go back upstairs o I'll end up biting the head off the first person who speaks to me when it's not their fault that I'm now feeling distinctly more homicidal than I was twenty minutes ago when the phone rang.

"Sandra sweetheart are any of the boys sleep suits dry yet or do you want me to open one of the new packets in the nursery Adam has just had a particularly nasty nappy and this one needs to go in the wash." God Gerry really doesn't need to be changing nappies right now there was times today when doing it has made me feel slightly queasy with him still not keeping anything down it's a disaster waiting to happen.

"There's some down here you get back into bed I'm coming now." If this whole situation wasn't so frantic I'm sure I'd see the funny side of it but with them dropping like flies and the very real prospect I'll be next all I can think about right now is that I hope if I am going to get it it's not before this time tomorrow or my mother is right we are monumentally screwed.


	129. Chapter 129 - Tummy Bugs and Tantrums-4

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes 129 – Tummy bugs and tantrums – All fall down

It's 2am and everyone else in the house is asleep and finally seem to be starting to calm down a little. It's been hours since any of the four of them has been sick, I expressed and bottle fed the boys and they both took a couple of ounces and managed to keep them down so hopefully we're over the worst. Now I'm sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by piles of clean dry washing and trying to bring myself to eat the bowl of soup and sandwich I made but I can't bring myself to eat it. I can't remember feeling more exhausted than I do right now, today has been hell on earth and I've feel like I've been hit by a truck but I can't sleep. Assuming that they are on the road to recovery the boys will be up again around 3 looking for something to eat so if I go to bed now getting up again in an hour is only going to make matters worse.

One thing today has shown me though is that even when the boys get sick, which it's inevitable they will in their lives, I can cope, it's horrible and I wish I could make them better instantly but that's not possible and I still managed not to fall apart. I survived even being the only one still standing in the house so that's got to count for something when it comes to Mummy brownie points right? I haven't even had time to think about the possibility of getting ill myself so hopefully that will mean that bug will have missed me altogether.

"Sandra you should be trying to get some sleep you've not stopped the entire day why don't you go get into bed I'll do the boys 3am feed there's expressed bottles in the fridge isn't there?" Jesus where the hell did he come from? One minute I'm sitting here quietly lost in my own contemplations the next he's right beside me I didn't even hear him come down the stairs!

"Yeah there is but I don't think I could sleep anyway. You're looking brighter how do you feel?" He really does look a lot better he's got the colour back in his cheeks and he no longer looks like if he moved too far from the bathroom it would be a huge mistake.

"Well you should at least try, why haven't you eaten?" He's looking at my supper with one bite taken from the sandwich and the soup completely untouched and I know what he's thinking because I'm starting to think it myself. The one bite of sandwich seems to be lying like a lead weight in my stomach and I do feel a little like if I so much as smell the tomato from the soup I might throw up.

"I'm just not hungry I am tired but I think I'm still a little too wound up from the day to sleep." He doesn't look convinced; he's taken me by the hand leading up upstairs and the simple act of standing up has made my head feel light. This can't be happening I cannot get sick he'll be back at work tomorrow and hopefully Catlin will be well enough for college so if I get sick who's going to look after the boys?

"Sweetheart you don't look good I've seen more colour in a glass of milk than you have right now, you really need to…" I haven't been able to hear the end of his comment because we've only made it to the top of the stairs in time for me to dash to the family bathroom and lose that bite of sandwich and everything else that was left in my stomach from earlier today. Oh god this can't be happening not now. "Right you, bed I'll get you some water and a basin in case you can't make it to the bathroom in time the first few hours are the worst."

"Gerry I'll be fine there's nothing wrong with me other than the fact that I'm over tired and I've spent the whole day cleaning up other people sick it was bound to make me a little queasy. This isn't what you had it's….."

"It's exactly what I had so do as you're told, you've spent all day looking after us now it's time to let me do the same for you."

"But you have to go into work tomorrow and Catlin has to go to Uni who will look after the boys? I am not getting sick I don't have time to get sick." I'm aware that it sounds like I'm throwing my toys out of the pram but can you blame me?

"We'll sort something out for the meantime you rest and stop acting like a two year old when I did that this morning you told me I was being ridiculous. If need be I'll take another day off but right now I want you to sleep and do it now I'll deal with the lords of the manor when they wake up." I really want to keep objecting but in the space of twenty minutes I've gone from feeling a bit like I've been hit by a truck to feeling like I've been hit by it then it took the time to reverse back over me.


	130. Chapter 130 - Familiarity breeds………

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes – 130 – Familiarity breeds…

"We'll be in about lunch time, actually we'll come for lunch I'll stop at the deli and bring you all something." We have finally all got out from under the nightmare that was our recent tummy bug and the boys are thriving. The health visitor was out yesterday and they are both the perfect weight and length and everything for their age and she has agreed that it's time to start weaning them off breast milk and on to formula so today we're doing first and last feeds of the day breast milk and the rest of the day formula. The upshot of which is that I am going to take them into the office this afternoon to see if it's still standing and show them where mummy and daddy work.

"Are you sure you don't want me to tell Brian and Jack you're coming? They'll want to have the place nice for you especially if you're bringing the boys." Yeah I bet they would but I want to see exactly what the place is like when I'm not there which is why he has been sworn to secrecy. I've made him promise that he will not tell them I'm coming nor will he run about trying to make the place look more respectable and that if I get even the hint that he has he will be very, very sorry.

"No and I've already told you that you are not to tell them either the boys and I are looking forward to coming to visit and I am looking forward to seeing what you have all been up to. While I'm there I can look over the forensics on the McCrea case too I want to see the clothes she was wearing the night she attacked him and it's not like you can bring them home." I know it's going to kill him to keep it to himself all morning that we are coming in but I've told him to think of it as an undercover operation he's always loved that old style idea of going undercover I think he always wanted to be a spy instead of a copper.

"Ok but what about lunch you can't just buy them something you won't know what they want." Now he is really having a laugh, ten years we've worked together and I've yet to go to our favourite deli and place an order for any of the three of them that is any different. They are creatures of habit and somehow I don't think that will have changed in the three months I've been out of the office.

"Jack will want a BLT but without the "T" because he says it makes the bread soggy to have tomato in it and he will want low fat spread not butter and he'll negate the fact he's having low fat spread by insisting that they smoother the whole thing in mayo which actually makes it soggier than if he just let them put the tomato in to begin with." He's rolling his eyes at me but I'm not done yet and he knows it. "And he'll want a bottle of water but not the sparkly kind because it gives him wind and not Evian because he says it tastes funny. How am I doing so far?"

"Yeah ok I get the point but you know how fussy Brian is if you get one thing wrong in his lunch we'll never hear the end of it." Ha! It's Wednesday I know exactly what Brian will want.

"It's Wednesday Gerry, the Deli makes Lentil soup on Wednesdays and Brian always has that with two slices of wholemeal bread but not the one with the seeds in it because he says he's allergic to them even though Esther says he's not. He'll want a carton of Ribena with it and two sachets of salt and two of pepper. As for you it's cheese and pickle on white bread with one of those giant pickled gherkin things and a bottle of sprite, not 7up it has to be sprite because you don't think 7up tastes right."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're far too smart for your own good?" He knows he's lost that I have scuppered any argument he could make so he'll have to admit defeat and just keep his mouth shut for a few hours.

"Yes you have on more than one occasion now go to work while I get your sons fed and dressed and we'll see you at lunch time." With a quick kiss he's gone and I am really excited about going in this afternoon. I miss the buzz of just being in the building and I can't wait to show the boys our second home and see the guys back where we all work best. They say familiarity breeds contempt and my rhyming off of the lunch order might appear to support that but I don't agree. Familiarity breeds love and contentment and a happy working environment which is why I can't wait to go back there even if it is only for an hour or two.


	131. Chapter 131 - Long short Journey

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes – 131 – Long short Journey

"Superintendent It's been so long since we last saw how have you been? Are these your beautiful babies?" You are not going to believe this but we were actually running on time I had the boys sorted and we were in the car by 12:15 we got to the station car park 20 minutes later and that was when it all started to fall apart. See my plan was to park away from my usual space just in case Jack or Brian came out for any reason and saw the car, put the boys in their pram and walk round the corner to the deli, pick up lunch and walk back in time to surprise them about 1 with lunch and a spot inspection! It was all a very good plan in theory but as I was getting them into the pram two of the WPC's that we regularly deal with on the front desk came out to go for lunch and by the time they'd hugged me, cooed over the boys and got all the details about names, when they were born how they were doing and everything I didn't even start walking to the deli until 12:45. Now I've walked in the door and Monica the owner who is a first generation Italian immigrant and knows every one of her regulars by name has just launched herself at me.

"Hi Monica yes they are and I've been on maternity leave so the boys have had to manage on their own, I still am actually but I'm bringing them lunch today and doing a little surprise inspection to see that they aren't destroying my department in my absence." She's barely listening to me she's bent over the pram staring at the boys in wonder.

"Of course, is it your usual Wednesday order?" See I told you the boys were predictable didn't I?

"The usual for the boys I think I'll have a tuna caser though with your gorgeous dressing I've been thinking about it all day." She always looks delighted when she thinks something at her deli is a favourite and she's now shouting in Italian to her daughter behind the counter telling her what we need and ushering me and the pram to the seating area.

"Tell me about your beautiful babies Sandra, two boys yes?" You know I want to tell her that I'm really in a rush but he is so enthusiastic, so happy for me that I can't bring myself to do it, it doesn't really matter if I'm a little late does it?

"They're almost 3 months old Monica born on Christmas eve the one in the blue coat is Ethan and the one in the red coat is Adam."

"Such strong names! A boy needs a strong name. They are beautiful Gerry must be a very proud man, three daughters and now a pair of strong healthy sons and a beautiful wife what more could a man want?" Right now what that particular man probably wants is lunch and to not have to pretend he doesn't know I'm coming any more.

"He's delighted and he's great with them." Diplomacy see I can do it!

"Indeed and here is your lunch I got Bella to put in a few slices of my carrot cake for the boys at the office and a slice of pavlova for you, you need to keep your strength up now that you have these two to deal with." She's handed me the bag full of food and waved my money away as I try to pay her. "No, no I won't hear of it consider it our gift to celebrate the birth of your boys, you make sure and bring them back to see us soon."

She's all but shoved me out the door and is still refusing to take any money for the huge bag of food now balancing on the top of the pram. Sometimes I'm completely overwhelmed by the generosity and care shown to me by people I barely know and today is no exception. I'm making the walk back to the office after my short journey that turned into a much longer one and I feel fantastic. Nothing and no one can spoil my day today I can feel it in my bones.


	132. Chapter 132 - Nothing Changes

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes – 132 – Nothing Changes

"We're almost there boys then while Daddy and Uncle Brian and Uncle Jack are eating lunch you can get a bottle too ok?" We've finally made it into the lift and are heading down to the basement to our office after only half a dozen more stops on our way through to let officers who have known me and Gerry for years coo over the boys. I swear I've never had a reception like it when I've walked into this building, normally we're lucky to get grunting hello's from each other we always so busy. It's amazing the difference being accompanied by the worlds most beautiful and cute babies can do for your popularity and other people's ability to find time in their day to stop!

"Oh yeah cause you know exactly what you're talking about, you bloody tosser, how can he have been in the car when he doesn't have a sodding driving licence." Oh dear out of the lift and it appears we're about to walk in on a row Gerry sounds like he's about to blow a gasket and from the way he's talking I can only guess that Brian has said something that derides drivers and beatifies cyclists or something similar.

"He wouldn't have to be driving the car and who the hell are you calling a tosser you're the one who said he had to have got to the house some way how else would he….."

"Calm down you two this is getting us nowhere." Oh Jack always the voice of reason but even he sounds like he's about to lose it. I should go in and let them know I'm here right? Nah I don't think so either I think I'll stand here and eavesdrop for a few more minutes.

"Tell him, he's the one who's talking through his ass. You know as well as I do Jack that Stevenson was no more in that car than you or I were otherwise forensics would have found some trace of him. There were prints all over the place from his wife not to mention the car looked like a tip inside so it wasn't like they'd cleaned it to get rid of any evidence of him." I know the case they are talking about and he's right I was looking at the forensics reports last night and there was so much trace evidence in the car it would have been impossible for there not to be some trace of Paul Stevenson had he been in it the night his daughter was killed it won't stop Brian arguing though just wait and see he'll…

"And tell him that it was a 12 mile journey there is no way he could have got to the house on his bike even I couldn't cycle 12 miles in less than an hour and he was in the pub 50 minutes before the neighbour claims to have seen him enter through the back door and the wife's car was in the road." See? I told you Brian is like a dog with a bone when he gets going and the boys are starting to get wriggly because the pram has stopped moving so I'm gently rocking it to give me enough time to find the right moment to walk in and hand them the answer that came to me while I was walking back from the deli. Yeah petty I know but forgive a girl for wanting to make an entrance!

"You're both right. If the neighbour really did see him then he couldn't have got there on his bike but equally he was not in the wife's car if we are going to prove they were both involved in killing their daughter to get custody of the grandson we need to find another way to do it the car isn't our smoking gun." Jack sounds so in control he has always been the one who steps up when I'm not there and it's reassuring to know that that's not changed in my absence this time.

"So what the hell is then?" Oh Gerry you couldn't have set that up for me better if you had known you were doing it and I'm on my way in.

"The son-in-law is." I've backed in pulling the pram with me and am now facing them and they look like they are all about to pass out even Gerry who clearly was so busy arguing he'd forgotten I was coming. "Let's have lunch and then I'll tell you exactly how Paul and Roberta killed their daughter."

The office isn't as much of a mess as I was expecting and the it's reassuring to know that nothing changes in the way they act toward each other just because I'm not here but right now I'm back even if it is only for a couple of hours and I intend to remind them sometimes I can still trump all their collective years of experience and that hasn't changed either.


	133. Chapter 133 - Back in the Saddle

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes – 133 – Back in the Saddle

"What are you doing here?" God Brian really knows how to make a girl feel wanted he looks like he would be less irritated if Jack the Ripper walked through the door!

"I thought I'd bring the boys to see where we all work and check up on how you were all doing," Gerry has recovered and after a quick kiss has immediately honed in on the pram and is talking away to the boys.

"Did you know she was coming?" At least Jack seems pleased to see me and the boys and is finding it all amusing.

"He did but I swore him to secrecy I stopped at the deli and brought lunch now snap out of it Brian if you remember I'm still the boss here even if I'm not physically here or would you rather I had a word with Strickland and got him to bring in someone to be here every day?" Ha that's snapped him out of it and he's taken the deli bag from me and started handing out the lunches and heating the soup in the microwave. The last thing any of us want is someone in here all the time messing about with how we work.

"How are they getting on with the bottles today sweetheart are they taking them ok?" Gerry's lifted Adam and Jack has Ethan walking him around showing him all the details on the evidence board and quietly explaining the details of the case while Ethan coos away as if he's answering him.

"Yeah they've taken to the formula with no problems so far. So why are you arguing? Jack's right you were both right there was no what he was in the car but he couldn't have got there on the bike either but we know they were both there the neighbour has told us and I don't see any reason from what Gerry's been telling me to believe the neighbour is lying."

"Well how the hell are we supposed to explain the fact he's there then?" I'm settled now feeding Ethan who has decided if everyone else is eating he wants to as well and Adam seems content to stare at the fluorescent lights for now so we're all happy now to point out what I can't believe we've all been missing up till now.

"Look the son-in-law didn't exactly put up a fight when Pamela died to keep his son did he? I fact he all but handed the baby to her parents when the coroners van pulled away. Not only that but he then did a disappearing act and the original team couldn't track him down, they assumed like we did at the beginning that he'd gone back to the druggy lifestyle he had before the child was born but what if he wasn't?"

"You think he was involved with killing Pamela?" Jack has gone into full on godfather mode burping Ethan while I warm another bottle for Adam and he sounds sceptical but I'm sure I'm right. It feels fantastic to be back in the office and the fact that it's only for a little while and the boys are with me is just the icing on the cake.

"Hold on she has a point when we found him he looked like he wanted to dig a hole and get into it and he was shacked up with that girl who looked like she'd been high as a kite for most of her adult life maybe he didn't take much persuading to help them get shot of her and Dutch the responsibility of the kid the same time." Now Brian is seeing where I'm coming from and Gerry is agreeing as well.

"I might be wrong but I reckon if we have a look at his alibi a bit more we'll see that Paul Stevenson might well have got there with a little help from him and maybe even have a look at the Stevenson's financial records I don't think a guy like him did it just to get out from under the responsibility of a wife who was suffering from post natal depression and a kid he'd just have ditched them." They are all smiling at me now and it feels fantastic. It may only be a flying visit but it still feels great to be back in the saddle and proving to them and myself that I still can.


	134. Chapter 134-Uncle Jack Lends a Hand

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes – 134 – Uncle Jack Lends a Hand

"Does Strickland know you're in and have the boys with you? You know how "By the book" he is. I'm pretty sure that catching up on paperwork while they sleep in their pram would break a whole collection of his rules." Jack is standing leaning against the door of my office while I work, the twins sleep and Gerry and Brian go check again on Stevenson's alibi.

"I told the desk sergeant to tell him I was in and was informed he's on an "away day" with the commissioner and the mayor which you know is code for playing a round of golf then spending the rest of the afternoon in the 19th hole." I couldn't believe my luck when she told me he'd be out all day and now that he's realised we're not about to have to listen to a health and safety lecture from Strickland he seems delighted to have us around as he is now sitting in the chair on the other side of my desk grinning like a madman.

"Well that's ok then we've nothing to worry about. It's nice to see you back behind that desk this place isn't the same without you." Aw he actually looks a little emotional and I have to say it's nice to be back here too. See if I could only convince Strickland that bringing two three month old babies to work with me was a good idea I could have the best of both worlds!

"Yeah well another three months and I'll be back permanently then you'll be wishing I'd go again!" I've now signed off everything just in time for both boys to wake up and decide they are hungry again. "Ok boys which of you is going to make the most noise if you're made to wait? I can't feed you together when we're doing the bottle thing."

"Can I feed one of them? I mean I'd like to if it will help." Jack Halford looking nervous I never thought I'd see the day I swear he looks like I might be able to refuse to let him near them! He's so sweet at times!

"Of course you can! It'd be a big help and I'm sure they'll love a cuddle from Uncle Jack! Who do you want Adam or Ethan?" Ah now we've gone from nervous to terrified it's almost like I asked him to pick which one to ritually sacrifice instead o feed! I suppose I should help him out before he changes his mind! "I'll tell you what, you take Ethan he's easier to feed he takes after Gerry he doesn't like to waste a drop of his food!"

"Ok, yeah I'll take him, do we need to heat it up or anything?" It's so sweet how completely clueless he is. He and Mary would have made great parents it's such a pity they never had kids of their own.

"No they take it at room temp it's more consistent with breast milk that way" I've put Ethan's bib on and handed him and his bottle of formula to Jack and I'm actually feel a little choked up they look so adorable.

"They are gorgeous kids Sandra thank god they got your looks and not Gerry's!" See its as if he knew I was getting emotional and he always know just how to make me laugh.

"Yeah we;; I'm not sure they got their good looks from me either. You're a natural at that Jack." I've never asked why he and Mary never started a family but somehow today seems like the right time to do it. When he's so natural with the boys I just can't understand it especially considering how happy he and Mary were. "Jack tell me to mind my own business if you want but how come you and Mary never had any kids? You are so good with the boys and you and her were so in love didn't you ever want kids?"

"Of course we did." With the boys now both happily feeding the silence in the room is suddenly deafening as he seems to be turning over how best to continue and I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have brought it up. "We wanted a houseful of kids but it just didn't happen. I mean we never did anything to prevent it but we were never lucky enough to have any."

"That's a shame you would have made great parents and grandparents but at least the boys are going to be lucky enough to have you in their lives." He's smiling proudly at me now and I'm even more glad we decided to have him and Brian as godparents to the boys. With them in their lives they are going to be very, very lucky boys.


	135. Chapter135-There's nothing like Teamwork

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes – 135 – There's nothing like team work

"You'll never guess who we have in interview room 1." Me and Jack have booth whispered sssshhhhh at the same time since we've just finished feeding the boys and got them back to sleep before Gerry came in bellowing about interview rooms. "Sorry did we wake them?"

"No it's fine they've just been fed they're out for the count, who have you got in the interview room?"

"Mr Stevenson." Brian looks so round of himself but as yet I'm not sure why!

"Yeah but what use is that to us he and his wife have always maintained the same story he'll just spout it all off again." See that's what I was thinking Jack just got in there before me to say it!

"That's what we thought but apparently he got a call from his no good son in law saying we were looking into his alibi again and he wants to talk, I think we might be about to nail him." Oh god I hope he's right they seem to have been working on this case forever without getting anywhere it would be great if we broke it today.

"Bloody brilliant get in there and talk to him then and do it quickly before he changes his mind." They are all looking at me now like I should be moving and I would love to be but I can't do the interview I'm still officially on leave if I go in there and he confesses then changes his mind later his brief could get him off on a technicality based on the fact I was on leave and shouldn't have been involved with the case. "Jack you and Brian take the interview I'll watch from the viewing room, Gerry you can stay the with the boys, keep your phone beside you Jack if I think of anything while I'll watching I'll text you."

"Yes guv, nice to have you back by the way." Gerry has taken the pram handle off me and taken over wheeling the boys back and forward throwing me a playful wink to go with his comment. They seem to have all decided that even if it is only for one afternoon it really is nice to have me back in the office and it's making me feel great. I know it was irrational but I sometimes worried that they would get too used to working without me in the office and then when I came back it would be really hard to adapt again. I'm not saying a couple of hours on one day proves that they will be delighted to see me walk through the door for good again in a few months but it certainly has helped.

"That's it Brian reel him in slowly let him think you're taking in by this fairy story." It's killing me being behind the two way and having to watch the interview without being able to join in but they are doing a great job, clearly Mr Stevenson has decided that he Can make this all go away and they can keep their grandson if he claims he killed his daughter and his wife wasn't involved but we know that she was the driving force behind it and I'm damn sure that she killed her daughter and he was just brought in to clean up afterward it's just how to get him to admit that.

"Mr Stevenson all our information shows that you didn't arrive at your daughter's property. Yet we know that your wife was seen entering by the neighbours around the time that we have been told your daughter died." Nice going Jack! He's doing a perfect "bad cop" to Brian's caring understanding "good cop" but I don't think we're going to get anywhere unless we get the wife in too, time for a timely text. I've text Jack to tell him to tell Stevenson we're going to make some further enquiries which he's done and now is leaving the room.

"What further enquiries are we going to make Sandra? We have nowhere else to enquire we've spoken to everyone!" Jack is staring at me now that we're in the office again like I've lost my mind.

"Go bring in Mrs Stevenson,"

"Why she's just going to say the same thing again especially if she knows he's here to take the blame you know that he's only doing it because he thinks the social will leave the grandson with her even if he's out away." Brian clearly agrees that it's a crazy idea but Gerry who is current pacing the floor with Adam who I can tell has lost half his feed again just like he always does with his afternoon meal, seems to be following my line of thought.

"So if we let her believe that we're buying his story she might just get a little more talkative and give us something to nail her with?" See told you he knew what I was talking about.

"Exactly. If we give her enough rope she might just hang herself then we can close this and all go back to ours for some supper and a glass of wine."

"We're on it!" Jack and Brian have dashed out the door and I've taken Adam from Gerry as he smiles at me.

"What?"

"I was just thinking that you are fantastic and we've been working this for ten days and not got as far as you have in one afternoon."

"Yeah we'll that's not down to me it's down to how well we work as a team and that's never going to change however long I'm away."


	136. Chapter 136 - Mummy's first lesson

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes – 136 – Mummy's first lesson

"One of our officers is bringing in your wife as we speak Mr Stevenson we are still having trouble matching your version of events with what the evidence is telling us." When it comes to breaking every rule in the book I'm having a good shot at it today. Right now we have the video link set up in both interview rooms feeding through to the TV set in the office and me and the boys are on the sofa watching the action. I really, really hope Strickland doesn't come back from his golfing jolly early or we're screwed big time but the boys are happy, we're not disturbing the running of the station and I'm determined to see this through to the end if I possibly can. Right now Gerry and Brian have gone to get the wife and Jack is having another "chat" with Mr Stevenson.

"He's worried boys you see the way his eyes flickered there when Uncle Jack mentioned his wife?" Yeah I know they are not in the least bit interested but you are never two young to learn about the way people react and how to read them. Even if they never have any interest in joining the force when they grow up knowing how to read people is a good life skill."

"My wife had nothing more to tell you." Oh he's getting ratty he knows as soon as they are both in the building we're at an advantage come on Jack reel him in we might not need the wife here at all.

"We understand that Mr Stevenson but since you have now changed your version of events and your wife previously confirmed your original story we now need to see if she confirms what you are telling us now."

"See what Uncle Jack is doing there boys? He's made sure that he kept telling the suspect we haven't forgotten he completely changed his story that'll make him wonder if his wife can be trusted to stick to the plan. Uncle Jack is better than the rest of us put together at this he has a way of making people believe he's an old man who hasn't quite got the measure of them then he flattens them. Never underestimate him boys no matter how much you think you're getting away with he'll see right through you." It's true Jack is as sharp as a knife but he gives the impression of being a dottery old codger when he wants to and right now it's working a treat.

"We've brought her in and put her in interview two how's it going?" Gerry has just come in and on the split screen I can see Brian ushering Mrs Stevenson to her seat in the other interview room as I switch the sound from Jack and Mr Stevenson to them.

"Jack is playing him just right I've been explaining the basics of good interview techniques to the boys."

"Clearly it was really exciting." He's laughing now and as I glance from one side of the sofa to the other where I had the boys propped up and was sitting between them and they are both out for the count.

"God remind me how boring I can be the next time one of them wakes up at 2am and wants to be entertained! How did she react when you brought her in?"

"She wasn't happy started kicking off about her grandson being due home from school and how we already had her husband and he'd confessed why did we need her. Brian threw in that we had him we yet had to find out what he was going to say which threw her off balance for a minute she's worried she doesn't know what he's said so far and she's nervous. What do you want us to do next?" I love how quickly we're fallen back into the normal routine even if it's only for a day.

"Let Jack know she's here then you and Brian talk to her I have a feeling the breakthrough in this case is only just out of reach it's time to grab it and bring it home." He's gone and I'm focusing on the screen again now waiting for them to get on with speaking to her and my gut tells me that we'll be ready to charge them within the hour and it feels fantastic.


	137. Chapter 137 - Breakthrough

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes – 137 – Breakthrough

"You realise that if your husband is convicted it does not guarantee that you will be able to retain custody of your grandson? We know you were at your daughter's property around the time of her death which means that it is going to be very hard for a jury to believe that you weren't at the very least an accessory after the fact in your daughter's murder." Gerry is reeling Mrs Stevenson it perfectly, it's obvious she's nervous as hell. Adam is still sleeping through all the excitement and I've now put him into his pram but Ethan is wide awake and he and I are pacing back and forward in front of the TV taking in all the action. "Look Mrs Stevenson I'm a parent myself, my oldest is almost 30 now and my youngest are 3 months lovely set of twins and I would do anything for them not to mention my grandson but we've all been in a position where we feel like our kids are making bad choices. I've been there, I'm sure Brian here has too, and when there's another little life being potentially ruined by those choices it's easy for things to get out of hand."

"Oh Ethan your Daddy is good, very good, he's got her with the whole empathy thing she's wavering." Gerry has always had that way of putting people at ease just before he pounces and he's doing exactly that now as I glance at the other side of the split screen and see Mr Stevenson sitting alone in the other interview room. Jack is watching how Gerry and Brian are getting on in the viewing room and now that there's weakness showing in the wife he'll be back in with the husband read to bring it home in seconds I'd lay money on it.

"Basically what we're saying here Mrs Stevenson is that you have a much better chance of being looked on sympathetically by a jury and the judge if you are honest with us at this stage. See this is how I see it." Brian has picked up the baton now and Gerry's sat back on the chair letting him talk. "You were worried that your grandson, who let's face it was practically a new born, was being put in danger by the drug fuelled lifestyle of your daughter and her husband. In your position I would have found it very hard not to act, a jury is going to understand that but if we have to tell them that we had to drag it out of you and spend even more time looking for the evidence we both know is there then they are going to find it hard to believe that you aren't a cold hearted calculating killer."

"Come on Mrs Stevenson give it up we both know you did it. She's seconds from confessing Ethan I know she is." He's gurgling away and I'm so distracted by him that for a second I'm not even sure I heard what just happened, if I'm right I'm pretty sure while I was talking to him she just said she did it.

"So what you're saying is that you killed your daughter and your husband helped you to cheer up afterward because you both wanted your grandson to be ok?" Go on Gerry get her to say it again so I can actually hear it this time.

"I didn't intend to kill her I just lashed out, she was being unreasonable, she was high as a kite and she was a danger to Petie I had to do something." That'll do for me I've switched the sound to the other interview room where Jack returned seconds ago and he's already laying out everything that she has said for her husband to hear and he's crumpled. We've done it, two confessions, she killed her daughter he's an accessory after the fact! I can't believe the buzz that I'm getting right now and they have all left the interview rooms and I can hear them in the corridor.

"Well done guys I knew she did it, I could feel it in my waters and you brought it home!" they are all grinning at me now as Gerry takes Ethan beaming at him proudly.

"See that little guy that's policing in action!" I could actually jump for joy, I have missed this feeling, that surge you get when you know you've crack something that previously seemed unsolvable!

"Yeah it was, right you three I'm going to take the boys home you get someone down here to charge them both then it's all back to ours to celebrate. Brian phone Esther tell her to meet us there and we'll have something to eat and a few drinks." I've gathered Ethan's up and put him in the pram and they are busying themselves sorting out the paper work as I leave. This is what life is about the joy of having two beautiful kids, a husband who loves me, friends who mean the world to me and the buzz of a job well done. Life doesn't get any better.


	138. Chapter 138 - A taste of things to come

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes – 138 – A taste of things to come

"Thanks for picking me up but I could have driven over." I told Brian to tell Esther I'd pick her up that way if she wanted to have a glass of wine with dinner she could without worrying about driving home. I left him, Gerry and Jack sorting the boys out for bed, I've stopped off at Waitrose and got drinks and some ingredients Gerry wanted for the meal he's insisting on cooking instead of just letting me order a takeaway like I'd planned to.

"It's fine I had to go shop anyway and I left the guys sorting out the twins for bed so it should be fun to see how they managed when we get back, if they both have nappies on and sleep suits buttoned up correctly it'll be a miracle!"

"So you spent the whole day in the office with the kids? Brian is full of how good it was to have you back he couldn't shut up about it when he called but how did you feel?" You know I don't know anyone who's quite as perceptive as Esther she can cut through all the excitement and crap that comes with what today has been and get to the heart of the matter.

"It was great to be back, I've missed it and the working at home thing has helped but it's not the same as that feeling you get when you are there in the middle of something and feel like you are getting the right guy for something they thought they were getting away with." We've pulled up outside the house and she's not making any move to get out of the car.

"But?" God she's good, maybe I could just take earlier retirement and she could manage the unit.

"But the boys were with me, it was like a little snapshot of perfection being able to combine the job I love with being a Mum but life doesn't work like that Esther there is no perfect solution. In three months I'll be back doing it again full time and the boys will be with you all day I don't know how I'm going to cope with that."

"You aren't going to cope, not at first anyway." Well thanks a bunch Esther that wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear! I wanted her to tell me it was all going to be fine, that I'd cope easily with the whole thing and that it would be a walk in the park it seems that was wishful thinking.

"Thanks Esther!"

"I'm not saying you'll not adapt you will but leaving your children for whole days when they are so small won't be easy Sandra you're a smart woman you didn't honestly believe it would be did you?" See what I mean she's way too perceptive.

"I can't not work Esther I know that even more after today than I did before but how do I find the right balance?"

"You enjoyed today? You liked being back and that's a taste of what's to come when you go back to work, what you really have to do is enjoy work when you're supposed to be working and leave it behind when you leave at night. You're luckier than most senior police women who would be in this position, you have what is generally a pretty nine to five job, no shifts, no cases that are going to be so high profile or so urgent that you end up working 72 hours straight." She has a point UCOS gives us all a level of freedom that I could never have in regular line of duty. "For a while you'll feel like someone has cut your right arm off but you know they are being well looked after by someone who loves them almost as much as you and they will be fine and so will you once you get used to leaving them."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're way too smart." She's smiling at me now in that knowing way that reminds me why she feels more like my mother at times than my actual mother does.

"Yeah but then when you live with Brian and his super brain you don't always feel that smart. It'll be fine Sandra, you'll be fine and the boys will be fine I promise. Now let's get in and see if they are actually ready for bed or Gerry and the other two are surrounded by nappies they couldn't put on and sleep suits that they can't work out how to button up!"

"Yeah and I could murder a glass of wine right now." We've finally got out of the car and watching her head for the house I can't help but think how lucky I am. She's right leaving the boys to go back to work full time will be hard but knowing that my babies will have her to look after them while I'm gone will make it a little easier.


	139. Chapter 139 - Scene of devestation

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

Changes – 139 – Scene of devastation

"I'm sure they'll have done ok, I mean Gerry has bathed the boys before it's not like they are all novices I'm sure Brian helped sometimes with Mark." We're about to open the front door and Esther doesn't look at all convinced by my new found optimism about the guys chances of having coped with the twins and now have them settled ready for us to enjoy our celebratory meal. I'm sure she's going to be wrong though I mean how hard can it be for Gerry to do what he does every night with me but do it with Jack and Brian instead it'll be fine I…..

"Before you go mad it was Jack he insisted on drying the boys and putting their talc on then he and Brian ended up fighting over who should do what and the pulled the talc and it's exploded, I mean really exploded surely that's dangerous around babies!" I've just walked into the living and everything I was saying about them being able to cope? I take it back, big time. The boy are lying on their blanket in the middle of the living room floor gurgling happily wearing nothing but their nappies and the three older children in the room are covered from head to toe in talc and what looks like a mix of bubble bath and sudocreame. I can't believe what I'm seeing and Esther is in bits she's laughing so much just as I notice Catlin standing leaning against the back of the sofa smiling broadly.

"Don't look at me I walked in the door five minutes before you did and this was the sight that greeted me too. I don't even know how three grown men can end up in that state at the hands of two three month olds." Frankly neither can I and I haven't actually gotten over the shock yet to be able to say anything.

"Ok Esther and Catlin would you mind taking my sons out of this bomb site and up to the nursery and get something on then before they get hypothermia." They've both jumped into action lifting a baby each and getting off side as I hear Catlin whisper to Esther that they guys are going to get it now and she's right, oh boy is she right.

"Sandra look we're sorry me and Brian will clean up while Gerry makes dinner it was an accident and the boys didn't seem to be that bothered actually they were laughing when Brian tried to get the top off the nappy cream and he pulled too hard and the cream went everywhere." Jack is already moving around the room picking up towels and trying to wipe the talc off the black leather of the sofa something that is only making matters worse.

"I leave you three alone for three quarters of an hour all you had to do was bath the boys, dry then and put them in their sleep suits ready for me to feed them and put them down when I got home. I mean Gerry for god sake you do this every night, why is it when I leave you alone with Laurel and Hardy here it all goes to hell?" He's looking at me like I just stole his favourite teddy bear and Brian is slowly trying to back toward the door hoping if he keeps quiet I won't notice him.

"Brain get back here." I'm really having to fight now not to laugh he looks like a rabbit caught in a set of really bright head lights. "If you think you're getting out of cleaning up this mess you can think again. You and Jack get my living room back to normal, Gerry the shopping is in the kitchen I suggest you make sure dinner is something seriously special because right now you're in the dog house big time. I'm going to give the boy their night time breast feed and put them down when I come back down here this sitting room better look like it did when I left here at lunch time and there better be something really nice on the go for dinner."

"Yes Sandra." Jack and Brian have started moving around the room picking up the debris and Gerry is trying to pull me into his arms but I'm not ready to let him off the hook just yet.

"Nice try but you don't get round me that easily. Go. Cook. Now!" Now that I've got out of the room and am on my way up the stairs the giggles I've been trying to hold back are escaping in earnest. Cross as I was when I first walked in and saw the bomb site they had turned our living room into it was very comical. A major scene of devastation without a doubt but an amusing one all the same.


End file.
